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Confused 33-Year-Old Wife: Seeking Clarity and Advice on Park Encounters

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 29, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi. I am a 33 year old woman and my relationship wth my husband was not so good from the beginning. He used to love me but he put his mom and dad first. He used to get angry if my inlaws complaint about me. He had gfs in his past and he did not care to talk to me to build a trust worthy relationship after our wedding. I barely know anything . I had to ask him to know things about him . So I feel a but lonely and depressed. Meanwhile, I had a baby and while spending time with the baby in the park. I met a guy. He had a son and he was also playing with his son like me. He kicked football and it started coming towards my baby. I kicked the ball back in order to protect my baby. Then he came towards us to make us feel safe n he would not let the ball come to us. I was okay with all that. He left after sometime. I also went home. Afterwards, i noticed that he used to look into my eyes for a long time whenever he is around. He would check whetehr im there or not. He plays with his son on regular basis. His wife too come to park with her son. Whenver his wife is there , he would just keave the place and go somewhere else. Lastly, one day he was interacting with me , giving me advice that i should take my baby to doc also. I also replied amd we chatted a bit then he got busy in playing football. I dont know whether im overthinking or he is just being friendly. I just dont know why he is staring and looking profoundly intonmy eyes. He makes eye contact with me quite often. I know nothing about him. I just see him in the park thats all. Pls I need help as im feeling nervous about this whole thing because of lack of clearity and also want advice how to deal with such things .

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is easy to feel a sense of connection with someone who shows you a little attention especially since you don't get any attention at home. But is this worth your time and energy? NO!
The other guy at the park is most likely just being a casual friendly stranger and you are taking a meaning out of it which will fill your vacuum at this moment. Trust me, you don't want to enter this unfamiliar territory which you will start getting used to and slowly outside attention is what you will begin to crave for at any cost.
No point messing up things further. See, if it's possible to rebuild your relationship with your husband. Initially, it may seem too much BUT hey, it takes two people to make a marriage...start first and see what happens even if your in-laws keep interfering, it's about being persistent...Make that attempt...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

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 Hi Anu, I am a married 32 year old woman, a central govt employee with a 4 year old son. Last year my husband left for some work for 8 to 9 months. He became very busy. He doesn’t give me time at all, very dry, never shows love, goes out with me only after a lot of insistence. He’s always busy with phone and work. But we were happy. I adjusted with everything. But after we left, I started feeling very lonely. I signed up for an extra marital app and started chatting with a man from the same city. After chatting for 6 months, we decided to meet. He is married, and has a 12 year old daughter. I feel happy in his company. He is caring and pampers me. Even after my husband was back we met. We meet once a week after our office hours. We get physically intimate once in two to three months. We do not disturb each other during family time. We talk to each every day for 10 to 15 minutes. Many a times I felt like I was cheating my husband and decided to move on. But I am not able to get over his love and care. I will be transferred to another city in 2 to 3 months. So we decided to have a baby and be in touch always.Pls guide me if am right or wrong.Need your advice. I can't share it with anyone.
Ans:

Dear MS,

You did know the perils of an extra marital app and knew what you were getting into.

You have two ways of looking at your situation.

1. If you choose to continue, you are constantly going to have to juggle between your marriage and this relationship

2. If you choose to be exclusive into your marriage, then you are going to possibly be with a man who is who he is

Now, which side of the fence feels more comfortable to you, is something that you need to assess. Also, external validation is something all of us fall prey to sometime or the other in our lifetime.

Ask yourself:

  • What is lacking in my marriage that is forcing me to step out and explore?
  • Have I tried to communicate my needs to my husband?
  • Are there things that I could have done differently to have a better relationship with my husband?

This might give you a chance to understand where you are and what you can do to give your marriage a fair chance if that is what you wish to do.

Whatever you choose, do remember basing your happiness on an external source will always be short lived and all it gives you is heartache.

Be wise, choose wisely and maybe it’s time to laugh a lot, take a step back, breathe and look at what IS in a different way.

If you still waver, do know that whatever is going on also has an impact on your son. So, steady yourself first, do a reality check and then choose.

