Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 28, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hi Anu - I am 47 and me and my wife stopped having sex after the birth of our second child. I was 37 then. Since then we haven't had sex. Initially i tried few times but she was never interested. We even tried counselling but it did not work. My wife has PCOD and our sex was never great. Eventually i gave up. Now when i am going towards my 50 i feel like i shouldn't have given up. There is only one life. What should i do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
PCOD can cause sex drive to come down; do get this treated and you should see some changes.
You have not mentioned your wife's age; you also must consider that if she is perimenopausal or already menopaused now, her desire for sex might have decreased even further.
There are other forms of intimacy that you might want to indulge in. Connect more at an emotional level by spending time together, taking vacations etc. This may at some point lead to sexual intimacy BUT don't make that your sole aim; the pressure on both of you becomes very high.
Enjoy your journey together rather than just obsessing over reaching the destination.

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2023Hindi
Listen
I am 42 year old and married for 12 years. I have a 10 year old kid. We didnt have sex for past 2 years now as my wife has lost all interest in sex and never initiates it. Whenever I try she calls out to our kid and kills the mood. I spoke to her but she is not interested. It is frustrating me. I have option to look outside but dont want to complicate the matters . She does allow me to massage her but nothing more. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There could be various reasons for your wife not wanting or initiating sex:
- She must be undergoing some hormonal changes
- She is tired caring for the home and child (work too if she is a working woman)
- She is bored of the routine sex that has been happening so far
- She resists because she feels you are eager to end the act and hurry
- She refuses as you are focused on sex as a destination whereas she likes foreplay
- She at times would like only cuddling and hugging which she fears will lead to sex

Open the channel of communication outside of the bedroom.
- Laugh a lot together
- Watch movies
- Cook together
- Set aside date nights (have a family member baby sit the child)
- Indulge in non-sexual touches which are intimate

These can spice up your sex life and if things are still the same, it will be good to check with her gynaecologist to rule out any hormonal imbalances that can lead to a disinterest in sex. Also, if she is tired all the time, get a blood work done to rule out any deficiencies that can again make her body not indulge in anything intimate. Stepping out of the marriage is an option as long as the focus is you. If you focus on her, you can be a great sense of support to her now and as always. It will help a great deal.

All the best!
(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 17, 2023

Listen
Relationship
Hi, I am 42 and my wife is 36. Been married for close to 9 years. Had our first princess in 2015 & second princess in 2019. Before having the second one, my wife had a very good sex drive both mentally & physically. We were having intercourse for at least 3 times a week. But over a period of course 3 years into post our second child being born, my wife has lost interest. Sex has been like may be once in 30 to 45 days. I am not forcing her but rather trying my best to have those Intimate moments like hugging tightly, kissing her, do a little bit of smooching, try to touch and kiss on sensitive areas like belly, feet, ear......parallel I am taking time to appreciate how caring she has been in respect to taking care of the family, complimenting her how beautiful she looks inside and outside, how much she is glowing, sometimes I take efforts to cook for her giving time offs and also I look after the kids, press her legs etc. but nothing is working and this desperacy is killing me inside so much that sometimes I have been getting false & weird thoughts in my mind to have an affair or go to a call girl. Need your advise on this....
Ans: Dear Chandra,
I am glad that you are putting in all efforts in a non-sexual manner which is what most people miss out on.
But since it isn't working, I think it could be just caring for two young children. It can sap a woman's/primary caregiver's energy to a point that intimacy is the last think on her mind.
You children are at an age where they are dependent on parents and also are full on energy with high demands. This could be the reason as well.
I would also suggest that with growing demands from the children in terms of time and attention, what might be overlooked is your wife has some vitamin deficiency which can lead to lethargy, lack of interest and more. My suggestion would be to visit a doctor who will write down specific tests that may get to the root of the problem.
Till then, be the supportive husband that you have been AND a call girl is a momentary rush of adrenaline; so be wise...

All the best!
(more)
Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |965 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Listen
Money
Sir, I am investing in mutual funds for my kid higher education. Amount needed after 15 years is 1.0 crore. I am investing 4000 rs each in the following schemes. 1. Kotak emerging equity 2. Axis Value fund 3. Parag parikh flexi cap 4. ICICI US Bluechip fund Please suggest should I continue with these. Will the US fund will eat away my capital gains?
Ans: Continuing with your current investment approach for your child's education is a proactive step. However, let's review your fund selection:

Kotak Emerging Equity: Offers growth potential by investing in emerging companies. Review its performance and consistency to ensure it aligns with your investment goals.
Axis Value Fund: Focuses on value investing principles. Evaluate its track record and potential for long-term growth.
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap: Known for its diversified approach across market segments. Assess its performance and consistency over time.
ICICI US Bluechip Fund: Invests in blue-chip US companies. While it offers exposure to international markets, consider its currency risk and tax implications.
Regarding the ICICI US Bluechip Fund, investing in international funds can provide diversification but may also entail currency and tax implications. Capital gains from international funds are subject to capital gains tax in India, similar to domestic funds. However, currency fluctuations can impact returns.

Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to evaluate the impact of international investing on your portfolio and whether it aligns with your risk tolerance and investment objectives. Additionally, review the performance and potential risks of each fund regularly to ensure they remain suitable for your child's education goal.
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |965 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 18, 2023Hindi
Listen
Money
I have two daughters and their age is 16 and 15 and i own 50 lakhs bank FD , 9 lakhs invested in MF me and my wife have invest 60 lakhs in share market and my age 51 year old. Can you plz suggest the best option for investment . for my future education of two kids and my and my wife upcoming old age( My family ) i have 3 lakhs mediclaim and have few LIC policies. I request you to give me the best advice or suggest the best investment for my growth of money and as a monthly income ( Home expenses ) plz reply
Ans: Given your family's financial situation and goals, it's crucial to create a comprehensive investment plan that considers both growth and stability. Here's a suggested approach:

Education Fund for Daughters: Since your daughters are nearing college age, consider setting aside a portion of your investments specifically for their education expenses. You may allocate a portion of your bank FDs and MF investments towards this goal, ensuring it grows over time to meet their educational needs.
Retirement Planning: As you and your wife approach retirement, it's essential to prioritize building a sufficient corpus to support your lifestyle in old age. Consider diversifying your investment portfolio to include a mix of equity, debt, and balanced funds, along with retirement-focused instruments like the National Pension System (NPS) or Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS).
Health and Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for your family's medical needs. Additionally, review your existing LIC policies to ensure they align with your current financial goals and provide adequate coverage for your family's future needs.
Monthly Income: To generate regular income for your household expenses during retirement, consider investing in dividend-paying stocks, mutual funds with dividend options, or fixed income instruments like Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) or Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS).
Regular Review and Adjustment: Regularly review your investment portfolio to track its performance, make necessary adjustments, and ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your family's specific financial situation and goals. Together, you can create a customized investment plan that addresses your needs for growth, income, and financial security.
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |965 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Listen
Money
Hello Sir, myself Venkatesh aged 35 working in PSU current monthly takehome salary is Rs.1.20lac investing Rs.1,50,000/- in PPF per annum, havings corpus in fixed deposits around Rs.30lacs, investing in Mutual funds through monthly SIP of Rs.8000/- in three funds from past 3years 1.Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund-Reg(G)- 3K 2. Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund-Reg(G)- 3K 3. Axis Focused 25 Fund-Reg(G)- 2K. Now i want to invest another Rs.15,000/- per month for 18-20years and also advise by what amount i can stepup my existing portfolio for better returns.
Ans: Venkatesh! It's great to see your disciplined approach towards saving and investing. With your stable income and existing investments, adding Rs. 15,000 per month for 18-20 years can significantly boost your long-term wealth accumulation.

Considering your current portfolio, you may diversify further by adding funds from different categories to spread risk. Consider allocating the additional investment across different types of mutual funds such as mid-cap funds, small-cap funds, or international funds to enhance diversification.

As for stepping up your existing portfolio, you can consider increasing your SIP amounts gradually over time. Analyze the performance of your current funds and the potential for growth. Based on your risk tolerance and financial goals, you may consider increasing the SIP amounts in funds that have shown consistent performance and align with your investment objectives.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your specific financial situation and goals. Together, you can create a comprehensive investment plan to maximize returns and achieve your long-term financial objectives. Keep up the excellent work with your savings and investments!
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |965 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Listen
Money
Please suggest 4 MF's for investment of Rs 10 k sip. It should be growth and open ended... Srinivasulu
Ans: Srinivasulu! Here are four mutual fund options for your SIP investment of Rs. 10,000 each:

Large Cap Fund: Invest in a large-cap fund for stability and growth potential. These funds typically invest in well-established, large companies with a track record of steady performance.
Multi-Cap Fund: Opt for a multi-cap fund to diversify across different market capitalizations, including large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks. These funds offer flexibility to capitalize on opportunities across the market spectrum.
Mid Cap Fund: Consider investing in a mid-cap fund for exposure to mid-sized companies with potential for higher growth. These funds can be more volatile but offer the opportunity for significant returns over the long term.
Flexi Cap Fund: Choose a flexi cap fund for the flexibility to invest across market capitalizations based on the fund manager's assessment of market conditions. These funds adapt to changing market dynamics and aim to deliver consistent growth.
Ensure you review the fund's performance, track record, and consistency before making your investment decision. It's also essential to stay invested for the long term and regularly review your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals.

Remember, consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your specific financial situation and goals.
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |965 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |965 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |24 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Listen
Career
Dear Guru, I work in the technology space, and as with most careers, it is challenging and stressful. I work long hours (10-12hrs on avg). My problem is that I get disturbed sleep and am unable to get work related thoughts out of my mind wherein I even dream about solutions to work problems. I am afraid this is going to hurt my health and burn me out soon. Please advise on how I can detach from work to get a refreshing sleep.
Ans: Dear Bhawik!!

Pat yourself on the back for being a committed employee. The problems you have stated happen to most people who give their 100% to their work. Since you already know what it is to be 100% at work, it is time for you to give your 100% at home and to yourself.
You need to mentally detach yourself from work the moment you step out of the office building.
How will you do this? Adopt the following-
1. before leaving the office list out all the activities for tomorrow , prioritise them and mentally commit to them as tasks for tomorrow.
2. as soon as you exit the office building take three deep breaths , inhale and exhale deeply - this is called a transitioning breath which helps you transition from activity to another
3 establish rituals like listening to music( which you love) the moment you leave the building
4. if your transit form office to home takes some time, then practice being in the moment by looking around - the people, the trees, the sky, let all your senses be involved- use your eyes to see, nose to smell, ears to hear the sounds around, feel the breeze in your hair/ on your skin. This makes you feel 100% alive. Stay in the moment.
5. when you reach home, greet your loved ones with a smile
6. spend a little time doing nothing , just be
7. enjoy your meal mindfully
8.take a small walk after your meal
9.spend min 10 mins doing something that brings you joy, for me it is reading a book, what is it for you?
10.go for a guided "Yog Nidra" before sleeping.

Do not intellectualize these suggestions. Just do them. They are tried and tested methods for a proper demarcation between work and home life.
Best wishes for a life well lived and restful sleep..
(more)
Sunil

Sunil Lala  |178 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x