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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 29, 2021

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
AKB Question by AKB on Oct 29, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu, I am married for 18 years. Have two kids, son (17) and daughter (9).

My problem is that though I am in a regular job at a PSU, my wife thinks that I don't earn much.

She thinks so much and get stressed which in turn gets in explosive and when it burst I cannot control myself and I get physical (manhandle) her.

Due to this all fault becomes my fault and I have to apologise to her for behaviour.

Apart from this she is having some kind of problem which she keeps fuming at me or anyone for that matter for anything.

When I get irritated by such things she refuses that she didn't even said so. If said so, I understood it in wrong sense.

I think I am having too many problems which I cannot explain here.

Sometimes I think of going to psychiatrist but don't wish to go because then I will be certified as mad and thereafter all fault and problems will be due to me.

If I ask her to go to psychiatrist she won't agree either.

Please help how to deal such situation in this stage of life.

I love her so much so there is no question of separating from her.

Please feel free to ask me anything you require for giving me a response.

Ans: Dear AKB, why does money ever come into a marriage; I wonder!

Well, we do need money to keep the family running, right?

Somehow, external happenings of someone earning more can get into the marriage cropping up as comparisons.

What started as a mere seed of comparison, slowly starts to become a huge tree with fruits of poison robbing even the small successes that you might have had.

Even that seems never enough leaving you with a feeling of inadequacy.

This affects marriage compatibility and comes out as anger, sadness, violent outburst, finger pointing which is evident in your marriage.

At the same time, I am sure your wife does not really intend to hurt you with these behavioural displays.

And that’s why externalising the situation to be your fault arises and she does not want to think that her perceptions are what are causing the situation.

Either you sit her down and bring her down to facts of the matter that this is how life is going to be and this is the money is what you can bring.

If it’s still an issue and she has a hard time accepting this reality, involve an elder member from her family to communicate with her.

Show her the mirror as to how her wants are unequal to what money is coming in and how this regular chatter might be affecting the children as well.

If anyone needs professional intervention, it’s both of you going to a therapist and not a psychiatrist.

The expert can help out things into perspective where both of you can rebuild your relationship with renewed mind spaces.

Happy rebuilding!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

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Relationship
I have been married for a little more than five years and I am living under tremendous stress and depression. We live in a joint family with my parents and an unmarried brother. I had told her all this before marriage. She loves me very much but her attitude towards my relatives has been a matter of concern right from the start. She does not want to keep a relationship with anybody apart from my immediate family. Slowly, she started having problems with my mother also; both have started having minor clashes at home. Many times, it is my mother’s mistake. The main problem is that she is very nagging and complains and gets irritated very frequently at the smallest instance. Frustrated, I planned on separating with her but the news came of her pregnancy and we were blessed with a baby girl. After the baby was born, my wife’s frustration and irritation has increased manifold because of her fear that my mother will give much more love to the baby then she can. So their clashes have increased. Now my wife has been putting a lot of pressure on me to look for a new house away from my parents, since she wants her own space. I already have a home loan on the existing home and a car loan. There is very less scope for me to purchase a new home and I don't want to leave my parents. She just doesn't understand my position and clashes happen between us. Looking at all this, I desperately want to separate from her but can't do so because of our daughter. I love her the most and can't live without her. So I just endure what is happening every day. This has resulted in me slipping into depression. It has affected my work in office as well. I am not performing well, I don't like to speak with any of my friends or relatives, I don't feel like doing anything. I’m living for the sake of my daughter, that's it. Even my parents are not in a position to understand me and my situation so I can't talk to them either. Can you help? Just don’t publish my name.
Ans:

Hi

It is unfortunate that you are in this situation.

Your wife is possibly not very inclined to be in a joint family set-up; the reasons maybe many. But isn’t it necessary for you as a husband and a father to look out for your family?

The misunderstandings caused between the two of you over the years because of being in a joint family set-up have never been addressed and much water has flowed under the bridge.

There is a slim chance that matters might get resolved if you get your mother and wife in the same room and iron it out, with you being a neutral person who does not take sides; this is the best option.

If this isn’t possible, kindly visit a family counsellor who can step in and show your family a way to live amicably or give you a perspective on how healthy it might be to live separately.

At the end of the day, you have responsibilities towards your wife and child too!