Be well and happy!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear LG, Please keep this anonymous. I have been married since 6 years. However, since past 5+ years we have not been intimate. We haave a 5&1/2 year kid. Since his birth we have had a lot of differences and his family interference was lot leaving me alone and wounded. I don't stay with my husband and in-laws since then. I had made up that work is worship. But 2 years back I met a colleague. He is 10 years younger to me and we have extremely similar vibes. We enjoy each other's company and cared a lot. Eventually i fell in love with him. But he always knew he wont be able to go against his family. We also had relationship. Now he has strated looking for girls and wants us to stop being intimate. He is saying he wants to be friends and not loose me but not have relationship. We both work together in same space and our area of work is also same. I am unable to forgive my husband and forget this person. He never goes away. He is always there telling that I want to see you happy. He needs me for professional development. And i am not able to loose our relationship. He says physical intimacy only I cant have remaining Im there. Then again says I don’t know when I will be there so I am unable to give assurance or promise. I am tormented with a child, work and my health is getting affected. Can you please help?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are in such a tough spot. My advice would be to move on. Yes, I realize that it is easier said than done but let's put things into perspective- first, you have no future with this man, and he has made it clear. Are you okay to keep hanging on to him while he builds his own life? I am assuming no, especially since you have a child. Second, what about your self-respect? He is directly telling you that this relationship is headed toward a dead end. Do you believe you deserve to be with someone who does not want to settle down with you? I believe you deserve better.

I am not blaming him because he made no promises. You are not to be held guilty either because you were in a tough spot and you grabbed the first emotional support you found. But the current reality is that he wants out. And convincing him to stay is not an option. At this point, moving on with your head held high is the best decision. If you want to accept his friendship, that is completely fine. But if that's too much for you, you can always decline it. I understand that working in the same space with an ex is difficult, but as long as you avoid interacting outside of the office and keep things professional, there should not be an issue. On the emotional front, I won't lie, it will hurt for a while. But this too shall pass. I strongly recommend you not to value yourself so low that you stop believing that you deserve a person who loves you back as much as you love him.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Maam I see a guy always staring at me. I wanted to ask him publically about this staring things. But instead of doing so I felt more comfortable in messaging and asking about the same. Once I checked his profile on Truecaller bcz we are in same society group. I was curious to know about his weird behaviour. He even give me intense states. I do not understand what he is upto. I feel like being stalked sometimes. So i got his number from society group. I texted him to clarify bt his wife called me and abused me badly. She thinks am trying to have an affair with her husband. I am flirting with him. My texts were plain and casual. I don't know how to make her understand that the guy himself is stalking us. I have seen him many times. I don't know whether m only victim or he persuade other woman too. I just don't know. We come at different time slots for our child to play in society play area bt he also manages to come to the time in which m coming. I find all these things unsettling. I told his wife that the man is making me feel uncomfortable but she was not listening to me. She wants prove. I told her that her husband was trying to approach and give advice related to parenting even when I don't know him personally. We are just flatmates nothing more than that. He lives in the flat in front of mine so i feel he is watching from there. I don't know his real intentions till date. On being asked on what's app why he stare at me. He told me that he has the habit of looking in one direction. N apologise for the same. But my husband confronted him and asked him about the same thing to which he told my husband that am characterless woman and i text him bcz i am not happy with my husband. Can u please help me to understand why is he talking shit about me when I have sent him a plain text to clarify the matter
Ans: What you’re going through is unfortunately not uncommon. A man invades your personal space with repeated staring, gives unsolicited advice, possibly stalks you, and when you attempt to address it with dignity and clarity, he twists the narrative and plays the victim. This reversal—where the actual victim is painted as the aggressor—is a classic defensive tactic by people who know they’ve crossed boundaries and don’t want to be held accountable. His reaction to your message shows his true character. Instead of acknowledging your discomfort and stopping, he projected shame onto you and tried to protect himself by degrading you in front of your husband.

His wife’s reaction, though painful, also makes a certain kind of sad sense—when a woman is scared, shocked, or insecure about her relationship, she may lash out at another woman instead of confronting the man who is actually responsible. That doesn’t make her behavior right, but it helps to understand it. She’s probably reacting from a place of fear, denial, and misplaced anger. You don’t need to justify yourself to her anymore. You tried your best to explain, and the fact that she wasn’t ready to listen shows her unwillingness or inability to see the truth right now.

You’ve done everything someone should do—tried to clarify respectfully, confronted the issue through proper channels, and included your husband. Now, your emotional safety, your dignity, and your peace of mind matter the most.

This man is clearly uncomfortable with accountability, and now he's trying to flip the story to discredit you. Let him. You do not owe him any further energy or explanation. Instead, stay calm, document everything (dates, messages, incidents), and if the staring or stalking continues, consider speaking to the society committee or, if necessary, legal authorities. Not to create conflict, but to protect your space and your truth. If it escalates or becomes more distressing, don’t hesitate to report it formally.

