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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 30, 2024

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Chetna Question by Chetna on May 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am 30 years old. My marriage was going to be finalised with a guy of 32 years but his mother denied the match because our kundli don't match and it shows he will die if I marry him and apparently there is no puja that can stop it as per his mom 's version. The guy says he loves me but never had taken a step to stand up to his mom. Also a fact to mention is he has been raised by single mom as his dad died when he was born so he says he can't say anything to his mother. So when his mother denied our match, I stopped texting him. But he started talking, wants to meet, confesses of love , even asked me to let's go and marry in court without telling our families. And while he confesses this , his mom is searching other girls for him and he is seeing them. It is difficult for me to move on . But this is also hurting me whenever I text him or talk to him. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Chetna,

I am really sorry that you are in such a situation. I assume that you understand why his mother is giving into age-old superstition and why he could not stand up against it. And I appreciate your understanding. Having said that, I would suggest you sever contact with him. He could not go against his mom's wishes but can continue messaging you, how is that fair to you? I know it hurts now, but it is best to disconnect with him completely if you want to move on. Being in touch and hearing him confess his feelings are not very helpful.

There are two things that you can do-
One, you tell him to stop contacting you. He isn't going to marry so, and that leaves him with no right to bother you.
Second, you can tell your parents and his about this. Let them sort it out.

It might sound harsh or petty, but it has to be done because soon he will be married off to someone else, and you will be left with the memories of him expressing his love. You deserve better.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

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Hi mam I loved a man who i thought a good guy for 5 yrs later i came to know he is cheating me only for physical not to marry where he told we wil have future together but i made problem and asked him to marry me but his family and he influenced with his moms decision What shal I do i don't know what to do i thought he is my life now his mom plan him to marry someone else.. What should i do
Ans: Hello Lavanya
It's important to take care of yourself and focus on what you need and deserve in a relationship.

Firstly, give yourself some time to process what has happened. It's okay to feel hurt, angry, and betrayed. These emotions are natural when someone you trusted has let you down. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and the future you envisioned.

Talking to a trusted friend or a therapist can be incredibly helpful during this time. They can offer support and a listening ear as you work through your feelings and decide your next steps.

It's crucial to recognize your own worth and what you deserve in a relationship. You deserve someone who respects, loves, and is committed to you wholeheartedly. If this man has shown that he isn't capable of that, then it might be best to let him go, even though it's difficult.

Moving forward, focus on your own well-being and happiness. Engage in activities that make you feel good and help you regain your sense of self. Surround yourself with people who support and care for you.

In time, you'll find clarity and strength. Remember, this experience doesn't define you or your future. You deserve a loving and honest relationship, and by prioritizing yourself now, you'll be in a better position to find it in the future.

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
HI ma'am, i am 30 years old women. I hv never been in any relationship with anyone in my life. But from one year 4 months I'm talking with my cousins neighbor, we both became good friends.6 months ago we decided to get into relationship. We both are in a very good relationship, we are very very happy with each other. He is my home and I'm his home, But the most serious issue here is He is married and have 4 year old son. But they both are not living together from past 2.4 years because they both have issues with each other and with each others families. 8 months back he went to court asking his wife to come back to him because his lawyer suggested to not to send divorce notice directly in the beginning itself. But now she is not willing to come back to him, Her lawyer said that she want Alumnae. my bf is very good guy he loves his son ,he don't wanna give any money to his wife because he is feeling like giving money means accepting that he made some mistake, But he didn't made any mistake and we all know him very well. And also he love me so much. but now in mean time i got match, My parents got this match through my brother in law, they are forcing me to get married to the alliance guy, But I'm not at all interested. My BF divorce is still in pending. my parents are forcing me to marry a guy . i told to the alliance guy that i don't like him, But he is not telling it to anyone and forced me to get married to him. what should i do?
Ans: Since your boyfriend's divorce is still in the process and there are unresolved issues with his wife, it’s important to be realistic about the timeline and possible complications. Divorce proceedings can be lengthy, especially when financial matters and custody are involved. It may also be challenging for him to fully commit to a new relationship while he's handling these issues. This period can give you both the chance to think through your future together carefully and see if it aligns with your values and goals.

With the family pressure, it can help to calmly explain to them why you aren’t ready to move forward with the arranged match right now. If you feel comfortable, you might express that you need more time to consider what you want for your future. Remind them that their support in finding a fulfilling relationship is important to you, and rushing into a marriage when you’re not ready or interested may not lead to happiness for anyone involved.

