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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 18, 2023Hindi
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I have two daughters and their age is 16 and 15 and i own 50 lakhs bank FD , 9 lakhs invested in MF me and my wife have invest 60 lakhs in share market and my age 51 year old. Can you plz suggest the best option for investment . for my future education of two kids and my and my wife upcoming old age( My family ) i have 3 lakhs mediclaim and have few LIC policies. I request you to give me the best advice or suggest the best investment for my growth of money and as a monthly income ( Home expenses ) plz reply

Ans: Given your family's financial situation and goals, it's crucial to create a comprehensive investment plan that considers both growth and stability. Here's a suggested approach:

Education Fund for Daughters: Since your daughters are nearing college age, consider setting aside a portion of your investments specifically for their education expenses. You may allocate a portion of your bank FDs and MF investments towards this goal, ensuring it grows over time to meet their educational needs.
Retirement Planning: As you and your wife approach retirement, it's essential to prioritize building a sufficient corpus to support your lifestyle in old age. Consider diversifying your investment portfolio to include a mix of equity, debt, and balanced funds, along with retirement-focused instruments like the National Pension System (NPS) or Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS).
Health and Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for your family's medical needs. Additionally, review your existing LIC policies to ensure they align with your current financial goals and provide adequate coverage for your family's future needs.
Monthly Income: To generate regular income for your household expenses during retirement, consider investing in dividend-paying stocks, mutual funds with dividend options, or fixed income instruments like Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) or Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS).
Regular Review and Adjustment: Regularly review your investment portfolio to track its performance, make necessary adjustments, and ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your family's specific financial situation and goals. Together, you can create a customized investment plan that addresses your needs for growth, income, and financial security.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 36 year old earning 1.9 lacs per month and my investment is 33.5 lacs in FD, 10 lacs in savings account, 6 lacs equity, 6 lacs bonds, 1 lacs in mutual fund, 24 lacs in PPF account,11 lacs in EPF, 9 lacs in SSY in my daughter's name ,16 lacs in PPF account of my wife. I have one daughter studying in ukg. Please suggest investment plan for my daughter's education and my retirement and we want to purchase home in 5 years.
Ans: First, let me compliment you on your proactive approach to managing your finances. You are already on the right track with diversified investments. Your goals for your daughter’s education, your retirement, and purchasing a home in five years are commendable.

Balancing various financial goals while ensuring your family’s future is not easy. I understand the importance of each of these milestones for you and your family. Let's create a strategic investment plan to help you achieve these objectives.

Your Current Investments
Fixed Deposit (FD): Rs 33.5 lakhs

Savings Account: Rs 10 lakhs

Equity: Rs 6 lakhs

Bonds: Rs 6 lakhs

Mutual Fund: Rs 1 lakh

PPF Account: Rs 24 lakhs (self), Rs 16 lakhs (wife)

EPF: Rs 11 lakhs

SSY: Rs 9 lakhs (daughter)

Diversification and Allocation Strategy
Prioritizing Goals
Daughter’s Education
Home Purchase in 5 Years
Retirement
Suggested Diversification:
1. Equity Mutual Funds

Equity mutual funds are ideal for long-term growth. They have the potential for higher returns, albeit with higher risk.

Advantages:

High Returns: Potential for significant capital appreciation.
Diversification: Spread risk across various sectors and companies.
Professional Management: Expert fund managers handle your investments.
Disadvantages:

Market Volatility: Subject to market fluctuations.
No Guaranteed Returns: Returns vary based on market performance.
Recommended Allocation:

Allocate a portion of your savings account (e.g., Rs 5 lakhs) to equity mutual funds.
Continue with systematic investment plans (SIPs) in equity mutual funds for disciplined investing.
2. Debt Mutual Funds

Debt mutual funds are less volatile and provide stable returns. They are suitable for medium-term goals like home purchase.

Advantages:

Stability: Lower risk compared to equities.
Regular Income: Some funds offer regular interest payouts.
Liquidity: Easy to redeem.
Disadvantages:

Lower Returns: Generally lower than equity funds.
Interest Rate Risk: Returns affected by changes in interest rates.
Recommended Allocation:

Use a portion of your FD (e.g., Rs 10 lakhs) to invest in debt mutual funds.
This will provide a balance of safety and moderate returns.
3. Balanced or Hybrid Funds

Hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt, providing a balanced approach. They are suitable for medium to long-term goals.

Advantages:

Diversification: Combines equity and debt in one fund.
Risk Management: Reduces risk through diversification.
Professional Management: Managed by experts.
Disadvantages:

Moderate Returns: Returns are lower than pure equity funds but higher than debt funds.
Market Risk: Still subject to market fluctuations.
Recommended Allocation:

Consider allocating Rs 5 lakhs from your savings account to hybrid funds.
This provides a mix of growth and stability.
Strategic Investment Plan
Step 1: Assess Risk Tolerance
Understand your risk tolerance to determine the right mix of equity and debt investments.