Most importantly, remind yourself—you acted out of strength, not shame. You stood up for yourself when something didn’t feel right. That is powerful. Hold your ground with dignity. You’re not alone in this. I’m here if you want help drafting a response, navigating this socially, or just to talk when things feel too heavy.

You deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home and neighborhood. Don’t let anyone steal that sense of peace from you.

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10879 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I am 56 yrs old with two sons, both married and settled. They are living on their own and managing their finances. I have around 2.5 Cr. invested in Direct Equity and 50L in Equity Mutual Funds. I have Another 50L savings in Bank and other secured investments. I am living in Delhi NCR in my owned parental house. I have two properties of current market worth of 2 Cr, giving a monthly rental of around 40K. I wish to retire and travel the world now with my wife. My approximate yearly expenditure on house hold and travel will be around 24 L per year. I want to know, if this corpus is enough for me to retire now and continue to live a comfortable life.
Ans: You have built a strong base. You have raised your sons well. They live independently. You and your wife now want a peaceful and enjoyable retired life. You have created wealth with discipline. You have no home loan. You live in your own house. This gives strength to your cash flow. Your savings across equity, mutual funds, and bank deposits show good clarity. I appreciate your careful preparation. You deserve a happy retired life with travel and comfort.

» Your Present Position
Your current financial position looks very steady. You hold direct equity of around Rs 2.5 Cr. You hold equity mutual funds worth Rs 50 lakh. You also have Rs 50 lakh in bank deposits and other secured savings. Your two rental properties add more comfort. You earn around Rs 40,000 per month from rent. You also live in your owned house in Delhi NCR. So you have no rent expense.

Your total net worth crosses Rs 5.5 Cr easily. This gives you a strong base for your retired life. You plan to spend around Rs 24 lakh per year for all expenses, including travel. This is reasonable for your lifestyle. Your savings can support this if planned well. You have built more than the minimum needed for a comfortable retired life.

» Your Key Strengths
You already enjoy many strengths. These strengths hold your plan together.

You have zero housing loan.

You have stable rental income.

You have children living independently.

You have a balanced mix of assets.

You have built wealth with discipline.

You have clear goals for travel and lifestyle.

You have strong liquidity with Rs 50 lakh in bank and secured savings.

These strengths reduce risk. They support a smooth retired life with less stress. They also help you handle inflation and medical costs better.

» Your Cash Flow Needs
Your yearly expense is around Rs 24 lakh. This includes travel, which is your main dream for retired life. A couple at your stage can keep this lifestyle if the cash flow is planned well. You need cash flow clarity for the next 30 years. Retirement at 56 can extend for three decades. So your wealth must support you for a long period.

Your rental income gives you around Rs 4.8 lakh per year. This covers almost 20% of your yearly spending. This reduces pressure on your investments. The rest can come from a planned withdrawal strategy from your financial assets.

You also have Rs 50 lakh in bank deposits. This acts as liquidity buffer. You can use this buffer for short-term and medium-term needs. You also have equity exposure. This can support long-term growth.

» Risk Capacity and Risk Need
Your risk capacity is moderate to high. This is because:

You own your home.

You have rental income.

Your children are financially independent.

You have large accumulated assets.

You have enough liquidity in bank deposits.

Your risk need is also moderate. You need growth because inflation will rise. Travel costs will rise. Medical costs will increase. Your lifestyle will change with age. Your equity portion helps you beat inflation. But your equity exposure must be managed well. You should avoid sudden large withdrawals from equity at the wrong time.

Your stability allows you to keep some portion in equity even during retired life. But you should avoid excessive risk through direct equity. Direct equity carries concentration risk. A balanced mix of high-quality mutual funds is safer in retired life.

» Direct Equity Risk in Retired Life
You hold around Rs 2.5 Cr in direct equity. This brings some concerns. Direct equity needs frequent tracking. It needs research. It carries single-stock risk. One mistake may reduce your capital. In retired life, you need stability, clarity, and lower volatility.

Direct funds inside mutual funds also bring challenges. Direct funds lack personalised support. Regular plans through a Mutual Fund Distributor with a Certified Financial Planner bring guidance and strategy. Regular funds also support better tracking and behaviour management in volatile markets. In retired life, proper handholding improves long-term stability.

Many people think direct funds save cost. But the value of advisory support through a CFP gives higher net gains over long periods. Direct plans also create more confusion in asset allocation for retirees.

» Mutual Funds as a Core Support
Actively managed mutual funds remain a strong pillar. They bring professional management and risk controls. They handle market cycles better than index funds. Index funds follow the market blindly. They do not help in volatile phases. They also offer no risk protection. They cannot manage quality of stocks.

