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37 Yr Old Man Married with a Son Asks: How to Lead a Happy, Less Stressful Life?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I am 37 yr old married male with a 6yr old son. My wife and I have known each other since college and were in a relationship since then. We never had a stable relationship in college or after that as well but we continued seeing each other. Owing to circumstances, we decided to get married and even after that it has never been stable. She says I never have time for her and the relationship and now even for our kid. She blames me the entire time for being too involved with work and self care(playing sports, exercising etc). Needless to say, we dont have any intimacy as well.I have my own business which has been going through a rough patch since past 2 years which is causing even more stress which also spills over at home. The only reason why I started exercising was to get some sort of a getaway from work and home. Also, my wife, rather then being supportive, picks on the most negligible of issues to fight with me, insult me and threaten for divorce. The immense stress from both the sides is causing almost a mental breakdown for me. I did seek online therapy for a while for my self which somewhat did help. Also, my wife is strictly against couples therapy which I have suggested numerous times. What should I do to lead a happy less stressful life? am going through a very stressful phase which has started showing on my health, general being etc.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Relationships when started on a whim with just attraction and no real connection seldom cross over challenges in marriage.
And marriage is a lot of work...
Questions that you may want to ask yourself:
- Am I indulging in self-care to better myself or escape home and work challenges?
- Is my wife picking up quarrels with me to gain attention and love from me?
- Have my wife and I spent enough time building the marriage?
- Do my wife and I make time to be with ourselves?

I guess this might give you a good reality check and a way forward. If she is not in favor of couples therapy, then you are going have to lead this one on your own. It's easy to count what's not happened. But if you two choose to focus on what good has happened within the marriage, it might give the marriage a chance to become more empowering.
Yes, a marriage therapist could have led this one wonderfully for the two of you BUT what I can suggest is: Lead by example. If you start to focus on all her strengths and how wonderful she is as a mother, slowly she may break her thinking patterns and start to appreciate you as well...Spend a lot of quality time together. If you can spare time for your fitness etc, marriage needs a certain level of fitness to survive and grow. Spend time as family...go out on vacations...
Lead rather than Lose...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

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Relationship
I have been married for a little more than five years and I am living under tremendous stress and depression. We live in a joint family with my parents and an unmarried brother. I had told her all this before marriage. She loves me very much but her attitude towards my relatives has been a matter of concern right from the start. She does not want to keep a relationship with anybody apart from my immediate family. Slowly, she started having problems with my mother also; both have started having minor clashes at home. Many times, it is my mother’s mistake. The main problem is that she is very nagging and complains and gets irritated very frequently at the smallest instance. Frustrated, I planned on separating with her but the news came of her pregnancy and we were blessed with a baby girl. After the baby was born, my wife’s frustration and irritation has increased manifold because of her fear that my mother will give much more love to the baby then she can. So their clashes have increased. Now my wife has been putting a lot of pressure on me to look for a new house away from my parents, since she wants her own space. I already have a home loan on the existing home and a car loan. There is very less scope for me to purchase a new home and I don't want to leave my parents. She just doesn't understand my position and clashes happen between us. Looking at all this, I desperately want to separate from her but can't do so because of our daughter. I love her the most and can't live without her. So I just endure what is happening every day. This has resulted in me slipping into depression. It has affected my work in office as well. I am not performing well, I don't like to speak with any of my friends or relatives, I don't feel like doing anything. I’m living for the sake of my daughter, that's it. Even my parents are not in a position to understand me and my situation so I can't talk to them either. Can you help? Just don’t publish my name.
Ans:

Hi

It is unfortunate that you are in this situation.

Your wife is possibly not very inclined to be in a joint family set-up; the reasons maybe many. But isn’t it necessary for you as a husband and a father to look out for your family?

The misunderstandings caused between the two of you over the years because of being in a joint family set-up have never been addressed and much water has flowed under the bridge.

There is a slim chance that matters might get resolved if you get your mother and wife in the same room and iron it out, with you being a neutral person who does not take sides; this is the best option.

If this isn’t possible, kindly visit a family counsellor who can step in and show your family a way to live amicably or give you a perspective on how healthy it might be to live separately.

At the end of the day, you have responsibilities towards your wife and child too!

