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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
N Question by N on Nov 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Madam, thanks for your previous reply, as an update about the situation it has gone bitter today, where she has left me , taking away my daughter as well. This is after we had a fight on small little things where due to work related stress I tried to speak to her about me needing her help to understand the situation and also the situations about her past cheating episode keeps coming back affecting me. Thus leading to constant arguments. Today she has left home , leaving me totally unpreppared and feeling hopeless about the situation in life. I am going through a lot of work pressure stress and now this has really made a situation which is getting diffficult for me to deal with. No amount of contact with her is working, I just do not know how can I resolve this matter so that I can enjoy a happy life with my wife adn daughter again. she also threatens for divorce. I miss both of them dearly. I would really appreciate if you could advice on how to sort the matter out and get some sanity back into this relationship. I fail to communicate my thoughts and feelings clearly with my wife I believe. I try my best to speak her but she never gets it. Please assist in this. Thanks

Ans: I am so very sorry to know your situation which is very challenging It's important to approach the situation with sensitivity and patience.Take some time to reflect on how you communicate with your wife. Are there ways you can improve your communication style? Focus on expressing your feelings and needs without placing blame as this is very sensitive time.Communication is a two-way street. Make sure you actively listen to your wife's concerns and feelings. Understanding her perspective is crucial in finding common ground and working towards resolution. Given the mention of divorce threats, it may be wise to seek legal advice to understand your rights and options. However, keep in mind that legal proceedings can further strain relationships, so it's best approached with caution. Remember that resolving complex relationship issues takes time and effort from both parties involved. Professional assistance can be instrumental in navigating these challenges. If your wife remains unresponsive, it might be worthwhile to focus on your own well-being and personal growth while keeping the lines of communication open for potential reconciliation.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, Firstly thank for your time, Well I am looking for some guidance regarding my married life, I am 40 yrs old man, married for 9 yrs, with a 7 year old daughter, ours was a love marriage with some ups and downs initially, but with time both of our families became supportive of us and the relationship continued. But 3 years back I caught my wife red handed having an affair with someone who worked for me. This broke me totally, made me feel embarrassed and since then it has been really difficult for me, but what broke me even further was my wife blames me for she taking such decisions in her life, she also shared rumors about me among our common friends, in society where we live behind my back ( I discovered this when I discovered her messages). She keeps blaming me or my family for even the smallest argument that we might have had in our relationship in the past and keeps maintaining the distance with me. Once the affair was discovered I was really upset and we had a huge fight over it, and it had some impact on our daughter ( who was almost 5 then), realizing that it would affect our daughter's life we mutually decided to give the relationship another try for the sake of our daughter and also our families came together to support this decision, now the problem is things aren't the same anymore, I always get a feeling of no regret from my wife and I feel embarrassed about what had happened, this has totally changed me as a person, once a man with lot of hope in life have become a person with no major aspirations in life. My daughter too is very much connected to my wife, this breaks me even more as a man/father. I tried to speak with my wife about this and her only point being I should hear what she feels and I do not understand her feelings etc... I do not understand how to deal with this, can you guide me? I want to become a better version , an example for my daughter again...I feel demotivated. Thanks again.
Ans: i am sorry to hear about the difficult situation that you are facing in your marriage. I would advise you to prioritize your own well-being and seek out support from a mental health professional to help you work through the complex emotions that you are experiencing.

It's understandable that the discovery of your wife's affair had a profound impact on you and your relationship. However, it's important to understand that your wife's decision to cheat was not your fault, and it is not appropriate for her to blame you for her actions. It's also concerning that she has shared rumors about you with others, as this can be a sign of deeper issues within the relationship.

In terms of moving forward, it may be helpful to have an honest and open conversation with your wife about your concerns and feelings. This can be a difficult conversation to have, but it's important to communicate your needs and expectations in the relationship. It may also be helpful to seek out couples therapy or marriage counseling to work through these issues and develop strategies for rebuilding trust and intimacy in the relationship.

