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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 12, 2020

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
AS Question by AS on Nov 12, 2020Hindi
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Relationship

I'm 62, quite active socially. My problem is this that the people who are stronger than me emotionally or physically or even weaker than me, I always agree with them or keep mum. But keep on cribbing inside.

This is, because, I don't want to make them angry or lose them.

I can't express my feelings or show my anger even if someone owe's me a big amount of money in millions of rupees (which is true).

And always fear and keep on brooding, visualising them fighting with me and insulting me. I also visualise them refusing to pay my money back to me.

I worked my whole life and earned and saved few millions in my lifetime.

People knew that I have money and people started asking me for loan on one pretext or other. Some included me in their business without a legal paper work and asked me to invest money in their business by becoming their partner.

They looted me with both hands and now are refusing to return my money.

My fears came true. I have already suffered two major heart attacks and my health is deteriorating every day and has made me almost bedridden.

Very less amount has been left with me which is insufficient for the survival of my family.

I keep thinking, fearing and getting more sick. Kindly advise, how I can overcome this situation.

Ans: Dear AS, what you focus on grows bigger with time as your mind has been trained to magnify it beyond what it truly is. 

You constantly worried about what you would lose rather than what you have. And in the bargain, trying to please people so that wouldn’t lose them, you ended up getting cheated due your poor decisions.

Let bygones be bygones.

How about at this very moment as you are reading this, think exactly how you had managed to make those millions of rupees?

There is something wise in the way you managed your work/business/network to create that wealth, isn’t it?

So what is it?

Take out a diary and jot it down.

We have a lot of inner resources to bank on that we give ourselves credit for. And if you have done it once before, you truly know how to do this once more.

Just that, your health and loss of money are making you believe otherwise.

Start with:
1. Planning household expenses statement. Right now, only priorities will count. Anything extra will be out till you have disposable income on hand.
2. If you are planning to start something new, do that with the same confidence from the time you were financially abundant and. If you are employed some place, do what you would do with your skills in every project and enjoy the fruits of labour.
3. Take care of your health. Ask your doctor, what exercises can be done by you to keep your health well so that you can work happily

Do remember, nothing is worth worrying so much; your family loves you and want you around them for a long time.

So, look into their eyes and know that the stress that you are carrying around like a special baggage needs to be dropped down this very instant.

Take care and be happy always!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2022

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Dear ma’am, I really appreciate you helping the community getting mentally healthy.I feel very complicated and sleepless. Please help.I am 45, male. My whole life, as I remember, I have been taken advantage of -- by friends, parents, siblings.I am sensitive, I have anger but I cannot talk back or stand up for myself and try to adjust, move on, simmer within, not to talk back to elders (or anybody). If I talk back I get so much guilt, and maybe so continue to be taken advantage of.I have had many soft abuse/humiliation/pressure episodes with friends/family that are stuck and stuck; but those don't happen since I am grown-up, plus people are no more around. I feel I got damaged that way.But financially since the last 20 years -- relatives, friends, father, siblings have cheated me loaning money with false promises and they don't take care about their loan responsibility and live their sporty life. Here I feel like a beggar the whole time enquiring about getting my own stuck money back, getting false promises, false reasons, hundreds of those conversations, also sometimes making me feel guilty in reverse (what is your money urgency type?) to ask my own money back. Those people are still around. The total runs in many lakhs just principal and nominal interest also will run that much. I don't have energy deal those people, negativity, bad values that comes along. So last few years, I just kept mum, on surface smile (internally bad memories). But that is bu**sh**Six months ago, I decided and started cutting off those people for good. I don't need negativity. I have enough savings. I felt relaxed that I at least mentally I took that hard decision.But other side, it is so difficult as they are close people, family, friends -- I am bound to see them at family functions, my mom/wife/kids talk with some, they may call them home also etc. I feel afraid and super angry to even see their face, and even if they hypothetically return money -- I don't feel like accepting it also; let them remain cut off from my life.Plus I suffer from depression since 15 years (on/off medicines) that mom/kids don't know, wife cannot really empathize. I just feel too weak. Did I do the right thing to cut off people and stick to that decision in future? How to face them in life then?
Ans:

Dear KK,

The reason why people bend backwards to do things for people and have trouble saying NO is because they worry not being loved by others or getting their attention.

