Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1563 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 17, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Chandra Question by Chandra on Jul 12, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hi, I am 42 and my wife is 36. Been married for close to 9 years. Had our first princess in 2015 & second princess in 2019. Before having the second one, my wife had a very good sex drive both mentally & physically. We were having intercourse for at least 3 times a week. But over a period of course 3 years into post our second child being born, my wife has lost interest. Sex has been like may be once in 30 to 45 days. I am not forcing her but rather trying my best to have those Intimate moments like hugging tightly, kissing her, do a little bit of smooching, try to touch and kiss on sensitive areas like belly, feet, ear......parallel I am taking time to appreciate how caring she has been in respect to taking care of the family, complimenting her how beautiful she looks inside and outside, how much she is glowing, sometimes I take efforts to cook for her giving time offs and also I look after the kids, press her legs etc. but nothing is working and this desperacy is killing me inside so much that sometimes I have been getting false & weird thoughts in my mind to have an affair or go to a call girl. Need your advise on this....

Ans: Dear Chandra,
I am glad that you are putting in all efforts in a non-sexual manner which is what most people miss out on.
But since it isn't working, I think it could be just caring for two young children. It can sap a woman's/primary caregiver's energy to a point that intimacy is the last think on her mind.
You children are at an age where they are dependent on parents and also are full on energy with high demands. This could be the reason as well.
I would also suggest that with growing demands from the children in terms of time and attention, what might be overlooked is your wife has some vitamin deficiency which can lead to lethargy, lack of interest and more. My suggestion would be to visit a doctor who will write down specific tests that may get to the root of the problem.
Till then, be the supportive husband that you have been AND a call girl is a momentary rush of adrenaline; so be wise...

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1563 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, We have been married for close to 8 years (2014). Had our first princess in 2015 and second princess in 2019. Before having the second one, my wife had a very good sex drive both mentally and physically.We were having intercourse for at least 3 times a week. But over a period of 3 years after our second child being born, my wife has lost interest. Sex has been like may be once in 30 to 45 days. I am not forcing her but rather trying my best to have those intimate moments like hugging tightly, kissing her, do a little bit of smooching, try to touch and kiss on sensitive areas like belly, feet, ear. But nothing is working and this desperateness is killing me inside. I need your advice on this. How do I ensure that my urge is satisfied? In what way do I engage my wife to have intimate moments and intercourse? This however should not come at the cost of hurting or pressurising her for my needs.
Ans:

Dear CM,

This is a common challenge that many couples I work with face.

Babies take away their freedom to become intimate and this causes a lot of tension between them.

So let’s break it down for you, yeah?

Your wife right now isn’t the same woman she was before.

Being a mom, and a full-time one at that, is a huge job. A seven year old and a three year old at home can only mean full-time attention to them and little time for herself. When a woman is focused on her role as a mom, she invariably forgets who she is or how she looks; her job as the primary caregiver is all that she knows and does.

She is invariably tired and will think about rest, not action, in the bedroom. This is something that I want you to understand. Be more empathetic towards this; maybe you already are!

Now, what you do for her outside of the bedroom will define what happens within the bedroom. So,
- When was the last time you complimented her on her good looks?
- When was the last time you offered to care for the children so that she could step out with her friends and have a good time?
- When was the last time you took her out for absolutely no reason and made her feel good about herself?
- When was the last time you volunteered to cook and take care of the home while she simply sits and relaxes?

Motherhood can be very challenging, especially when the children are young.

Maybe you have tried all this and I am not about to push you back and not consider your side of the story.

But hey, she’s the one who has carried the babies, so it’s natural she is going to be around them.

Do sit down together after the children are asleep and watch a movie.

Do ask the extended family to babysit the children while the two of you spend a day doing things that you did before the babies came along.

Be aware that as you focus on yourself and your pleasures, you might forget that she is missing them too and that, at this point, you can help her feel like a ‘woman’ again.

It takes two to tango. Nothing can be one-sided. It will only end up becoming a selfish act which I am sure you are aware of. Try what I have suggested and let me know.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1563 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, We have been married for close to 8 years (2014). Had our first princess in 2015 and second princess in 2019. Before having the second one, my wife had a very good sex drive both mentally and physically.We were having intercourse for at least 3 times a week. But over a period of 3 years after our second child being born, my wife has lost interest. Sex has been like may be once in 30 to 45 days. I am not forcing her but rather trying my best to have those intimate moments like hugging tightly, kissing her, do a little bit of smooching, try to touch and kiss on sensitive areas like belly, feet, ear. But nothing is working and this desperateness is killing me inside. I need your advice on this. How do I ensure that my urge is satisfied? In what way do I engage my wife to have intimate moments and intercourse? This however should not come at the cost of hurting or pressurising her for my needs.
Ans:

Dear CM,

This is a common challenge that many couples I work with face.

