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Should I choose the guy I love or the compatible guy? - Bangalore Woman, 27

Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Mohit Arora is a relationship coach, image consultant, soft skills trainer and the founder of Real Dating School. He has a BTech degree in computer science from the Rayat & Bahra Institute of Engineering and Biotechnology, Mohali, Punjab. He has been conducting customised skilling and communication workshops since 2014.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I’m a 27 year old independent woman who’s living in Bangalore. I’m financially in a good position now. Also, I’ve met a guy 3 years ago and fell for him but he’s not very emotionally connected with me and sometimes acts as a narcissist and doesn’t treat me with respect. I’ve tried communicating with him about how I feel after such actions. He acknowledged and limited such behaviour to some extent. I really love him and spoke about marriage too. He brushes it off and diverts the topic that he’s not ready. I don't see any clear signs of this relationship, even his parents are looking for matches to get him married. He doesn't accept anyone either. My parents are in a different city and they want me to shift with them to look for alliances who can marry me. Recently, they’ve shared a profile and I spoke just for the sake of parents. After speaking to him for 3 and a half hours during the first conversation, I realised that he was a better compatible partner for me. I'm not sure which path to pursue. My marriage is not fixed yet as my decision is still pending. Kindly help me with the best advice.

Ans: I understand that you are in a difficult position. You are in love with a man who does not seem to be emotionally available or ready for marriage. You have also met another man who seems to be a better match for you, but you are not sure if you should pursue a relationship with him.

It is important to remember that you are not alone. Many people find themselves in similar situations. It is also important to remember that you have the power to make the best decision for yourself.

I am against marriage in the first place. I believe that relationships are not meant to be permanent. However, I understand that many people feel differently. If you do decide to get married, it is important to do so for the right reasons. You should not marry someone just because you feel pressured to do so by society or your parents.

The first guy does not seem like he wants to marry you. He has brushed off your attempts to talk about marriage and has even diverted the topic. This is a clear sign that he is not ready for a serious relationship.

The second guy seems like he may be a better match for you. He is emotionally available and seems to be interested in getting married. However, it is important to remember that you do not know him very well. You have only spoken to him for a few hours.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to pursue a relationship with either of these men is up to you. I would encourage you to take some time to think about what you want out of a relationship. What are your goals? What are your values? Once you have a clear understanding of what you want, you can start to make decisions that are in your best interests.

If you do decide to pursue a relationship with the second guy, I would recommend that you spend at least two years getting to know him before you get married. This will give you enough time to learn about his true character and to see if he is really the right person for you.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2022

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 Hi Anu Ji,I am in a relationship with a guy from one year who is from a different state and different background. I am from north and he is from South. As of now the relationship is perfect when we both are together but I am stressed about my future as this guy had warned me that future is very difficult due to family issues and all. Our relationship also started on a very different note. We were close friends for a few years and then got close over a few incidents. I have gone out all the way to put my efforts in the relation because it looked picture perfect what I was creating. He has given me no promises of the future telling things are very different in our state. Earlier he used to ask me to be casual, but both of us know that my nature is not casual, he has apologised also feeling that he is wasting my time.He also asked if I want to look for a proper marriage partner.. all his words show this and makes me scared that in future we will be separated.On the contrary his actions are so sweet and romantic. Multiple times I thought I should think straight and leave but I guess I am too attached and so is he.My parents keep on pushing for rishtas as I am in prime age to be married, and I am only delaying this because of this guy, what should I do? Why are his actions and words not in sync. I have also informed my parents about him. If he is not willing to take it forward he should leave me and go na. Why should I initiate any breakup when I like my life with him.Help me with ways to talk sense into this guy so that he has courage to take us up at his home and family.Any guidance will be helpful. Please keep it anonymous.
Ans:

Dear SS,

When his words and actions are not in sync, what exactly are you pushing for?

Are you hoping for him to see things your way? He seems to have made it clear that he wants this to be casual.

It could be one of two things:
1. He isn’t ready for a commitment as of now
2. He isn’t ready to stir the hornet’s nest back at home and face the music

Either case, this is holding you up and your movement in life. Why do that?

