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37 Yr Old Man Married with a Son Asks: How to Lead a Happy, Less Stressful Life?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1431 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I am 37 yr old married male with a 6yr old son. My wife and I have known each other since college and were in a relationship since then. We never had a stable relationship in college or after that as well but we continued seeing each other. Owing to circumstances, we decided to get married and even after that it has never been stable. She says I never have time for her and the relationship and now even for our kid. She blames me the entire time for being too involved with work and self care(playing sports, exercising etc). Needless to say, we dont have any intimacy as well.I have my own business which has been going through a rough patch since past 2 years which is causing even more stress which also spills over at home. The only reason why I started exercising was to get some sort of a getaway from work and home. Also, my wife, rather then being supportive, picks on the most negligible of issues to fight with me, insult me and threaten for divorce. The immense stress from both the sides is causing almost a mental breakdown for me. I did seek online therapy for a while for my self which somewhat did help. Also, my wife is strictly against couples therapy which I have suggested numerous times. What should I do to lead a happy less stressful life? am going through a very stressful phase which has started showing on my health, general being etc.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Relationships when started on a whim with just attraction and no real connection seldom cross over challenges in marriage.
And marriage is a lot of work...
Questions that you may want to ask yourself:
- Am I indulging in self-care to better myself or escape home and work challenges?
- Is my wife picking up quarrels with me to gain attention and love from me?
- Have my wife and I spent enough time building the marriage?
- Do my wife and I make time to be with ourselves?

I guess this might give you a good reality check and a way forward. If she is not in favor of couples therapy, then you are going have to lead this one on your own. It's easy to count what's not happened. But if you two choose to focus on what good has happened within the marriage, it might give the marriage a chance to become more empowering.
Yes, a marriage therapist could have led this one wonderfully for the two of you BUT what I can suggest is: Lead by example. If you start to focus on all her strengths and how wonderful she is as a mother, slowly she may break her thinking patterns and start to appreciate you as well...Spend a lot of quality time together. If you can spare time for your fitness etc, marriage needs a certain level of fitness to survive and grow. Spend time as family...go out on vacations...
Lead rather than Lose...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1431 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

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Relationship
I have been married for a little more than five years and I am living under tremendous stress and depression. We live in a joint family with my parents and an unmarried brother. I had told her all this before marriage. She loves me very much but her attitude towards my relatives has been a matter of concern right from the start. She does not want to keep a relationship with anybody apart from my immediate family. Slowly, she started having problems with my mother also; both have started having minor clashes at home. Many times, it is my mother’s mistake. The main problem is that she is very nagging and complains and gets irritated very frequently at the smallest instance. Frustrated, I planned on separating with her but the news came of her pregnancy and we were blessed with a baby girl. After the baby was born, my wife’s frustration and irritation has increased manifold because of her fear that my mother will give much more love to the baby then she can. So their clashes have increased. Now my wife has been putting a lot of pressure on me to look for a new house away from my parents, since she wants her own space. I already have a home loan on the existing home and a car loan. There is very less scope for me to purchase a new home and I don't want to leave my parents. She just doesn't understand my position and clashes happen between us. Looking at all this, I desperately want to separate from her but can't do so because of our daughter. I love her the most and can't live without her. So I just endure what is happening every day. This has resulted in me slipping into depression. It has affected my work in office as well. I am not performing well, I don't like to speak with any of my friends or relatives, I don't feel like doing anything. I’m living for the sake of my daughter, that's it. Even my parents are not in a position to understand me and my situation so I can't talk to them either. Can you help? Just don’t publish my name.
Ans:

Hi

It is unfortunate that you are in this situation.

Your wife is possibly not very inclined to be in a joint family set-up; the reasons maybe many. But isn’t it necessary for you as a husband and a father to look out for your family?

The misunderstandings caused between the two of you over the years because of being in a joint family set-up have never been addressed and much water has flowed under the bridge.

There is a slim chance that matters might get resolved if you get your mother and wife in the same room and iron it out, with you being a neutral person who does not take sides; this is the best option.

If this isn’t possible, kindly visit a family counsellor who can step in and show your family a way to live amicably or give you a perspective on how healthy it might be to live separately.

At the end of the day, you have responsibilities towards your wife and child too!

