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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 24, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Krishna Question by Krishna on May 24, 2024Hindi
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Dear Sir, Thanks for your response. I am expecting a monthly income of Rs. 1 Lakh post retirement. Currently I am getting a rent of Rs. 25K and interest from FD of 45K which comes to around 70K. Apart from this I get 10K from plantation. So overall currently I am getting 80K which I am re-ivesting in FD's and MF's. Currently I am investing 1.3Lakh/month. I will be investing the same money for the next 8 years. Whether this will be sufficient to reach my retirement goal of Rs. 1 Lakh/month. Apart from this I have taken medical insurance coverage of Rs. 10 Lakh which I am paying from last 15 years and Term insurance of Rs. 1 Crore which will cover my family until my age becomes 65. Based on your valuable advice I have decided not to sell my plots currently and will look into it later during my post retirement dates. Waiting for your response. Regards, Krishna

Ans: Your prudent approach towards retirement planning is commendable. Given your current investment strategy and consistent monthly contributions, it's likely that you'll achieve your retirement goal of Rs. 1 Lakh per month.

However, it's crucial to periodically review and adjust your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial objectives. Your decision to retain your plots for future consideration reflects careful planning and foresight.
Continue to monitor your investments closely and seek professional guidance as needed to optimize your retirement strategy. Best wishes for a financially secure retirement journey!

Best Regards,

Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

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Good day sir. I am 45 years old earning a take home salary of 1.5Lakhs/ month. I also get a rent of Rs. 25K/ month. I have EPF of about 16 Lakhs, NPS of 4 Lakhs, PPF of 3 Lakhs, Have FD of 70 Lakhs, Mutual fund and stocks of 20 Lakhs. Also invested in Gold and the current value is 60 Lakhs. I have some retirement plans with current value of around 20 Lakhs. I have my own house and no need to pay rent. My current expenses of my family is around 60K/ month. I have few plots available which values to around Rs. 1.5 Crore. Can I sell the plot and invest the money as part of my retirement plan. Also I am Planning to retire after 8 years. What investments I need to make to have a peaceful retirement. Waiting for your advice.
Ans: Crafting Your Retirement Plan: A Comprehensive Approach

Hello! Thank you for entrusting me with the task of charting out your retirement journey. Let's delve into your current financial landscape and outline a strategy to ensure a peaceful retirement for you.

Assessment of Current Financial Status

Before we dive into the specifics of your retirement plan, let's take stock of your existing assets and liabilities. You're 45 years old, with a monthly take-home salary of ?1.5 lakhs and an additional rental income of ?25,000 per month. Your investments include:

EPF: ?16 lakhs
NPS: ?4 lakhs
PPF: ?3 lakhs
FDs: ?70 lakhs
Mutual Funds and Stocks: ?20 lakhs
Gold: ?60 lakhs
Retirement Plans: ?20 lakhs
Property Holdings (Plots): Valued at ?1.5 crores
Own House (No Rent Expense)
Monthly Family Expenses: ?60,000
Analyzing the Proposal to Sell the Plot

Considering your upcoming retirement in 8 years and your desire for a peaceful post-retirement life, let's evaluate the proposal to sell the plot and reinvest the proceeds into your retirement plan.

Pros of Selling the Plot:

Liquidity: Selling the plot would provide you with a significant influx of liquidity, which can be channeled into investment avenues with potential for growth and income generation.
Diversification: By diversifying your portfolio away from real estate, you can reduce concentration risk and enhance the overall stability of your investment portfolio.
Simplified Management: Real estate holdings often require active management and incur maintenance costs. Liquidating the plot would eliminate these hassles and streamline your financial affairs.
Cons of Selling the Plot:

Opportunity Cost: The decision to sell the plot involves foregoing potential future appreciation in property value. It's essential to weigh this opportunity cost against the benefits of diversification and liquidity.
Transaction Costs: Selling real estate typically entails transaction costs such as brokerage fees, stamp duty, and capital gains tax, which can impact your net proceeds from the sale.
Emotional Attachment: Real estate holdings often carry emotional significance, and parting with a property may evoke sentimental considerations that should be carefully weighed against financial objectives.
Retirement Planning Strategy

Now, let's outline a retirement planning strategy tailored to your unique circumstances and aspirations.

