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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |550 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 30, 2024

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Chetna Question by Chetna on May 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am 30 years old. My marriage was going to be finalised with a guy of 32 years but his mother denied the match because our kundli don't match and it shows he will die if I marry him and apparently there is no puja that can stop it as per his mom 's version. The guy says he loves me but never had taken a step to stand up to his mom. Also a fact to mention is he has been raised by single mom as his dad died when he was born so he says he can't say anything to his mother. So when his mother denied our match, I stopped texting him. But he started talking, wants to meet, confesses of love , even asked me to let's go and marry in court without telling our families. And while he confesses this , his mom is searching other girls for him and he is seeing them. It is difficult for me to move on . But this is also hurting me whenever I text him or talk to him. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Chetna,

I am really sorry that you are in such a situation. I assume that you understand why his mother is giving into age-old superstition and why he could not stand up against it. And I appreciate your understanding. Having said that, I would suggest you sever contact with him. He could not go against his mom's wishes but can continue messaging you, how is that fair to you? I know it hurts now, but it is best to disconnect with him completely if you want to move on. Being in touch and hearing him confess his feelings are not very helpful.

There are two things that you can do-
One, you tell him to stop contacting you. He isn't going to marry so, and that leaves him with no right to bother you.
Second, you can tell your parents and his about this. Let them sort it out.

It might sound harsh or petty, but it has to be done because soon he will be married off to someone else, and you will be left with the memories of him expressing his love. You deserve better.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |556 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

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Relationship
Hi mam I loved a man who i thought a good guy for 5 yrs later i came to know he is cheating me only for physical not to marry where he told we wil have future together but i made problem and asked him to marry me but his family and he influenced with his moms decision What shal I do i don't know what to do i thought he is my life now his mom plan him to marry someone else.. What should i do
Ans: Hello Lavanya
It's important to take care of yourself and focus on what you need and deserve in a relationship.

Firstly, give yourself some time to process what has happened. It's okay to feel hurt, angry, and betrayed. These emotions are natural when someone you trusted has let you down. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and the future you envisioned.

Talking to a trusted friend or a therapist can be incredibly helpful during this time. They can offer support and a listening ear as you work through your feelings and decide your next steps.

It's crucial to recognize your own worth and what you deserve in a relationship. You deserve someone who respects, loves, and is committed to you wholeheartedly. If this man has shown that he isn't capable of that, then it might be best to let him go, even though it's difficult.

Moving forward, focus on your own well-being and happiness. Engage in activities that make you feel good and help you regain your sense of self. Surround yourself with people who support and care for you.

In time, you'll find clarity and strength. Remember, this experience doesn't define you or your future. You deserve a loving and honest relationship, and by prioritizing yourself now, you'll be in a better position to find it in the future.

..Read more

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |16 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Feb 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 18, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am in a relationship from past 2 yrs with a guy from the same caste. Initially when we just talked he asked me directly for marriage but only if our kundali matches. He asked me if I trust on kundali. I answered yes bcz I wasn't in love with him then. He told he too trusts on kundali. Months passed and once he proposed me I too accepted bcz till then we really liked each other. After 1.5 yrs his mother contacted my mother for marriage proposal. Our mothers didn't know anything about our relationship, they both know each other. I asked him that we should tell our parents about us. He said let them do as per they want when time comes we will tell them. I agreed upon this but our kundali didn't match so I told him that we should tell now. But now he is saying that the kundali isn't matching we can't marry. He's been very caring, understanding towards me. Also he tells me that the kundali is not matching something bad can happen so this marriage can't happen. Otherwise why would he reject a girl he loves. I really cannot cope with this. I'm crying day n night but he tells me that there's no use of crying breakup happens in everyone's life, we can keep the relationship till any of us get married after that we'll stay friends. I'm with u always. These lines of him are tearing me apart bcz I haven't seen him being this much practical, or he really doesn't care about me, about our relationship.
Ans: Hello mam,
I am sorry that you have to go through all this stuff. I do understand that in India, it is difficult to go along with auch kind of stuff. If the person whom you want to marry is not ready to take stand for you and go against the kundali system, then there is no fun in crying for him or waiting for him. Love relationships are always two sided. Now if he feela that break up is a normal thing for him, then I would suggest you that you should also move on. There is no compulsion that you think of marriage right now but rather you should go ahead with your studies and carrer. At the right time, you will find your right partner.
I hope this helps. Plz write to me regarding your education and what do you want to pursue further?
Waiting for your reply.
Take care
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me: https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1563 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