All the best and a Happy 2022.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |571 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2023

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Relationship
Hello Madam, thanks for your previous reply, as an update about the situation it has gone bitter today, where she has left me , taking away my daughter as well. This is after we had a fight on small little things where due to work related stress I tried to speak to her about me needing her help to understand the situation and also the situations about her past cheating episode keeps coming back affecting me. Thus leading to constant arguments. Today she has left home , leaving me totally unpreppared and feeling hopeless about the situation in life. I am going through a lot of work pressure stress and now this has really made a situation which is getting diffficult for me to deal with. No amount of contact with her is working, I just do not know how can I resolve this matter so that I can enjoy a happy life with my wife adn daughter again. she also threatens for divorce. I miss both of them dearly. I would really appreciate if you could advice on how to sort the matter out and get some sanity back into this relationship. I fail to communicate my thoughts and feelings clearly with my wife I believe. I try my best to speak her but she never gets it. Please assist in this. Thanks
Ans: I am so very sorry to know your situation which is very challenging It's important to approach the situation with sensitivity and patience.Take some time to reflect on how you communicate with your wife. Are there ways you can improve your communication style? Focus on expressing your feelings and needs without placing blame as this is very sensitive time.Communication is a two-way street. Make sure you actively listen to your wife's concerns and feelings. Understanding her perspective is crucial in finding common ground and working towards resolution. Given the mention of divorce threats, it may be wise to seek legal advice to understand your rights and options. However, keep in mind that legal proceedings can further strain relationships, so it's best approached with caution. Remember that resolving complex relationship issues takes time and effort from both parties involved. Professional assistance can be instrumental in navigating these challenges. If your wife remains unresponsive, it might be worthwhile to focus on your own well-being and personal growth while keeping the lines of communication open for potential reconciliation.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8176 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 02, 2025Hindi
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Money
Despite earning a decent salary,I often find myself living from one payday to the next, struggling to save. I don't have significant debts, yet my expenses seem to absorb my entire income. What practical steps can I take to break this cycle and start building financial stability?
Ans: Many people face the challenge of earning a decent salary yet struggling to save. If your expenses absorb your entire income, it’s time to take control of your finances with a structured approach. Here’s how you can break the cycle and start building financial stability.

1. Track and Analyse Your Expenses
Identify spending leaks by tracking all expenses for a month.

Use spending tracker apps or a simple notebook to record daily expenses.

Categorise expenses into essentials (rent, food, utilities) and non-essentials (shopping, entertainment, eating out).

Spot unnecessary expenditures and set limits on avoidable expenses.

2. Set a Realistic Budget
Follow the 50-30-20 rule:

50% for needs (housing, bills, groceries).

30% for wants (shopping, entertainment, travel).

20% for savings and investments.

If savings seem difficult, reverse budgeting may work better. Allocate savings first, then spend what remains.

Automate bill payments to avoid late fees and unnecessary penalties.

3. Build an Emergency Fund
Set aside at least 6 months’ worth of expenses in a liquid fund.

Use a separate savings account for emergency funds to avoid spending it impulsively.

Automate transfers to this fund to ensure consistency.

4. Prioritise Saving Over Spending
Start small with savings if your expenses are tight. Even Rs 1,000 per month creates a saving habit.

Use automatic deductions to ensure savings before spending.

Increase savings percentage whenever you get a salary hike or bonus.

5. Cut Down on Unnecessary Expenses
Identify subscriptions you don’t use (streaming services, gym memberships).

Reduce frequent dining out and start cooking at home.

Choose budget-friendly alternatives for entertainment, shopping, and travel.

Negotiate for lower bills on rent, internet, and insurance.

6. Start Investing Wisely
Keep money working for you through investments rather than letting it sit idle.

Consider mutual funds through SIPs to build wealth over time.

Avoid investment-cum-insurance policies. Instead, opt for a separate term insurance and investments.

Invest in a mix of debt and equity based on your risk appetite.

7. Avoid Lifestyle Inflation
Salary hikes should increase savings, not expenses.

Maintain your current lifestyle and direct additional income towards savings.

Differentiate between needs and wants before making big purchases.

8. Plan for Future Goals
Define short-term and long-term goals (buying a home, early retirement, travel).

Assign a dedicated investment for each goal.

Adjust spending habits to align with your bigger financial vision.

9. Monitor and Adjust Regularly
Review your budget every 3-6 months to adjust based on changes in income or expenses.

Keep track of financial progress and celebrate small wins to stay motivated.

