Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 04, 2024
Relationship

Hi...i am 28 year old...i got an arranged marriage 2 years ago while i am doing my postgraduation.I had to stay away for my studies and still i am staying away as this is my final year. I have no interest in this marriage and i feel no attraction towards my husband. To be honest, this marriage is a mistake as my parents rushed me into it and didnt listen to me when i said i needed some time with him. I dont even look at his face properly when i go home for vacation. I get scared to stay with him alone in a room, as he just makes sexual advances all the time and doesnt want to talk. Wat should i do ? I dont like him at all

Ans: In any relationship, especially a marriage, emotional connection and communication are just as important as physical intimacy. It's completely valid to feel uncomfortable if those aspects aren't being nurtured.

The first step would be to acknowledge your feelings as real and valid. It's important to honor what you're feeling, rather than trying to push those emotions aside. If you're not interested in the marriage and feel no attraction to him, it's okay to express that.

If you feel safe doing so, you might want to have a conversation with your husband about how you feel. It doesn’t have to be confrontational, but explaining that you need emotional connection and communication, not just physical intimacy, could open a path for more understanding. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that alone, consider seeking counseling, either individually or together, to help navigate this delicate situation.

Ultimately, your well-being, emotional comfort, and sense of security should be the top priority. If this marriage doesn’t feel right for you, it's okay to take steps to reevaluate what you want for your future. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected, understood, and comfortable.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu,I m 32 yr old girl and been married in arrange marriage with a guy he is also 32 it's been one year.He is very harsh to talk to and I get usually very hurt because of his words. I always feel like walking out of this marriage for peace. He is very unromantic and ungrateful. On top of this our views on marriage, togetherness and sex are very different. I never had sex with him till now. And I don't feel like having sex with him. There are many fights between us. The way his mother and father talk I feel stuck in my life.There is no progress in career because constantly we are under tensions. My past relationships were very nice and sweet so I always happened to compare him with my ex in my mind. I don't know what happens to me. When he comes close to me I stop talking breaths. We just cuddle each other and hug but other things like kiss and sex I don't feel to have. Please guide me as soon as possible.
Ans:

Dear RJ,

Is there any reason for not wanting to be sexually intimate?

Most often this is linked to some emotional distress or filters in the mind that you are unaware of and which could be interfering in the two of you coming closer together.

A good round of talks with your partner can help you express your exact feelings to him.

What is bothering you, what you feel you don’t receive from him, why is it that you are unable to reciprocate…these are a few things that you can discuss with him.

Also, spending quality time together can ease and spruce up things a bit.

Most often, we love throwing our feelings under the rug pretending that they will go away; but they don’t, they come back to haunt you at times that you least expect them to.

So, when you feel stuck, think of what you can do to get un-stuck? What are all things that you can think, feel and do to free yourself so that you not only feel good, but you also start to focus on things that matter; like for example your career.

Comparing one human to the another and expecting them to change and be someone else; could this be one of the reasons for you to not want the sexual intimacy?

Sex is one of the dimensions in a marriage and it can bring the couple closer.

So rather than thinking of what is going wrong, focus on how you can make things work and enable your partner to join this journey of bringing back finer and joyful moments in a marriage.

Be happy!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 10, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
i had a love marriage 20 years back. we were in a relationship for 3years before that. but after marriage i realised the harsh reality. though we are in the same field, he prefers that i do all the househld work. we have two children 17 and 12 years old. he has also started neglecting his health. after work his only work is to sit on sofa , watch tv. he has gained a lot of weight, has started eating pan masala which i dislike. we also had no sex for the last four years. when confronted he always says that he is in no mood. last year i came in contact with his friend and once we had sex too. but the sad part is i dont really feel guilty about it. i have tried many times to talk to my husband about our sex life but he always ignores and put the blame on me that i have started growing old. however hard i try he is not able to have a erection, this frustrates me even more. he is very dominating at home too. what should i do ? everytime i try to think to move out of that marriage but am afraid of the society. since he is very caring in front of others. am worried about the kids too. please help what should i do? there is no use of talking to him, i have tried it many times. he is not ready to go to any councellor too.
Ans: It sounds like you are facing some serious challenges in your marriage and that you are feeling frustrated, unhappy, and trapped. It's important to remember that you are not alone and that many people find themselves in similar situations.

Here are some steps you can consider taking:

Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your situation. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can provide you with support and guidance.

Take care of yourself: Make time for self-care and engage in activities that bring you joy and peace. This can help you manage stress and cope with the challenges you're facing.