Babies take away their freedom to become intimate and this causes a lot of tension between them.

So let’s break it down for you, yeah?

Your wife right now isn’t the same woman she was before.

Being a mom, and a full-time one at that, is a huge job. A seven year old and a three year old at home can only mean full-time attention to them and little time for herself. When a woman is focused on her role as a mom, she invariably forgets who she is or how she looks; her job as the primary caregiver is all that she knows and does.

She is invariably tired and will think about rest, not action, in the bedroom. This is something that I want you to understand. Be more empathetic towards this; maybe you already are!

Now, what you do for her outside of the bedroom will define what happens within the bedroom. So,
- When was the last time you complimented her on her good looks?
- When was the last time you offered to care for the children so that she could step out with her friends and have a good time?
- When was the last time you took her out for absolutely no reason and made her feel good about herself?
- When was the last time you volunteered to cook and take care of the home while she simply sits and relaxes?

Motherhood can be very challenging, especially when the children are young.

Maybe you have tried all this and I am not about to push you back and not consider your side of the story.

But hey, she’s the one who has carried the babies, so it’s natural she is going to be around them.

Do sit down together after the children are asleep and watch a movie.

Do ask the extended family to babysit the children while the two of you spend a day doing things that you did before the babies came along.

Be aware that as you focus on yourself and your pleasures, you might forget that she is missing them too and that, at this point, you can help her feel like a ‘woman’ again.

It takes two to tango. Nothing can be one-sided. It will only end up becoming a selfish act which I am sure you are aware of. Try what I have suggested and let me know.

All the best!

 

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1563 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 28, 2023

Listen
Been married for close to 8 years. Had our first princess in 2015 & second princess in 2019. Before having the second one, my wife had a very good sex drive both mentally & physically. We were having intercourse for at least 3 times a week. But over a period of course 3 years into post our second child being born, my wife has lost interest. Sex has been like may be once in 30 to 45 days. I am not forcing her but rather trying my best to have those Intimate moments like hugging tightly, kissing her, do a little bit of smooching, try to touch and kiss on sensitive areas like belly, feet, ear......but nothing is working and this desperacy is killing me inside. Need your advise on this....
Ans: Dear Chandra,
This is so common especially in nuclear families where the responsibility of managing the home and children falls on the woman. This can be tiring at the end of the day and sex maybe the last thing on her mind.
Also, many women lose their sex drive owing to their self-image (how they look at themselves).

Intimate moments outside of the bedroom can help and that's not smooching and touching etc. Intimacy can be created by making her feel good about herself too.
1. Compliment her a lot
2. Appreciate her efforts at making the home and caring for the children
3. Enable her to take time off over the weekends where she can step out with her friends
4. Cook her a meal
Getting the drift?
Treat her like a beautiful woman outside the bedroom and that is intimacy enough. Let her have her space to feel pampered and loved. And this might change a lot inside the bedroom.

And please, don't put timelines on sex; it's not a goal to be reached; instead enjoy the little moments of creating togetherness. Focus on the journey.

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |550 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello sir/ma'am...i am a girl of 21 yrs and my bf 24yrs.We met each other through an online friendly chat app.Since 1yr,we r chatting,video and voice calls.He told me,he loves me and wanna marry me.I too liked him and I took the matter to my parents and they agreed for our marriage also.I made him talk to my parents.He didn't still let this matter know to his parents.Recently,without my permission..my cousin sis took his insta id and chatted with him like an unknown girl for fun.She created an account in insta and sent a request to him n he accepted that request and continued chatting with her.She told him like she saw his profile and interested and so given a request.He was asking her for voice call,video call,but she didn't accept.She sent some other picture when he insisted her pic and later he asked her "do u like me" for which she funnily replied love at first sight and love you.He told her he want to express his love to her in voice call and later he too proposed..she showed all those screen shots to me. I am broken.I questioned him what is all this?...for which he replied...he just chatted to find out whether that account was a fake account or real account...but,the screen shots were showing something different..when my cousin called him bro..he was very upset and scolded her too. Now,he saying he thought it's a fake boy id and wanted to make fun of and even fought with me saying i don't trust him and without his acceptance..i gave his id to my cousin..but,i havent given.. He is saying he wanted to test whether it is a fake or a real account and so he made fun off and didn't mean it and that too just chatting it is n not to take it seriously and he loves me much.. I am confused after this whether to proceed for marriage..he isthe first guy and love in my life...should i believe him or let him go or should i give him one more chance?..please give u r advice..thank you
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am so sorry that you are in this situation. While I can't make a decision for you, I can help you by pointing out how this looks like from an outsider's perspective- your BF's interactions with this profile do not really support his claim of "just testing if it's a fake account." It seems like he was interested in chatting and continuing the flirty conversations. This does not mean he is in love with the person behind that online profile, but it surely looks like he can go behind your back for some thrill.

