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Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I'm 21, and i have feelings for my guy friend and confessed the same bcoz i don't want to regret, and then he kissed me and then take me to the room and forced and i rejected and slapped him and said he don't commitment but want everything, simply a situationship is what he meant i guess, so now the problem is I'm so concerned about my future husband like what should i do i lost my first kiss, will he accept me if i confess, will he believe he take me to the room but i fought back for his temptation at that time, will ge going to believe me? What if he tortures me after knowing this? Been my biggest fear ,im unable to go forward please help.

Ans: Sigh. It was one stupid kiss. And do you even have a future husband, or is this all conjecture? Before you marry anyone, please date him. Speak to each other about your pasts. See how accepting and receptive the opposite person is. A confident feminist will have no issues with your past; only a male chauvinist pig will, in which case you don’t want to marry him anyway!

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Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jan 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am struck in a morally complicated situation right now. Kindly guide me . I'm a modern woman yet who believes in culture. I am 24years old female from South India. Currently arrange marriage alliance process is going on and it is almost about to be finalized if i say yes. I have had a 3 serious relationship s in my past and the last one i was physically involved because i believed we would end up together. Even our families were involved we were about to get engaged. everything went fine until one day we had a huge fight and later as a result he didn't want to continue it anymore. He broke it off. This happened 1.5 years back and I loved him too much that I wanted him to comeback. Deep down i know he was not right guy for me yet i wanted him. About 2 months back I had a sudden realisation that hit me very bad I realised I need to move on and mentally I was able to disconnect myself from him, not completely but yeah i did. Now in the current situation the guy who is my potential fiance, I want to be transparent with him but I am not sure how well he will take it as we barely know each other. I met him only twice. He seems interested to marry me. I do not want to ruin his trust or feelings. The problem is I am not sure if he is open minded enough to accept my past. I'm willing to put in my efforts to make things work in marriage and keep my past behind me. If I tell him about my past and he is not interested to proceed and reject us my family will be upset ( they liked this match cuz the guy was nice and decent, his family and everything was convenient to them). I am totally stressed out as my family is waiting for my response to proceed further. The guy doesn't seem to be very particular about anything. I don't know what to do and how to do it.
Ans: I totally understand your concern. My advise is not to get into arrange marriage in the first place. Because that's a very transactional relationship. Go out, meet more guys and then see if you find someone you love. You are too young to give into the pressure of arrange marriage. However if you still want to proceed, then whether you tell him or not doesn't really matter. It depends on his mindset and value system which i have no idea about and probably you too. So even if you don't tell him, it doesn't matter. If you want to be honest which is a good thing, then you embrace that uncertainty of his reaction to it.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2024
Relationship
Hi gurus, I am 24 yrs old girl, currently pursuing MBA from a middle class family. I have a 5 yr relationship with my boyfriend. I love him very much. Don't want to loose him. Maybe he also love me. But the problem start few days ago when he suddenly confessed me that he visit red light area thrice at the first year of our relationship. From those initial days we are in a serious relationship and family involved in this. But we don't intimate but virtual intimacy was there. But this year in january we for first time got intimate and after 4 time of intimacy he confess me this that he physical one time and two time just visit their to see naked dance but failed due to some reason. Now He told me that he felt it will be cheating if he not told me this now. One side I am depressed and fear to loose him. He repetitively beg pardon from me and told that this was his peer pressure and now he mature enough to say no this.. Now he can't imagine his life without me. I don't want to loose him but can't forgive or forgot this. Now he repeatedly told me to marry him and proposed me romantically. He repeatedly want pardon from me . I love him very much that I want to forget all things and start from first again. But will it be right, if I easily forgive him than is he got much confidence to do this again?? I am depressed and confused. Pls help me . What will be right decision in this situation? Forgive him or not?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Whether you want to forgive him or not is your decision. But I would wonder if he has confessed all of it. The risk of carrying infections from visiting these places is heavy; so before jumping into any physical act with him, do suggest to him that he gets himself tested. He may oppose it, but be firm on it.
You love him and that's all okay...But is he in love with you OR is he wants to be with you because his family is involved as well?