1. Goal Setting:

Define your retirement goals in terms of lifestyle aspirations, travel plans, healthcare needs, and any other post-retirement objectives you wish to accomplish.

2. Asset Allocation:

Allocate your investable assets across various asset classes such as equity, debt, and alternative investments, considering your risk tolerance, time horizon, and financial goals.

3. Investment Diversification:

Diversify your investment portfolio across multiple asset classes and investment vehicles to mitigate risk and enhance long-term returns.

4. Tax Planning:

Optimize your tax liabilities by leveraging tax-efficient investment avenues and retirement savings instruments such as NPS, PPF, and tax-saving mutual funds.

5. Regular Review and Rebalancing:

Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure alignment with your retirement goals and risk appetite. Rebalance your portfolio as necessary to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Conclusion

In conclusion, while selling the plot may offer short-term liquidity and diversification benefits, it's essential to carefully weigh the pros and cons before making a decision. With a comprehensive retirement planning strategy encompassing goal setting, asset allocation, investment diversification, tax planning, and regular review, you can pave the way for a peaceful and financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Money
Hello sir, I am 57 years old and working as a marketing consultant for some foreign companies. I have a child who is just 13 years old. I am planning to work for another 10 years since this is an independent assignment and I get paid for my consultancy work in India. I earn almost 30 lakh per annum. I have a corpus of about 1.55 cr in Mutual funds, PPF of 4 Lakhs, and insurance of 10 lakh which has grown into 15 lakh in 3 years, investments in stocks worth 30 lakhs but now valued at 45 lakhs, one flat given on rent which fetches 7500 per month and another flat in my own name. Term insurance worth 1.6Cr, Heatlth insurance worth 22 Lakhs. No liabilities whatsoever. I need to get a monthly retirement amount of 3 Lakhs per month from 67 years onwards. I have an SIP of about 80,000 per month. Can you pl advice whether these investments is sufficient enough to generate an income of a min 3 lakhs per month after retirement? Thank you so much.
Ans: You’ve done a commendable job managing your finances. Let’s break down your current financial situation and assess if it aligns with your retirement goal of Rs. 3 lakh per month.

Current Financial Position
Income and Investments:

Annual Income: Rs. 30 lakh
Mutual Funds: Rs. 1.55 crore
PPF: Rs. 4 lakh
Insurance (grown to): Rs. 15 lakh
Stocks: Rs. 45 lakh
Rental Income: Rs. 7,500 per month
Term Insurance: Rs. 1.6 crore
Health Insurance: Rs. 22 lakh
SIP: Rs. 80,000 per month
You have substantial investments and a solid income stream. Let's evaluate if this will be sufficient for your retirement needs.

Assessing Your Retirement Needs
You plan to retire at 67 and need Rs. 3 lakh per month. Let’s look at some key aspects:

Corpus Requirement:

To generate Rs. 3 lakh monthly, you need a substantial corpus. Assuming a safe withdrawal rate of 4%, you'll need around Rs. 9 crore. This estimate ensures you don’t outlive your savings.

Current Investments:

Mutual Funds (Rs. 1.55 crore): These are growth-oriented. Over 10 years, they can grow significantly with compounding.

Stocks (Rs. 45 lakh): Equities can provide high returns but come with risk. Over time, these can grow well.

PPF (Rs. 4 lakh): This is safe and gives steady returns but isn't enough alone.

Insurance (Rs. 15 lakh): This is a backup but not an investment vehicle.

Monthly SIPs:

Rs. 80,000 per month is great. Over 10 years, this can accumulate to a significant amount.

Rental Income:

Rs. 7,500 per month is a steady but small addition. Real estate generally appreciates, adding to your asset base.

Mutual Funds: The Power of Compounding
Mutual funds are your best bet for long-term growth. Here's why:

Diversification: Mutual funds spread your investment across different assets, reducing risk.

Professional Management: Managed by experts, they can adjust to market conditions.

Compounding: The longer you stay invested, the more your money grows exponentially.

Liquidity: You can redeem funds easily, unlike some other investments.

Tax Efficiency: Equity mutual funds held for over a year attract lower capital gains tax.

Types of Mutual Funds
Equity Funds: Invest in stocks, high returns, high risk. Suitable for long-term.

