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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 20, 2023

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 06, 2023Hindi
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i am a 31 year old male workaholic who is recently married. The thing is i don't like to have sex. I don't understand why. I try my best to arouse myself only to be let down by my thoughts. Due to this my wife thinks something is wrong with her & clearly nothing is. I do get tired coming home from since i have a job and a business. Sometimes to relieve my stress i masturbate daily which i hate, knowing that i am married now. Also, while i do have sex with my wife but not that frequently, i don't come. But when i masturbate, i do. What should i do to this problem???

Ans: You obviously need help. It’s not that you’re disinterested in sex, if you’re pleasuring yourself every day! No, something else is definitely the matter. Please visit a sex therapist to get to the root of your problem.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |882 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2022

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Relationship
Dear MamI am a 33 year old male working in a PSU at middle management level. Six years ago I was married happily as per my wish to a girl of my choice.Everything was just perfect. My wife is 4.5 years younger to me. I had to go against my parents wish as they were not comfortable with a non working wife. Mine was not a love story but yes I met girl through a common friend and went ahead for the alliance. Our sex life was also great in the start and we welcomed a baby girl just 2 months short of our first wedding anniversary. However now when I compare I do understand that because of household chores she could not give proper time to me, but still I feel a strong urge to have sex with her. She somehow does not reciprocate well and is dull in having sex. Apart from this we still fight over silly things and tolerance level of both of us have gone very down. Sometimes I feel to this extent that I should walk out from the marriage because I really don't want hot talks in our relationship. I agree I have a 5 year old baby girl. I do control my feelings and anger too to some extent. My wife also does the same but really small things trigger me on. Also I always have a huge sex drive and I feel that if I don't get it from my wife I should look out for other options. I have not cheated with her but I feel that given the option I can because of sex urge. May be this is due to higher libido and I do masturbate occasionally fantasizing my neighbour or other female friends and sometimes my wife too. I don't know what goes through me but seeing your column I felt I should tell you these small details so you could give me an honest answer. I don't want to leave her, I do love her a lot but these fights really make me lose my cool and feel depressed.What should be done according to you ? Should I see a psychiatrist?
Ans:

Dear AY,

I will ask you to introspect and ask yourself: When did things start going downhill?

What event led to this? Surely, things don’t happen all of sudden, so something or some thought must have led to this.

Also, it’s important to understand that managing home and a child is a full time job and it tires the woman a lot.

To be in a mood for sex, the woman needs to be relaxed and calm…if the work at home is tiring, try and hire a domestic helper or any extra help that will ease her.

That way she will have more time to care for herself and her needs as well. Offer to pitch in and this will also bring the two of you closer.

Your theory of your high libido which is not being matched by your wife may or may not be true as sometimes that solution is simpler than you think.

Sadly, we are used to complicating things and look at what’s obvious in front of us.

Sex outside of marriage seems to be an option that has crossed your mind, but I do understand from your letter that you care and love your wife a lot.

Let not a moment of weakness make you shake the foundation of a beautiful relationship that the two of you share.

Have an open chat with her. Express how you feel and speak of your sexual needs.

Most often, communication solves most marriage issues. If this doesn’t work, kindly seek professional help with a marriage therapist.

Ultimately, you know why the two of you are married and why you chose her to be your wife.

Bear that in mind and a lot of yours mind struggles will ease and you will be able to think more usefully and also move into a better marriage space.

Happy 2022 and here’s wishing you the best in life!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I'm 36 yr old married man and have sex with my wife 2-3 times a month. We both satisfy each other as each session last for 20-25 mins. Only problem is I feel like having sex every single day and my wife doesn't feel the same. What should I do?
Ans: It's common for couples to have different levels of sexual desire, and this difference can sometimes lead to feelings of frustration or dissatisfaction. Here are some steps you can consider to address this situation:

Open Communication: The first and most important step is to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your desires and feelings. Make sure you approach this discussion with empathy and without judgment.

Listen to Her Perspective: Ask your wife how she feels about the frequency of your sexual encounters. It's important to understand her perspective and any factors that may be contributing to her lower libido, such as stress, health issues, or changes in her life.