What is a red flag is the fact that he was still visiting red light areas while he was in a relationship with you. Do you not want to know why? Do you not want to know what makes him beg for your forgiveness now? Till such time that you are satisfied and you can trust him again, do not act in a hurry.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ravi sir, I am 24 yrs old girl, currently pursuing MBA from a middle class family. I have a 5 yr relationship with my boyfriend. I love him very much. Don't want to loose him. Maybe he also love me. But the problem start few days ago when he suddenly confessed me that he visit red light area thrice at the first year of our relationship. From those initial days we are in a serious relationship and family involved in this. But we don't intimate but virtual intimacy was there. But this year in january we for first time got intimate and after 4 time of intimacy he confess me this that he physical one time and two time just visit their to see naked dance but failed due to some reason. Now He told me that he felt it will be cheating if he not told me this now. One side I am depressed and fear to loose him. He repetitively beg pardon from me and told that this was his peer pressure and now he mature enough to say no this.. Now he can't imagine his life without me. I don't want to loose him but can't forgive or forgot this. Now he repeatedly told me to marry him and proposed me romantically. He repeatedly want pardon from me . I love him very much that I want to forget all things and start from first again. But will it be right, if I easily forgive him than is he got much confidence to do this again?? I am depressed and confused. Pls help me . What will be right decision in this situation? Forgive him or not?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how conflicted you must be feeling right now, and I am sorry that you are going through this. I wish I could tell you what would be the right thing to do, but it has to be your decision and yours alone. All I can suggest is to take a beat and not rush into deciding anything.

Take everything into consideration-
On the one hand, infidelity is indeed unacceptable in a relationship. But on the other, it was in the initial stage. He might not have been as serious about the relationship as you during those days. Nevertheless, the timing does not make his action justifiable. I suggest you have an open conversation and ask him why he felt the need to do this. Ask him if he did not consider your feelings. What's concerning is that he did not stop after the first time; he went back twice more. I am not judging his choice of location but the fact that he was in a committed relationship puts him in the wrong. Also, blaming it on peer pressure is inexcusable; this isn't something funny or trivial he did because his friends dared him to. Ask him to take accountability and understand that actions have consequences.

