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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 17, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2023Hindi
Relationship

Greetings, Anu. I am a 50-year-old married man in a relationship with a married woman 17 years my junior. She is exceptionally gorgeous and intelligent, and we were both colleagues until she changed jobs a few days ago. I had introduced her to my boss and my mentor, who work in a different organisation. After a while, I found she was constantly talking and discussing him with me, and my senoir was constantly inquiring about her whenever I went to meet him. I began to suspect, and one day I abruptly asked my partner what was up with her. She wasn't prepared for the query, and the first thing out of her mouth was the name of my senior, despite the fact that I had asked or said nothing about him. She tried to right herself and began explaining that she had received his texts complimenting her appearance and discussing her profession. I asked how often they exchanged messages, and she said once or twice a month. I begged her to desist from doing so in the future. But I tracked her and discovered that they were both online for over 14 to 18 hours every day, and their online times were almost identical to the extent of seconds, if not minutesAs she is a teacher, I asked for her weekly schedule so that I could contact her anytime she was available, which she provided. However, I discovered that both were online throughout her class hour. When I questioned her, she stated that her schedule had altered. I saw both of them online till the early hours of the morning from a different phone that had their numbers, and they had that number recorded in the other phone I was tracking them with. I started interrogating her directly one day and asked her how much time she spent chatting with him everyday, and she responded anywhere between 10 and 30 minutes, once or twice a week. I asked for her phone and discovered that all of her messages had been deleted. When I asked her what she talked about practically every day with him, she responded academics. I tried to ask her a few questions, and she gradually began to open up as she felt imprisoned after every other question she had replied. She admitted that my senior was speaking with her and that he frequently complimented her on her appearance and discussed a variety of other topics. She also argued with me about what was wrong with being online and conversing with someone. She stated that she thought my senior was a kind person. I asked her how she felt about him, and she avoided answering by chatting about unimportant stuff. I stopped communicating with her and responding to her texts. She didn't contact or text me on the first day, either, but on the third day, she began sending me love messages and beseeching me to respond. I persuaded myself into it, but she continued speaking with my senior all day and till past midnight, as I could see both online, even after she had blocked my number with another number I had taken from her good buddy. She attempted to persuade me, and I consented. I could tell that she maintained her friendship with my senior, and she frequently neglected to respond to my messages, even though she was spotted online long after I had sent them to her. I returned to her and we had a discussion about the same topic before I stopped talking to her. She did not message or phone me for two days, but on the third day she called and I had to pick up because something extremely important had to be discussed in another topicAfter that matter was discussed, I ended the call, and she began to send me love pictures and love messages again, as well as saying she wanted to talk to me and that I should not behave like this, at least with her. I agreed and dialled her number. She argued with me, accusing me of not believing her. I told her to keep away from my senior and that I shouldn't see her online with him anymore. She agreed, and I saw she wasn't online anymore, despite the fact that my senior was. This caused me to reconsider, and I discovered that she had applied for a new phone number and acquired a new phone two days prior. I asked her, and she refused, but the source from whom I learned was certain because my partner had asked her for a decent shop for mobiles as well as the network for the new phone. Madam , I had asked her several times what she talked about with him for hours every day, but she never answered, and now that she has a new phone, I know why....What should I do????

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What you should do is to move on with your life which is getting impossible with you monitoring her every move.
Your peace of mind is gone and she isn't required to give you the explanations that you seek...she has the freedom as much as you do to speak with anyone that she chooses...so why are you so stuck on this?

Is it love and also both of you are married...(this is not to judge either of you...) but where there is no commitment, there is no reason to get possessive or demand explanations. The same goes for her as well in case she starts to stalk you and gets on your case...