If needed, seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) like us for a customised financial strategy.

Final Thoughts
Breaking the paycheck-to-paycheck cycle requires discipline and consistency. By tracking expenses, budgeting wisely, saving first, and investing smartly, you can achieve financial stability and long-term wealth creation. Taking small but steady steps will lead to financial freedom in the long run.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2248 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 02, 2025Hindi
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Money
I have been investing in shares for several years and have seen good returns, but with increasing market volatility, I'm considering diversifying into international stocks or alternative assets. What are the potential benefits and risks of each approach?
Ans: Diversifying into international stocks and alternative assets can be a strategic move, especially given your experience in financial analysis and investment planning. Here’s a breakdown of the benefits and risks of each approach:
International Stocks
Benefits are as follows:
- Diversification – Investing globally reduces dependence on domestic market conditions and spreads risk
- Access to High-Growth Markets – Some international markets, particularly emerging economies, may offer higher growth potential.
- Currency Appreciation – If the foreign currency strengthens against the INR, your returns could increase.
- Exposure to Leading Industries – Developed markets like the U.S. provide access to top tech, healthcare, and finance companies.

Risks involved in international markets are as follows:
- Currency Fluctuations – Exchange rate volatility can impact returns.
- Political & Economic Risks – Foreign regulations, trade policies, and economic instability can affect investments.
- Higher Transaction Costs – International investing often involves additional fees and taxes.
- Limited Information Access – Researching foreign companies may be more challenging compared to domestic firms.

Alternative Assets (Real Estate, Commodities, Private Equity, etc.)
Following are the benefits:
- Low Correlation with Stock Markets – Alternative assets often move independently of traditional markets, helping mitigate volatility.
- Inflation Hedge – Real assets like gold and real estate tend to retain value during inflationary periods.
- Potential for High Returns – Private equity and hedge funds can offer substantial gains if managed well.
- Portfolio Customization – Some alternative investments allow direct control, such as real estate or private businesses.

Risks involved are as follows:
- Illiquidity – Many alternative assets, such as private equity and real estate, are not easily sold.
- Complexity – These investments often require specialized knowledge and due diligence.
- Higher Fees – Alternative investments may have higher management costs and entry barriers.
- Market Uncertainty – Some assets, like cryptocurrencies, can be highly volatile.

Given your methodical approach to financial planning, you might find international ETFs a convenient way to gain global exposure while managing risk. Similarly, REITs or commodity funds could be a structured way to enter alternative assets without direct ownership complexities.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8176 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2025

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Money
I'm now 68 years old. Living with my wife. I have 2 daughters. Both are well settled. I don't have any liability. I'm a pension holder. I'm getting Rs 75,000/- pension pm. I have invested Rs1,50,00,000 in FD. 7lakhs in Mutual funds, 6,50,000 in equity. 12 Lakhs in Sovereign Gold Bond, I'm getting Rs 35,000/- House rent pm. I have 25 lakhs Cash in hand. I want to deposit the above amount. How can I diversified the above amount to deposit?
Ans: Your financial position is strong. You have a steady pension and rental income. Your investments are diversified across FDs, mutual funds, equity, and gold bonds. Let’s allocate your Rs. 25L wisely.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Keep Rs. 5L in a high-interest savings account.

Use a liquid mutual fund for another Rs. 3L for easy access.

This ensures quick access to funds in case of unexpected expenses.

Debt Investment for Stability
Invest Rs. 7L in a mix of short-term and medium-term debt mutual funds.

These offer better post-tax returns than FDs.

Choose high-quality funds with stable performance.

Equity Investment for Growth
Allocate Rs. 5L to large-cap mutual funds via SIP.

This ensures gradual market participation and reduces risk.

Avoid direct stocks for this amount, as mutual funds offer better risk management.

Gold Investment for Inflation Hedge
You already have Rs. 12L in Sovereign Gold Bonds.

No additional gold investment is needed.

Regular Income Investment
Invest Rs. 5L in SWP-based mutual funds for periodic withdrawals.

This provides additional income while keeping capital appreciation intact.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio is well-structured. This allocation balances liquidity, stability, and growth. Your pension and rental income provide financial security. Diversifying your Rs. 25L ensures better returns while maintaining risk control.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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