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Should I choose the guy I love or the compatible guy? - Bangalore Woman, 27

Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Mohit Arora is a relationship coach, image consultant, soft skills trainer and the founder of Real Dating School. He has a BTech degree in computer science from the Rayat & Bahra Institute of Engineering and Biotechnology, Mohali, Punjab. He has been conducting customised skilling and communication workshops since 2014.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I’m a 27 year old independent woman who’s living in Bangalore. I’m financially in a good position now. Also, I’ve met a guy 3 years ago and fell for him but he’s not very emotionally connected with me and sometimes acts as a narcissist and doesn’t treat me with respect. I’ve tried communicating with him about how I feel after such actions. He acknowledged and limited such behaviour to some extent. I really love him and spoke about marriage too. He brushes it off and diverts the topic that he’s not ready. I don't see any clear signs of this relationship, even his parents are looking for matches to get him married. He doesn't accept anyone either. My parents are in a different city and they want me to shift with them to look for alliances who can marry me. Recently, they’ve shared a profile and I spoke just for the sake of parents. After speaking to him for 3 and a half hours during the first conversation, I realised that he was a better compatible partner for me. I'm not sure which path to pursue. My marriage is not fixed yet as my decision is still pending. Kindly help me with the best advice.

Ans: I understand that you are in a difficult position. You are in love with a man who does not seem to be emotionally available or ready for marriage. You have also met another man who seems to be a better match for you, but you are not sure if you should pursue a relationship with him.

It is important to remember that you are not alone. Many people find themselves in similar situations. It is also important to remember that you have the power to make the best decision for yourself.

I am against marriage in the first place. I believe that relationships are not meant to be permanent. However, I understand that many people feel differently. If you do decide to get married, it is important to do so for the right reasons. You should not marry someone just because you feel pressured to do so by society or your parents.

The first guy does not seem like he wants to marry you. He has brushed off your attempts to talk about marriage and has even diverted the topic. This is a clear sign that he is not ready for a serious relationship.

The second guy seems like he may be a better match for you. He is emotionally available and seems to be interested in getting married. However, it is important to remember that you do not know him very well. You have only spoken to him for a few hours.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to pursue a relationship with either of these men is up to you. I would encourage you to take some time to think about what you want out of a relationship. What are your goals? What are your values? Once you have a clear understanding of what you want, you can start to make decisions that are in your best interests.

If you do decide to pursue a relationship with the second guy, I would recommend that you spend at least two years getting to know him before you get married. This will give you enough time to learn about his true character and to see if he is really the right person for you.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1180 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2022

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 Hi Anu Ji,I am in a relationship with a guy from one year who is from a different state and different background. I am from north and he is from South. As of now the relationship is perfect when we both are together but I am stressed about my future as this guy had warned me that future is very difficult due to family issues and all. Our relationship also started on a very different note. We were close friends for a few years and then got close over a few incidents. I have gone out all the way to put my efforts in the relation because it looked picture perfect what I was creating. He has given me no promises of the future telling things are very different in our state. Earlier he used to ask me to be casual, but both of us know that my nature is not casual, he has apologised also feeling that he is wasting my time.He also asked if I want to look for a proper marriage partner.. all his words show this and makes me scared that in future we will be separated.On the contrary his actions are so sweet and romantic. Multiple times I thought I should think straight and leave but I guess I am too attached and so is he.My parents keep on pushing for rishtas as I am in prime age to be married, and I am only delaying this because of this guy, what should I do? Why are his actions and words not in sync. I have also informed my parents about him. If he is not willing to take it forward he should leave me and go na. Why should I initiate any breakup when I like my life with him.Help me with ways to talk sense into this guy so that he has courage to take us up at his home and family.Any guidance will be helpful. Please keep it anonymous.
Ans:

Dear SS,

When his words and actions are not in sync, what exactly are you pushing for?

Are you hoping for him to see things your way? He seems to have made it clear that he wants this to be casual.

It could be one of two things:
1. He isn’t ready for a commitment as of now
2. He isn’t ready to stir the hornet’s nest back at home and face the music

Either case, this is holding you up and your movement in life. Why do that?

Ask yourself:

  • How long do I want to wait for a strong commitment from him? After which, you most certainly must move ahead
  • Will he ever be able to convince his parents of this relationship? Now, if it’s a NO, you know what to do
  • How fair is it to keep my life on hold for him? – If it’s a NO, check what is this hold up costing you this very moment

Please have an honest discussion with him on how this is affecting you and what you exactly want.