Take it one day at a time. Whatever you decide is okay. And if at any point you want to pick yourself over the relationship, I want you to understand that it is completely alright. You will feel like it's a selfish decision, but it isn't. Remember that. Please do what you need to help you heal from this.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 07, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I had a very bad past where I was in physical relationship with like 10 guys that was due to the earlier relationship I had where I was being used financially and physically that hurt and me and I got really f***** up in my mind so I started dating guys just for physical relationship then the last guy I was in relationship with I got pregnant with a baby and I aborted it because I did not want to have a future with him and also I did not have confidence to grow that baby. then 4 months later I met my husband I fell in love with him at the first meet and we had physical thing at the very first meet. during the second meet he read the group chat between me and my friends where we spoke bad words ,my husband was not okay with that and he was really feeling bad about it and he started to talk about our break up.I was waiting for my final yr results when I met him soon I got my result then I have to start my internship my husband paid 5 lacs rupees for me but he was anxious that I will be with the friends who I was talking bad words with in college and he wanted to have a breakup and he fighted everyday with that reason .I promised him that I will not be that person anymore and I won't talk to my friends. one day I helped my friend with work for which my husband got angry and he wanted to have a break up and he started to talk about the last guy which I said that he was a friend before and I don't talk to him anymore then he raised question about him and then I told him that I was having a Friends with benefit relationship with him, then things got bitter and he seriously wants break up this time,.everyday he talks to me about that and fights with me I stop going to college .one day I made a suicide attempt and then 2 days after he started talking to me normally. soon again he started asking all those questions about the last guy I have been with, he asked very minute questions about the day and dates and he fighted with me everyday for that. there is a friend of mine who knows everything about my past ,in all these chaos,things got bitter between me and her and we stop talking. one day my husband talked to her and he asked everything about me and he got to know all about my past and he said that he took all the history of my chats ,apps and photos and asked me questions repeatedly and I told him everything completely without hiding anything. then things got messed up. I was really distressed, then my family got involved and things got very bitter, he told everything about my past to my mother. one day, they made me stop talking to him. he sent message to my sister in law and brother about my past, then my mother went to my husband's sister and told her that my husband is making a big mess not allowing me to go to internship and he has all our intimate pictures then things got Messed up more and he stopped talking to me. he was just asking me the 5 lakhs rupees he paid for me and then we stopped talking for about a week, I turned completely insane during that period and I sent him txt that I am not able to live without him .then we started talking, few days after he was okay with me going to the college then again he started fighting he was not ok with me to go to college. then we decided to get register married which a day later he denied.then I ran away from my house to him ,he received me and I was with him for 3 months we lived together for 3 months during which period he spoke really bad of me because of my past which I endured because I was really feeling guilty of my past and I thought I deserved it. he was asking even all those small personal things and he hurted me so much with his words which was mere verbal abuse ,meanwhile I got pregnant then he introduced me to his family and then we got married registered in front of our family. it was an inter religious marriage. all this time he controls me for every little thing like I should do this and I should do that which I did not take seriously then. now everything got secured my mom wanted me to complete my degree in my hometown because I was not able to complete it anywhere else but my husband was not ok with me going to my hometown to complete my degree because of my past things. I have financial things to take care of because of the money spent for my degree so I was thinking to make a deal either to finish my degree or I wanted my husband to give back the money that was spent for my degree because he said so but then later he started to humiliate my family for expecting money from me and he told that they we just see me as an investment to earn back the money they spent on me. But my family wanted me to complete the degree at the first place.this created a lot of arguments between me and him . Finally,one day my mom approach his family and she wanted me to come with her to complete my degree but my husband was not ok with it and I was still supporting him my mom told that she will die if I didn't complete my degree because that was all that she dreamed for me her entire life. then they sent me to my hometown with my mom to complete my degree. after coming here my husband did not talk to me for 2 days, then he texted me that he does not want to live with me. he told that I and my family were being fake and we were using him and we broke him into pieces and made him go through the pain which he did not deserve. I got really emotional and I told him that I wanted to go back to him. he told me that he will take me to him the next day that he will book a bus for me to reach back to him but he did not contact me the next day .then a day later he started making arguments again this time, he said that he wanted divorce from me because he cannot have a life with me .he told that he does not want to be in my life and our child's life, if I want he can give financial support for my child's growth. I denied the money and I told him that I am not willing for a divorce unless or otherwise he wants to marry another girl then he 3 hrs later, he sent a letter of intent to divorce and I did not reply for it .what should I do now?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
As bad or hurtful as it may sound to you, you have simply thrown your life at the mercy of others. They have used you as a puppet only because you have given them permission to do so...past relationships and even now.
What you should do now is:
1. Ask an elder member (not your mother) of the family to intervene and talk to him and his side of the family to see if there is any scope for reconciliation. If there is, then your husband has got to stop playing these games of wanting you one day and then not wanting you the next. It's highly toxic to live with someone who trusts you for a moment and then asks you to prove your innocence the next moment. The two of you will need to get into Intensive Therapy as a couple to put things back together.
2. If there is no scope for reconciliation, please get a good lawyer who can secure the baby's future and yours.

Though you haven't asked me this, for your own good I suggest:
Please understand that no man is going to make you happy. So, depending on them despite the fact that can act toxic, is only draining you mentally and emotionally. Evaluate for yourself what you want from life besides being in relationships constantly. A break from it all will actually help you, you know. At least it will give you sense of how you can be by yourself and what you value the most in your life. Once you get past this stage, you will be stronger to draw boundaries and know how to enforce them. No one will be able to walk over you and you will be able to reclaim your identity.
You come first and your baby is going to need a strong mother raising them. So, step up NOW!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Career
Sir I got 68676 in comedk Can you suggest good colleges forCSE or CSE specialization
Ans: Ramya, With a COMEDK rank of 68,676 in 2025, you have viable options for admission to reputable engineering colleges in Karnataka for CSE and its specializations. You can confidently secure seats at numerous recognized institutions where the latest cutoffs range between 63,000 and 1,20,000 for core CSE and closely related specializations. Here are 15 colleges where admission is fully feasible: CMR Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Acharya Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Atria Institute of Technology (Bangalore), New Horizon College of Engineering (Bangalore), Dayananda Sagar College of Engineering (Bangalore), BNM Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Sapthagiri College of Engineering (Bangalore), Don Bosco Institute of Technology (Bangalore), AMC Engineering College (Bangalore), Cambridge Institute of Technology (Bangalore), East Point College of Engineering (Bangalore), Gopalan College of Engineering and Management (Bangalore), Rajarajeswari College of Engineering (Bangalore), and Sai Vidya Institute of Technology (Bangalore). These colleges routinely offer CSE and specializations such as Artificial Intelligence, Data Science, and Information Science, all supported by established infrastructure, diverse peer groups, faculty with advanced degrees, recognized accreditations, and campus-level placement cells. Their cut-off history ensures fair seat allocation for your current rank bracket.