All the best and a Happy 2022.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |474 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2023

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Relationship
Hello Madam, thanks for your previous reply, as an update about the situation it has gone bitter today, where she has left me , taking away my daughter as well. This is after we had a fight on small little things where due to work related stress I tried to speak to her about me needing her help to understand the situation and also the situations about her past cheating episode keeps coming back affecting me. Thus leading to constant arguments. Today she has left home , leaving me totally unpreppared and feeling hopeless about the situation in life. I am going through a lot of work pressure stress and now this has really made a situation which is getting diffficult for me to deal with. No amount of contact with her is working, I just do not know how can I resolve this matter so that I can enjoy a happy life with my wife adn daughter again. she also threatens for divorce. I miss both of them dearly. I would really appreciate if you could advice on how to sort the matter out and get some sanity back into this relationship. I fail to communicate my thoughts and feelings clearly with my wife I believe. I try my best to speak her but she never gets it. Please assist in this. Thanks
Ans: I am so very sorry to know your situation which is very challenging It's important to approach the situation with sensitivity and patience.Take some time to reflect on how you communicate with your wife. Are there ways you can improve your communication style? Focus on expressing your feelings and needs without placing blame as this is very sensitive time.Communication is a two-way street. Make sure you actively listen to your wife's concerns and feelings. Understanding her perspective is crucial in finding common ground and working towards resolution. Given the mention of divorce threats, it may be wise to seek legal advice to understand your rights and options. However, keep in mind that legal proceedings can further strain relationships, so it's best approached with caution. Remember that resolving complex relationship issues takes time and effort from both parties involved. Professional assistance can be instrumental in navigating these challenges. If your wife remains unresponsive, it might be worthwhile to focus on your own well-being and personal growth while keeping the lines of communication open for potential reconciliation.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1431 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 06, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Why do hotels in India disallow unmarried couples? A few months ago, I was travelling with my girlfriend (who was my colleague then, we weren't dating then) on a work trip and suddenly, we received a knock on the door at night asking us to vacate the room in Delhi. It was 2 am and we were sleeping on different beds. There was a partition in the room, yet we were asked to pack and leave because some guest had complained. In the middle of the night no one was willing to offer us a room. It was an odd hour so at 4.30 am, I finally told the manager to let my GF hire a room as we had nowhere to go. I waited in the reception area. Isn't it unsafe to take the booking and then ask us to vacate later? Why is India so rude to unmarried couples? A boy and a girl could also be friends sharing a room to save money!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Each hotel use discretion to allow or disallow an unmarried couple from staying in their premises. There could be various reasons which may include activities which are outside of the law. Now, to what has happened to you is very inconsiderate. My question to you is: while booking, did you look at the hotel policies? If it says: unmarried couples allowed, then whatever has happened can be challenged and you can possibly demand a refund for unfair treatment. If it disallows unmarried couples and they have accommodated you, even then they are in the wrong for going against their own policies and then inconveniencing you.
So, clarity on this will give you an idea as to what exactly happened.
I don't know if India is being rude to unmarried couples as each person will view it through their lens and come to a conclusion as to whether it's right or wrong. Always check the hotel policies before booking.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1133 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Jan 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
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Career
This is my first time appearing for GATE, and I’m already feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the preparation. Now that the admit card release is approaching, I’m worried about missing any important details. Could you please explain the step-by-step process to download the admit card and what documents I should carry on the exam day?
Ans: Hello dear.
What is a surprise that you are appearing in the GATE examination 1st time? Everybody goes through this situation. You are on the turn of completing your B.E./B.Tech. and at this point, the anxiety developed not showing good symptoms. Be cool and relax. Since 3-4 years you are well acquainted with the engineering examination pattern. The difference between regular and GATE is that, for GATE, you have to prepare F.E. to B.E. syllabus and that is the only issue. A candidate who remained sincere from 1st year will not have any type of anxiety with GATE. Try to cover the syllabus in depth as early as possible. Now, related to your admit card, visit the GATE website where you will receive an announcement via SMS/email to download the admit card. Follow the steps mentioned in the email and download it. On the respective website, everything is mentioned clearly about the documents to be carried on the examination day. Keep a close eye on the GATE examination. Best of luck for your upcoming examinations in the future.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
Money
Dear Mr Ramalingam, Good Afternoon. I am 55years old. I had purchased two SBI life policies(Plan Name: SBIL- Smart Privilege Series III- RP and LP) one for self and one for my wife with annually paid premiums of ?1200000/- and ?600000/- respectively in Feb 2023 for Policy Term of 10 years. I have two questions: 1. Is paying annual premium financially beneficial as compared to paying half yearly or quarterly? 2. Should I continue paying the premium after the first compulsory premiums of 5 years or invest the amount in Equity Mutual funds for better appreciation of money? Thank you, Warm Regards.
Ans: Investing Rs. 12,00,000 annually for yourself and Rs. 6,00,000 for your wife in SBI Life Smart Privilege plans requires a thorough evaluation. Your queries about premium payment frequency and policy continuation beyond five years are critical for maximising returns and aligning with your financial goals.