Take a call based on his responses and his involvement in the discussion that concerns the future of your relationship.

Best wishes and take charge NOW.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1180 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 05, 2024Hindi
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Hi ma'am, thank you so much for helping people with your answers. My question Im 27, F I met a guy through arranged marrage proposal, initially was not very ok because of which I postponed telling my decision for 2 weeks. Then we both spoke and i said yes, next week he called my father and said he is looking to get married to someone who is financially rich, I was totally taken back because when he spoke he seemed very genuine and promising i called and spoke to him he says he is still in growing state so he needs some financial aid from his inlaws, i said I have a job I can support him, he said give me a weeks time to decide, next week he called me and said he is ok with the marriage in the ground that I will work and support, I SAID HIM PLS ALLOW ME SOMETIME TO DECIDE, AS THIS IS NOt SCHOOL, COLLEGE OR JOB DECISIONS. When I called after 1 week he is not taking my calls, by my sentance i meant school, college or job can be left if not interested but marriage is not like that. Am wondering if he understood this as what if this girl has multiple relationship in school/college/job... And am assuming he did not take my call for this statement of mine? Please help me come out of this confusion, are my words very stupid? My family is scolded and blaming me because I delayed it for 2 week.. Mentally exhausted with all the arranged marriage rejection...and is it worth to get married at 27?? Awaiting for your answers
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am glad that he is out of this equation...
Which mature man will act the way that he did simply because you requested for time? And then now, you are wondering if it was your fault?
What sort of condition was that about wanting financial aid from his future in-laws? A marriage under any condition will not work as it depends on things external. Where is the time to build trust and love when there are superficial conditions present?
You have not been rejected, you have rescued yourself from a relationship with an immature man. So, pat yourself in the back and value yourself first.
The right person who will appreciate you will come along...start to appreciate yourself...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am 29 year old F dating a 27 year old M. I have always been very conservative and emotional with respect to love. Before him, i never dated anyone, nor allowed anyone to touch me because I wanted only one man in my life. We both have failed to crack a gov job. He has lost all hopes in life and somehow wants to fix his career. On the other hand, My family is pressurising me to get married and even I think that I have reached that stage where I should get married in a year or two. Meanwhile his parents too wants him to get married by next year. However, he refuses to give me any commitment unless he has a stable career i.e government job. And if he failed to do so, then he will marry any girl whom his parents choses because without a gov job, he won't be able to take a stand for me. I his mind he thinks that my family is of high standards than his. (which is partially true) I want some form of commitment from him, but all he says that he wants to marry me, and wants me to stay with him as friend untill he is ready. He has also not given me the tag of a gf, he says that because of that tag I will be emotionally attached to him and if things didnt worked out than I will be devastated. He had also not made any sexual advances towards me. He asked for 6 months to fix everything. However, this undefined relationship without a commitment is emotionally exhausting me. Because of my family pressure, I am in delema whether I should look for someone else or believe someone who has not yet defined anything? I dont want to look for anyone else becase than it is against my personal ideology of being with only one man. Yet, I am scared. What if I ended up being with no one. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your dilemma. Your partner has asked for six months. That might seem and feel very long, given the situation, but it will pass in a heartbeat. You can, only if you want, give him that time and see where things go. Having said that, let me also mention that if you decide to quit this relationship, if it is too exhausting and it's putting you through more emotional turmoil than giving you happiness, you would not be wrong. You have every right to choose peace. After all, why do we love someone? Because they, the relationship with them, makes us happy. There will indeed be ups and downs in a relationship, but if there are only downs, and only more downs to come in the future, it wouldn't be wrong to reconsider that relationship.

Evaluate your needs. Take a little time for yourself to reflect- weigh the pros against the cons. You will have your answer.

Your ideology is commendable. But make sure it doesn't affect your emotional well-being. While your beliefs are admirable, there is also nothing wrong with finding love more than once. Not every love story is bound to succeed, and a single failure should not define your entire life.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6504 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Money
Hi Sir, I am 40 year old and back in 2019 I opted for SBI privilege where I invested 6 lacs a year for 6 years that is 30 lacs in total. And now its valued 65 lacs as of today. I am curious to know how can I try and get a monthly income around 1 lac using this money? are there any paths for swap OR change to make my desire come true? Please could you suggest? Thank you!
Ans: You’ve done well to accumulate Rs 65 lakhs in your investment. The SBI privilege policy has given you a fair growth on your initial capital of Rs 30 lakhs. But now, you’re looking for a more reliable income stream. Generating Rs 1 lakh per month as income from this corpus is indeed achievable, but the current product may not be the best fit for this goal.