Maybe they also worry about being alone because others might reject them if a boundary is drawn.

So, find out why you have been allowing these people (family and friends) take advantage of you.

When will you find the strength to respect and value yourself?

Once you do, others will do that as well and not complain about you standing up for yourself. And there is no need to hold onto people by being nice to them by loaning money. Are they going to lie you for the money or for who you are?

Work with the person who has prescribed medicines for your depression on the deep-rooted cause for your poor self-esteem which makes you depend on others to make you feel good or feel anger when you see them.

Till you work on these, your connection with your family will be a struggle. So, help yourself first by taking care of your emotional health.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 42 years now. I am an elder son in my family, then my sister and two younger brothers. My father was a clerk in state govt. office. Being an elder son I did all my duties at par with my father. I spent my entire 9 years’ salary on my family, it includes sister marriage, brothers education (Engineering/Polytechnic), their coaching for competitive exams, books other monthly expenses. Under my guidance they both got job. I also performed co-applicant to Education loan to one of my brother. But now my father, mother and brothers betrayed (Beyimaan). Because my younger brother’s wife was selected in state govt. job and my wife is not employed. They kicked off us from their house. All it happens like TV serial. Now my wife also get job in central government under my guidance. My family member also did same with my younger brother and kicked - off them also. Now they ask me to live with them. I am very much in stress. I want to totally detach with my family. I want to close my all relationships with them. I also don’t want my father’s property. But every now and then they call me. They never help me. We live in same city. Please help me out. I don’t want to be part of B. P. and Sugar patient. I want to be a Vinod Khanna dialogue Parva Nahi from film Dayavan.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Time for you to do things for yourself! It may seem selfish at the beginning but taking care of yourself and your needs is self-care above everything else...
For once put your needs before everyone else's and resist any sort of manipulation from family. Serving themselves was their agenda at your expense; why still allow it?
Firmly refuse moving in with them as it won't take them long before they kick you out when things are not in their favour. You have the ability to be by yourself and support yourself...maintaining a healthy distance in fact helps relationships grow stronger. So, time for you to be kind to yourself...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |571 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
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Dear Madam, Iam a 45 year old woman. Ever since I was a kid I had went through lot of bullying by my rekatives for the way I look but my parents never supported me in any way instead found fault in ne for complaining but would always support my younger brother. Somewhere down the line I thought this was all I deserved and let oeople walk all over me without standing up for myself. Now that Iam a mother myself of a 15 year old kid with dyskexia, i have sacrificed my career fir his sake and still get bullied by my relatives dir being a useless house wife. I have started drawing boundaries around me to protect my mental sanity and allow only few people in it which invludes a small group of friends and my son and husband. I avoid making new friends. I have also stopped attending any social events that involves my relatives. Meanwhile I have started deeply resenting my parents who want ne to take care of them but openly favour my brother who lives abroad. I have taken care of them everytime they require neducal treatments yet my father openly says that he plans to give all his property to my brother who is never coming back. Its not about the money here but the apathy they have towards me that kills me from inside. I have tried to talk to them multiple times but each time my mother creates a scene and puts the enture blame on me. For once in my life i want my parents to love me unconditionally the way I do with my son. Am i wrong to expect that? This is causung lot of health issues in me. Please advise.
Ans: First and foremost, it's crucial to recognize that your feelings are valid. It's natural to want love and support from your parents, especially after all you've done for them. It's not wrong to expect unconditional love from your family; however, sometimes, unfortunately, families can be complex and dysfunctional, and our expectations may not always be met.

Drawing boundaries and prioritizing your mental health and well-being is a positive step. It's essential to protect yourself from toxic relationships and environments, even if it means distancing yourself from certain family members. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and loved ones, like your son and husband, is vital for your emotional health.

Regarding your parents, it's clear that their behavior is hurtful and unjust. It's understandable that you would feel hurt and resentful toward them, given their favoritism towards your brother and lack of appreciation
for your sacrifices and care. However, it's also essential to recognize that you cannot control their actions or attitudes. You can only control how you respond to them.

While it's challenging, try to approach conversations with your parents from a place of empathy and understanding. Express your feelings calmly and assertively, focusing on how their actions make you feel rather than blaming them. It's possible that they may not even realize the extent of the hurt they're causing you. However, it's also essential to set realistic expectations. If your parents continue to be unsupportive or dismissive, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them for the sake of your own well-being.

