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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Savendra Question by Savendra on May 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi I am 52 yrs man having kids and wife, from last so many years my wife start arguing on small - small discussion and it became very high some times. due to this whole house became tense. I am a very emotional Person some times her discussion and arguments hearts me lot resulting became very upset. she has brain problem in past. please advise how can I handle this situation.

Ans: Dear Savendra

Navigating through frequent arguments and tension at home can be incredibly challenging, especially when they leave you feeling emotionally drained and upset. It's understandable that you're seeking guidance on how to handle this situation. Given your wife's past brain problem, it's essential to approach these conflicts with patience, empathy, and understanding. Firstly, try to remain as calm as possible during arguments, even when emotions run high. Active listening and validating her feelings can help create a more constructive dialogue. Setting boundaries around communication and behavior is crucial, ensuring that discussions remain respectful and productive. Seeking professional help, such as couples therapy, can provide valuable support in addressing underlying issues and improving communication skills. Additionally, taking care of yourself through self-care activities and seeking support from friends and family members can help you navigate through these challenging times. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your well-being and seek assistance when needed to foster a healthier and more harmonious household for yourself and your family.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1734 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 29, 2021

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I am married for 18 years. Have two kids, son (17) and daughter (9). My problem is that though I am in a regular job at a PSU, my wife thinks that I don't earn much. She thinks so much and get stressed which in turn gets in explosive and when it burst I cannot control myself and I get physical (manhandle) her. Due to this all fault becomes my fault and I have to apologise to her for behaviour. Apart from this she is having some kind of problem which she keeps fuming at me or anyone for that matter for anything. When I get irritated by such things she refuses that she didn't even said so. If said so, I understood it in wrong sense. I think I am having too many problems which I cannot explain here. Sometimes I think of going to psychiatrist but don't wish to go because then I will be certified as mad and thereafter all fault and problems will be due to me. If I ask her to go to psychiatrist she won't agree either. Please help how to deal such situation in this stage of life. I love her so much so there is no question of separating from her. Please feel free to ask me anything you require for giving me a response.
Ans: Dear AKB, why does money ever come into a marriage; I wonder!

Well, we do need money to keep the family running, right?

Somehow, external happenings of someone earning more can get into the marriage cropping up as comparisons.

What started as a mere seed of comparison, slowly starts to become a huge tree with fruits of poison robbing even the small successes that you might have had.

Even that seems never enough leaving you with a feeling of inadequacy.

This affects marriage compatibility and comes out as anger, sadness, violent outburst, finger pointing which is evident in your marriage.

At the same time, I am sure your wife does not really intend to hurt you with these behavioural displays.

And that’s why externalising the situation to be your fault arises and she does not want to think that her perceptions are what are causing the situation.

Either you sit her down and bring her down to facts of the matter that this is how life is going to be and this is the money is what you can bring.

If it’s still an issue and she has a hard time accepting this reality, involve an elder member from her family to communicate with her.

Show her the mirror as to how her wants are unequal to what money is coming in and how this regular chatter might be affecting the children as well.

If anyone needs professional intervention, it’s both of you going to a therapist and not a psychiatrist.

The expert can help out things into perspective where both of you can rebuild your relationship with renewed mind spaces.

Happy rebuilding!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 04, 2023

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Relationship
My wife frequently quarrels with me, putting up baseless aligations on character shoutingly so much that everyone in our apartment hears it easily. This conduct of her is affecting badly my 4 year son and 12 year old daughter and badly tarnishing my social life. We are now married for last 10 years and she is always like this towards me. Please hlp as it is effecting my health. Thanks.
Ans: Dear Irfan,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation in your marriage. It sounds like your wife's behavior is not only affecting you, but also your children and social life.

It's important to communicate openly with your wife about how her behavior is affecting you and your family. You can try to have a calm and respectful conversation with her about your concerns and express how her behavior is hurting you and your children. It's important to avoid being defensive or confrontational, as this can escalate the situation and make things worse.

If your attempts to communicate with your wife are not successful, it may be helpful to seek the advice of a marriage counselor or therapist. A trained professional can help you both to identify the underlying issues that are causing the conflicts and provide you with tools and strategies to improve your communication and relationship.

In the meantime, it's important to prioritize the well-being of your children and yourself. You can seek support from trusted friends or family members, join a support group, or consider individual therapy to help you cope with the stress and emotional toll of the situation.