It's important to remember that you deserve to be in a healthy and respectful relationship, and that it's never too late to work towards improving your current situation. You have the strength and resilience to overcome these challenges, and with the right support and resources, you can become a better version of yourself and a positive example for your daughter.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

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Relationship
Hi Dr. Ashish, Good Afternoon, Iam 45 years old. I got married in 2010. My wife has ego and doesnt get adjusted to me and my family. I occured the experience after 2012 when my wife was 2 month pregnant. I was going to job, there was no peace of mind at all. From 2013 february we are not staying together. Her life is running as per her mother advice. We are having a communication very rarely. I had heard from her mother in law like impotent, not capable of doing anything. There are de-grading words always used and treated with no respect whenever i visited my wife house. My wife has communicated me verbally on January 2023, that she doesn't want the relationship to continue. She blocked me on whatsapp dated 03rd February 2023. I have one daughter aged 9 years. I am calling every week to get in touch with my daughter. The wife family not responding to the phones and my wife also. Request your sincere advice for permanent solution. Thanks & Regards, Deepak Shetty
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your marriage and with your wife's family. It sounds like a challenging situation, but I'll try my best to offer some general advice.

Seek professional help: Considering the complexities of your situation, it might be helpful to seek professional guidance. Marriage counselors or therapists can provide a neutral space for both you and your wife to express your concerns and work towards finding a resolution.

Legal advice: If your attempts at communication and reconciliation have not been successful, it may be advisable to consult with a lawyer to understand your legal rights and options. They can guide you through the process and help you navigate any legal implications, especially regarding your relationship with your daughter.

Open communication: While it may be challenging, try to maintain open lines of communication with your wife. Clearly express your desire to work on the relationship and be involved in your daughter's life. Choose a calm and respectful approach when communicating, even if the response is not favorable.

Mediation: Consider involving a mediator to facilitate communication between you and your wife. A neutral third party can help create a constructive environment for dialogue and negotiation, increasing the chances of finding a mutually acceptable solution.

Patience and understanding: Dealing with relationship issues takes time and effort. It's important to remain patient, understanding, and willing to work towards a resolution. Focus on the best interests of your daughter and strive for an amicable co-parenting relationship, even if the marital relationship cannot be mended.

Focus on personal well-being: Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally during this challenging time. Seek support from friends, family, or support groups. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you maintain a positive outlook.

Remember that every situation is unique, and the advice provided here may not fully address your specific circumstances. It's crucial to consult professionals who can provide personalized guidance based on a deeper understanding of your situation.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1769 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 39 Year Old Male and My wife is 37 years old, we are married for 12 years. We have 2 kids (A Son Aged 9 Years) and a daughter aged (2 years). We had good and bad both times during 12 years of our marriage. However it was my anger on petty issues which lead to multiple quarrels over the period. Last month again we had fight and my wife left home without my or my family knowladge along with both our kids to my in-laws. During this 1 month of seperation i realized my mistakes and are ready to amend it, but my wife lacks trust now. We are not in touch since she has left as she has blocked my number and send me court notice of maintenance also (Ofcourse notice has lot of lies also). No i have understood my family's values and unable to bear such distance from both wife and kids. What my wife is thinking i dont know. Financially i have always kept her happy but due to my quarrels things have gone bad now. Please advice what should be way forward for me and what should i do to bring my family back. PLEASE GUIDE!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Ego trips have divided the two of you considerably.
Seek the help of an elder member of a family who will act like a go-between and a mediator. He/She must be neutral and unbiased as well.
This helps in having a smooth flow in a conversation between you and your wife where both of you can our in your woes and also be clear on whether either of you want the marriage to continue or not. Also, take into account the children and their welfare as they are very young and any decision taken will impact them in one or many ways.
If this mediation fails, kindly seek the help of a marriage therapist/counselor even this means sharing 'stuff' with a total stranger. Most often that stranger will be the person to facilitate a smooth reconciliation if the couple also wants the same.

All the best!

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |217 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir I am 37 years old male and married since 5 years and we had little girl of 4 years old. I need some advice for my relationship. We had problems in our relationship since the beginning of our engagement, as initially I was unaware of my wife's extra marital affairs when I come to know about it she told why she started to see other boy during engagement period also after our marriage as I wasn't upto her expectations, that was the time of 2019 . We had discussed about all each others expectations and solved the problem I tried to regain the confidence in our relationship but still somewhere we had fights every 5 to 6 months on different issues sometimes it's my parents sometimes it's me I dont give her time sometimes financially , in between she left my house and went to her father's home for 8 months after delivery of our baby girl, she told we are not made for each other I told her and explained all about consequences and convinced her to get her back. After that for again after 6 months we started fight with each other on different issues. But recently we fight and she lost control and slapped me and unfortunately in the vague of my anger I also slapped her and she again left me and went to her father house . It's been 1 month now we don't have contact each other because every time I only asked her for compromises and explain and convincing her to come back. This time I don't know what to do.thanks
Ans: Marriage counselling. Enlist at the earliest and see if you can fix matters, but you have to tackle one issue at a time. The infidelity, the inlaws, the lack of compatibility…there’s too many issues here.