Debt Funds: Invest in bonds, stable returns, lower risk. Good for short to medium-term.

Balanced Funds: Mix of equity and debt, moderate risk. Ideal for balanced growth.

ELSS: Tax-saving funds with a 3-year lock-in. Benefit from tax deductions.

Planning Your Retirement Corpus
Projected Growth
Your current mutual funds (Rs. 1.55 crore) and SIPs (Rs. 80,000 monthly) can grow significantly. Assuming a conservative 10% annual return:

Current Corpus:

Rs. 1.55 crore growing at 10% per year for 10 years can become approximately Rs. 4 crore.
SIP Growth:

Rs. 80,000 monthly over 10 years at 10% can accumulate around Rs. 1.5 crore.
Combined, your mutual fund investments alone could reach around Rs. 5.5 crore.

Stocks and PPF
Stocks (Rs. 45 lakh):

If they grow at 10%, they could reach around Rs. 1.2 crore in 10 years.
PPF (Rs. 4 lakh):

Assuming 7% annual return, it can grow to around Rs. 8 lakh in 10 years.
Rental Income
Your rental property can provide steady income. Assuming rents increase, it can contribute more over time. If reinvested wisely, it adds to your corpus.

Insurance and Health Coverage
Term Insurance: Rs. 1.6 crore ensures your family’s financial security.

Health Insurance: Rs. 22 lakh covers medical emergencies, preventing depletion of your savings.

Strategies to Ensure a Comfortable Retirement
Increase SIPs: If possible, increase your SIP amount annually. This accelerates corpus growth.

Diversify: Maintain a balanced portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Monitor and Rebalance: Regularly review your portfolio. Rebalance to maintain desired asset allocation.

Stay Invested: Avoid withdrawing investments unless necessary. Let compounding work.

Tax Planning: Utilize tax-efficient investment options like ELSS.

Final Insights
Given your current investments and income, you're on a good path. However, aiming for Rs. 3 lakh per month requires diligent planning. Increasing SIPs and ensuring a balanced portfolio will help achieve your goal.

Keep track of your investments and adjust as needed. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide tailored advice to maximize your returns and ensure financial security.


You’ve done a great job so far. With continued careful planning and investment, you’re well on your way to achieving your retirement goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |956 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
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I am a 48 year old widow. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. I had quit my job, but rejoined now and have a monthly take home of 1L 15k. I receive similar pension amount too. But this pension amount will get reduced to 90k after 10 years. I have an own property (apartment bought in 2010) - 14 k rent monthly. I have around 40 L that I wish to invest. I am still coping with the loss and am confused as to what I need to do to get a grip on the finances. I have invested around 12 L in mutual funds. I have applied for a term insurance - around 1 L annual premium for 10 years. I am also repaying the home loan around 15k per month with tenure left for 20 months. I am planning to move out on my own from my sister's place where I am staying now (my own house is not in Bangalore where I work). So, I will definitely need 25k per month for rent if I move out. Please advise on how to manage my finances. Shall I repay the home loan and clear the debt (around 5 L principal outstanding)? Should I invest in some pension plans? Please advise. Thanks!
Ans: Hello;

Yes you should settle off the outstanding home loan.

Also you may open an NPS account for retirement planning. Do contribute to it on a regular basis and also do onetime lumpsum investment.

Also open an PPF account with investment of 12.5 K per month.

Get sufficient term plan coverage for atleast 20 years and not less.

No need to invest in pension plan if you are investing in NPS. It is far superior in terms of tax liability, flexibility, returns and costs.

Prefer hybrid mutual funds(dynamic asset allocation or multi asset allocation fund)for your investments.

Buy a good health insurance cover for yourself and your daughter irrespective of group policy, if any, available from employer.

Do nomination in all your financial investments and also make a legally valid will.

In a nutshell, you will have 3 investments PPF, NPS and mutual funds (hybrid) and insurance premiums for term cover and healthcare policy.