All the best and a Happy 2022.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 45 year old and married from last 16 years and having 15 year old daughter . My Wife and I didn't have a good relation, We fight a lot, not sure what ever I speak she didn't like it and some how converted into argument , My wife is 10 year younger to me , I used to have good sex life at-least few year back, but relation was not good that time too, some how she is either having feeling of superiority or not sure what , She always blames me or my daughter if any things happen, she didn't ready to accept that she can be wrong . Previously even we used to have fight but overall things was fine , she used to generally fight but some how we do makeup after fight , now situation is out of control, she didn't accept her mistake and try to blame me for all the problem , she do over spend and if I try to control she start fighting, I think she just fight for what ever things she need for her selves , but always criticized / blame other , She pick up fight very easily with any one , She even fight a lot with our daughter . Even daughter some time suggest to go separate road than only she will understand , I try to go for concealing but no help , there also when used to discuss problem she hardly listen , even Councilor told her she must develop habit to listen others but nothing improve, I am not sure how to tackle this , She always sleep alone and if any disturbance she create ruckus , she want the things her own way if not than she can't tolerate . I am not sure but I need help here and problem after covid is more now , I try to manage these things previously but looks I don't have patience to handle this any more, I didn't like people blaming for no reason, it looks some time after doing so much for family I am nothing for my family and it is hurting me more. I will not say that I didn't fight , I do and mainly when I feel broken I shout on her and some time asked her to live the house , This may be as she always says she is looking for some one once she find she will leave the house , She always give threat and always say she didn't love me , She didn't find me attractive enough . She try to create environment where I should feel that I am not important person as well as social , I can write 10 more page around this but wanted to have some solution , not sure what could be best here . I wrote previously too but have not got any response yet.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I suggest that the two of you go and see a marriage therapist. This is not simply the job of a counselor; there is clearly a breakdown in the way your marriage is functioning...it needs both of you to build the marriage back again and the therapist will be able to see and review both sides and suggest/guide you two correctly.