Ask yourself:

  • How long do I want to wait for a strong commitment from him? After which, you most certainly must move ahead
  • Will he ever be able to convince his parents of this relationship? Now, if it’s a NO, you know what to do
  • How fair is it to keep my life on hold for him? – If it’s a NO, check what is this hold up costing you this very moment

Please have an honest discussion with him on how this is affecting you and what you exactly want.

Take a call based on his responses and his involvement in the discussion that concerns the future of your relationship.

Best wishes and take charge NOW.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 30, 2024

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I am 30 years old. My marriage was going to be finalised with a guy of 32 years but his mother denied the match because our kundli don't match and it shows he will die if I marry him and apparently there is no puja that can stop it as per his mom 's version. The guy says he loves me but never had taken a step to stand up to his mom. Also a fact to mention is he has been raised by single mom as his dad died when he was born so he says he can't say anything to his mother. So when his mother denied our match, I stopped texting him. But he started talking, wants to meet, confesses of love , even asked me to let's go and marry in court without telling our families. And while he confesses this , his mom is searching other girls for him and he is seeing them. It is difficult for me to move on . But this is also hurting me whenever I text him or talk to him. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Chetna,

I am really sorry that you are in such a situation. I assume that you understand why his mother is giving into age-old superstition and why he could not stand up against it. And I appreciate your understanding. Having said that, I would suggest you sever contact with him. He could not go against his mom's wishes but can continue messaging you, how is that fair to you? I know it hurts now, but it is best to disconnect with him completely if you want to move on. Being in touch and hearing him confess his feelings are not very helpful.

There are two things that you can do-
One, you tell him to stop contacting you. He isn't going to marry so, and that leaves him with no right to bother you.
Second, you can tell your parents and his about this. Let them sort it out.

It might sound harsh or petty, but it has to be done because soon he will be married off to someone else, and you will be left with the memories of him expressing his love. You deserve better.

Hope this helps.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 29, 2024Hindi
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Around 2022, I got a marriage proposal from a mutual acquaintance of a guy who us also known to my family . At that time I was in a relationship with someone else so my family told that I am currently focusing on my studies . But recently , I am single and saw his account on social media . We started chatting with each other and I realised that we are conpatible in many aspects . But after some days ... my mother started pressuring me that they will start to see marriage prospects for me. Also I felt that he also feels the same for me because how he talked to me... So out of pressure ,I asked him and told about my feelings for him and told why it will be profitable if we consider ourselves as a couple .He told that he has a lot of pressure from his family to settle for a well paying job (though he is working in a private company)and also wants to focus on his passion too. Also he had brojen his heart 2 times. Although he assured that he is not saying no and also he would think over this proposal and would give me an answer . But the next day I saw he blocked me from social media . I would have appreciated if he had an open communication with me as I had the same . Btw now he is 27 and I am 23 .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry to hear that you had to go through this. Some people do not have the emotional maturity to say a simple no or speak their truth. He might not have wanted to make things awkward or thought he was sparing you some pain but ultimately that isn't the case. But the important thing to remember here is that his action reflects on him and what kind of a person he is; it does not highlight your worth. I know it hurts right now, but it will get better and you will find someone who loves you.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 29, 2024Hindi
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Hello Anu, I am female 26 years of age. I am working IT working professional, I earn 1 lack 50 k per month. I come from a very good family in my family everyone is educated and I am the youngest one in my family. My mom and brother are actively looking for groom for me. There wanted me to get married to someone who had good career and coming from good family background. But recently I meet with a guy who stays in Sweden and works as bioinformatics scientist. He is very smart and he is a kind hearted guy. Slowly I got to know about him more. He is simple decent guy he earns pretty good but his parents health is really bad. And during the year 2021 his father got 2 heart stroke and one stroke. They almost in the verse of loosing their father which eventually let his father to decide to get him married to a girl. He got married at the age of 25 in the year 2021. He is currently 29 years old. He is just 2 years older to me. He didn't got chance to talk to her before marriage he pleased the girl parents a lot of time but there were very conservative and didn't allow them to talk, so he told his parents multiple occasions that he is not ready for this marriage his parents started emotionally blackmail him. there said their wanted to see his marriage before they leave this world. So he drawn so emotional and got married to her. After 2 months of marriage he got to know both of there mindset doesn't match at all. Still he given time for her to change so that he can proceed this relationship. Currently there are living together in the Sweden there live like two different strangers, he doesn't allow her to touch him there only talk when it something important to talk. He is not at all happy with the relationship, he is seeking for the divorce but the girl's parents keep on manipulating her, even she is not happy with him, she will say at times I will give divorce but after consulting her parents her decisions keep on changing. There live like 2 different strangers under the same roof. He really loves me alot. I really love his personality and want to get married to him but my parents will never agree to idea of getting married to a divorce person. My parents and my brother brought me up from childhood very over protectively. Almost in all my life I was good quoted child who listens to the elder one. I didn't have courage to speak up about all this to my parents. But at the same time I can't move on from him. I have constant pressure from my parents about marriage. Can you please tell me, how can I handle this situation, should I move on or else should I ask him to talk to my parents. Can you please suggest me. I want to genuinely spend my rest of life with him. I don't have problem with his past marriage because he was forced into that marriage. I really like his personality, he is very hardworking talented guy. He does match most of things I look for a ideal partner. Please give me the suggestion briefly because this is the decision of rest of my life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You two haven't even met, right? I mean is it a virtual meet?
Even if it's a physical meeting,
- How much do you know of him to be sure that his story is what he says?
- Do you not want to know his wife's version of the entire story especially being a woman, are you not curious?