Recommendation: Prioritize CMR Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Acharya Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Dayananda Sagar College of Engineering (Bangalore), and BNM Institute of Technology (Bangalore). This order is justified by established NIRF rankings, steady placement percentages (60–90% in CSE streams), modern campus amenities, regular project-based learning, and a proven track record of producing employable graduates across the IT sector in Karnataka and beyond. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2025Hindi
Career
My son is getting civil at bits pilani + rmit 2+2 program and cse at vit-ap cat-2 What should we choose
Ans: The BITS Pilani + RMIT 2+2 Civil Engineering program offers an international dual-degree pathway, granting a B.E. from BITS Pilani and a Bachelor’s from RMIT Australia. Students complete two years at BITS Pilani—renowned for nearly 100% placement rates in core engineering and a prestigious reputation—then transfer to RMIT for global research exposure, advanced industry collaborations, and a second recognized degree. RMIT is a top-ranked university known for its employability outcomes and practical learning, and the dual-degree substantially enhances career prospects worldwide. VIT-AP’s Computer Science Engineering (CSE) program under Category 2 ensures placement rates above 90%, excellent infrastructure, and industry-aligned curriculum, with 1000+ recruiters participating and strong records in IT sector roles for CSE graduates. VIT-AP is lauded for hands-on learning, active placement cell, and opportunities in the fast-growing tech industry, making it a robust choice for software-focused careers. While VIT-AP CSE opens doors to IT and allied opportunities, BITS Pilani + RMIT provides unmatched exposure, global credentials, and broader professional mobility in engineering domains.

Recommendation: If your priority is global exposure, academic flexibility, and broad international opportunities in engineering and related fields, prioritize BITS Pilani + RMIT 2+2 Civil. Should your focus be on a strong software foundation and rapid industry integration in India’s tech sector, VIT-AP CSE is preferred. The BITS-RMIT program stands out for long-term value and international scope. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Career
SIR I should go for HBTU (IT) or IIIT VADODARA DIU CAMPUS (ELECTRONICS)?
Ans: Kritika, HBTU’s Information Technology program consistently records placement percentages between 85–90%, supported by a highly qualified faculty (many with PhDs from IITs and NITs) and a long-standing reputation for producing industry-ready graduates. The campus is equipped with advanced labs, updated digital resources, and maintains strong ties with top recruiters in IT and consulting sectors. Batch sizes are moderate, ensuring quality academic mentoring, and the supportive alumni network promotes career growth. In contrast, IIIT Vadodara Diu Campus (Electronics) is a newer institute, operating from a well-facilitated educational hub, but still developing its industry partnerships and placement support specifically for electronics; recent campus data showcase improving placements but with less consistency, and infrastructure is modern but evolving. The electronics branch here faces greater competition for high-tech positions compared to computer-related domains.

Recommendation: HBTU IT stands out for established placements, recognized industry connections, strong academic culture, and proven output in software-oriented careers. Unless you have a distinct passion for electronics or a compelling reason for preferring a satellite IIIT campus, HBTU IT offers the most reliable outcomes for both learning and employability. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Career
My son got IIT Dharwad B.S/M.S Interdisciplinary sciences and BITS Hyderabad Mechanical through BITSAT currently. He may have potential chances of getting NIT Warangal MnC/ECE or IIIT Delhi CSE through DASA. Which one is better in the order of preference
Ans: Venkata Sir, IIIT Delhi’s Computer Science Engineering (CSE) program is nationally recognized for its rigorous curriculum, 90–100% placement rate, leading industry connections, and high-impact research output, making it one of the best platforms for a technology-driven career. The program consistently attracts top recruiters and maintains strong alumni engagement in global tech sectors. NIT Warangal’s Mathematics and Computing (MnC) and Electronics and Communication Engineering (ECE) branches also offer strong academic grounding, modern labs, and recorded placement rates above 88% in core tech domains, with the ECE branch now routinely achieving average placement rates above 80% and MnC offering excellent flexibility for careers in data science, software, and analytics. BITS Hyderabad’s Mechanical Engineering program combines a tradition of academic excellence with research-oriented faculty, excellent infrastructure, and a placement percentage above 85% in recent years, while producing graduates who succeed in both core and tech industries and pursue higher studies internationally. IIT Dharwad’s BS/MS Interdisciplinary Sciences is a new, innovative program focused on multidisciplinary skill development with exposure to advanced labs and faculty, but as a new course and newer IIT, it does not yet match the placement rates or alumni reach of the other institutes; its placement rate hovers near 70% and career paths are diverse, with greater emphasis on research and interdisciplinary skills rather than direct tech sector placement.