Remember, it's not healthy or acceptable for anyone to be subjected to baseless allegations or verbal abuse. It's important to take steps to protect yourself and your family from this behavior, whether that means seeking professional help

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1734 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 45 year old and married from last 16 years and having 15 year old daughter . My Wife and I didn't have a good relation, We fight a lot, not sure what ever I speak she didn't like it and some how converted into argument , My wife is 10 year younger to me , I used to have good sex life at-least few year back, but relation was not good that time too, some how she is either having feeling of superiority or not sure what , She always blames me or my daughter if any things happen, she didn't ready to accept that she can be wrong . Previously even we used to have fight but overall things was fine , she used to generally fight but some how we do makeup after fight , now situation is out of control, she didn't accept her mistake and try to blame me for all the problem , she do over spend and if I try to control she start fighting, I think she just fight for what ever things she need for her selves , but always criticized / blame other , She pick up fight very easily with any one , She even fight a lot with our daughter . Even daughter some time suggest to go separate road than only she will understand , I try to go for concealing but no help , there also when used to discuss problem she hardly listen , even Councilor told her she must develop habit to listen others but nothing improve, I am not sure how to tackle this , She always sleep alone and if any disturbance she create ruckus , she want the things her own way if not than she can't tolerate . I am not sure but I need help here and problem after covid is more now , I try to manage these things previously but looks I don't have patience to handle this any more, I didn't like people blaming for no reason, it looks some time after doing so much for family I am nothing for my family and it is hurting me more. I will not say that I didn't fight , I do and mainly when I feel broken I shout on her and some time asked her to live the house , This may be as she always says she is looking for some one once she find she will leave the house , She always give threat and always say she didn't love me , She didn't find me attractive enough . She try to create environment where I should feel that I am not important person as well as social , I can write 10 more page around this but wanted to have some solution , not sure what could be best here . I wrote previously too but have not got any response yet.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I suggest that the two of you go and see a marriage therapist. This is not simply the job of a counselor; there is clearly a breakdown in the way your marriage is functioning...it needs both of you to build the marriage back again and the therapist will be able to see and review both sides and suggest/guide you two correctly.

10 or 20 pages are not going to help; what will help is that both of you sit down and think of why you are married and what you can do to rebuild it. Blaming her or yourself isn't anyway going to help...Rather than listing down each others' faults, try to work at this.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1734 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
HI mam, i am 55 year old married staying with wife & two daughters & i am earning a good salary, no loans nothing & we can live happily. My wife bit under educated ( 12 std) & she has some health issues also (arthritis from past one year) & getting treatment. We are living separately from my parents from the past 17 years. My wife does not like my mother ( 80 years with old age health issues) coming to my home since my wife commanded by my mother when we were staying with my parents 17 years back. Still she has that old days struggle in her mind & there is a clash between me & my wife whenever my mother comes to my home. So many times I told her to forget all old bad days memories live today's happy life which she never wants to forget. My father passed away 04 years back & my mother comes to my home whenever there is a function or due to health issue stays for hardly about 15-20 days in a year. How to resolve this issue & get back happiness in my family.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I wish it were easy to forget...and it's a matter of choice whether we want to keep the past behind us or bring it again and again in out present moment. If your wife does not choose to keep the past behind, it is going to be a huge nightmare for you and especially you constantly having to mediate between your mother and wife.
Yes, since your mother stays only for a few days with you in a year, it is fair of you to expect your wife to 'adjust'...But she is unwilling, so what do you do?
If you can afford to keep your mother in a separate room and have someone care for her just for those 20 days, it will keep your wife away and having to do anything with your mother. So, your mother's needs are taken care of AND your wife has nothing to do with her.
You cannot force anyone to like someone else and that's what is happening at your home. Your wife has her reasons and your mother would have had hers when she was playing the active role of a mother-in-law. Let bygones be bygones. You want your mother to be treated well for that short time in your home; then give her just that...But without expecting that your wife is going to agree to anything. Instead, do what you need to for your ageing mother but keep your wife off the responsibility...That should keep both sides satisfied...
Life is filled with curve balls; you just learn to navigate then better every time...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1734 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 18, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10848 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 17, 2025

Money
Dear Sir, What is the best % of SWP one can think of from Portfolio value. I am retired now and have say 1 Cr as MF and Share portfolio. I want to go for 40000 SWP per month thereby making 4.8% as SWP. If this is good to have this for 15 yrs
Ans: Your question shows great care for your financial future. Many retirees ignore this step. You have already taken a wise move. You want steady income. You want safety. You want long life for your money. These are very important points. I truly appreciate your clarity.

» Understanding your present plan
Your idea is simple. You have Rs 1 crore. You want Rs 40000 each month. This means Rs 4.8 lakh each year. That is 4.8 percent of your money. This is not very high. This is not very low. It sits in the middle range. Many retirees try for 7 or 8 percent. That can put pressure on the portfolio. Your 4.8 percent is more reasonable. It supports discipline. It keeps stress low.

Your idea is for 15 years. That is a good time frame. It gives space for your funds to grow. It gives time for market cycles. It also gives time for inflation adjustments.

» Why withdrawal rate matters
Your SWP rate decides how long your money will last. A high rate can drain funds soon. A very low rate may not support your monthly needs. Your 4.8 percent sits well. It balances life needs and portfolio health.