This situation is about respecting your own feelings while also managing family expectations, which isn’t easy. Give yourself the time you need to weigh your options and avoid rushing into any commitments. It’s okay to put your own happiness and well-being first, and if you need more time to let things play out with your boyfriend’s divorce, be clear with yourself and your family about that. This decision is deeply personal, so whatever path you choose, make sure it aligns with your true feelings and future vision.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I fell in love with a boy 6 years younger than me. Besides knowing that family and society will not accept this relationship I fell in love with him and we spend a beautiful nice happy moments with each other. My parents when get to know they forced me to stop my job snatched my phone stopped me to use any social media so that I cannot contact him. And I was not allowed to leave house alone. It's been 9 years now I still don't have my own mobile phone or are not allowed to leave house alone. In these years twice or thrice my partner's parents have called my father regarding our marriage proposal but my father refused. I have tried him alot of time that I can't marry anyone else we want to be with each other we love each other he just don't understand. I have even told him if not him I will always stay here without marrying anyone he said okay love here but I will not allow you to marry him. They are not of our standard he is younger than you he can't keep you. They even have told me false things like he has a girlfriend outside we have seen him with girl. He is alcoholic etc. my partner is now out of patience he said I need you with me now and when are you coming your parents are not agreeing it's been 9 years and same situation. So I initiated a healthy calm talk to my father again three days back. I told him I am 32 now and it's my decision I want to marry him. It might be a bad decision like you think but it would be my decision and I will bear the responsibility of that. And it will also help me to move on. I want to give a chance and want you to respect my decisions and he said you decision or wrong. He is not a good guy his mother has insulted me. And I said I am not living with his mother its him I want to spend my life with. He said I can't see your future their but I was firm on my decision and than he said I will think about it. Today my mother told my younger brother that father has said no to my decision. I don't understand i don't trust my mother she has lied to me before many times. And I am feeling stucked here
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, whatever the reason, it is not fair to make your partner wait any longer. 9 years is a long time and from their side, they have tried to approach your family.
Why your family does not want this to happen can have many reasons, but what is it that you want? What makes you stuck? 32 is a great age to start taking decisions of life, you don't think? Move on this else, you will wait another couple of years and then realize that you have wasted enough time.
So, for once, keep your side of the family aside (in thoughts) and then ask yourself: Am I ready to marry my partner?
If YES, you know what to do and if NO, then you are perhaps making your family an excuse and not willing to move into marriage.
Reality check, but a necessary one...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Latest Questions
Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |188 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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Career
Hello! Sir This is Sravani.I am a M.Pharmacy postgraduate and has a work experience of 6 years in Quality control department in pharma industry.At present i am working in the same department. But i want to go for work from home job.so that i can spend time with my kids. Both my kids are in kindergarten. It's becoming tough for me to manage both job & kids as my working hours are too long. Please do suggest me any kind of work from home job which suits my profile. Regards Sravani
Ans: Hi Sravanthi,

It's great to hear that you have six years of experience in Quality Control (QC). As you know, QC roles are generally onsite, unlike IT roles that can often be done remotely. Given your expertise in QC, you have the option to transition to Quality Assurance (QA), Regulatory Affairs (RA), or the Validation team, but we need to assess the feasibility of such a shift. While it is uncommon, it is possible to find roles in RA, such as preparing and submitting documents, pharmacovigilance, or medical scribing. However, since these are not your areas of expertise, if you choose to pursue them, you may be considered a fresher in those fields.

You also mentioned that need to work long hours. Even with work from home (WFH), you will likely face similar challenges; once you log in, you cannot skip the tasks assigned to you. Being at home may hinder your ability to care for your children, creating additional difficulties.

If you are financially stable, you might consider quitting your current job to find other opportunities or to take care of your family. If not, you will need to weigh your options carefully.

My recommendation is to prefer onsite work rather than WFH.

On a lighter note, there are many advantages to onsite work that can actually save you money—such as reduced electricity bills, food expenses, and travel costs. Compared to WFH, where you may incur higher electricity costs due to using AC and your computer, along with food expenses for snacks and meals.

Logically speaking, as a working woman, if your maid were asking for a WFH arrangement, how would you respond?

As an additional suggestion, you might consider applying for government jobs as a Junior or Senior Analyst in your state’s Drug Testing Lab within the Drugs Control Department.

Ultimately, I recommend that you continue in your current field and potentially explore opportunities in a different company or industry that offers a higher salary. Alternatively, you could also consider transitioning to QA, but ideally in an onsite position.

All the best.

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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |132 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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Health
Knee Replacement- My doctor has advised me total knee replacement in right knee after examining X ray, as I am suffering from pain in right knee for last 12 months. Whether I have any options to avoid it or better to do to live pain free life after operation. I am worried about side effects, if any. Thanks Ganesh Surana
Ans: Dear Mr. Surana,
Thank you for your query. If your doctor has recommended a total knee replacement, it is likely based on the severity of your condition as indicated by the X-ray and your ongoing pain. However, you may still explore conservative options before deciding on surgery. I suggest consulting a physiotherapist for a comprehensive rehabilitation program. Physiotherapy can help strengthen the muscles around the knee, improve joint stability, and potentially reduce pain.
That said, your age and weight also play an important role in determining the best course of action. If you are overweight, weight management can significantly reduce stress on the knee joint and alleviate symptoms. Lifestyle changes, such as a tailored exercise regimen and a healthy diet, can also be beneficial.