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Relationship
hi maam im in love with a guy who i met in hyd im 24 years nd he is 28 we both r in love with eachother and wanna marry eachother but the prblm is that i come from a christian family and he comes from a hindu family my mom is not ready to accept him just because he is a hindu and my family r forcing me to get married to a christian guy itself they r mentally forcing me everyday to leave him just because he is a hindu nd our caste is different my family seperated me from him and forcing me to get married to a guy of their choice and in my family there r 16 members who have had love marriages i took help of my relative who also had a love marriage to convince my parents and help us to get married but she is the one who add more fake rumors and more fuel about him that he is doing timepass even if they talk to him in calls they say that he is not lifting our calls at all i have all the recordings but still they r lying to me nd my mom saying that he is not ready to talk about her it became difficult for me to convince them my mom listen to my relatives as they say and so they do i dont have anyone to support me to get married to my bf plz help i wanna marry him only and i see future with him he is the only one who make me laugh play with me like how a dad plays with his daughter i havent got the love from my parents when im getting the love from him they seperated me from him and forcefully bought me to my native place nd not letting me meet or see him im depressed asking my parents to meet him but they r like no we dont like him my parents r not ready to understand and they r saying he is with u only for ur money he also told my relatives that i dont want money but still they r keeping on adding fuel and mentally harrasing me to get married to someone else they r forcefully trying to get me married to someone else i wanna marry him only what should i do plz help i love him so does he
Ans: Dear Niveditha,
What caught my eye was the fact that you seem to have found the love that parents give their children with this person. This is not healthy as you are searching for what you lack in someone else. Work on this...and if this is the reason that you actually are in love with this person, you really need to work it.
Now when it comes to your parents' acceptance, your partner has to put in efforts to win them over and on your part rather than playing this emotionally with them, make your parents see what you see in your partner in terms of traits, qualities etc...And the less you involve family members into this circus, the better. At times, people come to have their share of fun by making things worse...So, be wise about who you involve.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |550 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir/ma'am...i am a girl of 21 yrs and my bf 24yrs.We met each other through an online friendly chat app.Since 1yr,we r chatting,video and voice calls.He told me,he loves me and wanna marry me.I too liked him and I took the matter to my parents and they agreed for our marriage also.I made him talk to my parents.He didn't still let this matter know to his parents.Recently,without my permission..my cousin sis took his insta id and chatted with him like an unknown girl for fun.She created an account in insta and sent a request to him n he accepted that request and continued chatting with her.She told him like she saw his profile and interested and so given a request.He was asking her for voice call,video call,but she didn't accept.She sent some other picture when he insisted her pic and later he asked her "do u like me" for which she funnily replied love at first sight and love you.He told her he want to express his love to her in voice call and later he too proposed..she showed all those screen shots to me. I am broken.I questioned him what is all this?...for which he replied...he just chatted to find out whether that account was a fake account or real account...but,the screen shots were showing something different..when my cousin called him bro..he was very upset and scolded her too. Now,he saying he thought it's a fake boy id and wanted to make fun of and even fought with me saying i don't trust him and without his acceptance..i gave his id to my cousin..but,i havent given.. He is saying he wanted to test whether it is a fake or a real account and so he made fun off and didn't mean it and that too just chatting it is n not to take it seriously and he loves me much.. I am confused after this whether to proceed for marriage..he isthe first guy and love in my life...should i believe him or let him go or should i give him one more chance?..please give u r advice..thank you
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am so sorry that you are in this situation. While I can't make a decision for you, I can help you by pointing out how this looks like from an outsider's perspective- your BF's interactions with this profile do not really support his claim of "just testing if it's a fake account." It seems like he was interested in chatting and continuing the flirty conversations. This does not mean he is in love with the person behind that online profile, but it surely looks like he can go behind your back for some thrill.