Let’s analyse these aspects comprehensively.

1. Premium Payment Frequency: Annual vs Half-Yearly or Quarterly
Cost Efficiency of Annual Premiums

Annual premiums often cost less than half-yearly or quarterly options. Insurers offer discounts for lump-sum annual payments.

Paying in smaller instalments results in additional administrative charges. This increases the total cost of the policy.

Annual payments ensure immediate allocation of your funds. Half-yearly or quarterly payments delay this allocation, reducing the compounding benefit.

Opting for annual payments is financially efficient, provided cash flow permits it.

Impact on Cash Flow

Annual payments require larger cash reserves. Evaluate whether this impacts your liquidity needs.

If cash flow is constrained, half-yearly or quarterly options provide flexibility. However, they incur higher costs.

2. Continuation After 5 Years vs Investing in Equity Mutual Funds
Performance of ULIPs vs Equity Mutual Funds

SBI Life Smart Privilege is a ULIP (Unit-Linked Insurance Plan). ULIPs combine insurance with investments.

ULIPs have higher charges such as policy administration, premium allocation, and fund management fees. These charges reduce net returns.

Equity Mutual Funds often outperform ULIPs due to lower expense ratios. They focus solely on wealth creation, unlike ULIPs.

Lock-In Period Considerations

ULIPs have a mandatory 5-year lock-in. Beyond this period, the decision to continue depends on fund performance and your financial goals.

Evaluate your ULIP’s fund performance against comparable equity mutual funds. If it underperforms, consider discontinuing premium payments.

Flexibility and Liquidity

Mutual funds offer better liquidity and flexibility. You can withdraw or switch funds based on market conditions.

ULIPs restrict fund switches to options within the policy. Mutual funds provide a wider range of choices.

Advantages of Shifting to Equity Mutual Funds
Higher Returns: Actively managed equity funds generally deliver higher long-term returns than ULIPs.

Lower Charges: Mutual funds have lower expense ratios, maximising your investment growth.

Tax Efficiency: Equity mutual funds have tax benefits, but gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. ULIPs have tax-free withdrawals under certain conditions, but the overall returns may still lag.

Goal Alignment: Mutual funds are better suited for long-term wealth creation and goal-specific planning.

Why Not Index Funds?

Index funds lack active management. They simply replicate market indices without adapting to market conditions.

Actively managed funds, on the other hand, strive to outperform the market. They offer better returns when managed by experienced professionals.

Index funds cannot shield against downside risks during market corrections. Actively managed funds provide better resilience in volatile markets.

Evaluating Policy Continuation After 5 Years
Key Questions to Assess

Is the ULIP’s fund performance aligned with your expectations?

Are the charges within the ULIP justified by the returns it offers?

Would reallocating the premium to mutual funds provide better results for your goals?

Strategic Approach

If ULIP performance is consistently below par, you can stop further premiums after five years.

Shift future premiums to mutual funds. Choose funds based on your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Retain the accumulated corpus in the ULIP until maturity to avoid surrender penalties.

Steps to Optimise Your Investments
Review Fund Performance: Regularly assess the returns generated by your ULIP. Compare them with benchmark indices and mutual funds.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner: A CFP can guide you in selecting suitable mutual funds for reallocation.

Diversify Investments: Spread your investments across equity, balanced, and debt funds for optimal risk management.

Leverage Tax Benefits: Plan withdrawals strategically to minimise tax liabilities under the new mutual fund taxation rules.

Taxation Insights
ULIPs offer tax-free maturity proceeds under Section 10(10D) if annual premiums do not exceed Rs. 2,50,000.

Mutual funds are subject to the following tax rules:

Equity mutual funds: Gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
Short-term gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.
Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.
Consider these rules when deciding between ULIPs and mutual funds.