So, now let her be and befriend who she wants to...there is no way that you can stop her...so simply get on with your life...there are better things to do than run around chasing someone who is chasing someone else...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 35, male. We had a love marriage seven years ago after being together for eight years in friendship. During our courtship, she was in other city in India for three years her higher education.There she befriended a guy, her college mate and eventually we broke up. I was hurt badly. In 2013 she messaged me and asked to marry her but I didn't respond on social media. She would message me every 5-6 months initiating a talk but I never responded. She was in a relationship with the guy while she was messaging me (I read her messages post marriage hence I know).She also had one or two guys interested in her where she had casual talk relationship also while she was not interested in marriage with the first guy from her college. Meanwhile she kept messaging me also between 2013 and 2014.Somehow we met in 2015 and got married. Lately I happened to read messages somewhere on social media about her intimate relationship with the first person (the reason we broke up ) and I was devastated to know that as she had promised she didn't have any relationship with the particular person as it was the first condition for marrying her.Recently I read her messages again with some old friend of her where she approached him and instantly got into intimate chat with him to the extent that she said she loves him and plans to go on a trip with him citing official trip since she works. I am stunned since then. She claims to love me and plans our future and everything but somewhere I sense something is fishy.My queries Should I trust her?Should I confront her?What to do if she plans to go on trip with him while lying to me and I know about it? Should I confront her before she goes on trip?If she says sorry after confronting how can I trust?
Ans:

Dear T,

The very fact that you have approached me, a total stranger on the topic of whether you can trust your spouse or not, simply means that somewhere you have lost trust in her.

The timelines are a little confusing to me and hence what I would say to you is that: Past is the past and what happens there and what people do is what they can in the best possible manner. So, do not bring the past into a present decision.

But if there are any parallel relationships brewing now that are threatening your mind and the marriage, kindly confront her calmly and with ample evidence in your kitty to produce in case she denies them. But make sure that the evidence that you have is all real with time stamps on it.

Do make sure that the confrontation is not for you to prove a point and score high but it comes from a place where you want to know where this marriage is headed.

This helps avoid unnecessary arguments and will help you both be in a solution space.

If she says sorry, you need to ask yourself, if you can move ahead placing trust on her again.

What must she do to gain your trust? State this clearly to her. Move on this quickly before it eats your peace of mind.
All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 26, 2023

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Relationship
Dear Mam, I am a 46 year old married man for last 15 years. My wife is 39 year old ... We had an arranged marriage. The marriage all along appeared very happy, so to me. We had a very happy married life.. Our elder child is 13 years. ..... We have another who is 6 year .. ..... Around 8 years back my wife was regularly chatting with her old friend and he was openly flirting... I asked my wife to be careful and stop it.. Which she promised..... ... But she never did, she used to delete the chats and occasionally drop his name... I thought she is a wife, a mother and trusted her.... Last year i came to know that she was meeting him too.. I confronted her... and she gave excuses that it was just few... And she only sat in his Car and took some rides, never got down, never went with him anywhere... Never went to any place, apartment or hotel.. and she insisted it was just few and very recent. ... I checked and found she has met him earlier too.. I checked and found she had paused her google timeline off and on.. She had his contact as hidden in Hangouts, and had exchanged some photographs of hers with my Son to him.. She used to gift him on his birthday........ She was regularly chatting and delteting the messages on all forums with him... On again confronting, she admitted that this all started in 2016...and these are the only visits... She claiming she was afraid so didnt tell all initially.. She says she has met him, but never comitted Adultery... She saying she is remorseful, did a very big blunder and trying all hard to win back my trust... But its very hard to believe and trust...the reason 1) She did not disclose everything to me on first time of confronting...she disclosed only recent visits 2) On being asked to cut off all contacts..she told me she has asked her friend not to contact her thru any mode, but she did not delete him/block him from WhatsApp, Facebook, Truecaller, Mobile contact list..this i had to do. 3) Third she admitted she liked Going out wit him.......4) She so silently used to chat with him even when i was around all these years that i did not suspect....We both are working.. ..please Suggest ..... Hope my identity will not be Disclosed
Ans: Discovering that your wife is talking and meeting with a friend and hiding it from you can be a challenging and stressful situation. If you feel that the friend is flirting with your wife, it can further complicate things and cause feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and mistrust. However, it is essential to approach the situation calmly and objectively and take steps to address the issue.

