Dear Anu, I am married for 18 years. Have two kids, son (17) and daughter (9).
My problem is that though I am in a regular job at a PSU, my wife thinks that I don't earn much.
She thinks so much and get stressed which in turn gets in explosive and when it burst I cannot control myself and I get physical (manhandle) her.
Due to this all fault becomes my fault and I have to apologise to her for behaviour.
Apart from this she is having some kind of problem which she keeps fuming at me or anyone for that matter for anything.
When I get irritated by such things she refuses that she didn't even said so. If said so, I understood it in wrong sense.
I think I am having too many problems which I cannot explain here.
Sometimes I think of going to psychiatrist but don't wish to go because then I will be certified as mad and thereafter all fault and problems will be due to me.
If I ask her to go to psychiatrist she won't agree either.
Please help how to deal such situation in this stage of life.
I love her so much so there is no question of separating from her.
Please feel free to ask me anything you require for giving me a response.
Ans: Dear AKB, why does money ever come into a marriage; I wonder!
Well, we do need money to keep the family running, right?
Somehow, external happenings of someone earning more can get into the marriage cropping up as comparisons.
What started as a mere seed of comparison, slowly starts to become a huge tree with fruits of poison robbing even the small successes that you might have had.
Even that seems never enough leaving you with a feeling of inadequacy.
This affects marriage compatibility and comes out as anger, sadness, violent outburst, finger pointing which is evident in your marriage.
At the same time, I am sure your wife does not really intend to hurt you with these behavioural displays.
And that’s why externalising the situation to be your fault arises and she does not want to think that her perceptions are what are causing the situation.
Either you sit her down and bring her down to facts of the matter that this is how life is going to be and this is the money is what you can bring.
If it’s still an issue and she has a hard time accepting this reality, involve an elder member from her family to communicate with her.
Show her the mirror as to how her wants are unequal to what money is coming in and how this regular chatter might be affecting the children as well.
If anyone needs professional intervention, it’s both of you going to a therapist and not a psychiatrist.
The expert can help out things into perspective where both of you can rebuild your relationship with renewed mind spaces.
Happy rebuilding!