Step 2: Define Financial Goals
Clearly define your goals to create a focused investment plan.

Step 3: Create a Diversified Portfolio
Diversify your investments across various asset classes to manage risk and achieve better returns.

Step 4: Monitor and Review
Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals and make adjustments as needed.

Daughter’s Education Fund
SIPs for Long-Term Growth
Invest in SIPs in equity mutual funds for long-term growth. Given the time frame, equity mutual funds will help accumulate a significant corpus.

Advantages:

Power of Compounding: SIPs leverage compounding for long-term growth.
Rupee Cost Averaging: Reduces the impact of market volatility.
Recommended Strategy:

Allocate Rs 5,000 per month in equity SIPs for your daughter’s education.
This disciplined approach will help build a substantial education fund over time.
Home Purchase in 5 Years
Medium-Term Investments
For a home purchase in five years, a mix of debt and hybrid funds is ideal. They offer stability with moderate returns.

Recommended Strategy:

Invest Rs 10 lakhs in debt mutual funds.
Invest Rs 5 lakhs in hybrid funds.
This strategy balances safety and growth, ensuring your funds grow steadily without high risk.
Retirement Planning
Long-Term Growth with Stability
For retirement, a mix of PPF, EPF, and equity mutual funds ensures long-term growth with stability.

Recommended Strategy:

Continue contributing to PPF and EPF for guaranteed returns and tax benefits.
Allocate Rs 5 lakhs from your savings account to equity mutual funds for higher growth.
Invest Rs 5,000 monthly in SIPs focused on retirement.
Avoiding High-Risk Investments
Chasing High Returns
Chasing high returns in the short run is risky and often leads to losses. It’s important to avoid get-rich-quick schemes as they can wipe off your principal completely. Shortcuts in investments are often the longest routes, leading to stress and financial instability.

Disadvantages of High-Risk Investments:

High Volatility: Short-term investments in equities can be very volatile.
Stress and Anxiety: Constant monitoring and stress due to market fluctuations.
Potential Losses: High risk of losing your principal amount.
Benefits of Long-Term Investments
Power of Compounding

Compounding works best over the long term. Reinvesting returns generates additional returns, leading to exponential growth.

Strategic Diversification

Diversification across asset classes helps in managing risk while aiming for better returns.

Professional Management

Investing through mutual funds managed by certified financial planners ensures expert handling of your portfolio.

Final Insights
Achieving high returns with low risk in one year is unrealistic. A balanced, diversified portfolio with professional guidance can help you make informed decisions and optimize your returns. Regular monitoring and adjustments are essential to stay aligned with your financial goals.

Balanced Approach:

Equity Mutual Funds: For long-term growth.
Debt Mutual Funds: For medium-term stability.
Hybrid Funds: For a balanced approach.
Regular Review:

Regularly review your investments to stay on track with your goals.
Make adjustments based on market conditions and your changing needs.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi
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I am 36 year old earning 1.9 lacs per month and my investment is 33.5 lacs in FD, 12 lacs in savings account, 6 lacs equity, 6 lacs bonds, 1.2 lacs in mutual fund, 24 lacs in PPF account,11 lacs in EPF, 9 lacs in SSY in my daughter's name investing 1.5lacs every year for her education,16 lacs in PPF account of my wife. I have one daughter studying in ukg. Please suggest investment plan for my daughter's education and my retirement and we want to purchase home in 5 years.
Ans: Assessing Your Financial Situation
You are 36 years old, earning Rs. 1.9 lakhs per month. You have a substantial amount saved and invested in various financial instruments. Your current assets include:

Fixed Deposit (FD): Rs. 33.5 lakhs
Savings Account: Rs. 12 lakhs
Equity: Rs. 6 lakhs
Bonds: Rs. 6 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs. 1.2 lakhs
PPF (Your Account): Rs. 24 lakhs
EPF: Rs. 11 lakhs
SSY (Daughter’s Account): Rs. 9 lakhs, with Rs. 1.5 lakhs invested annually
PPF (Wife’s Account): Rs. 16 lakhs
Your financial goals are:

Saving for your daughter’s education.
Planning for your retirement.
Purchasing a home in 5 years.
Investment Strategy for Daughter’s Education
Your daughter is currently in UKG. Assuming higher education starts at 18, you have around 12 years to save for her education.

SSY Account: Continue investing Rs. 1.5 lakhs annually. SSY offers a high interest rate and tax benefits. This will accumulate a significant amount by the time she needs it.

Equity Mutual Funds: Increase your investment in equity mutual funds. Equity funds offer higher returns over the long term. This will help in accumulating a larger corpus for her education.