Trust and honesty are two very important things in a relationship, and if you are planning on getting married, this is not a good start. Moreover, his getting angry at you upon confrontation is a red flag- he tried to gaslight you.
It's your choice whether you want to leave or give him another chance but before you make a decision in haste, ask yourself-
1) If he loves you, would he flirt with someone or even chat with a stranger for entertainment?
2) Would you do the same to him?
3) Is he taking responsibility and asking for forgiveness?
4) Can you trust him completely after this or would you always keep wondering if he is cheating on you?
Once you answer these honestly, I think you will know what's the right thing to do.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8111 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2025Hindi
Money
I am 39 years old and my wife is 38 working and my son is 7 years. I earn 35LPA my wife 15LPA. I started with zero as from a young age I took care of my parents by paying tuition and funded by my education. I completed engineering and started paying off my education loan from my first day of work. 2015 I got married and in 2016 we bought our first house. I moved my parents there and I take care of them they are financially dependent on me and I have a 4L health insurance for them. The first house is now worth 55L and I have paid off this loan. We built our 2nd house its worth around 1.2 crore and I have a loan of 70 lakhs left. I have a plot worth 30L which I have bought. I have 40L in MF and stocks, I do SIP of 1Lakh per month ( XIRR was good at 20% but now it's at 13%). I have 20L in gold and 10L in EPF. I have a 1cr term insurance and I do Jeevan umang of 4L per year started last year and Jeevan tarun for my son for 1.5L per year started 2 years ago and I have 40k of Jeevan anand started in 2011 for 25 years. My fear : My parents were dependent on me, and I had nothing to fall back on when I started my career. I do not want to be the same for my son. I want to be financially self-reliant when he starts his career and his life. I want to ensure that he doesn't worry about us when he starts his work life or if he wants to start a business, he has the freedom to do so. I have 15 years left in my career. I want to make sure my wife is also secured if I am not around. My questions is what can I do more to ensure we are financially well off?
Ans: You earn Rs. 35 LPA, and your wife earns Rs. 15 LPA.

You support your parents financially and have Rs. 4L health insurance for them.

Your first house is worth Rs. 55L and is fully paid off.

Your second house is worth Rs. 1.2 crore with a Rs. 70L loan.

You own a plot worth Rs. 30L.

Your investments include Rs. 40L in mutual funds and stocks.

You invest Rs. 1L per month in SIPs.

You have Rs. 20L in gold and Rs. 10L in EPF.

Your term insurance is Rs. 1 crore.

You have investment-linked insurance policies.

Your goal is financial independence for yourself and your family. You want to ensure your son does not have financial burdens when he starts his career.

Strengths in Your Financial Planning
You have built wealth despite challenges.

Your high savings rate helps in wealth accumulation.

Your SIPs give long-term compounding benefits.

Your first home is debt-free, providing stability.

Your gold holdings offer liquidity in emergencies.

Your EPF provides retirement security.

Your term insurance gives financial protection.

Areas That Need Improvement
Your insurance-linked policies are not wealth creators.

Your home loan is a major liability.

Your gold holdings may not generate high returns.

Your current insurance cover may not be enough.

Your parents’ health cover might be inadequate.

Your son’s education and future needs require better planning.

Steps to Strengthen Financial Security
Increase Term Insurance Cover
A Rs. 1 crore cover is low given your income and liabilities.

You should have a cover of at least 15 times your annual income.

Increase your term insurance to Rs. 2.5 crore for full protection.

Ensure your wife has her own term cover as well.

Reassess Your Insurance-Linked Investments
Traditional insurance policies offer low returns.