Trust and honesty are two very important things in a relationship, and if you are planning on getting married, this is not a good start. Moreover, his getting angry at you upon confrontation is a red flag- he tried to gaslight you.
It's your choice whether you want to leave or give him another chance but before you make a decision in haste, ask yourself-
1) If he loves you, would he flirt with someone or even chat with a stranger for entertainment?
2) Would you do the same to him?
3) Is he taking responsibility and asking for forgiveness?
4) Can you trust him completely after this or would you always keep wondering if he is cheating on you?
Once you answer these honestly, I think you will know what's the right thing to do.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8111 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2025Hindi
Money
I am 39 years old and my wife is 38 working and my son is 7 years. I earn 35LPA my wife 15LPA. I started with zero as from a young age I took care of my parents by paying tuition and funded by my education. I completed engineering and started paying off my education loan from my first day of work. 2015 I got married and in 2016 we bought our first house. I moved my parents there and I take care of them they are financially dependent on me and I have a 4L health insurance for them. The first house is now worth 55L and I have paid off this loan. We built our 2nd house its worth around 1.2 crore and I have a loan of 70 lakhs left. I have a plot worth 30L which I have bought. I have 40L in MF and stocks, I do SIP of 1Lakh per month ( XIRR was good at 20% but now it's at 13%). I have 20L in gold and 10L in EPF. I have a 1cr term insurance and I do Jeevan umang of 4L per year started last year and Jeevan tarun for my son for 1.5L per year started 2 years ago and I have 40k of Jeevan anand started in 2011 for 25 years. My fear : My parents were dependent on me, and I had nothing to fall back on when I started my career. I do not want to be the same for my son. I want to be financially self-reliant when he starts his career and his life. I want to ensure that he doesn't worry about us when he starts his work life or if he wants to start a business, he has the freedom to do so. I have 15 years left in my career. I want to make sure my wife is also secured if I am not around. My questions is what can I do more to ensure we are financially well off?
Ans: You earn Rs. 35 LPA, and your wife earns Rs. 15 LPA.

You support your parents financially and have Rs. 4L health insurance for them.

Your first house is worth Rs. 55L and is fully paid off.

Your second house is worth Rs. 1.2 crore with a Rs. 70L loan.

You own a plot worth Rs. 30L.

Your investments include Rs. 40L in mutual funds and stocks.

You invest Rs. 1L per month in SIPs.

You have Rs. 20L in gold and Rs. 10L in EPF.

Your term insurance is Rs. 1 crore.

You have investment-linked insurance policies.

Your goal is financial independence for yourself and your family. You want to ensure your son does not have financial burdens when he starts his career.

Strengths in Your Financial Planning
You have built wealth despite challenges.

Your high savings rate helps in wealth accumulation.

Your SIPs give long-term compounding benefits.

Your first home is debt-free, providing stability.

Your gold holdings offer liquidity in emergencies.

Your EPF provides retirement security.

Your term insurance gives financial protection.

Areas That Need Improvement
Your insurance-linked policies are not wealth creators.

Your home loan is a major liability.

Your gold holdings may not generate high returns.

Your current insurance cover may not be enough.

Your parents’ health cover might be inadequate.

Your son’s education and future needs require better planning.

Steps to Strengthen Financial Security
Increase Term Insurance Cover
A Rs. 1 crore cover is low given your income and liabilities.

You should have a cover of at least 15 times your annual income.

Increase your term insurance to Rs. 2.5 crore for full protection.

Ensure your wife has her own term cover as well.

Reassess Your Insurance-Linked Investments
Traditional insurance policies offer low returns.

They do not provide inflation-beating growth.

Surrendering them and shifting to mutual funds is a better option.

This will give higher returns and better flexibility.

Pay Off Your Home Loan Strategically
Your home loan balance of Rs. 70L is a major liability.

Focus on repaying it within the next 5-7 years.

Increasing EMI payments or making part prepayments can help.

Avoid extending the tenure to reduce interest burden.

Optimise Your Mutual Fund Investments
Your SIP of Rs. 1L per month is a strong wealth-building tool.

XIRR of 13% is still a good return for long-term investing.

Ensure your portfolio has a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and small-cap funds.

Actively managed funds will help in capturing market opportunities.

Avoid index funds as they limit potential gains.

Strengthen Your Parents’ Health Insurance
Rs. 4L health cover for them may not be enough.

Increase their health insurance to Rs. 10L with a super top-up plan.

This will prevent financial stress in case of medical emergencies.

Plan for Your Son’s Education and Future
Higher education costs are rising rapidly.

Start a dedicated mutual fund portfolio for his education.

Avoid insurance-linked child plans as they offer poor returns.

SIPs in equity funds can provide high returns over 10-15 years.

Ensure flexibility in investments to support his career or business plans.

Secure Your Wife’s Financial Future
Your wife should have her own investments independent of you.

Ensure she has adequate insurance and retirement savings.

Consider joint ownership of assets for financial security.

Encourage her to invest in equity mutual funds for wealth creation.