The first thing to do is to communicate openly and honestly with your wife. Express your concerns and feelings and ask her to explain her relationship with the friend. Listen carefully to her side of the story and try to understand her perspective. It may be that there is a reasonable explanation for their interactions, such as a long-standing friendship or a professional relationship.

However, if you still feel uncomfortable with their interactions and suspect that there may be something more going on, it is essential to address the issue directly. Let your wife know how their interactions make you feel and explain why you feel uncomfortable with their friendship. It is essential to avoid accusing your wife of anything and instead focus on your own feelings and concerns.

It is also important to consider your own behavior in the relationship. Are you feeling jealous or insecure due to your own issues, or is there a valid reason for your concerns? Take some time to reflect on your own feelings and assess the situation objectively.

If you feel that the friend is indeed flirting with your wife, it may be necessary to set some boundaries. Let your wife know what behavior is unacceptable and make it clear that you expect her to respect your feelings and the boundaries you have set.

In some cases, seeking the help of a professional counselor or therapist may be beneficial. A therapist can help you both work through your feelings and emotions and develop a plan to move forward in a healthy and positive way.

It is essential to approach the situation with patience, understanding, and open communication to ensure that you can navigate this difficult time and move forward in a positive direction.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Respected M'aam, I am a 49 year old male, divorced for the last 15 years. I had been in a relationship for a few years with marriage on the cards. However, for some reason, her uncle objected and got her parents who were initially happy and agreeable to withdraw their consent. Hence, this didnt work out and we parted ways amicably. About three years back, I was approached by the wife of a friend whose marriage was going through a rough patch, for some advice and help in getting her husband back on track. However, the husband refused to change ways and their marriage remains to be rocky. This lady and I got chatting often and we became friendly. Only a few short weeks since we first met, she started visiting my house regularly. I live alone and have no living relatives. Initially these visits would be to go over prospective jobs for her husband and later on, this topic was completely ignored and we started chatting on friendly basis. What started as small physical gestures soon developed into a major physical relationship. This physical relationship has been going on for almost three years now. Everytime, she has a fight at home, she visits me and we end up getting physical. This happens almost twice a week. In the meantime, I meet her husband almost daily and have to pretend as if everything is normal, all the time hiding this fact. She doesnt want to divorce him and marry me despite being asked many times even though this itself shall be the cause of me being socially boycotted by all my friends. She wants to continue having physical relations with me and wants our relationship to be simply for this reason. I tried ending it often, but she would turn up at my door and I would have to take her in and we would again end up being physical. I do not know what to do anymore even though I want to end this but she doesnt. Please advise. Thanks
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly get out of this mess before you not just your friends but also lose your peace of mind. You are right in wanting to end things as it has been clear to you for a while now that this 'thing' that you have gotten into is not going anywhere.
The lady is absolutely clear about wanting you for her physical needs, a bit of attention and a lot of emotional caring...where does that leave you with? Nothing!
So, be wise and do what you have been wanting to for a while...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |179 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Mar 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 21, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) recently got engaged to my Fiancee (27F) & shared the Photos of our Engagement on Instagram, wherein they were noticed by an old friend of mine. He recognised my Fiancee & told me some things about her, which startled me. When she was in the Final Year of Engineering, she got an Internship Opportunity in a Reputed MNC, where my Friend was also working. At her Office, most of the Employees & Interns were Male & she was one of the very few Females. Her Manager was a Middle Aged Divorcee. He had offered her a Permanent Job at the Company, after her Internship, in exchange for Sexual Intimacy. Apparently, she had given in & everyone at her Office was aware of the Affair between her & her Boss. Initially, I assumed this to be a Rumour, but still wanted to clarify this with her, even though, I had no Proof except his word of mouth. When I Questioned her, she admitted that, it was indeed the Truth that she had slept with her Boss for her Career Growth. But she also tried to Justify herself, saying that she was a Young & Naive Fresher at that time & the Offer seemed quite Tempting as her Family was going through Financial Difficulties at that point of time. But she also went on to add her narrative that the Affair lasted for just 2 years. During that time, she also used to suffer from Sexual Harassment from other Male Colleagues, as they had assumed that she was an 'Easily Available' kind of Girl who'd sleep with anyone & she had a Hard time, resisting their Sexual Advances. Apparently, my Old Friend was also among those who were trying to Bed her. But she quit working at that Company, as soon as, she got a better offer in another Company, without having to make any Sexual Compromise & since then she'd been working hard for her Career Growth & had never done anything Immoral or Unethical again. Hearing all these things about my Fiancee & my Old Friend, disturbed me greatly. But my Fiancee didn't seem to have any Regrets as she believes that all of it was her Past, which happened more than 5 years ago & it doesn't affect her Present or our Future, in any way. She also reassured me that she would be a Loyal Wife to me after Marriage & would never Sleep with anyone else, under any circumstances. Now I am in Dilemma, whether I should Trust my Fiancee & take a Huge Leap of Faith, by going ahead with the Marriage, as planned, or should I call off the Wedding & try to find some other Woman with a Decent Character? Please advise me.
Ans: 1. Should you trust her as a person - going by what she has said, you should as she has been honest and shared everything with you