Key Takeaways
Annual premium payments are cost-effective if cash flow permits.

Continuing ULIPs beyond five years depends on their performance and alignment with your goals.

Equity mutual funds are a better option for wealth creation due to higher returns and lower charges.

Diversify investments and consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalised advice.

Final Insights
Your decision to invest in ULIPs was a thoughtful one, considering their insurance benefits. However, for long-term wealth creation, mutual funds could offer better appreciation. Evaluating the performance of your ULIPs after five years is crucial. If they underperform, consider reallocating your premiums to equity mutual funds for enhanced returns.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
Money
Sir I am planning to invest Rs.2000/= per month in SIP and the duration will be 10 years. What will be the return on the due date
Ans: Investing Rs. 2000 per month in a SIP for 10 years is a wise decision. Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) provide disciplined and goal-oriented investing. Let’s assess your plan, its potential returns, and the key aspects of such investments.

Benefits of a 10-Year SIP
Power of Compounding
SIPs leverage compounding, helping your money grow faster over time. Starting early allows compounding to work better for you.

Market Volatility Management
SIPs mitigate risks of market volatility. They encourage purchasing more units when prices are low.

Affordable and Flexible
Starting with Rs. 2000 ensures affordability and consistency. Flexibility to increase contributions is an added benefit.

Wealth Accumulation Potential
A 10-year SIP can generate substantial wealth. Equity-based funds generally outperform other investments over the long term.

Expected Returns from Your SIP
Equity mutual funds typically yield 10-12% annual returns over the long term. With Rs. 2000 monthly, you could accumulate Rs. 4-5 lakh in 10 years.

Debt funds yield lower returns, around 6-8%. These funds are safer but less suitable for long-term goals.

Balanced funds blend equity and debt. They balance risk and return, yielding 8-10% annually.

Your choice of fund type affects your returns. Selecting the right fund category is crucial.

Factors Influencing Returns
Fund Selection
Actively managed funds often outperform index funds. Professional fund managers optimise portfolios for better performance.

Market Conditions
Equity market performance directly impacts returns. Long-term investments reduce the risk of short-term volatility.

Tax Implications
Equity fund gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh attract 12.5% tax. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%. Understanding taxation helps in planning redemptions.

Expense Ratios
Funds charge fees for managing investments. Actively managed funds have slightly higher costs than index funds. Regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensure professional advice for these costs.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds lack flexibility. They mimic indices and cannot capitalise on market opportunities.

They do not protect against downside risk during market crashes. Actively managed funds can adjust to such scenarios.

Active funds offer higher returns when managed well. Professional management adds value to your investment.

Why Regular Funds with CFP Guidance?
Direct funds save costs but lack personalised advice. A Certified Financial Planner offers tailored strategies for your goals.

Regular funds through an MFD with CFP credentials ensure professional monitoring. They also simplify documentation and compliance.

How to Proceed
Set Clear Goals
Define your financial goal for this SIP. Is it for wealth creation, education, or retirement?

Assess Risk Appetite
Choose funds aligning with your comfort level. Equity funds are ideal for higher returns but come with risks.

Review Performance
Select funds with consistent track records over five to ten years.

Diversify Investments
Consider investing in different categories for balanced risk and returns.

Review Periodically
Assess performance annually. Switch funds if they consistently underperform.

Insights on SIP Taxation
Gains on equity mutual funds held for over a year qualify as LTCG. Only gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your slab rate.

Consider these rules while planning withdrawals. Tax-efficient withdrawals maximise returns.

SIP Advantages Over Other Investments
SIPs outperform fixed deposits and traditional insurance plans. They offer better liquidity and inflation-beating returns.

Real estate requires significant upfront capital and involves illiquidity. SIPs are more flexible and accessible.

Gold investments lack the potential for high returns compared to equity funds.

Common Mistakes to Avoid
Delaying Investments
Starting early maximises compounding benefits.

Stopping SIPs During Market Lows
Continue investments even during market downturns. They offer opportunities to buy units at lower prices.

Ignoring Goal Alignment
Match your SIPs with specific financial goals.

Final Insights
Investing Rs. 2000 per month for 10 years through SIPs is a smart choice. It can help you achieve long-term goals and build wealth steadily.

Focus on selecting funds aligned with your objectives. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio for optimal performance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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