Explore the Reasons: Try to understand the reasons behind your different levels of desire. Sometimes, underlying issues like relationship problems, stress, or unresolved emotional issues can affect one's libido.

Seek Professional Help: If the difference in sexual desire is causing significant tension or dissatisfaction in your relationship, consider consulting a sex therapist or couples counselor. They can help you both explore your desires, identify any underlying issues, and work together to find a solution that works for both of you.

Compromise: In many cases, couples find a compromise that works for both partners. This might involve finding ways to enhance your emotional connection outside the bedroom, exploring different ways of being intimate that don't necessarily involve intercourse, or finding activities that both of you enjoy.

Self-Care: It's important for you to take care of your own needs and desires as well. Engage in self-care activities and hobbies that can help you manage your sexual frustration in a healthy way.

Respect Boundaries: It's crucial to respect your wife's boundaries and not pressure her into more frequent sexual activity than she's comfortable with. Consent and mutual desire are essential for a healthy sexual relationship.

Stay Patient and Understanding: Remember that sexual desire can fluctuate over time and may be influenced by various factors. Continue to communicate openly with your partner and be patient as you work through this issue together.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2770 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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Sir i am 27 yrs old unmarried .i have 35L in FD 10L in ppf 15L in mutual fund 20L in stocks 5L in SGB . I have an annually income of 30L i want to retire by 40 i have brought a term insurance and health insurer. Can help me plan how to invest further and achieve my goal .Karthik banglore
Ans: Hello Karthik,

Firstly, congratulations on being proactive about planning for your retirement at such a young age. Let's delve into crafting a strategic financial plan to help you achieve your goal of retiring by the age of 40, with a focus on mutual funds (MFs) as a key component of your investment strategy.

Current Financial Position
Your current financial standing reflects a commendable level of savings and investments, providing a solid foundation for your retirement aspirations. Let's review your existing assets:

FDs, PPF, and SGB: These traditional investment avenues offer stability and security, but they might not maximize long-term growth potential.

Mutual Funds and Stocks: Investing in equities and mutual funds demonstrates your willingness to explore avenues with higher growth potential, albeit with associated market risks.

Retirement Planning Strategy
Given your ambitious retirement goal, here's a tailored approach to further optimize your investments, focusing more on mutual funds:

Asset Allocation Review:

Evaluate your current asset allocation to ensure alignment with your retirement timeline and risk tolerance. Consider reallocating a portion of your conservative investments (FDs, PPF) towards equity mutual funds for higher growth potential over the long term.
Diversification with Mutual Funds:

Explore a diversified portfolio of mutual funds across different categories:
Large-Cap Funds: These funds invest in large, well-established companies with stable performance. They offer relatively lower risk compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: These funds focus on mid-sized and small-sized companies with higher growth potential but also higher volatility. Allocate a portion of your portfolio to these funds for capital appreciation.
Flexi Cap Funds: These funds provide flexibility to invest across market capitalizations based on prevailing market conditions. They offer a balanced approach between growth and stability.
ELSS Funds: Consider investing in Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) to avail tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act, while also benefiting from potential capital appreciation.
Regular Portfolio Monitoring:

Implement a disciplined approach to monitor and rebalance your MF portfolio periodically. Review fund performance, expense ratios, and fund manager track records to ensure they align with your investment objectives.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

Utilize SIPs to invest systematically in mutual funds, enabling rupee-cost averaging and mitigating the impact of market volatility over time. Allocate your monthly investment amount across various MF categories based on your risk profile and investment horizon.
Tax Planning:

Optimize your tax efficiency by leveraging tax-saving mutual fund options such as ELSS funds. Maximize contributions to tax-deferred accounts like ELSS to reduce your taxable income and enhance overall savings.
Conclusion
In conclusion, by adopting a proactive and strategic approach to your financial planning, with a focus on mutual funds, you're well-positioned to achieve your goal of retiring by the age of 40. Continuously assess and adjust your MF portfolio to align with evolving market conditions and personal financial objectives. Remember, early retirement requires diligent planning and disciplined execution, but with careful guidance and prudent decision-making, you're on the right track to realizing your retirement dreams.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2770 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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I am 35 yr old, currently I don't have any investment in Mutual Funds, need to expert help to invest 80k monthly to achive below goals: 1. 5 yr goal for 2 cr 2. 10 yr goal for 5 cr 3. Best mutual fund investment for child future ( Baby age 1yr) You suggest strongly appreciated , looking forward to hear from you
Ans: Congratulations on your decision to embark on the journey of mutual fund investments to accomplish your financial aspirations. Let's delve into crafting a comprehensive investment strategy to meet your short-term and long-term goals effectively.

Current Financial Landscape
At 35 years old, initiating mutual fund investments with a monthly allocation of 80k positions you favorably to pursue your financial objectives. Let's address each goal systematically:

5-Year Goal: Accumulating 2 Crores
To achieve a corpus of 2 crores within 5 years, opting for a balanced approach with a mix of equity and debt mutual funds is prudent. Considering the relatively short investment horizon, prioritizing funds with a proven track record of consistent performance and moderate risk exposure is advisable.

10-Year Goal: Accumulating 5 Crores
For the 10-year goal of accumulating 5 crores, a more aggressive investment stance can be adopted. Allocating a significant portion of your monthly investment towards equity-oriented mutual funds, particularly those with exposure to mid-cap and small-cap segments, can potentially accelerate wealth accumulation over the long run.

Mutual Fund Investment for Child's Future
Investing for your child's future necessitates a thoughtful and disciplined approach. Given the extended investment horizon (assuming until the child's adulthood), harnessing the power of compounding through equity mutual funds offers the best chance to generate substantial returns over time. However, it's essential to maintain a diversified portfolio to mitigate associated risks.

Investment Strategy
Diversified Portfolio Allocation: Allocate your monthly investment across a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid mutual funds to balance risk and return potential effectively.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Implement SIPs across chosen mutual funds to benefit from rupee-cost averaging and mitigate market volatility risks.

Regular Portfolio Review: Periodically review your mutual fund portfolio to ensure alignment with financial goals, risk tolerance, and changing market conditions. Make necessary adjustments as required.

Conclusion
In conclusion, by structuring your mutual fund investments strategically and adhering to a disciplined investment approach, you can navigate market uncertainties and accomplish your financial goals efficiently. Remember to stay focused on your objectives, exercise prudence in fund selection, and seek professional guidance when needed to optimize your investment journey.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2770 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 14, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi I am 51 years working in private sector. I am risk averse & my investments are mostly as follows : 3 cr in Post Office (NSC , KVP , POTD) , 3.7 cr in EPF , 1.2 cr in Bank FD , One house with current market value 70 L other than self occupied , 15 L in PMVVY , 10 L in LIC Annuity , 9 L in POMIS , 20 L in Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana , Wll get 25 L in gratuity on retirement . I want to retire in 2025 . I have one daughter aged 18 yrs & getting admitted jn college this year. Please advise on starting MF investment for post retiremeng corpus with capital protection .
Ans: Let's evaluate your current financial landscape and devise a strategic plan for initiating mutual fund investments to secure your post-retirement corpus while prioritizing capital protection.

Current Financial Overview
Your portfolio exhibits a conservative risk profile, with significant allocations towards fixed-income instruments and government-backed savings schemes. While this approach ensures capital preservation, exploring avenues for wealth appreciation and inflation-beating returns is imperative, especially considering your impending retirement in 2025.

Mutual Fund Investment Strategy
Given your risk-averse nature and the need for capital protection, deploying a portion of your surplus funds into mutual funds can offer a balanced approach towards wealth accumulation and stability.

Asset Allocation Considerations
Equity-Debt Hybrid Funds: Opting for equity-debt hybrid funds with a predominant allocation towards debt instruments can provide downside protection while offering the potential for modest capital appreciation.

Conservative Equity Funds: Investing in conservative equity funds with a focus on large-cap stocks and a track record of consistent performance can complement your risk-averse investment approach.