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10931 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 02, 2026

Career
Hello sir I am currently in class 12th pcm stream and confused which college to chose as I want to pursue cse from a reputable college. I scored less in my jee mains january attempt so I am considering taking a drop too but since I mostly prepared for boards for my entire year I am looking forward to get a seat in SASTRA university in Thanjavur I am from Uttar Pradesh though can you guide me what should I do and what other college options based on class 12th marks will be best for me. I am from isc board.
Ans: Kartikeya, You are from UP. I'm curious to know—what draws you to SASTRA in Thanjavur, TN? Do you have specific reasons? Northern India offers excellent alternatives like LPU, Thapar, Galgotias, Amity, GLA, and Sharda, many accepting ISC marks too.

Apply to 6-7 more reputed colleges as backup options instead of relying only on Sastra & Government Institutions. Consider a drop only if you're confident of the 95+ percentile next year. All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11047 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 02, 2026

Money
I have borrow a 36.50 lakh loan against property from hdfc bank. is property inssurance mandatory for the mortgage loan on property?
Ans: You have taken a Loan Against Property of Rs 36.50 lakh. First, I appreciate that you are checking the legal and financial side carefully. That shows responsibility.

Now let us understand clearly.

» Is Property Insurance Mandatory for Loan Against Property?

– Legally, property insurance is not compulsory under Indian law.
– But practically, most banks including HDFC Bank insist on insuring the property.
– It is usually mentioned in the loan agreement as a condition.

So technically it is not a government rule. But contractually, the bank can make it compulsory.

Why? Because the property is the security for your loan.

» Why Bank Insists on Property Insurance

– The property is pledged to the bank.
– If there is fire, flood, earthquake or major damage, the value reduces.
– If the property is damaged badly, the bank’s security becomes weak.

Insurance protects both you and the bank.

So from risk management point of view, it is practical and sensible.

» Is It Mandatory to Buy Insurance From the Same Bank?

– No bank can force you to buy insurance only from their partner company.
– You are free to choose any general insurance company.
– You only need to assign the policy in favour of the bank.

If bank is forcing bundled insurance, you can politely request separate policy.

» What Type of Insurance Is Needed?

For mortgage loan, usually:

– Structure insurance (building insurance) is required.
– Contents insurance is optional but useful.

If it is an apartment:

– The society may already have a master policy.
– Still, individual unit insurance is better.

Do not confuse this with loan protection insurance (life cover). That is different.

» Should You Take It Even If Not Forced?

Yes, I strongly recommend taking it.

Why?

– Property is a large asset.
– One accident can destroy years of savings.
– Premium is very small compared to property value.

It is not an expense. It is protection.

» Check These Points Carefully

– Insured value should match reconstruction cost, not market value.
– Natural calamities must be covered.
– Policy should be renewed every year without fail.
– Bank clause (assignment clause) must be correctly mentioned.

Do not ignore renewal. If policy lapses, risk comes back to you.

» 360 Degree Protection View

Since you have a loan:

– Ensure you have adequate term insurance to cover outstanding loan.
– Ensure you have proper health insurance.
– Maintain emergency fund for EMI continuity.

If something happens to income, EMI must not suffer.

Property insurance protects asset.
Term insurance protects family.
Emergency fund protects EMI discipline.

All three together create safety.

» Finally

Property insurance may not be legally compulsory, but practically it is required and financially wise.

Do not see it as bank pressure. See it as risk control.