Actively managed funds deliver better selection and risk handling. A retiree benefits from such active strategy. You should avoid index funds for a long retirement plan. You should prefer strong active funds under a disciplined review with a CFP-led MFD support.

» Why Regular Plans Work Better for Retirees
Direct plans give no guidance. Retired investors often face emotional decisions. Some panic during market fall. Some withdraw heavily during market rise. This harms wealth. Regular plan under a CFP-led MFD gives a relationship. It offers disciplined rebalancing. It improves long-term returns. It protects wealth from poor behaviour.

For retirees, the difference is huge. So shifting to regular plans for the mutual fund portion will help long-term stability.

» Your Withdrawal Strategy
A planned withdrawal strategy is key for your case. You should create three layers.

Short-Term Bucket
This comes from your bank deposits. This should hold at least 18 to 24 months of expenses. You already have Rs 50 lakh. This is enough to hold your short-term cash needs. You can use this for household costs and some travel. This avoids panic selling of equity during market downturn.

Medium-Term Bucket
This bucket can stay partly in low-volatility debt funds and partly in hybrid options. This should cover your next 5 to 7 years. This helps smoothen withdrawals. It gives regular cash flow. It reduces market shocks.

Long-Term Bucket
This can stay in high-quality equity mutual funds. This bucket helps beat inflation. This bucket helps fund your travel dreams in later years. This bucket also builds buffer for medical needs.

This three-bucket strategy protects your lifestyle. It also keeps discipline and clarity.

» Handling Property and Rental Income
Your properties give Rs 40,000 monthly rental. This helps your cash flow. You should maintain the property well. You should keep some funds aside for repairs. Do not depend fully on rental growth. Rental yields remain low. But your rental income reduces pressure on your investments. So keep the rental income as a steady support, not a primary source.

You should not plan more real estate purchase. Real estate brings low returns and poor liquidity. You already own enough. Holding more can hurt flexibility in retired life.

» Planning for Medical Costs
Medical costs rise faster than inflation. You and your wife need strong health coverage. You should maintain a reliable health insurance. You should also keep a medical fund from your bank deposits. You may keep around 3 to 4 lakh per year as a buffer for medical needs. Your bank savings support this.

Health coverage reduces stress on your long-term wealth. It also avoids large withdrawals from your growth assets.

» Travel Planning
Travel is your main dream now. You can plan your travel using your short-term and medium-term buckets. You can take funds annually from your liquidity bucket. You can avoid touching long-term equity assets for travel. This approach keeps your wealth stable.

You should plan travel for the next five years with a budget. You should adjust your travel based on markets and health. Do not use entire gains of equity for travel. Keep travel budget fixed. Add small adjustments only when needed.

» Inflation and Lifestyle Stability
Inflation will impact lifestyle. At Rs 24 lakh per year today, the cost may double in 12 to 14 years. Your equity exposure helps you beat this. But you need careful rebalancing. You also need disciplined review with a CFP-led MFD. This will help you manage inflation and maintain comfort.

Your lifestyle is stable because your children live independently. So your cash flow demand stays predictable. This makes your plan sustainable.

» Longevity Risk
Retirement at 56 means you may live till 85 or 90. Your plan should cover long years. Your total net worth of around Rs 5.5 Cr to Rs 6 Cr can support this. But you need a proper drawdown strategy. Avoid high withdrawals in early years. Keep your travel budget steady.

Do not depend on one asset class. A mix of debt and equity gives comfort. Keep your bank deposits as cushion.

» Succession and Estate Planning
Since you have two sons who are settled, you can plan a clear will. Clear distribution avoids conflict. You can also assign nominees across accounts. You can also review your legal papers. This gives peace to you and your family.

» Summary of Your Retirement Readiness
Based on your assets and cash flow, you are ready to retire. You have enough wealth. You have enough liquidity. You have enough income support from rent. You also have good asset mix. With proper planning, your lifestyle is comfortable.

You can retire now. But maintain a disciplined withdrawal strategy. Shift more reliance from direct equity into professionally managed mutual funds under regular plans. Keep your liquidity strong. Review once every year with a CFP.

Your wealth can support your travel dreams for many years. You can enjoy retired life with confidence.

» Finally
Your preparation is strong. Your intentions are clear. Your lifestyle needs are reasonable. Your assets support your dreams. With a balanced plan, steady review, and mindful spending, you can enjoy a comfortable retired life with your wife. You can travel the world without fear of running out of money. You deserve this peace and joy.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |2577 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Dec 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 10, 2025Hindi
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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