Capital Protection Mechanisms
Systematic Transfer Plans (STPs): Implementing STPs from your existing fixed-income instruments can facilitate a gradual transition towards mutual funds while mitigating market volatility risks.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing: Periodically reviewing your mutual fund portfolio and rebalancing asset allocations in line with changing market dynamics and financial goals is essential for ensuring capital protection and optimizing returns.

Financial Planning for Daughter's Education
Allocating a portion of your mutual fund investments towards funding your daughter's college education expenses can serve as a prudent financial planning strategy. By leveraging the power of compounding and disciplined investment management, you can secure her academic aspirations without compromising your retirement goals.

Conclusion
In conclusion, incorporating mutual funds into your investment portfolio can diversify risk, enhance wealth creation potential, and safeguard your post-retirement corpus with a focus on capital protection. By adopting a systematic and disciplined approach towards mutual fund investing, you can navigate market uncertainties and achieve your financial objectives effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2770 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 12, 2024Hindi
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Money
Iam 41 and have invested in SIP of ICICI prud ELSS , ICICI Flexi plan along with few LIC policy and a PPF of 5lkh . Further invested 12 lkh in real estate on a pre construction property. Please advice will it will help to achieve minimum requirements in future
Ans: Let's assess your current investment portfolio and explore strategies to optimize it for achieving your future financial goals effectively.

Evaluation of Current Investments
It's commendable that you've initiated investments across different asset classes, including ELSS, flexi plan, LIC policies, PPF, and real estate. However, a critical review is essential to ensure alignment with your long-term financial objectives.

Reassessment of LIC Policies
LIC policies, although offering insurance coverage, might not be the most efficient investment avenue for wealth accumulation. Surrendering these policies and reallocating the funds into more lucrative investment options, such as mutual funds, can potentially enhance your overall returns.

Reallocation Towards Mutual Funds
Reinvesting the surrender value of LIC policies into mutual funds, particularly diversified equity funds or tax-saving ELSS funds, can provide the dual benefit of wealth accumulation and tax savings. This strategic reallocation can optimize your investment returns over the long term.

Rationalizing Real Estate Investment
While real estate investment offers potential appreciation, it's essential to consider the associated risks and liquidity constraints. Given the pre-construction nature of your property investment, reassessing the allocation of funds towards more liquid and diversified investment avenues may be prudent.

Importance of Diversification and Liquidity
Diversifying across multiple asset classes, including equity mutual funds, debt instruments, and liquid investments, can enhance portfolio resilience and mitigate risk. Additionally, prioritizing liquidity ensures the availability of funds for unforeseen expenses or investment opportunities.

Conclusion
In conclusion, optimizing your investment portfolio by surrendering LIC policies and reinvesting in mutual funds, particularly equity-oriented schemes, can potentially enhance your wealth accumulation prospects. Additionally, rationalizing real estate exposure and diversifying across liquid and diversified investment avenues can further strengthen your financial security and flexibility.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2770 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
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Hello All, I need to invest 35k monthly in SIP for next 15 years divided among large, mid, small , flexi cap . Can you please let me know whether this diversification is correct or should I see some other type of MF. Also , can you name the MF schemes which would include the above diversification. Lastly , i wanted to know whether it a good choice to take mulitple MF scheme (large, mid, small cap etc) from a same MF house or should that also be diversified ?
Ans: Let's delve into a comprehensive analysis of your investment strategy and explore the best approach to diversify your SIP portfolio effectively.

Evaluating Diversification Strategy
Diversification is crucial to mitigate risk and optimize returns in your investment portfolio. Allocating your monthly SIP investment of 35k across different market capitalizations, such as large, mid, small, and flexi-cap funds, is a prudent approach to achieve diversification.

Selection of Mutual Fund Schemes
When selecting mutual fund schemes for each category, it's essential to consider factors such as historical performance, fund manager expertise, expense ratio, and investment philosophy. Choose schemes with a consistent track record of delivering superior returns and aligning with your risk-return objectives.

Large-Cap Funds
Large-cap funds invest in established companies with stable earnings and market capitalization. These funds offer stability and lower volatility, making them suitable for investors seeking capital preservation and steady returns over the long term.