What people say and what they are might be very different. So, before calling it Love and then taking a decision, ask yourself if you want to go through the divorce with him; I mean you will be part of that journey and then his baggage...do you really want all of that?
What screams RED FLAGS to me is the fact that he keeps changing his decision on whether to leave his wife or not. So, either he has feelings for her OR his story is untrue OR he;s giving his marriage another chance. In none of these cases are you anywhere. Does this not say anything to you? Saying 'I Love You' really doesn't mean a thing when the intention is not a noble or genuine one. Kindly go deeper into his story before doing anything and making any big decisions. Your life. Your decisions...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am 29 year old F dating a 27 year old M. I have always been very conservative and emotional with respect to love. Before him, i never dated anyone, nor allowed anyone to touch me because I wanted only one man in my life. We both have failed to crack a gov job. He has lost all hopes in life and somehow wants to fix his career. On the other hand, My family is pressurising me to get married and even I think that I have reached that stage where I should get married in a year or two. Meanwhile his parents too wants him to get married by next year. However, he refuses to give me any commitment unless he has a stable career i.e government job. And if he failed to do so, then he will marry any girl whom his parents choses because without a gov job, he won't be able to take a stand for me. I his mind he thinks that my family is of high standards than his. (which is partially true) I want some form of commitment from him, but all he says that he wants to marry me, and wants me to stay with him as friend untill he is ready. He has also not given me the tag of a gf, he says that because of that tag I will be emotionally attached to him and if things didnt worked out than I will be devastated. He had also not made any sexual advances towards me. He asked for 6 months to fix everything. However, this undefined relationship without a commitment is emotionally exhausting me. Because of my family pressure, I am in delema whether I should look for someone else or believe someone who has not yet defined anything? I dont want to look for anyone else becase than it is against my personal ideology of being with only one man. Yet, I am scared. What if I ended up being with no one. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your dilemma. Your partner has asked for six months. That might seem and feel very long, given the situation, but it will pass in a heartbeat. You can, only if you want, give him that time and see where things go. Having said that, let me also mention that if you decide to quit this relationship, if it is too exhausting and it's putting you through more emotional turmoil than giving you happiness, you would not be wrong. You have every right to choose peace. After all, why do we love someone? Because they, the relationship with them, makes us happy. There will indeed be ups and downs in a relationship, but if there are only downs, and only more downs to come in the future, it wouldn't be wrong to reconsider that relationship.

Evaluate your needs. Take a little time for yourself to reflect- weigh the pros against the cons. You will have your answer.