Remember to prioritize self-care and seek support from a therapist or counselor if you're struggling with your mental health. It's okay to seek professional help to navigate through these difficult emotions and experiences. You deserve love, respect, and validation, and it's essential to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

Lastly, continue to cherish the love and bond you have with your son and husband. They are your pillars of support, and together, you can navigate through these challenges. You're stronger than you realize, and you have the power to create a fulfilling and loving life for yourself, regardless of the negativity from others.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8183 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 04, 2025Hindi
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Money
i need guidance. i am 63 yrs with housing loan of 70lakh. Only asset is a house with market value 2 crore. i have 2 daughters to be married. I need to retire and start my practice as doctor. Guie me to a investment to live with 30000 monthly and to buy a house 0f 8 lakhs after disposing the property/ Presently earning 1.5L per month. pl suggest. shud i sell the property
Ans: Your situation requires a well-thought-out financial strategy. You have a housing loan of Rs 70 lakh, a house worth Rs 2 crore, and a need for Rs 30,000 per month after retirement. Additionally, you plan to buy a house worth Rs 8 lakh and have two daughters to be married. Below is a structured approach to help you achieve financial stability.

Selling the Property – A Necessary Step?
Selling your house is a practical option. Your outstanding loan is Rs 70 lakh, and the house is worth Rs 2 crore.

After repaying the loan, you will have Rs 1.3 crore. This can be used for investments and future expenses.

If you continue living in this house, EMIs will be a burden. Selling will free you from debt and give you financial stability.

Consider renting a home instead of buying again. This will keep more money available for investments.

Buying a House for Rs 8 Lakh
If you want to buy a smaller house for Rs 8 lakh, use only a small portion of your funds.

Avoid taking another loan. Pay for the house in full from the sale proceeds.

Ensure the house is in a location with good facilities, medical access, and safety.

Creating an Investment Plan for Rs 1.3 Crore
After selling your house and clearing the loan, you will need an investment plan.

Keep Rs 10-15 lakh in a bank FD or liquid mutual funds. This will act as an emergency fund.

Invest Rs 30-40 lakh in debt mutual funds. These provide stability and liquidity.

Invest Rs 50 lakh in equity mutual funds for long-term wealth growth. Use regular plans with a Certified Financial Planner.

Keep Rs 10-15 lakh in a balanced fund for moderate returns with lower risk.

Generating Rs 30,000 Monthly Income
Debt mutual funds can provide a stable withdrawal option. Withdraw systematically for monthly expenses.

Use a mix of dividend and growth options. This ensures you get both regular income and capital appreciation.

Equity funds will provide growth, helping you sustain your money for 20-25 years.

Managing Daughters’ Marriage Expenses
If you need Rs 20-30 lakh for each daughter’s wedding, set aside Rs 40-60 lakh from the sale proceeds.

Invest this amount in a mix of debt and equity funds. This will help you reach your goal in a few years.

Avoid withdrawing from your retirement corpus for wedding expenses.

Starting Your Medical Practice
If you plan to start a medical practice, keep Rs 10-20 lakh for setting it up.

Avoid heavy investments in infrastructure initially. Work from an existing clinic or shared space.

Ensure you have medical indemnity insurance to protect yourself.

Final Insights
Selling your house will give you financial freedom and remove loan pressure.

Invest wisely to generate a steady monthly income and secure your daughters' futures.

Do not invest in real estate again. Keep your funds liquid and flexible.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner to review your investments regularly.

Focus on financial security rather than high-risk investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8183 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 03, 2025

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Dear Sir, I am 47 years old IT professional. My current salary is 1.5 lakhs per month. I have a daughter who just completed her 10th board exam. My corpus is around 1.6Cr FD&PPF; 30 lakhs in MF & stocks; 50 lakhs in EPF. I have no debt and living in my own house. Please suggest if I can plan for retirement
Ans: Your financial position is strong, and planning for retirement at 47 is a smart decision. Below is a detailed 360-degree approach to assess whether you can retire comfortably and how to ensure financial security.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position
Income: Rs 1.5 lakh per month.

Corpus:

Rs 1.6 crore in Fixed Deposits (FD) and Public Provident Fund (PPF).

Rs 30 lakh in mutual funds and stocks.