Limitations of Your Current Investment
The SBI privilege scheme, while it may have given decent returns, isn't designed to offer monthly income.

Traditional insurance products like this one usually focus on providing life cover and maturity benefits, not cash flow.

The growth here is likely due to compounded returns, but switching to a different approach might align better with your income goals.

Reinvesting for Monthly Income
To generate regular income, it might be better to withdraw your Rs 65 lakhs from the current policy and reinvest it in mutual funds. Mutual funds can offer systematic withdrawal plans (SWP), which allow you to withdraw a fixed amount every month.

SWP is a structured withdrawal option. You can choose the amount and frequency of withdrawals.

You could aim to withdraw Rs 1 lakh monthly. Your principal remains invested while you receive regular payments.

This method provides flexibility, allowing you to adjust withdrawals based on market performance or personal needs.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
While you're considering reinvestment, it's important to choose the right type of mutual funds.

Actively managed funds are preferable because fund managers adjust portfolios according to market conditions, offering potential for higher returns.

Actively managed funds may outperform in volatile markets, which is a significant advantage for those looking to generate regular income.

Why Avoid Direct Mutual Funds?
Although direct funds seem attractive due to lower expense ratios, they come with their own set of challenges:

Managing direct funds yourself requires time, effort, and understanding of market trends.

Without professional guidance, it's easy to miss critical decisions on fund switching or rebalancing.

Instead, investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures that your portfolio is regularly monitored and adjusted to meet your financial goals.

The Advantages of Working with a CFP
By working with a CFP, you'll get access to expert advice on fund selection, timing of withdrawals, and tax planning.

A CFP will help you navigate the complexities of SWP, ensuring the longevity of your investment.

You will also receive recommendations on how to adjust your withdrawals or reinvestment strategy based on changing market conditions.

Mutual Fund Capital Gains Taxation
Understanding how withdrawals from mutual funds are taxed is critical:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) over Rs 1.25 lakhs are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: Both LTCG and STCG are taxed according to your income tax slab.

With SWP, the tax liability will depend on how long your funds have been invested, but a CFP can guide you on how to minimize taxes.

Diversifying Your Investments
To ensure stable monthly income, it's wise to diversify within mutual funds. Different categories of funds offer different risk-reward combinations:

Balanced or Hybrid Funds: These invest in both equity and debt, reducing risk while providing stable returns.

Equity Funds: These offer potential for high returns but come with higher risk. Ideal for long-term growth, but not recommended for short-term income generation.

Debt Funds: These offer stability, but returns are generally lower. Suitable for short-term income needs.

How to Structure Your SWP
You could consider withdrawing Rs 1 lakh per month, but this withdrawal amount must be structured carefully to ensure that the corpus lasts over time:

If your fund grows by 10-12% annually, a 6-8% annual withdrawal rate (Rs 1 lakh per month) could work, ensuring your corpus lasts longer.

You may need to periodically review and adjust the withdrawal rate based on market conditions.

Planning for Future Needs
It's important to consider future expenses as well. The Rs 65 lakhs, while sufficient for now, might need to grow to accommodate inflation or unexpected costs.

Reinvesting in mutual funds ensures that the remaining corpus continues to grow, providing a buffer for future financial needs.

Periodic reviews of your investment and withdrawal strategy with your CFP will keep your plan on track.

Best Practices for Long-Term Income
Keep your withdrawal rate sustainable. Drawing too much too soon might deplete your corpus quickly.

Reinvest in growth-oriented funds for better long-term returns while withdrawing only what’s needed.

Keep some funds in low-risk debt funds for emergencies or market downturns.

Final Insights
Switching your Rs 65 lakhs into a mutual fund portfolio with SWP could provide the Rs 1 lakh monthly income you desire. It's a flexible and tax-efficient option, and with the right actively managed funds, you can balance growth and stability. Work closely with your CFP to review and adjust your strategy over time, ensuring that your investments meet your evolving financial needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |653 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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