Retirement Planning and Wealth Creation
You have 15 years left in your career.

Focus on accumulating at least Rs. 10-12 crore for retirement.

This will ensure financial independence and a secure future.

Continue SIPs and increase them whenever income grows.

Diversify into debt funds for stability in later years.

Systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) will help manage post-retirement cash flow.

Finally
Increase your term insurance for full protection.

Reallocate funds from low-return insurance policies to mutual funds.

Focus on clearing your home loan early.

Strengthen health insurance for your parents.

Create a dedicated fund for your son’s education.

Ensure your wife has financial security even in your absence.

Keep investing for long-term wealth creation and retirement security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8111 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hello Sir - I have taken a HDFC Unit Linked pension plan in 2008 and the fund value is approx. 49 lakhs. The policy matures in 2030 and allows for commutation of 1/3rd of fund value (with mandatory annuity for balance 67%). My HDFC Life Relationship manager is suggesting that he will transfer the proceeds of this fund to a new HDFC Smart life pension plan (via surrender of old policy and immediate reinvestment as single premium in the new policy) for a term of 5 years. At the vesting date, I will be allowed to remove 60% of the fund value as tax free commuted pension and will need to take annuity only for remaining 40% of fund value. This is beneficial for me (since tax free commutation will be 60% instead of current 33%). In such a case, will the surrender of old policy and immediate reinvestment into new smart pension plan be a taxable transaction in India? I have claimed 80CCC benefits for part of premiums paid in the past. HDFC has informed me that the surrender value will not be taxable as no amount is received by me and the full amount is reinvested into the new policy (HDFC will also not do TDS). Is this correct? Thanks for your advice.
Ans: You have invested in a unit-linked pension plan since 2008.

The current fund value is Rs. 49 lakhs.

The plan matures in 2030.

As per the policy, you can withdraw 33% tax-free and the rest must be used for annuity.

Your relationship manager is suggesting surrender and reinvestment into a new pension plan.

The new plan allows 60% tax-free withdrawal instead of 33%.

You need to evaluate whether this switch is beneficial from a taxation and financial perspective.

Taxation on Surrender of Old Pension Plan
Pension plans under section 80CCC get tax benefits during investment.

If you surrender, the surrender value is taxable as per your income slab.

HDFC claims that no tax will apply as the amount is reinvested directly.

However, as per income tax laws, surrendering a pension plan leads to taxation.

Even if reinvested, the surrender value is added to taxable income.

Since you have claimed 80CCC benefits, surrendering can result in tax liability.

Misconception About Tax-Free Transfer
HDFC is not deducting TDS, but that does not mean no tax is due.

Income tax liability exists even if the amount is not received in hand.

If tax authorities later verify, you may face penalties or additional taxes.

You need written confirmation from HDFC and a tax expert’s opinion.

Evaluating the New Pension Plan Offer
The new plan allows 60% withdrawal instead of 33%.

The remaining 40% must still go into annuity.

Annuity income is fully taxable every year.

The new plan has additional charges, which can reduce returns.

The lock-in period of 5 years restricts flexibility.

If your goal is wealth creation, better options exist.

Should You Switch to the New Plan?
The tax-free withdrawal of 60% seems attractive, but consider the surrender tax.

If you are in the highest tax bracket, surrendering can be costly.

Locking funds in another pension plan reduces flexibility.

Instead, investing in mutual funds can give higher returns and better control.

You can withdraw systematically without annuity restrictions.

Reinvesting in a pension plan limits future financial choices.

Better Alternatives for Retirement Planning
Instead of shifting to another pension plan, consider equity mutual funds.

Mutual funds allow withdrawals with lower tax impact than annuities.

Debt mutual funds provide stability while maintaining flexibility.

Systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) help manage retirement income efficiently.

Combining equity and debt investments gives better post-retirement security.

What Should Be Your Next Steps?
Consult a tax expert before surrendering your pension plan.

Get written confirmation from HDFC on taxation treatment.

Compare annuity income vs. mutual fund withdrawals for retirement.

Ensure flexibility in withdrawals rather than locking into another pension plan.

Build a diversified portfolio that balances risk and liquidity.

Finally
Surrendering your pension plan may trigger tax liability.

Reinvesting in another pension plan may not be the best financial decision.

You need flexibility and better returns for retirement.

Mutual funds offer tax-efficient and high-growth alternatives.

Evaluate all options before making a final decision.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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