Rs 50 lakh in Employees' Provident Fund (EPF).

Liabilities: No debts.

Assets: Own house, ensuring no rent or EMI burden.

Family Responsibility:

Daughter has just completed the 10th board exam.

Higher education expenses need to be planned.

Key Considerations Before Retirement
Expected Retirement Age

If you plan to retire early (before 55), corpus sustainability needs careful assessment.

If you work till 60, it will provide a larger financial cushion.

Post-Retirement Expenses

Living expenses, healthcare, travel, and lifestyle costs must be considered.

Inflation will increase future expenses.

Daughter’s Education

Higher education costs are significant.

Corpus should cover both education and retirement without compromise.

Medical Expenses

Health costs increase with age.

A high health insurance cover is essential.

Wealth Growth vs. Safety

A mix of equity and debt investments ensures growth while preserving capital.

Excessive reliance on FDs and PPF may limit long-term wealth accumulation.

Assessing If You Can Retire Comfortably
Current Corpus Size

Rs 2.4 crore (excluding house) is a strong starting point.

But, inflation will reduce its real value over time.

Expected Corpus Growth

Investments in mutual funds and stocks should continue to grow.

PPF and EPF offer stable but lower returns.

Withdrawals Post-Retirement

Sustainable withdrawals should not deplete the corpus too soon.

A balanced investment strategy is required.

Gaps in Planning

Heavy reliance on FDs and PPF may not be ideal.

More equity exposure can ensure inflation-beating returns.

Steps to Strengthen Your Retirement Plan
1. Optimising Investment Strategy
Continue investing in mutual funds with a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds.

Reduce dependence on FDs for long-term needs.

Equity mutual funds help counter inflation and grow wealth.

Avoid index funds as they provide average returns without active management.

Regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offer expert monitoring.

Diversify investments between equity, debt, and fixed-income products.

2. Planning for Daughter’s Education
Higher education costs can be Rs 30-50 lakh in the next 5-7 years.

Separate this goal from your retirement plan.

Increase equity investment to build an education corpus.

Avoid withdrawing from retirement savings for education.

3. Building a Healthcare Safety Net
Health insurance should cover at least Rs 30-50 lakh.

Consider super top-up plans for additional coverage.

Maintain an emergency medical fund to cover non-insured expenses.

Review insurance policies periodically.

4. Creating a Sustainable Withdrawal Plan
Avoid withdrawing a large portion of the corpus in early retirement years.

Keep at least 5 years of expenses in liquid assets.

Equity exposure should reduce gradually as retirement progresses.

Use dividends and interest income before selling assets.

Final Insights
Retirement is possible, but adjustments are needed for long-term security.

Continue investing aggressively for the next few years.

Ensure daughter's education is planned separately.

Review investments and insurance regularly.

Keep flexibility in withdrawal strategy post-retirement.

A structured plan will ensure a financially secure and comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8183 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 03, 2025Hindi
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Money
My employer offers a salary sacrifice scheme for pension contributions, but I don't fully understand how it works. What are the potential advantages and disadvantages of joining such a scheme, and how does it affect my take-home pay and long-term financial planning?
Ans: A salary sacrifice scheme for pension contributions allows you to give up a portion of your salary in exchange for increased employer contributions to your pension. It has tax and National Insurance (NI) advantages but also some potential drawbacks.

How Salary Sacrifice for Pension Works
You agree to reduce your gross salary by a chosen amount.

Your employer contributes this amount directly to your pension.

Since your taxable salary is lower, you pay less income tax and NI.

Your employer also saves on NI and may pass on some or all of this saving to your pension.

Advantages
1. Tax and NI Savings
You don’t pay income tax or NI on the sacrificed amount.

Your employer saves on NI (currently 13.8%) and may increase your pension with these savings.

2. Higher Pension Contributions
Since more money goes into your pension, your retirement corpus grows faster.

Compounding over time enhances long-term wealth.

3. Increased Take-Home Pay
Although you sacrifice part of your salary, the NI savings may offset some of the reduction.

Depending on employer policies, your net pay may not drop significantly.

4. Potential Employer Matching
Some employers pass their NI savings into your pension, increasing your total contributions.

Disadvantages
1. Reduced Gross Salary
A lower salary means reduced future pay rises if they are percentage-based.

Life cover, sick pay, and redundancy pay linked to salary may be affected.