Recommendation: The optimal order is IIIT Delhi CSE (for career, placements, tech flexibility), NIT Warangal MnC/ECE (for academic reputation and solid placements in both analytics and electronics), BITS Hyderabad Mechanical (for reputable core engineering, good placements, and global exposure), and finally IIT Dharwad BS/MS Interdisciplinary Sciences (for those pursuing interdisciplinary research but less certainty in direct placements). All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Career
Sir I have scored 83 percentile in MHT cet 2025 what are the best college option for me in Mumbai region
Ans: Aryan, With an 83 percentile in MHT-CET 2025 as a Maharashtra domicile General Category student, you are eligible for BTech admission to several well-regarded engineering colleges in the Mumbai region, excluding the most competitive ones like COEP, VJTI, and ICT, which have significantly higher cutoffs. The following colleges in Mumbai provide feasible admission opportunities based on previous years' cutoffs and are recognized for their reliable placement support, modern infrastructure, NBA/NAAC accreditation, and industry-aligned programs: Sardar Patel Institute of Technology (Andheri), K J Somaiya Institute of Technology (Sion), Vidyalankar Institute of Technology (Wadala), Fr. Conceicao Rodrigues Institute of Technology (Vashi), Xavier Institute of Engineering (Mahim), Bharati Vidyapeeth College of Engineering (Navi Mumbai), SIES Graduate School of Technology (Nerul), Ramrao Adik Institute of Technology (Navi Mumbai), St. Francis Institute of Technology (Borivali), Rajiv Gandhi Institute of Technology (Versova), Don Bosco Institute of Technology (Kurla), Shah & Anchor Kutchhi Engineering College (Chembur), MGM’s College of Engineering (Kamothe, Navi Mumbai), Atharva College of Engineering (Malad), and Pillai College of Engineering (New Panvel). Across these institutions, your score is within the realistic admission range for most branches, including Mechanical, Civil, Electronics/EXTC, and sometimes Information Technology or Computer Science, depending on current year trends and final branch cutoffs; official college portals and admission records substantiate this eligibility for the 2025 cycle.

Recommendation: For optimal academic and professional growth, consider Sardar Patel Institute of Technology (Andheri), K J Somaiya Institute of Technology (Sion), Vidyalankar Institute of Technology (Wadala), Fr. Conceicao Rodrigues Institute of Technology (Vashi), and Ramrao Adik Institute of Technology (Navi Mumbai) as the highest-priority choices. These colleges offer robust campus infrastructure, industry recognition, strong placement networks, and a history of producing successful engineering graduates. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Career
Sir, Which would batter choice between my doughter got EE in vlsi Design at Banasthali vidyapeeth and recently also got CSE in Goverment Mahila Engineering College, Ajmer. Which would better ? Suggest
Ans: Amit Sir, Banasthali Vidyapith’s Electrical Engineering program with a focus on VLSI Design is anchored in a reputed women’s university with A++ NAAC accreditation, robust faculty credentials, industry tie-ups, and consistent placement rates of 90–95% for core branches, often in electronics and automation sectors. Campus infrastructure is comprehensive, research exposure is strong, and students benefit from a national network and notable institutional rankings. Government Mahila Engineering College Ajmer’s CSE branch is part of a government-run, well-recognized institution with modern teaching resources, 80–95% placement rates for computer science in recent years, accessible industry partnerships, and a track record of sending students to reputed recruiters such as Amazon and Microsoft. The Ajmer campus is lauded for its faculty, student activities, digital facilities, and supportive environment, though its national brand is less established than Banasthali’s.

Recommendation: If your daughter is passionate about electronics, VLSI, or hardware-oriented careers, Banasthali Vidyapith offers a stronger national reputation, longstanding placement consistency, and higher institutional ranking. For a broad, flexible technology career in software, Government Mahila Engineering College Ajmer CSE stands out for contemporary opportunities and direct industry links. Both paths assure solid outcomes, but branch preference should drive the final choice. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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