Hi Mam, I'm 54,, my wife is 50. We have a son. I've not had a physical relationship with wife for the last 3 years. I get aroused by other women but not a bit by my wife. What to do?

Ans: It's not uncommon for individuals to experience changes in their sexual desire as they age. A decreased libido can be influenced by various factors, including hormonal changes, stress, medical conditions, medication side effects, and relationship dynamics. It's important to remember that everyone's sexual desire is unique, and what's most important is open and honest communication with your partner to navigate this situation.

Here are some steps to consider:

Communicate: Talk to your wife openly and honestly about your feelings and concerns. Let her know that it's not a reflection of your feelings for her, but rather a natural change that you're experiencing.
Seek medical advice: It's a good idea to consult a healthcare professional to rule out any underlying medical issues that might be affecting your libido. They can offer guidance on potential treatments or lifestyle changes.
Counseling or therapy: Consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor who specializes in sexual issues or relationships. They can provide guidance and strategies for improving your sexual relationship and communication.
Lifestyle changes: Maintaining a healthy lifestyle, including regular exercise, a balanced diet, and managing stress, can positively impact your overall well-being, including your sexual health.
Intimacy: While you may not feel the same level of sexual desire, you can still nurture emotional and physical intimacy with your partner through cuddling, hugging, kissing, and spending quality time together.
Experimentation: You and your wife can explore new ways of being intimate that don't necessarily involve sexual intercourse. Finding what works for both of you and focusing on mutual pleasure can be a fulfilling alternative.
Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to changes in sexual desire, and it's essential to be patient and understanding with yourself and your partner. If you both are willing to work together and communicate openly, you can find ways to maintain a satisfying and fulfilling relationship.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sex is not just a physical act. Learn to first connect as partners first; love, care trust...these help in intimacy.
If you are able to get all excited over other women what you are looking at is LUST and not LOVE...In your marriage, focus more on Love and intimacy will follow. Spend time together even at 44, this is a must!
Rekindling the spark in your marriage and you will have a partner who is not just welcoming but will also share your interest in sex and more...

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are not alone! There are many couples in this age bracket who have very mismatched sexual urges; but that doesn't take the fact away that there is a marriage and love within it, right?

What do we do when children grow from a baby to a adult? Every phase requires us to interact with them very differently. From being instructional to giving them their space, we have managed it all...How? Because we have acknowledged that children grow up and that we need to keep adapting to suit their minds and their age then.

It's the same with marriage as well. It's not fair to expect that your wife will be sexually active and highly charged up like she used to in the early days of marriage. She possibly is going through her perimenopause or some changes emotionally that is possibly deterring her from getting intimate. Talk to her, care for her, support her and also know that there are other forms of sexual intimacy other than sex alone. Start slowly, like you are still dating and bring back the spice element. Get a general check-up done to rule out any deficiencies in terms of vitamins so that this can be added as supplements.

Now, does this mean that she will be back with the energy and urge of a 25-year old? Possibly not, but at least it will give you both time to appreciate that there are phases in life and to accept this calls for maturity and a great deal of understanding. So, start by talking about it and take it slowly...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
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