2. Lower Borrowing Capacity
Mortgage applications consider salary; a lower reported income might reduce borrowing potential.

3. Impact on State Benefits
If salary drops below certain thresholds, statutory benefits like maternity pay and state pension could be affected.

4. Restricted Access to Pension
The extra pension savings cannot be accessed before retirement (except under specific conditions).

Effect on Take-Home Pay
Your net pay will be slightly lower, but less than the actual amount sacrificed.

The tax and NI savings cushion the impact.

If your employer adds their NI savings, your total retirement savings increase.

Effect on Long-Term Financial Planning
Your pension fund grows faster, improving retirement security.

Short-term disposable income is slightly reduced, so budget planning is important.

Consider how the reduced salary affects other financial goals like buying a house or saving for education.

Should You Opt for It?
If employer NI savings are passed to your pension, it’s highly beneficial.

If you are close to lower tax bands or state benefit thresholds, assess the impact.

If you plan to apply for a mortgage, check how it affects your eligibility.

A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help assess your personal situation before making a decision.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8183 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 03, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hi Sir , Greetings of the day!! hope you are doing well !! I want to do a savings of 50 lacs in as much less time span as possible because I want to buy a property in Gurgaon. My monthly salary is 1 lac 11k and I am currently investing 10k in mutual fund monthly and 50k in nps yearly. Can you please guide me how can I save 50 lacs and in how much time ?
Ans: Your goal of saving Rs 50 lakh for a property in Gurgaon is ambitious but achievable with the right strategy. Below is a structured approach to help you reach your target in the shortest possible time.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position
Your monthly salary is Rs 1.11 lakh.

You invest Rs 10,000 per month in mutual funds.

Your annual NPS contribution is Rs 50,000.

You haven't mentioned any liabilities or existing savings. If you have any ongoing EMIs or debts, they should be factored in.

Key Considerations for Achieving Rs 50 Lakh Target
The speed of reaching Rs 50 lakh depends on savings rate and returns.

High savings rate is the most reliable way to accumulate wealth.

Investment returns are uncertain and depend on market conditions.

A balanced approach is necessary to ensure stability and growth.

Increasing Your Savings Rate
Currently, you are investing Rs 10,000 per month.

If you can increase it to Rs 50,000 per month, you will reach Rs 50 lakh faster.

Cutting discretionary expenses will free up more money for investments.

Consider reducing unnecessary spending on dining out, luxury items, and vacations.

Redirect bonuses, incentives, or salary hikes towards savings.

Choosing the Right Investment Instruments
Mutual Funds for Growth
Actively managed equity mutual funds can generate better returns than fixed deposits.

A mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds can balance risk and reward.

Mid-cap and small-cap funds have higher growth potential but also higher volatility.

Avoid index funds as they provide average returns and lack active risk management.

Debt Investments for Stability
Fixed deposits, debt mutual funds, and PPF provide stability.

These should be used for short-term parking rather than long-term growth.

Debt mutual funds are taxed based on your income tax slab.

Avoid locking too much money in low-return instruments.

Balancing Risk and Return
Investing entirely in equity mutual funds can generate high returns but comes with volatility.

A mix of 80% equity and 20% debt can provide stability.

As your target nears, shift more funds towards safer instruments.

Avoid speculation and high-risk investments like cryptocurrency.

Role of NPS in Your Goal
NPS is good for retirement but not ideal for short-term goals.

Partial withdrawal is allowed only under specific conditions.

Do not rely on NPS for your property purchase.

Managing Tax Efficiency
Equity mutual fund LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

Investing in tax-efficient instruments will maximize returns.

Estimating the Timeframe
If you invest Rs 50,000 per month, you can accumulate Rs 50 lakh in about 7-8 years with moderate returns.

If you invest Rs 75,000 per month, you can reach Rs 50 lakh in about 5 years.

The faster you increase your savings, the sooner you will achieve your goal.

Final Insights
Increase your monthly investment to at least Rs 50,000.

Focus on actively managed equity mutual funds.

Keep a small portion in debt for stability.

Avoid unnecessary expenses and invest salary increments.

Do not depend on NPS for this goal.

Monitor and adjust your portfolio as needed.

Stay disciplined and patient to achieve your target.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1092 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Apr 03, 2025

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1092 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Apr 03, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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