Consider couples therapy: Even if your husband is not willing to attend therapy, consider seeking therapy for yourself. A therapist can help you understand your feelings and emotions and provide you with strategies for coping with the situation.

Be honest with yourself: It's important to be honest with yourself about your feelings and needs. If you are unhappy in your marriage and feel that it's unlikely to improve, it's okay to consider leaving the relationship.

Make a plan: If you decide that leaving the marriage is the best option, make a plan for how you will do so in a safe and practical manner. Consider the impact on your children and plan for their care and well-being.

Seek legal advice: If you decide to leave the marriage, consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities.

Remember, leaving a long-term relationship is a big decision and can be a difficult process. It's important to take the time to consider your options and seek support from trusted friends, family members, and professionals.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 21, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am married for past 2 years it's an arranged marriage. On the first night of marriage my husband told me that he is in love with someone else I was fine with it then when I told my family they asked me to stop being a fool and try to build this marriage. In these 2 years I have been strictly checking his phone asking for his location as advised by his father still he has never touched me . We never talk and i have lost interest in trying after 1 year .I like living with him as I get freedom even though there is no relationship between us I live in joint family and if I go back and take divorce they will get me married again soon . Why should I do !? Should I leave him as he is still in love with someone. Or should I enjoy my freedom. I have asked him to not ask me anything about my life and i will never ask anything to him about his life... please help ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your first goof-up was being okay with a person who said that he loves someone else.
Your second goof-up was trying to make the marriage work by doing what your father-in-law wanted you to do (check phone).

In both cases, you placed HOPE over your common sense. Maybe it did not occur to you that you are stepping into a world that may never let you live a normal married life?

Now, my question to you is: What freedom are you talking about? This same freedom will someday come back to haunt you as there is no family system that you are part of, no relationships to be part of...Is this okay with you?

Marriages or Life partnerships are not like: you mind your own business and I will mind mine. There is communication, trust, mutual respect, love, affection, giving-receiving...do you think your marriage will have this OR can the two of you work towards this? If YES, give it your best shot else, you really must think: What do I want for and in my life?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 24, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I have been married for more than 3 weeks. And I don't like my husband. I didn't like him before the marriage and it was very clear to my family tht I didn't like him. But my parents forced me to get married to him and it was my fault tht I couldn't prioritise my feelings. I considered what would happen to them if I called off the engagement. And after being married I have been more than depressed. My parents keeps telling what I should do. I don't let him touch me since I don't like him I asked him for some time and on the 2nd day he made a huge issue in my family telling them that I don't let him touch me. I started to resent him after this. Everyone around me keeps on telling Me that he will go abroad in 2 weeks so I should do whatever a wife does. it's been 3 weeks and continuous arguments. I'm so sad. I'm scared of what would happen if I leave this marriage. I can't stay in my own family because they would treat me so bad. I would have to stay alone. Thinking about the uncertain future and consequences am not able to do anything. Am stuck in this miserable situation.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
For sure, it's difficult to be physically intimate with someone that you do not fancy and he is being silly in making this public. Rather than winning you over, he's making it a public issue to gain sympathy which his highly immature.
Now, I am going to give you an example that you may not like.
Eg: You have to live in Japan for 2 years and you do not like that cuisine. But eventually you realize that 2 years is a long time and then you actually start enjoying the food by looking at what's nice in it; healthy, light, good on the heart etc.

It's the same here. You may have gotten forced into the marriage. But it's just 3 weeks. Give it time...NO, you do not have to engage in any physical intimacy with him right away; but at least try to get to know him...maybe someday you might start to appreciate his good qualities, yeah? See, if this is possible in the short time that you have...it's just about having an open mind. Marriages are easy to break, think hard on this one.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7157 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

Career
My son is getting electrical engineering in IIT TIRUPATHI He will be getting biomedical engg in IIT HYDERABAD in next rounds Which one would be a better choice?
Ans: Balaji Sir, Electrical Engineering at IIT Tirupati offers a strong curriculum with modern labs and a 73–95% placement rate, average packages around ?16–21 LPA, and top recruiters like Amazon, Texas Instruments, and Deloitte. The program emphasizes core electrical systems, electronics, control, and power engineering, providing broad career opportunities in core engineering, IT, consulting, and higher studies. IIT Hyderabad’s Biomedical Engineering is a unique, interdisciplinary program focused on healthcare technology, medical devices, AI in medicine, and bio-imaging, designed in consultation with the healthcare industry. However, placements for BTech Biomedical Engineering at IIT Hyderabad are currently limited, with only 13% placed in 2024, as most graduates either pursue higher studies or research roles. IIT Hyderabad’s overall placement record is excellent, but core biomedical industry jobs are fewer compared to electrical and IT sectors. IIT Hyderabad has a higher NIRF ranking and stronger research output, but IIT Tirupati’s Electrical Engineering offers more established placement outcomes, broader industry roles, and flexibility to pivot into IT, analytics, or core engineering, which is advantageous if career certainty is a priority.