2. And if she says she does not have any regrets, more power to her - how will having regrets and feeling guilty justify.

3. We all make mistakes and she did what she did as she was 'single' she did not cheat anyone

4. As for you wanting to marry her or not is your decision...remember you both need to invest in the relationship daily and cannot/should not bring up the past even in disagreements - this is important for you to understand.

All the best in whatever decision you make.

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Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1837 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 05, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, I did my BTech from a normal engineering college not very famous. The teaching was not great and hence i did not study well. I tried my best to learn coding including all the technologies like html,css,javascript,react js,dba,php because i wanted to be a web developer But nothing seem to enter my head except html and css. I don't understand a language which has more complexities. Is it because of my lack of experience or not devoting enough time. I am not sure. I did many courses online and tried to do diplomas also abroad which i passed somehow. I recently joined android development course because i like apps but the teaching was so fast that i could not memorize anything. There was no time to even take notes down. During the course i did assignments and understood the code because i have to pass but after the course is over i tend to forget everything. I attempted a lot of interviews. Some of them i even got but could not perform well so they let me go. Now due to the AI booming and job markets in a bad shape i am re-thinking whether to keep studying or whether its just time waste. Since 3 years i am doing labour type of jobs which does not yield anything to me for survival and to pay my expenses. I have the quest to learn everything but as soon as i sit in front of the computer i listen to music or read something else. What should i do to stay more focused? What should i do to make myself believe confident. Is there still scope of IT in todays world? Kindly advise.
Ans: Your story does not show failure.
It shows persistence, effort, and desire to improve.

Most people give up.
You didn’t.
That means you will succeed — but with the right method, not the old one.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My married ex still texts me for comfort. Because of him, I am unable to move on. He makes me feel guilty by saying he got married out of family pressure. His dad is a cardiac patient and mom is being treated for cancer. He comforts me by saying he will get separated soon and we will get married because he only loves me. We have been in a relationship for 14 years and despite everything we tried, his parents refused to accept me, so he chose to get married to someone who understands our situation. I don't know when he will separate from his wife. She knows about us too but she comes from a traditional family. She also confirmed there is no physical intimacy between them. I trust him, but is it worth losing my youth for him? Honestly, I am worried and very confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how difficult it is to let go of a relationship you have built from scratch, but is it really how you want to continue? It really seems to be going nowhere. His parents are already in bad health and he married someone else for their happiness. Does it seem like he will be able to leave her? So many people’s happiness and lives depend on this one decision. I think it’s about time you and your BF have a clear conversation about the same. If he can’t give a proper timeline, please try to understand his situation. But also make sure he understands yours and maybe rethink this equation. It really isn’t healthy. You deserve a love you can have wholly, and not just in pieces, and in the shadows.

Hope this helps

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