When you draw money from a mixed portfolio, the growth side helps refill your withdrawn money. The stability side helps reduce fall during bad years. This mix helps the SWP stay steady.

» Why a proper structure is important
A SWP is not only a monthly withdrawal. It is a full system. The system needs planning. It needs regular reviews. It needs a clear asset split. It needs a cushion for weak market years.

If you set this structure well now, your SWP can stay safe. Your money can stretch for many years. You can keep peace of mind.

» The importance of a balanced mix
Your portfolio may hold equity funds, hybrid funds, and debt funds. A clear mix reduces risk. It gives smooth cash flow. Equity gives growth. Debt gives steady flow. Hybrid gives balance.

Because you want monthly income for 15 years, you need a balance that supports steady SWP. A pure equity plan can shake too much. A pure debt plan may not grow at a good pace. A balanced mix is ideal.

» Equity funds need careful use
Some investors put large money in equity for SWP. This can work in strong markets. This can fail in weak markets. Your SWP must survive both market moods. That is why pure equity for SWP is not safe.

Also, you should prefer actively managed funds over index funds for long SWP. Index funds follow the index blindly. They do not manage risk actively. They cannot adjust to market cycles. Actively managed funds have a professional fund manager. A skilled manager helps in limiting risk in low years. This helps protect principal in SWP years. This support is not present in index funds.

» Debt funds form the stabiliser
Debt funds bring peace to the portfolio. They help during bad market years. They help the SWP stay steady. Because debt funds follow market rates, they work as the anchor. For SWP, this anchor is very helpful.

If you use direct debt funds, you must remember that direct funds need more tracking. They need active reviews by you. Many retired investors find this hard. Regular plans taken through a qualified Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP skill provide guidance. Regular plans also give handholding. This handholding helps avoid wrong exits.

» How to view your Rs 40000 monthly need
You may need some money for basic needs. You may need some money for health care. You may need some money for family support. You may need some money for personal comfort. Rs 40000 per month seems a balanced number.

It does not put too much pressure on the money. It is not a very heavy load. It fits well with a Rs 1 crore fund.

» Inflation needs attention
Inflation will rise. Costs will rise. Your need will rise. Your SWP should rise slowly over time. You cannot fix your SWP for 15 years at one number. That may reduce your buying power.

A small rise every two or three years will help you beat inflation. This rise must be slow. It must match your portfolio growth.

» Risk of sharp market falls
Sharp falls can disturb SWP. A sudden big drop in equity value can pull down your portfolio. This may cause you to withdraw when market is low. That is not good. To fix this, you need enough stability in your mix.

A proper allocation in debt funds and hybrid funds can reduce this issue. You will get smoother cash flow. You will not have to worry about market news every day.

» Role of emergency money
Please keep an emergency amount. Keep this aside. Do not include it in your SWP plan. You may need money for urgent health needs. You may need money for home needs. Emergency funds help you avoid sudden selling.

A good emergency fund gives peace. It protects your SWP from sudden shocks.

» Tax rules for withdrawals
Every SWP withdrawal may include some gains. Tax will apply based on the type of fund and the gain period. This tax can have impact on net flow. You must plan for this in your withdrawal design.

Equity fund rules:

Gains under one year are short-term. These are taxed at 20 percent.

Gains above one year are long-term. Long-term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5 percent.

Debt fund rules:

Both short-term and long-term gains are taxed as per your tax slab.

This tax part should not scare you. A proper plan can reduce the tax burden. A planned SWP can help you manage gains carefully.

» Why a Certified Financial Planner helps
You may handle small things by yourself. But retirement planning is delicate. One wrong move can disturb the whole plan. A Certified Financial Planner gives a clear road map. He helps you set the best mix. He reviews the plan every year. He adjusts the plan for market and life events.

This guidance is very useful in SWP because SWP needs discipline.

» Why not consider real estate
Some retirees think of using real estate for income. But real estate needs heavy work. It needs tenant work. It needs repair work. It needs legal care. It gives lumpy income. It gives no steady flow. So it is not fit for SWP planning.

Your present goal is steady income. Real estate will not give this.

» Why not consider annuities
Annuities give fixed income. But they lock your money. They give low returns. They do not beat inflation well. They reduce flexibility. For these reasons, they are not ideal for your long-term income.

Your idea of SWP with balanced mix is better.

» Keeping your portfolio healthy for 15 years
To keep your portfolio safe for 15 years, you must follow some habits:

Review every year with a Certified Financial Planner.

Adjust asset mix if needed.

Increase SWP amount slowly.

Reduce SWP for one or two years if markets fall very deep.

Protect your money from emotional moves.

Keep a two-year buffer in a low-risk fund.

Keep your growth part running for long.