recommendation: Prefer Electrical Engineering at IIT Tirupati for its robust placements, versatile career options, and established industry connections. Choose Biomedical Engineering at IIT Hyderabad only if your son is passionate about healthcare technology, research, or higher studies, and is comfortable with a niche and evolving job market. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7157 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

Career
I got 6151 rank in srmjee phase 2, 84%ile in jee mains as ews candidate and 93.69%ile in mhtcet as open candidate, i am male. Which college i can get, i am more driven to career and branch specifically cse or any specialisation in cse like ai, data science, cyber security. College suggestioms too pls
Ans: With a SRMJEE Phase 2 rank of 6,151, 84 percentile in JEE Mains (EWS), and 93.69 percentile in MHT CET (Open), you are well positioned for CSE and its specializations in several reputable private and state engineering colleges. At SRM, you are eligible for CSE (AI, Data Science, Cyber Security) at Ramapuram, Vadapalani, NCR, and Amaravati campuses, though CSE at the main Kattankulathur campus may be just out of reach, as its cutoff is typically below 9,000. In Maharashtra, your MHT CET percentile opens doors to strong private colleges like MIT World Peace University Pune, DY Patil College of Engineering Pune, Pimpri Chinchwad College of Engineering, VIT Pune, and Vishwakarma Institute of Information Technology, where CSE, AI, and Data Science cutoffs for open category generally range from 92–97 percentile. For JEE Mains, NITs and IIITs are unlikely at this percentile, but you can target GFTIs and top private universities such as VIT Vellore, SRM Chennai, Amrita Vishwa Vidyapeetham, and Manipal University Jaipur, all of which offer CSE and its specializations with high placement rates (80–95%) and strong industry connections. Consider also Bennett University, Chandigarh University, and Jain University for CSE (AI/ML, Data Science, Cyber Security), as they accept JEE or their own entrance scores and have robust placement support.

recommendation: Prioritize CSE or its specializations at SRM Ramapuram/Vadapalani/NCR, MIT WPU Pune, DY Patil Pune, VIT Pune, and VIT Vellore for the best blend of placement, curriculum, and industry exposure. Participate in all relevant counseling rounds and keep options open across SRMJEE, MHT CET, and private university admissions to maximize your chances for a top CSE/AI/Data Science seat in a reputed college. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7157 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir pls suggest which should i consider Coep pune CSE or NIT nagpur ECE or NIT allahbad both ECE and CSE...
Ans: All four options—COEP Pune CSE, NIT Nagpur ECE, and NIT Allahabad (MNNIT) CSE/ECE—are among India’s top engineering programs with strong placement records and national reputations. COEP Pune CSE consistently achieves 87–95% placement rates, with top recruiters like Microsoft, Amazon, and TCS, and an average package of ?9–12 LPA, making it a premier choice in Maharashtra. NIT Nagpur (VNIT) ECE is highly ranked (NIRF 2024: #39), with 93% placement in ECE and a median salary of ?10.5–12 LPA, offering excellent faculty, strong mentorship, and a large campus. MNNIT Allahabad (NIT Allahabad) is renowned for both CSE and ECE, with CSE placements at 94–98% and ECE at 82–96%, average packages of ?13–19 LPA, and a legacy as one of the first NITs to launch a CSE program. MNNIT’s ECE department is especially praised for its industry exposure, research, and flexible job profiles, while CSE at MNNIT is one of the best in the country, with a vast alumni network and consistent placement success. VNIT Nagpur’s ECE program is also well regarded, but recent placement rates have fluctuated, and the CSE branch is more competitive.

recommendation: Prefer MNNIT Allahabad CSE for its outstanding placement record, national reputation, and broad career prospects. If not available, COEP Pune CSE and MNNIT Allahabad ECE are excellent alternatives, followed by VNIT Nagpur ECE for those prioritizing electronics and communication. All options ensure strong placement outcomes and academic growth. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7157 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