They do not provide inflation-beating growth.

Surrendering them and shifting to mutual funds is a better option.

This will give higher returns and better flexibility.

Pay Off Your Home Loan Strategically
Your home loan balance of Rs. 70L is a major liability.

Focus on repaying it within the next 5-7 years.

Increasing EMI payments or making part prepayments can help.

Avoid extending the tenure to reduce interest burden.

Optimise Your Mutual Fund Investments
Your SIP of Rs. 1L per month is a strong wealth-building tool.

XIRR of 13% is still a good return for long-term investing.

Ensure your portfolio has a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and small-cap funds.

Actively managed funds will help in capturing market opportunities.

Avoid index funds as they limit potential gains.

Strengthen Your Parents’ Health Insurance
Rs. 4L health cover for them may not be enough.

Increase their health insurance to Rs. 10L with a super top-up plan.

This will prevent financial stress in case of medical emergencies.

Plan for Your Son’s Education and Future
Higher education costs are rising rapidly.

Start a dedicated mutual fund portfolio for his education.

Avoid insurance-linked child plans as they offer poor returns.

SIPs in equity funds can provide high returns over 10-15 years.

Ensure flexibility in investments to support his career or business plans.

Secure Your Wife’s Financial Future
Your wife should have her own investments independent of you.

Ensure she has adequate insurance and retirement savings.

Consider joint ownership of assets for financial security.

Encourage her to invest in equity mutual funds for wealth creation.

Retirement Planning and Wealth Creation
You have 15 years left in your career.

Focus on accumulating at least Rs. 10-12 crore for retirement.

This will ensure financial independence and a secure future.

Continue SIPs and increase them whenever income grows.

Diversify into debt funds for stability in later years.

Systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) will help manage post-retirement cash flow.

Finally
Increase your term insurance for full protection.

Reallocate funds from low-return insurance policies to mutual funds.

Focus on clearing your home loan early.

Strengthen health insurance for your parents.

Create a dedicated fund for your son’s education.

Ensure your wife has financial security even in your absence.

Keep investing for long-term wealth creation and retirement security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8111 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
Hello Sir - I have taken a HDFC Unit Linked pension plan in 2008 and the fund value is approx. 49 lakhs. The policy matures in 2030 and allows for commutation of 1/3rd of fund value (with mandatory annuity for balance 67%). My HDFC Life Relationship manager is suggesting that he will transfer the proceeds of this fund to a new HDFC Smart life pension plan (via surrender of old policy and immediate reinvestment as single premium in the new policy) for a term of 5 years. At the vesting date, I will be allowed to remove 60% of the fund value as tax free commuted pension and will need to take annuity only for remaining 40% of fund value. This is beneficial for me (since tax free commutation will be 60% instead of current 33%). In such a case, will the surrender of old policy and immediate reinvestment into new smart pension plan be a taxable transaction in India? I have claimed 80CCC benefits for part of premiums paid in the past. HDFC has informed me that the surrender value will not be taxable as no amount is received by me and the full amount is reinvested into the new policy (HDFC will also not do TDS). Is this correct? Thanks for your advice.
Ans: You have invested in a unit-linked pension plan since 2008.

The current fund value is Rs. 49 lakhs.

The plan matures in 2030.

As per the policy, you can withdraw 33% tax-free and the rest must be used for annuity.

Your relationship manager is suggesting surrender and reinvestment into a new pension plan.

The new plan allows 60% tax-free withdrawal instead of 33%.

You need to evaluate whether this switch is beneficial from a taxation and financial perspective.

Taxation on Surrender of Old Pension Plan
Pension plans under section 80CCC get tax benefits during investment.

If you surrender, the surrender value is taxable as per your income slab.

HDFC claims that no tax will apply as the amount is reinvested directly.

However, as per income tax laws, surrendering a pension plan leads to taxation.

Even if reinvested, the surrender value is added to taxable income.

Since you have claimed 80CCC benefits, surrendering can result in tax liability.

Misconception About Tax-Free Transfer
HDFC is not deducting TDS, but that does not mean no tax is due.

Income tax liability exists even if the amount is not received in hand.

If tax authorities later verify, you may face penalties or additional taxes.

You need written confirmation from HDFC and a tax expert’s opinion.

Evaluating the New Pension Plan Offer
The new plan allows 60% withdrawal instead of 33%.

The remaining 40% must still go into annuity.

Annuity income is fully taxable every year.