10 or 20 pages are not going to help; what will help is that both of you sit down and think of why you are married and what you can do to rebuild it. Blaming her or yourself isn't anyway going to help...Rather than listing down each others' faults, try to work at this.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |183 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I've been married for 9 years and I love my wife and 2 beautiful kids infinitely. I have an issue where my voice gets raised when she taunts me, tells lies, keeps stuff hiding or that gets converted into an argument and finally, my wife stops talking with me for days/months (last time she took 2 months to start talking normally which lasted less than a month) I always apologise for my overreaction but still she cries and says I’ve sacrificed everything for you and tell me what have you sacrificed till date and to be honest I’m not a person to count the sacrifices that I do for my family because it’s my family and it’s my love & responsibility towards them. However, I keep trying by apologising and she still shows me attitude and taunts me always trying to make me realise my mistake then again I become furious and I feel like all my efforts of making life normal are going in vain which triggers a lot of pain in me and I mentally & and emotionally suffer. I many times told her that I only live for you & kids. I told her my anger would last for a few minutes but I'll become normal in some time and I also told her that I'll work on my anger & reactions in future. I told her many times that not everyone is perfect if I have 1 negative point, then I also have 1 positive point and vice versa. I now feel like I'm compromising my mental & and emotional health and she kept me also away from my physical needs when I needed the most. I don’t need anything else but support and love in the ups & downs of my life as a normal couple. I just need my wife to understand me as a human who can make mistakes and try to learn from them. I don’t know what to do as I just can’t suffer from her behaviour towards me and sometimes alone or at bedtime, I feel as if she is happy without me and doesn’t want to make our life normal as a family then why don’t I give her peace by letting her go or I end everything.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. It's clear that both you and your wife are experiencing significant distress, and it's important to find constructive ways to address these issues and improve your relationship. Effective communication is key to resolving conflicts and strengthening relationships. Focus on active listening, empathy, and expressing your thoughts and feelings in a calm and respectful manner. Encourage open and honest dialogue with your wife, and be willing to listen to her concerns and perspective without becoming defensive or dismissive It's commendable that you recognize the need to work on your anger and reactions. Consider seeking individual therapy or counseling to explore healthy coping mechanisms, stress management techniques, and strategies for managing anger in a constructive way. Learning to regulate your emotions can help reduce conflicts and improve communication in your relationship Make an effort to prioritize positive interactions and moments of connection in your relationship. Engage in activities that bring you joy and strengthen your bond as a couple and as a family. Celebrate each other's accomplishments, express gratitude, and show appreciation for the small gestures of love and kindness. Ultimately, every relationship requires effort, understanding, and compromise from both partners. It's important to approach these challenges with patience, compassion, and a willingness to work towards positive change. If despite your best efforts, the relationship continues to cause you significant distress and unhappiness, it may be necessary to reevaluate your options and consider what is best for your overall well-being.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |183 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I've been married for 9 years and I love my wife and 2 beautiful kids infinitely. I have an issue where my voice gets raised when she taunts me, tells lies, keeps stuff hiding or that gets converted into an argument and finally, my wife stops talking with me for days/months (last time she took 2 months to start talking normally which lasted less than a month) I always apologise for my overreaction but still she cries and says I’ve sacrificed everything for you and tell me what have you sacrificed till date and to be honest I’m not a person to count the sacrifices that I do for my family because it’s my family and it’s my love & responsibility towards them. However, I keep trying by apologising and she still shows me attitude and taunts me always trying to make me realise my mistake then again I become furious and I feel like all my efforts of making life normal are going in vain which triggers a lot of pain in me and I mentally & and emotionally suffer. I many times told her that I only live for you & kids. I told her my anger would last for a few minutes but I'll become normal in some time and I also told her that I'll work on my anger & reactions in future. I told her many times that not everyone is perfect if I have 1 negative point, then I also have 1 positive point and vice versa. I now feel like I'm compromising my mental & and emotional health and she kept me also away from my physical needs when I needed the most. I don’t need anything else but support and love in the ups & downs of my life as a normal couple. I just need my wife to understand me as a human who can make mistakes and try to learn from them. I don’t know what to do as I just can’t suffer from her behaviour towards me and sometimes alone or at bedtime, I feel as if she is happy without me and doesn’t want to make our life normal as a family then why don’t I give her peace by letting her go or I end everything.
Ans: It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil and frustration, and it's important to find constructive ways to address these issues and improve your relationship. Effective communication is key to resolving conflicts and strengthening relationships. It's important to have open and honest conversations with your wife about your feelings, concerns, and the impact of her behavior on your well-being. Encourage her to share her perspective as well, and try to listen empathetically without becoming defensive Consider seeking individual therapy or counseling to explore healthy coping mechanisms, stress management techniques, and strategies for managing anger in a constructive way. Learning to regulate your emotions can help reduce conflicts and improve communication in your relationship Make an effort to prioritize positive interactions and moments of connection in your relationship. Engage in activities that bring you joy and strengthen your bond as a couple and as a family. Celebrate each other's accomplishments, express gratitude, and show appreciation for the small gestures of love and kindness. Ultimately, every relationship requires effort, understanding, and compromise from both partners. It's important to approach these challenges with patience, compassion, and a willingness to work towards positive change. If despite your best efforts, the relationship continues to cause you significant distress and unhappiness, it may be necessary to reevaluate your options and consider what is best for your overall well-being.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1384 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi, I am 30 years old, F, married (no kids yet) earning 1.3L/m. Currently I have 4 lakh in FD and a RD of 25K/m earning 7.1% interest. I have been doing SIP of 17.5K(and increase in SIP by 25% yearly). Also, I have an emergency fund of 4 Lakh in savings account. I don't have any knowledge of investment and not sure I am ready to take risk. Please suggest me how to asses risk and what are the best savings option for next 10-12 years.
Ans: It's great that you're taking steps towards financial planning and building wealth for your future. Assessing your risk tolerance is an important first step in determining your investment strategy. Here's a tailored approach to help you assess risk and explore suitable savings options for the next 10-12 years:

Risk Assessment:
Start by understanding your financial goals, time horizon, and comfort level with investment risk.
Consider factors such as your age, income stability, financial obligations, and future aspirations when evaluating risk tolerance.
Reflect on how you would react to market fluctuations and potential losses in your investment portfolio.
Investment Options:
Given your risk aversion, focus on low to moderate-risk investment options that offer stability and steady returns over time.
Explore fixed-income instruments such as Fixed Deposits (FDs), Recurring Deposits (RDs), and Debt Mutual Funds, which provide capital preservation and predictable returns.
Diversification:
While prioritizing safety and stability, consider diversifying your investment portfolio across different asset classes to manage risk effectively.
Allocate a portion of your savings to equity mutual funds or index funds with a conservative approach to benefit from potential long-term growth while minimizing volatility.
Savings Goals:
Identify your financial goals for the next 10-12 years, such as buying a home, starting a family, or saving for retirement.
Prioritize your savings goals based on their importance and urgency, and allocate your investments accordingly.
Regular Review and Adjustment:
Periodically review your investment portfolio and reassess your risk tolerance, financial goals, and market conditions.
Adjust your investment strategy as needed to stay aligned with your objectives and adapt to changes in your financial situation or life circumstances.
Financial Education:
Invest time in learning about different investment options, risk management strategies, and personal finance principles.
Consider seeking guidance from a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized advice and help you navigate the complexities of investing.
Remember, while it's important to prioritize safety and stability, being overly conservative with your investments may hinder your ability to achieve long-term financial growth. Find a balance between risk and reward that aligns with your goals and comfort level. With careful planning and informed decision-making, you can build a strong financial foundation and work towards achieving your aspirations over the next decade.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1384 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi sir am 35yrs old , and i don't have any savings till now. I am planning to do SIP now onwards 30k per month and mai aim is to I need to achieve 1cr till 45yrs. Kindly suggest me some funds were can I invest.
Ans: Starting a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) is a great step towards building wealth for your future goals. Given your goal of reaching 1 crore by the age of 45, it's essential to choose mutual funds that align with your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial objectives. Here are some suggestions for mutual funds to consider for your SIP:

Diversified Equity Funds:
Look for funds that invest across various sectors and market capitalizations to spread risk.
Consider funds with a proven track record of consistent performance and experienced fund managers.
Large Cap Funds:
Large-cap funds invest in established and well-known companies with a track record of stable earnings.
These funds offer relatively lower risk compared to mid and small-cap funds, making them suitable for long-term wealth creation.
Mid and Small Cap Funds:
Mid and small-cap funds have the potential for higher growth but come with higher volatility.
Invest in these funds if you have a higher risk appetite and a longer investment horizon to ride out market fluctuations.
Balanced Funds:
Balanced funds, also known as hybrid funds, invest in a mix of equities and debt instruments.
These funds provide a balance between growth and stability, making them suitable for investors seeking moderate risk with potential for capital appreciation.
Index Funds:
Index funds replicate the performance of a specific market index, such as the Nifty or Sensex.
These funds offer low expense ratios and are ideal for investors looking for passive investment options with diversified exposure to the equity market.
Tax-saving ELSS Funds:
Consider investing in Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) to benefit from tax deductions under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.
ELSS funds have a lock-in period of three years and invest primarily in equities, offering the potential for higher returns over the long term.
International Funds:
Explore international funds that invest in global markets to diversify your portfolio and access opportunities beyond domestic markets.
These funds provide exposure to sectors and companies not available in the Indian market and can offer diversification benefits.
Before investing, assess your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial goals. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to create a personalized investment plan tailored to your needs and objectives. Regularly review your portfolio and make adjustments as needed to stay on track towards achieving your goal of 1 crore by the age of 45. Remember, disciplined investing over time can help you achieve your financial aspirations.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1384 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

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What should be the investment even after retirement and in which fund
Ans: Post-retirement, it's crucial to maintain a well-balanced investment strategy that aligns with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and income needs. Here's a tailored approach to consider:

Investment Objectives:
Focus on preserving capital, generating regular income, and managing inflation risk to sustain your lifestyle in retirement.
Prioritize investments that offer stability, liquidity, and moderate growth potential to meet your income requirements.
Asset Allocation:
Allocate a portion of your retirement corpus to fixed-income investments such as bonds, debt funds, and Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) to provide a steady stream of income and capital preservation.
Maintain exposure to equity through balanced funds or conservative equity funds to benefit from potential capital appreciation while managing volatility.
Regular Income Generation:
Consider investing in dividend-paying mutual funds or systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) to generate a regular income stream from your investment portfolio.
Opt for funds with a history of consistent dividends or reliable income distributions to support your post-retirement expenses.
Risk Management:
Prioritize investments with lower volatility and downside protection to safeguard your retirement savings from market fluctuations.
Diversify across asset classes and investment vehicles to mitigate risk and enhance portfolio resilience.
Tax Efficiency:
Choose tax-efficient investment options such as tax-free bonds, dividend-paying funds, or capital gains tax-exempt instruments to optimize your post-retirement income.
Leverage tax-saving opportunities available to retirees, such as Senior Citizens Savings Scheme (SCSS) or Pradhan Mantri Vaya Vandana Yojana (PMVVY), to maximize tax benefits.
Regular Review and Adjustment:
Continuously monitor your investment portfolio and adjust your asset allocation and investment strategy based on changing market conditions, income requirements, and personal circumstances.
Consult with a Certified Financial Planner periodically to ensure your investment plan remains aligned with your post-retirement goals and objectives.
Overall, maintain a balanced approach to post-retirement investing, focusing on income generation, capital preservation, and risk management. By diversifying across asset classes, prioritizing stability, and staying disciplined in your investment approach, you can build a resilient portfolio that supports your financial well-being throughout retirement.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1384 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir, I started investing in MFs since 2007. These are the schemes where I am investing currently. Do I need to make any changes to my portfolio? I am planning to invest Rs 50,000 per month for a period of 20 years. I want a corpus of Rs 5 cr after 20 years. Do I need to add any new schemes to reach my target? * Mirae Asset Tax Saver Fund G * Motilal Oswal NASDAQ 100 ETF * Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund * Aditya Birla Sun Life Mfg Equity Fund * Aditya Birla Sun Life Tax Relief 96 * 360 One Focused Equity Fund - Growth * Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund - Growth * Quant Tax Plan * Axis Bluechip fund * Canara Robeco Emerging Equities * Canara Robeco Equity Tax Saver * HDFC Gold Trader Fund Growth - Direct * HDFC Tax saver ICICI Prudential Technology Fund – Growth
Ans: You've built a diversified portfolio over the years, showcasing a thoughtful approach to long-term wealth creation. It's commendable how you've spread your investments across different market segments and themes.

To reach your target corpus of Rs 5 crore in 20 years with a monthly investment of Rs 50,000, it's essential to periodically review and adjust your portfolio. Consider rebalancing to ensure alignment with your goals and market conditions.

While your current portfolio includes a mix of equity, tax-saving, and thematic funds, consider adding diversified options to enhance portfolio resilience. Focus on funds with strong track records, experienced fund managers, and consistent performance.

As market dynamics evolve, keep an eye on new investment opportunities and emerging sectors. Stay informed and open to adjustments to optimize your portfolio for long-term growth and stability.

Remember, investing is a journey, and it's essential to stay patient, disciplined, and focused on your goals. With prudent planning and regular review, you're well-positioned to achieve your financial aspirations. Keep up the good work!

...Read more

Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |497 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Career
My daughter wants to pursue MBBS ,how can I get admission in AFMC pune
Ans: Hello Sir/Madam
Age: Candidates must be at least 17 years old and not more than 24 years old as of 31st December of the year of admission.

NEET UG Examination: Admission to AFMC Pune is through the NEET UG (National Eligibility cum Entrance Test for Undergraduate) examination conducted by the National Testing Agency (NTA). Candidates must appear for NEET UG and qualify with the minimum required percentile.

Online Registration: After the NEET UG results are declared, candidates who have qualified for NEET UG and meet the eligibility criteria for AFMC Pune need to register online on the official website of AFMC.

Screening Process: Shortlisted candidates are called for a screening process at AFMC Pune, which includes a written test, aptitude test, and interview. The written test assesses the candidate's scientific knowledge, the aptitude test evaluates the candidate's officer-like qualities, and the interview assesses the candidate's personality and suitability for a career in the Armed Forces.

Final Merit List: Based on the performance in the NEET UG examination, screening process, and other criteria, a final merit list is prepared for admission to AFMC Pune.

Medical Examination: Candidates who are selected based on the final merit list undergo a medical examination to ensure they meet the medical standards required by the Armed Forces.

Admission and Training: Selected candidates are admitted to AFMC Pune for the MBBS program and undergo training to become medical officers in the Armed Forces.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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