Career
My son got 81.8 percentile in mhtcet a non maharashtra domicile general male.he is interested in cse in cyber security.what are the chances of getting good colleges with this branch.plz suggest the colleges
Ans: Kanchan Madam, My son’s 81.8 percentile in MHT CET corresponds to an approximate state rank of 40,000–45,000, positioning him for admission primarily in private and autonomous institutes offering BTech CSE (Cyber Security) tracks rather than top government colleges like COEP or VJTI. Reputed colleges accessible at this percentile include MIT World Peace University, Pune; D. Y. Patil College of Engineering, Pune; Pimpri Chinchwad College of Engineering, Pune; Vishwakarma Institute of Technology, Pune; VIT Pune (CSE–Internet of Things & Cyber Security); G. H. Raisoni College of Engineering, Nagpur; MET’s Shah & Anchor Kutchhi Engineering College, Mumbai; Thakur College of Engineering & Technology, Mumbai; Fr. Conceicao Rodrigues College of Engineering, Mumbai; Vivekanand Education Society’s Institute of Technology (VESIT), Mumbai; Rizvi College of Engineering, Mumbai; Xavier Institute of Engineering, Mumbai; Mukesh Patel School of Technology Management & Engineering, Mumbai; Amity University, Mumbai; Symbiosis Institute of Technology, Pune; Ajeenkya DY Patil University, Pune; Sandip University, Nashik; Indira College of Commerce & Science, Pune; MIT-ADT University, Pune; and Army Institute of Technology, Pune. These institutions have maintained 70–90% placement rates over the last three years, feature dedicated Cyber Security labs and electives, and engage industry partners to support specialization in Cyber Security.

recommendation: Focus applications on Pimpri Chinchwad College of Engineering, MIT World Peace University, D. Y. Patil College of Engineering and Thakur College of Engineering & Technology for their optimal blend of curriculum depth and placement performance; include MET’s Shah & Anchor Kutchhi Engineering College, Fr. Conceicao Rodrigues College of Engineering, VESIT and Xavier Institute of Engineering as secondary choices to maximize seat allotment across CAP rounds. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7157 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

Career
Iitm biological sciences and vit vellore CS. Please reply immediately
Ans: Vinod, IIT Madras Biological Sciences (BS-MS) offers a research-oriented program with a 90% placement rate, where 50% of graduates secure software/IT roles, 25% enter core engineering/R&D, and 25% pursue consulting/analytics positions. The program is ideal for students planning higher studies abroad, with strong global recognition and smaller batch sizes ensuring personalized attention. VIT Vellore Computer Science maintains an 80-90% placement rate consistently over the last three years, with 867 recruiters participating in 2024 and placing 7,526 students across all programs. VIT's CS program is industry-focused, offering immediate employment opportunities with top tech companies like Microsoft, Amazon, and PayPal, though it has larger batch sizes and more competition. IIT Madras provides superior research exposure and global academic opportunities, while VIT Vellore offers robust industry placements and practical engineering training.

Recommendation: Choose IIT Madras Biological Sciences if you prioritize research, higher studies abroad, and long-term academic career prospects with the prestige of an IIT degree. Opt for VIT Vellore CS if you seek immediate industry placements, practical engineering skills, and direct entry into the IT sector with strong campus recruitment support. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7157 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7157 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir, for MTech in Data Science, which one is better AIT Pune or MNIT Allahabad? as myself is related to defence.
Ans: MNIT Allahabad (MNNIT) offers an MTech in Data Science (AI & Data Science) with a national reputation, strong industry-aligned curriculum, and robust placement outcomes—an average package of ?12–13 LPA and median of ?8–11 LPA for MTech, with top recruiters like Amazon, TCS, and Infosys, and a placement percentage of 48–58% for the course. The program is GATE-based, has 25 seats, and is supported by a large alumni network and national NIT brand value. AIT Pune’s M.E. in Data Science is NAAC-accredited, offers a 2-year full-time program exclusively for wards of Army personnel, and reports a 70–94% placement rate with an average package of ?4.7–11 LPA, attracting recruiters like Microsoft, Google, and Credit Suisse. AIT Pune is highly regarded in the defence community, offers a supportive environment for defence families, and provides good exposure to industry projects and internships, but its national ranking is lower (#201–300 NIRF 2024) compared to MNNIT. Both programs have modern infrastructure and industry exposure, but MNNIT’s broader brand recognition and higher placement outcomes give it an edge for general candidates, while AIT Pune’s defence orientation and exclusive eligibility make it ideal for defence-related career aspirations.

recommendation: If you are seeking a defence-friendly environment and are eligible as a ward of Army personnel, AIT Pune offers strong support and placement for defence families. For broader national recognition, stronger industry placement, and higher average outcomes in Data Science, MNIT Allahabad is the preferred choice. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x