Your ideology is commendable. But make sure it doesn't affect your emotional well-being. While your beliefs are admirable, there is also nothing wrong with finding love more than once. Not every love story is bound to succeed, and a single failure should not define your entire life.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10879 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2025Hindi
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Hello Sir, I am 56 yrs old with two sons, both married and settled. They are living on their own and managing their finances. I have around 2.5 Cr. invested in Direct Equity and 50L in Equity Mutual Funds. I have Another 50L savings in Bank and other secured investments. I am living in Delhi NCR in my owned parental house. I have two properties of current market worth of 2 Cr, giving a monthly rental of around 40K. I wish to retire and travel the world now with my wife. My approximate yearly expenditure on house hold and travel will be around 24 L per year. I want to know, if this corpus is enough for me to retire now and continue to live a comfortable life.
Ans: You have built a strong base. You have raised your sons well. They live independently. You and your wife now want a peaceful and enjoyable retired life. You have created wealth with discipline. You have no home loan. You live in your own house. This gives strength to your cash flow. Your savings across equity, mutual funds, and bank deposits show good clarity. I appreciate your careful preparation. You deserve a happy retired life with travel and comfort.

» Your Present Position
Your current financial position looks very steady. You hold direct equity of around Rs 2.5 Cr. You hold equity mutual funds worth Rs 50 lakh. You also have Rs 50 lakh in bank deposits and other secured savings. Your two rental properties add more comfort. You earn around Rs 40,000 per month from rent. You also live in your owned house in Delhi NCR. So you have no rent expense.

Your total net worth crosses Rs 5.5 Cr easily. This gives you a strong base for your retired life. You plan to spend around Rs 24 lakh per year for all expenses, including travel. This is reasonable for your lifestyle. Your savings can support this if planned well. You have built more than the minimum needed for a comfortable retired life.

» Your Key Strengths
You already enjoy many strengths. These strengths hold your plan together.

You have zero housing loan.

You have stable rental income.

You have children living independently.

You have a balanced mix of assets.

You have built wealth with discipline.

You have clear goals for travel and lifestyle.

You have strong liquidity with Rs 50 lakh in bank and secured savings.

These strengths reduce risk. They support a smooth retired life with less stress. They also help you handle inflation and medical costs better.

» Your Cash Flow Needs
Your yearly expense is around Rs 24 lakh. This includes travel, which is your main dream for retired life. A couple at your stage can keep this lifestyle if the cash flow is planned well. You need cash flow clarity for the next 30 years. Retirement at 56 can extend for three decades. So your wealth must support you for a long period.

Your rental income gives you around Rs 4.8 lakh per year. This covers almost 20% of your yearly spending. This reduces pressure on your investments. The rest can come from a planned withdrawal strategy from your financial assets.

You also have Rs 50 lakh in bank deposits. This acts as liquidity buffer. You can use this buffer for short-term and medium-term needs. You also have equity exposure. This can support long-term growth.

» Risk Capacity and Risk Need
Your risk capacity is moderate to high. This is because:

You own your home.

You have rental income.

Your children are financially independent.

You have large accumulated assets.

You have enough liquidity in bank deposits.

Your risk need is also moderate. You need growth because inflation will rise. Travel costs will rise. Medical costs will increase. Your lifestyle will change with age. Your equity portion helps you beat inflation. But your equity exposure must be managed well. You should avoid sudden large withdrawals from equity at the wrong time.

Your stability allows you to keep some portion in equity even during retired life. But you should avoid excessive risk through direct equity. Direct equity carries concentration risk. A balanced mix of high-quality mutual funds is safer in retired life.

» Direct Equity Risk in Retired Life
You hold around Rs 2.5 Cr in direct equity. This brings some concerns. Direct equity needs frequent tracking. It needs research. It carries single-stock risk. One mistake may reduce your capital. In retired life, you need stability, clarity, and lower volatility.

Direct funds inside mutual funds also bring challenges. Direct funds lack personalised support. Regular plans through a Mutual Fund Distributor with a Certified Financial Planner bring guidance and strategy. Regular funds also support better tracking and behaviour management in volatile markets. In retired life, proper handholding improves long-term stability.

Many people think direct funds save cost. But the value of advisory support through a CFP gives higher net gains over long periods. Direct plans also create more confusion in asset allocation for retirees.

» Mutual Funds as a Core Support
Actively managed mutual funds remain a strong pillar. They bring professional management and risk controls. They handle market cycles better than index funds. Index funds follow the market blindly. They do not help in volatile phases. They also offer no risk protection. They cannot manage quality of stocks.

Actively managed funds deliver better selection and risk handling. A retiree benefits from such active strategy. You should avoid index funds for a long retirement plan. You should prefer strong active funds under a disciplined review with a CFP-led MFD support.