A small premium today can prevent a huge financial shock tomorrow.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11047 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 02, 2026

Money
Hello Sir, I am 43 year old, having investment in 1. Own House-No Loan 2. MF holding 14.0 Lac, 3. FD 44.0 Lac, 4. Pure Gold 40.0 Lac, 5. PPF 5.0 Lac, 6. EPF 27.5 Lac, 7. NPS 9.0 Lac 8. Bank Account 10.0 Lac 9. Monthly SIP 44000 Rs [Multicap, Two Mid Cap, Two Small Cap, Large and Mid Cap] 10. Term Plan 50.0 Lac My child is 16 years old, i need your advice for my child education, marriage as well as my retirement.
Ans: You have built a very strong foundation at 43. Own house without loan, good savings in FD, gold, EPF and mutual funds – this shows discipline and stability. Many people at your age struggle with liabilities. You are in a safe position. Now we must organise it properly for your child’s higher education, marriage and your retirement.

» Current Financial Position – Overall Assessment

– Own house without loan gives you emotional security.
– Total financial assets are well diversified across FD, gold, PF and mutual funds.
– Large allocation to FD and gold gives safety but lower long-term growth.
– Mutual fund exposure is moderate and SIP is healthy at Rs 44,000 per month.
– Term cover of Rs 50 lakh is on the lower side considering child age and future costs.

You are financially stable. Now the focus must shift to growth and protection.

» Child Higher Education – 2 to 4 Year Planning Window

Your child is already 16. That means higher education funding is very near.

– Education corpus should not depend on equity-heavy assets now.
– Avoid taking high risk in small and mid caps for this goal.
– Start segregating money required in next 2–3 years into safe instruments like short-term debt or high-quality fixed income.
– Do not disturb EPF and NPS for education unless absolutely necessary.

If needed, you can use part of FD and bank balance. Education goal is priority one.

Important: Avoid selling equity mutual funds in panic. If you sell equity funds:
– LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
– STCG is taxed at 20%.

Plan redemption carefully and gradually.

» Child Marriage – Long-Term Goal (8–12 Years)

Marriage is not urgent. So this can stay in growth assets.

– Continue SIP.
– You are currently investing across multicap, midcap, smallcap and large-midcap. That is fine for long term.
– But review allocation. Too much mid and small cap increases volatility.

Keep marriage goal in a separate mutual fund bucket. Track it independently.

» Retirement Planning – The Most Important Goal

You are 43. You have around 15–17 years for retirement.

Current retirement assets:
– EPF Rs 27.5 lakh
– NPS Rs 9 lakh
– PPF Rs 5 lakh
– Mutual Funds Rs 14 lakh

This is a decent start but not enough for long retirement life.

You must:

– Increase retirement-focused equity allocation gradually.
– Continue EPF contribution strongly.
– Continue NPS for tax and discipline, but do not depend fully on it.
– Increase SIP gradually every year, at least 5–10% step-up.

At your age, growth is still required. Too much FD and gold will reduce long-term wealth creation.

» Asset Allocation Correction

Current allocation shows heavy weight in:

– FD Rs 44 lakh
– Gold Rs 40 lakh

Gold and FD together form a very large portion. Gold does not give income. FD gives safety but post-tax returns are moderate.

Suggestion:

– Do not exit gold fully. Keep reasonable allocation.
– Slowly reduce excess FD over next few years and move towards diversified equity mutual funds for long-term goals.
– Keep emergency fund of 6–9 months in bank and FD. Beyond that, excess idle cash should work harder.

» Insurance Review

Term cover of Rs 50 lakh is low.

– Considering child age and inflation in education, you should review and increase total term cover.
– Aim for at least 10–12 times annual income protection.

Health insurance is not mentioned. If not adequate, increase family floater coverage.

» Risk Management & Behaviour Discipline

– Do not frequently change funds based on market noise.
– Review once a year.
– Keep goals separated mentally and financially.

Your SIP structure is good. Just rebalance and align with time horizon.

» Tax Awareness

– Equity mutual fund gains above Rs 1.25 lakh (long term) are taxed at 12.5%.
– Short term gains are taxed at 20%.
– Debt fund gains are taxed as per slab.

So plan withdrawals smartly. Do not redeem in one single financial year if avoidable.

» Action Plan – Next 12 Months

– Separate education corpus immediately.
– Increase term insurance.
– Gradually rebalance FD surplus into long-term mutual funds.
– Step-up SIP yearly.
– Create clear written retirement number target.
– Review NPS asset allocation to ensure enough equity exposure.

» Finally

You are not late. You are actually ahead in discipline and savings. Only re-alignment is required.

Education funding needs safety now.
Marriage needs growth.
Retirement needs structured and increasing equity exposure.

If you implement these corrections calmly, you can achieve all three goals without stress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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