These habits help your money last for the full 15-year horizon.

» Regular review helps you adapt
Markets will change. Your health may change. Your needs may change. A yearly review will help align your plan. It will help spot issues early. It will help guide the next year’s SWP.

Without reviews, even good plans can fail.

» Why a two-year cushion helps
A cushion fund is a simple idea. Keep two years of SWP in a low-risk debt fund. This money helps you draw income even in bad market years. You will not need to sell equity in weak phases. This protects your overall money. This makes your SWP more stable.

This cushion fund is an extra shield. It supports your 15-year income plan.

» Role of diversification
Your SWP works best when your portfolio is spread well. A spread can include:

Actively managed equity funds.

Hybrid funds.

Debt funds.

This spread reduces risk. It gives smoothness. It supports long-term income.

Avoid using too many funds. Keep it simple. A small number of quality funds is better.

» How your 4.8 percent looks in practice
A 4.8 percent withdrawal rate is comfortable for a 15-year horizon. If you follow discipline, your money will not face heavy pressure. If your portfolio grows at a steady pace, your principal will not erode fast. Even if growth shifts between years, the mixed structure will protect you.

Your plan is workable. It is sensible. It is future-friendly.

» Mistakes to avoid
Here are some mistakes you should avoid:

Do not chase high-return funds.

Do not raise SWP sharply in one year.

Do not keep too much money in equity.

Do not stop reviews.

Do not shift funds often without reason.

Do not look at direct plans if you prefer guidance.

These mistakes can disturb your portfolio health. Your SWP may suffer.

» Why not use direct funds if you need support
Direct plans give lower cost. But they give no guidance. Retired investors often need guidance. They need reviews. They need discipline. A regular plan through a qualified Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP skill gives support. It prevents panic reactions. This support is valuable in low market years.

» Healthy mindset for SWP
Try to see your SWP as a long journey. It needs calm mind. It needs steady steps. It needs slow corrections. It needs patience. If you stay steady, your SWP will stay healthy. You will enjoy peace.

» Practical steps you can start now
You may start with these steps:

Set clear needs for each year.

Fix a proper asset split.

Create a cushion fund for two years.

Start SWP from a low-risk fund or hybrid fund.

Keep equity for growth.

Add small hikes in SWP every few years.

This system supports long-term income.

» How your plan supports a joyful retired life
Your plan helps you live with comfort. It gives predictable cash flow. It gives you freedom from worry. It gives you clarity. You can focus on health, family, and peace. You do not need to watch markets each day.

Your retirement life becomes balanced.

» Final Insights
Your idea of taking Rs 40000 per month from a Rs 1 crore portfolio at 4.8 percent is workable. It fits well for a 15-year horizon. It supports your income. It protects your money if you set a balanced mix. You must follow steady reviews. You must keep a small cushion. You must avoid risky moves.

With these practices, your SWP plan can stay healthy for many years. Your future can stay peaceful and steady. You have already taken the right first step. Your clarity gives your plan strong power.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |2567 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Nov 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 17, 2025Hindi
Career
Is it worthwhile being an mbbs only doctor in India or is pg necessary as somebody who cannot toil 24-36 hours (as is the case with hospital duties) and is not well adequate for working under somebody and then do you still have to study after mbbs to level up or will you be contented with just mbbs. Pls don't answer objectively i really need to see the real picture
Ans: Hi Dr.
Recently, I've seen many different comments on social media suggesting that finding a job after completing an MBBS is very difficult, with some graduates even working as delivery boys.

I believe MBBS is one of the few courses that allows for immediate entrepreneurship after graduation, while other fields often require additional support to start a business. Many medical shop owners are willing to provide a small space for consultations, which is not typically an option for graduates in other disciplines.

If you are financially constrained, it may be wise to stop after completing your MBBS degree for the time being. However, pursuing a postgraduate degree (PG) significantly increases your opportunities, including potential roles in the pharmaceutical industry. Without a PG, your options may be limited. It's akin to the difference between a normal grocery store and a supermarket: completing a PG can lead to positions in corporate medical hospitals.

Initially, you might consider working at a smaller practice or in the government sector before pursuing higher education. While having an MBBS degree allows you to offer consultations, having a PG provides you with more credibility and knowledge. Understand your strengths and weaknesses, and don’t worry about others—proceed based on your own abilities and circumstances.
BEST WISHES.

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Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |2567 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Nov 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2025Hindi
Career
I have passed 12th from Maharashtra state board in 2023 ( as regular candidate ) and also gave improvement exam in Feb 2024 but I am not satisfied with my result can I give 12th board exam again from Maharashtra board as a private candidate 17 no. Form ??? I am already 12th passed so Is it illegal to appear from 17 no. Form ?
Ans: Hi,
Hi, what are your future plans? Please share so I can suggest a solution for you.
best regards

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