Mid and Small Cap Funds
Mid and small-cap funds focus on investing in mid-sized and small-sized companies with high growth potential. These funds carry higher volatility but offer the opportunity for significant capital appreciation over the long term. They are suitable for investors with a higher risk appetite and a longer investment horizon.

Flexi-Cap Funds
Flexi-cap funds provide flexibility to invest across companies of varying market capitalizations based on market conditions and fund manager discretion. These funds offer a balanced approach by combining the benefits of large-cap stability and mid/small-cap growth potential. They are suitable for investors seeking a diversified portfolio with dynamic asset allocation.

Importance of Fund House Diversification
While diversifying across different market segments is crucial, it's also essential to diversify across fund houses to mitigate concentration risk. Investing in multiple mutual fund houses helps spread risk associated with any potential underperformance or adverse events specific to a particular fund house.

Conclusion
In conclusion, allocating your monthly SIP investment across large, mid, small, and flexi-cap funds is a prudent strategy to achieve diversification and optimize returns over the long term. When selecting mutual fund schemes, prioritize consistency, performance, and alignment with your risk-return objectives. Additionally, diversify across fund houses to mitigate concentration risk and enhance portfolio resilience.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2770 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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Sir, I have the following Mutual Funds SIP monthly amount- 1) Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund - 3000 2) Nippon India Large Cap Fund - 3000 3) Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund - 3000 4) Quant Infrastructure Fund - 3000 5) Quant Multi Asset Fund - 3000 6) Quant Small Cap Fund - 3000 7) Axis Small Cap Fund - 2000 please review my portfolio and advise, if any changes required.
Ans: Let's dive into a detailed analysis of your existing mutual fund SIP portfolio to identify potential areas for optimization and ensure alignment with your financial goals.

Assessing Your Current Portfolio
Your current portfolio consists of a diversified mix of mutual funds across various categories, including mid-cap, large-cap, flexi-cap, infrastructure, multi-asset, and small-cap funds. This demonstrates a well-rounded approach to investment diversification.

Evaluating Fund Performance and Risk Profile
Performance: Evaluate the historical performance of each fund relative to its benchmark index and peer group. Look for consistent performers with a track record of delivering above-average returns over the long term.

Risk Profile: Assess the risk profile of each fund based on factors such as volatility, standard deviation, and downside capture ratio. Ensure that the risk level aligns with your risk tolerance and investment horizon.

Identifying Redundancies and Overlaps
Review your portfolio for any redundancies or overlaps in investment objectives and underlying holdings. Eliminate duplicate exposures to similar asset classes or sectors to streamline your portfolio and reduce unnecessary risk.

Addressing Fund Selection and Allocation
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: Mid-cap and small-cap funds offer the potential for high growth but come with increased volatility. Evaluate your exposure to these segments and consider rebalancing if necessary to manage risk.

Large-Cap and Flexi-Cap Funds: Large-cap and flexi-cap funds provide stability and diversification. Ensure adequate allocation to these segments to mitigate volatility and capitalize on market opportunities.

Sectoral and Theme Funds: Review your exposure to sectoral and theme funds, such as infrastructure and multi-asset funds. While these funds can offer niche opportunities, they also carry concentrated risks. Consider reducing exposure or diversifying across sectors for better risk management.

Streamlining and Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Based on the assessment above, consider streamlining your portfolio by consolidating redundant funds and rebalancing allocations to align with your risk-return objectives. Focus on retaining high-quality funds with strong track records and reallocating resources to optimize diversification and minimize risk.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio Regularly
Lastly, commit to monitoring your portfolio regularly and reviewing your investment strategy periodically to ensure continued alignment with your financial goals and evolving market conditions. Stay informed about fund performance, economic trends, and regulatory changes to make informed decisions.

Conclusion
In conclusion, while your current mutual fund portfolio demonstrates diversification and a proactive approach to investment, there may be opportunities to optimize allocations, address redundancies, and enhance risk-adjusted returns. By conducting a comprehensive review and making strategic adjustments, you can position your portfolio for long-term success and achieve your financial objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

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