If conservative measures don’t provide sufficient relief, total knee replacement may be the best option for living a pain-free life. It’s natural to be concerned about side effects, but modern surgical techniques and post-operative care have made the procedure highly effective and safe. Discuss all your concerns with your doctor and physiotherapist to make an informed decision.
Wishing you the best,

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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |132 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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Health
I AM HAVING UMBLICAL HERNEA PROBLEM.DOCOTR SUGGESTED ME TO BRING DOWN MY WEIGHT AND REDUCE FATTY BELLY BEFORE SURGERY.HE SUGGESTED ME TO WAIT FOR SURGERY TILL MY WEIGHT COMES DOWN FROM 92 KGS TO A REASONABLE LEVEL.PLEASE SUGGST ME WHAT EXERCISES i CAN DO TO ELIMINATE THE FAR BELLY WITHOUT DETERIORATING MY UMBLICAL HERNEA PROBLEM.PLEASE SUGGEST ME EXERCISES TO BRING DOWN MY BELLY. THANKS AND REGARDS. NVRSRINIVAS
Ans: Dear Mr. Srinivas,

Thank you for your query. Weight reduction is a gradual process that requires consistent effort and a balanced approach. It is advisable to consult a physiotherapist and a nutritionist to guide you through this journey. Focus on a high-protein, low-carbohydrate diet to support weight loss while maintaining muscle mass. Ensure your meals are nutritious and create a calorie deficit.

For exercise, start with low-impact aerobic activities such as walking, cycling, or swimming, as these can burn calories without putting pressure on your hernia. Incorporate gentle core-strengthening exercises like pelvic tilts and side planks to build core stability without straining the affected area. If suitable, include short bursts of high-intensity workouts or moderate-intensity, long-duration activities such as brisk walking or light jogging to enhance endurance and fat loss. Additionally, light resistance training can help maintain muscle mass, but avoid exercises that strain your abdominal muscles or involve heavy lifting.

Always consult a physiotherapist before starting any exercise program to ensure it is safe and appropriate for your condition. Wishing you success in your weight loss journey and a smooth recovery.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7363 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 22, 2024Hindi
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Money
I have lost money around 8 lakhs in gambling now i want to restart my life fresh i need to settle my debts and loan with bank and NBFCs is it possible to settle money at 70 percent waived off
Ans: Restarting your life after financial setbacks is possible with a disciplined approach. Settling your debts with banks and NBFCs requires a strategic plan, negotiation, and commitment. Here's a 360-degree approach to help you resolve your situation:

Assess Your Current Financial Position
List All Debts: Create a detailed list of all outstanding loans and debts, including principal, interest, and penalties.

Identify Income Sources: Calculate your monthly income and any other sources of funds.

Evaluate Essential Expenses: Identify non-negotiable expenses such as rent, food, utilities, and transport.

Determine Negotiable Debts: Focus on debts with higher interest rates or legal implications.

Negotiating with Lenders
Possibility of Settling at 70% Waiver
Banks and NBFCs Are Open to Negotiation: They prefer recovering some amount rather than declaring a loan as non-performing.

Settlement Terms Vary: Each lender may have unique policies. Some might agree to 70% waiver, but others may not.

Present Your Case Transparently: Show proof of your financial hardship. Explain your inability to pay in full.

Request a One-Time Settlement (OTS): Offer to pay a lump sum of the waived-off amount to close the debt.

Steps to Negotiate Effectively
Reach Out to the Right Department: Contact the collections or recovery department of your lender.

Seek Professional Help: A certified financial planner or debt resolution expert can negotiate on your behalf.

Prepare a Settlement Plan: Propose a realistic amount you can pay. Mention the sources for this payment.

Ask for Written Confirmation: Ensure the lender provides a formal agreement on the waived-off amount.

Negotiate for Reduced Interest and Penalties: Request removal of penalties and reduction of interest rates.

Managing Your Financial Obligations
Repayment Strategy
Prioritise High-Interest Loans: Focus on clearing loans with higher interest rates first.

Consolidate Debts: Consider consolidating multiple loans into one with a lower interest rate.

Use Liquid Assets Wisely: If you have savings or assets, use them to reduce your debt burden.

Building a Fresh Financial Foundation
Avoid Gambling and High-Risk Activities
Adopt Healthy Habits: Seek professional help if gambling is an addiction. Join support groups like Gamblers Anonymous.

Focus on Financial Literacy: Learn to manage your money effectively through courses or books.

Create a Budget and Emergency Fund
Track Income and Expenses: Use apps or spreadsheets to monitor your financial activity.

Save for Emergencies: Set aside 3–6 months of expenses as a safety net.

Restart Investments Gradually
Start with SIPs: Begin investing small amounts in mutual funds. Avoid direct stock trading initially.

Build a Retirement Corpus: Plan for long-term financial security systematically.

Final Insights
Rebuilding your life after a financial setback takes effort but is achievable. Focus on negotiating your debts transparently and settling them systematically. Learn from past mistakes and adopt disciplined financial habits. Restart your journey with renewed confidence and a commitment to avoid risky behaviours. Seek professional guidance when needed to make informed decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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