Recurring Deposits (RD): Consider starting an RD for regular contributions. This will help in accumulating funds systematically.

Planning for Retirement
You need to plan for a comfortable retirement. You have substantial savings in EPF and PPF, but more diversified investments are needed.

Equity Mutual Funds: Increase your investment in equity mutual funds. These funds provide high growth potential and will help in building a substantial retirement corpus.

NPS (National Pension System): Consider investing in NPS. It provides tax benefits and helps in building a retirement corpus. NPS also offers an option for partial withdrawal.

Balanced Funds: Invest in balanced funds. These funds invest in both equity and debt, offering a balance of growth and stability.

Purchasing a Home in 5 Years
You plan to buy a home in 5 years. You need to save for the down payment and consider home loan options.

Fixed Deposits (FD): Continue with your FD investments. FDs are safe and offer guaranteed returns. This will ensure that your down payment amount is secure.

Debt Mutual Funds: Invest in debt mutual funds. These funds are less volatile and provide stable returns. They are suitable for short to medium-term goals.

Asset Allocation and Diversification
To achieve your financial goals, a diversified portfolio is crucial. Here is a suggested asset allocation:

Equity (including Mutual Funds): 40%
Debt (including Bonds and FDs): 40%
PPF and EPF: 20%
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds have professional fund managers. They aim to outperform the market. Here are some benefits:

Professional Expertise: Fund managers use their expertise to select stocks, aiming for higher returns.

Flexibility: Actively managed funds can adjust portfolios based on market conditions.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds might seem attractive due to lower expense ratios. However, investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers several advantages:

Expert Guidance: A CFP provides personalized advice based on your financial goals.

Regular Monitoring: They monitor your investments and make adjustments as needed.

Peace of Mind: Having a professional manage your investments reduces the stress of decision-making.

Regular Review and Adjustments
Regularly review your investment portfolio. Market conditions change, and your portfolio should adapt. A CFP can help with this:

Performance Review: Check the performance of your funds annually.

Rebalancing: Adjust your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Final Insights
To achieve your financial goals, create a diversified portfolio. Invest in equity mutual funds, debt mutual funds, and maintain your PPF contributions. Use the SSY for your daughter’s education. Consider NPS for retirement savings. Regularly review your investments and make necessary adjustments. With disciplined investing, you can secure your daughter's education, your retirement, and buy a home in 5 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
Money
Im 33 yers old earning 1.9L per month I have 5L in MF 3.5L in PPF 2L in NPS n 4L in stock market making a sip of 20k in MF ,PPF10k, NPS 5k ,gold 12k every month and having a home loan of 60L paying EMI currently 60K. Please help me are my investment planning is good where I should investment my goal to achieve good corpus for my daughter education and marriage now she is 5 months old.
Ans: First, congratulations on being proactive about your financial planning at a young age. At 33, you have a stable income of Rs. 1.9 lakhs per month and a diversified portfolio. Your investments include Rs. 5 lakhs in mutual funds, Rs. 3.5 lakhs in PPF, Rs. 2 lakhs in NPS, and Rs. 4 lakhs in the stock market. You are also making a SIP of Rs. 20,000 in mutual funds, Rs. 10,000 in PPF, Rs. 5,000 in NPS, and Rs. 12,000 in gold every month. Additionally, you have a home loan of Rs. 60 lakhs with an EMI of Rs. 60,000.

Evaluating Your Investment Strategy
Your investment strategy shows a balanced approach with exposure to various asset classes. However, let's analyze and optimize your investments to ensure you achieve your goals for your daughter's education and marriage.

Diversifying Your Portfolio
Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are a great way to grow your wealth. You have Rs. 5 lakhs invested in mutual funds and are contributing Rs. 20,000 monthly through SIPs. Ensure you are investing in a mix of equity and debt funds to balance risk and returns. Equity funds can provide high growth over the long term, while debt funds offer stability.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a safe investment with tax benefits and guaranteed returns. Your Rs. 3.5 lakhs investment in PPF is good for long-term goals due to its 15-year lock-in period. Your monthly contribution of Rs. 10,000 is also beneficial.

National Pension System (NPS)
NPS is a good option for retirement planning with tax benefits. Your Rs. 2 lakhs investment in NPS and Rs. 5,000 monthly contribution are helping you build a retirement corpus.

Stock Market
Direct stock investments can provide high returns but come with higher risk. Your Rs. 4 lakhs investment in the stock market adds an aggressive growth component to your portfolio. Regularly review and manage your stock investments to mitigate risks.

Gold
Gold is a good hedge against inflation and market volatility. Your monthly investment of Rs. 12,000 in gold is a prudent strategy for diversification.

Managing Your Home Loan
Your Rs. 60 lakhs home loan with an EMI of Rs. 60,000 is a significant commitment. Ensure you maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6-12 months of EMIs to safeguard against financial uncertainties.