The new plan has additional charges, which can reduce returns.

The lock-in period of 5 years restricts flexibility.

If your goal is wealth creation, better options exist.

Should You Switch to the New Plan?
The tax-free withdrawal of 60% seems attractive, but consider the surrender tax.

If you are in the highest tax bracket, surrendering can be costly.

Locking funds in another pension plan reduces flexibility.

Instead, investing in mutual funds can give higher returns and better control.

You can withdraw systematically without annuity restrictions.

Reinvesting in a pension plan limits future financial choices.

Better Alternatives for Retirement Planning
Instead of shifting to another pension plan, consider equity mutual funds.

Mutual funds allow withdrawals with lower tax impact than annuities.

Debt mutual funds provide stability while maintaining flexibility.

Systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) help manage retirement income efficiently.

Combining equity and debt investments gives better post-retirement security.

What Should Be Your Next Steps?
Consult a tax expert before surrendering your pension plan.

Get written confirmation from HDFC on taxation treatment.

Compare annuity income vs. mutual fund withdrawals for retirement.

Ensure flexibility in withdrawals rather than locking into another pension plan.

Build a diversified portfolio that balances risk and liquidity.

Finally
Surrendering your pension plan may trigger tax liability.

Reinvesting in another pension plan may not be the best financial decision.

You need flexibility and better returns for retirement.

Mutual funds offer tax-efficient and high-growth alternatives.

Evaluate all options before making a final decision.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8111 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
I am investing 1.5lack in sbi smart wealth plan for 7 years. My policy term 12 years. Is it a good plan for good return,2 years completed,fund value 2.7lack,Should this policy be continued? kindly guide me
Ans: You are investing Rs. 1.5 lakh per year in an insurance-cum-investment policy.

The policy duration is 12 years, with a premium payment term of 7 years.

You have completed 2 years, and the fund value is Rs. 2.7 lakh.

You want to know if you should continue this policy.

Insurance-cum-investment plans are not the best for wealth creation. You need to evaluate whether this plan aligns with your financial goals.

Issues with Insurance-Cum-Investment Plans
High Charges: These plans have high fees in the initial years. This reduces actual investment returns.

Low Returns: The returns are usually 4%-6%, lower than equity mutual funds.

Lock-in Period: You are required to stay invested for a long term, with limited flexibility.

Poor Liquidity: Withdrawing funds before maturity may result in high penalties.

Mixing Insurance and Investment: Insurance should provide protection, and investment should focus on growth. A combined product does not serve either goal efficiently.

Performance of Your Policy So Far
You have invested Rs. 3 lakh so far (Rs. 1.5 lakh per year for 2 years).

Your current fund value is Rs. 2.7 lakh, which means a loss of Rs. 30,000.

This is due to high charges deducted in the early years.

Even if the fund performs better in future, the charges will continue to impact returns.

You must decide whether to stay invested or move to better alternatives.

Should You Continue or Exit?
If wealth creation is your goal, this plan is not the best option.

If you need insurance, a pure term insurance plan is more cost-effective.

You can surrender the policy and reinvest the amount in mutual funds for better growth.

The surrender charges may reduce your corpus, but over the long term, mutual funds will give better returns.

Alternative Investment Options
Equity Mutual Funds: These provide better long-term growth than insurance plans.

Balanced Advantage Funds: These funds manage risk while giving decent returns.

Debt Mutual Funds: Suitable if you need stable returns with lower risk.

PPF or EPF: If you want a safe and tax-free investment option.

Reallocating your money into these instruments will give better returns and flexibility.

Tax Considerations on Surrendering
Surrendering before 5 years will add the maturity amount to your taxable income.

If you exit after 5 years, the amount will be tax-free.

The earlier you surrender, the higher the impact, but staying invested will continue to reduce your returns.

Consult a tax expert if required, but in most cases, switching to a better investment is more beneficial.

What Should Be Your Next Steps?
If your goal is wealth creation, surrender the policy and reinvest in mutual funds.

Buy a separate term insurance plan for financial protection.

Avoid future investments in such insurance-linked plans.

Build a diversified portfolio for long-term financial security.

Keep reviewing your portfolio annually to ensure you are on track.

Finally
Insurance-cum-investment plans do not generate high returns.

Your policy is already showing negative growth due to high charges.

Consider surrendering and shifting to a better investment strategy.

Always keep insurance and investment separate for better financial growth.

Make future investments in mutual funds and other flexible options.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x