» Why Regular Plans Work Better for Retirees
Direct plans give no guidance. Retired investors often face emotional decisions. Some panic during market fall. Some withdraw heavily during market rise. This harms wealth. Regular plan under a CFP-led MFD gives a relationship. It offers disciplined rebalancing. It improves long-term returns. It protects wealth from poor behaviour.

For retirees, the difference is huge. So shifting to regular plans for the mutual fund portion will help long-term stability.

» Your Withdrawal Strategy
A planned withdrawal strategy is key for your case. You should create three layers.

Short-Term Bucket
This comes from your bank deposits. This should hold at least 18 to 24 months of expenses. You already have Rs 50 lakh. This is enough to hold your short-term cash needs. You can use this for household costs and some travel. This avoids panic selling of equity during market downturn.

Medium-Term Bucket
This bucket can stay partly in low-volatility debt funds and partly in hybrid options. This should cover your next 5 to 7 years. This helps smoothen withdrawals. It gives regular cash flow. It reduces market shocks.

Long-Term Bucket
This can stay in high-quality equity mutual funds. This bucket helps beat inflation. This bucket helps fund your travel dreams in later years. This bucket also builds buffer for medical needs.

This three-bucket strategy protects your lifestyle. It also keeps discipline and clarity.

» Handling Property and Rental Income
Your properties give Rs 40,000 monthly rental. This helps your cash flow. You should maintain the property well. You should keep some funds aside for repairs. Do not depend fully on rental growth. Rental yields remain low. But your rental income reduces pressure on your investments. So keep the rental income as a steady support, not a primary source.

You should not plan more real estate purchase. Real estate brings low returns and poor liquidity. You already own enough. Holding more can hurt flexibility in retired life.

» Planning for Medical Costs
Medical costs rise faster than inflation. You and your wife need strong health coverage. You should maintain a reliable health insurance. You should also keep a medical fund from your bank deposits. You may keep around 3 to 4 lakh per year as a buffer for medical needs. Your bank savings support this.

Health coverage reduces stress on your long-term wealth. It also avoids large withdrawals from your growth assets.

» Travel Planning
Travel is your main dream now. You can plan your travel using your short-term and medium-term buckets. You can take funds annually from your liquidity bucket. You can avoid touching long-term equity assets for travel. This approach keeps your wealth stable.

You should plan travel for the next five years with a budget. You should adjust your travel based on markets and health. Do not use entire gains of equity for travel. Keep travel budget fixed. Add small adjustments only when needed.

» Inflation and Lifestyle Stability
Inflation will impact lifestyle. At Rs 24 lakh per year today, the cost may double in 12 to 14 years. Your equity exposure helps you beat this. But you need careful rebalancing. You also need disciplined review with a CFP-led MFD. This will help you manage inflation and maintain comfort.

Your lifestyle is stable because your children live independently. So your cash flow demand stays predictable. This makes your plan sustainable.

» Longevity Risk
Retirement at 56 means you may live till 85 or 90. Your plan should cover long years. Your total net worth of around Rs 5.5 Cr to Rs 6 Cr can support this. But you need a proper drawdown strategy. Avoid high withdrawals in early years. Keep your travel budget steady.

Do not depend on one asset class. A mix of debt and equity gives comfort. Keep your bank deposits as cushion.

» Succession and Estate Planning
Since you have two sons who are settled, you can plan a clear will. Clear distribution avoids conflict. You can also assign nominees across accounts. You can also review your legal papers. This gives peace to you and your family.

» Summary of Your Retirement Readiness
Based on your assets and cash flow, you are ready to retire. You have enough wealth. You have enough liquidity. You have enough income support from rent. You also have good asset mix. With proper planning, your lifestyle is comfortable.

You can retire now. But maintain a disciplined withdrawal strategy. Shift more reliance from direct equity into professionally managed mutual funds under regular plans. Keep your liquidity strong. Review once every year with a CFP.

Your wealth can support your travel dreams for many years. You can enjoy retired life with confidence.

» Finally
Your preparation is strong. Your intentions are clear. Your lifestyle needs are reasonable. Your assets support your dreams. With a balanced plan, steady review, and mindful spending, you can enjoy a comfortable retired life with your wife. You can travel the world without fear of running out of money. You deserve this peace and joy.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |2577 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Dec 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 10, 2025Hindi
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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