Optimizing Your Investments for Your Goals
Goal 1: Daughter’s Education
Assuming your daughter will need funds for higher education in 18 years, you should focus on long-term growth investments.

Increase SIP in Equity Mutual Funds: Equity mutual funds can offer high returns over the long term. Consider increasing your SIP contributions in equity funds to build a substantial corpus for her education.

Child Education Plan: Consider investing in child-specific mutual fund schemes designed to meet education expenses. These funds often come with a lock-in period, ensuring the money is saved for the intended purpose.

Goal 2: Daughter’s Marriage
Assuming your daughter’s marriage in 25-30 years, you need to plan for a significant corpus.

Balanced Mutual Funds: Invest in balanced or hybrid mutual funds which provide a mix of equity and debt exposure. They offer growth with stability and are suitable for long-term goals.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Continue with your SIPs in mutual funds and consider increasing the amount gradually as your income grows. This disciplined approach will help in accumulating the required funds.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Professional Management

Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers who have the expertise to make investment decisions.

Diversification

Mutual funds invest in a diverse range of securities, which helps spread risk and reduce volatility.

Liquidity

Mutual funds offer high liquidity, allowing you to redeem units as per your financial needs.

Tax Efficiency

Certain mutual funds provide tax benefits under Section 80C, which can help in tax planning.

Power of Compounding

The returns from mutual funds, when reinvested, can grow exponentially over time, helping in wealth accumulation.

Disadvantages of Real Estate as an Investment
Illiquidity

Real estate investments are not easily converted to cash, making them less liquid than other investments.

Entry and Exit Costs

Buying and selling real estate involves significant costs, including stamp duty, registration fees, and brokerage.

No Partial Withdrawals

Unlike mutual funds, you cannot partially withdraw from a real estate investment. It is an all-or-nothing situation.

White Transactions

Real estate transactions often involve a mix of white and black money, complicating the process and reducing transparency.

Risk Management
Diversification

Diversify your investments across various asset classes to reduce risk. Avoid concentrating too much in one area.

Regular Review

Periodically review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals. Adjust your investments based on performance and market conditions.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and invested in safe, liquid instruments.

Insurance

Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance to protect your family against unforeseen events.

Power of Compounding
The power of compounding is a key factor in growing your wealth. By reinvesting the returns from your investments, you earn returns on both the initial principal and the accumulated returns. This exponential growth can significantly enhance your corpus over time.

Seeking Professional Guidance
While you have a solid understanding of investments, consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide you with personalized advice and strategies. A CFP can help you navigate complex financial decisions and ensure your investments are aligned with your goals.

Final Insights
You have made commendable progress in your financial journey at 33 years old. Your diversified investments and disciplined approach are commendable. Here’s a summary of the key steps to enhance your financial plan:

Increase SIPs in Equity Mutual Funds: Boost your contributions to equity mutual funds to build a substantial corpus for your daughter's education and marriage.
Maintain Diversification: Continue diversifying across mutual funds, PPF, NPS, gold, and stocks to balance risk and returns.
Review and Adjust: Regularly review your portfolio and make adjustments as needed to stay on track with your goals.
Consult a CFP: Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner to refine your investment strategy and achieve your financial objectives.
Your commitment to financial planning and investing for your daughter's future is admirable. With a well-structured plan and disciplined execution, you can achieve your goals and secure a bright future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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I HAVE CONSTIPACATION PROBLEM WICH AASAN RELIVE FROM THIS PROBLEM
Ans: Constipation can be uncomfortable, but yoga is an excellent way to stimulate digestion and relieve this issue. Here are some simple asanas you can try regularly to help improve bowel movements:

1. Pavanamuktasana (Wind-Relieving Pose)
Lie on your back and bring one knee to your chest, holding it with your hands.
Press your knee gently into your abdomen while keeping the other leg straight.
Switch legs and repeat, or do both knees together.
This pose massages your abdominal organs and promotes digestion.
2. Marjaryasana-Bitilasana (Cat-Cow Pose)
Begin on all fours.
As you inhale, arch your back (Cow Pose) and look up.
As you exhale, round your back (Cat Pose) and tuck your chin to your chest.
Repeat slowly for 8-10 breaths to massage your digestive organs and improve gut motility.
3. Malasana (Garland Pose)
Squat down with your feet wide apart and palms together at your chest.
Keep your spine straight and hold this pose for a few breaths.
This pose helps open up the pelvic area, aiding digestion and elimination.
4. Paschimottanasana (Seated Forward Bend)
Sit with your legs straight and bend forward from your hips, reaching for your toes.
This stretches the abdominal area and stimulates digestion.
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Drink plenty of water and include fiber-rich foods in your diet.
Practice these poses daily, but avoid forcing your body into any position.
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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

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Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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