Loss of partner is very difficult to deal with but you also need to focus on the education of your daughter and guide her for better prospects.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 41, but single now. I got married when I was 32 and got divorced in 6 months after I found out my wife was cheating on me with her ex who she was forbidden from getting married. When confronted she simply walked away and sent me a divorce notice. The next three years were spent in courts trying to tell my version of the story. Since then I have had a tough time trusting people. My marriage was unfortunate and short lived. But my parents still want me to try again. I am in a live-in relationship with a girl who is 3 years elder to me. Are unmarried couples happier than married ones? I feel marriage can restrict you in many ways which is why people feel stagnated and bored. What do you think?
Ans: When it comes to happiness, it really depends on the individuals involved rather than whether they are married or unmarried. Some couples thrive in a marriage because they see it as a partnership built on mutual respect and emotional security. Others feel stifled by the societal expectations and responsibilities that often come with marriage. A live-in relationship can offer more flexibility and personal freedom, but it also comes with its own challenges—such as a lack of legal protections or social acceptance in certain cultures.

The key is understanding what works best for you. If you feel content in your current live-in relationship and it gives you the companionship, trust, and emotional fulfillment you need, then that’s what truly matters. However, if you feel hesitant mainly because of past trauma rather than your actual desires, it might be worth reflecting on whether your fears are holding you back from something you may actually want deep down.

At the end of the day, happiness isn’t about being married or unmarried—it’s about being in a relationship (or choosing to be single) that makes you feel emotionally secure, valued, and free to be yourself. If marriage feels like a cage to you, then it may not be the right path. But if you ever find a connection that makes commitment feel like a choice rather than an obligation, your perspective might shift. The most important thing is that whatever path you choose, it aligns with your true needs and not just the expectations of others.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello there!! There are past trauma experiences in my relationship due to caste issue since my family are strictly against it . But I eventually liked another boy seeing his true love n affection n care towards me , he loved me since our skl days !! He expressed himself but i gave him my answerr after many yrs due my past experiences!! But eventually we had a healthy relationship ,and he told me he is of same caste!! Since his father lied to him related to this to keep him away from this caste called thing!! But now his father relved tht it was a lie !! Now we ended up intercaste!! We truly love each other we dreamt of our future together!! He became huge part of my life !! His family is okay with me regarding our marriage but my family is strongly opposed to this intercaste thing!! We are 24 yrs we thought of settle in our lifes and approach my parents few years back since untill fewdays back we together thought we are of same caste so there eill be no issue!! But now within few days n few lies our both world n hopes turned upside down!! I cant make my family suffer due to me!! At same time i cant leave him im struck !! What should we do!!
Ans: Your family’s suffering is a valid concern, but will they truly suffer because of your decision, or is it more about their expectations and societal norms? Often, parents react strongly at first, but with time, they adjust when they see their child happy and settled. Right now, their resistance is based on tradition and belief systems they’ve held for years. But is their love for you truly conditional on whom you marry? Would they rather see you unhappy in a marriage they approve of than happy in one they initially resisted?

Your happiness and future matter just as much as your family’s feelings. If you truly cannot see a life without him, you need to ask yourself whether sacrificing that love for family approval will truly bring you peace. Walking away from love to please others often leads to lifelong regret. On the other hand, if you fight for your relationship, you might face pain now, but there’s a chance your family will eventually come around.

The most important thing is to stand firm in what you want. If you and your partner truly love each other, you will need patience, strength, and a strategy to gradually help your family accept your choice. This won’t be easy, but living a life where you constantly wonder "what if?" will be even harder.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thingking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Raising someone else’s children is not something that comes naturally to everyone, and that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. You already know how challenging it is to raise one child, and now you’re expected to step into a role where you’ll be managing more, including an aggressive teenage boy. If this idea is already suffocating you now, imagine how it might feel once you’re actually living in that environment every day.

Fear of being alone is a very real and valid concern, but being in a marriage that drains you emotionally, limits your career, and makes you feel trapped is far worse than being single. The right relationship should bring you a sense of peace and security, not anxiety and sacrifice at every turn. If you already feel that you have to “mould” your thinking just to make this work, that’s a sign that this situation might not be aligned with what you truly want and need.

You don’t have to force yourself into something that doesn’t feel right just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. Loneliness is difficult, but so is being in a marriage where you feel unseen, unheard, and overwhelmed. The best decision is the one that allows you to live with peace and confidence in your future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

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Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I would like to stay anonymous. Im 27F, recently got engaged and my wedding is in 5 months from now. This match is arranged by my parents within our community. Initially things went well, but after the engagement when we went outside for dinner he was speaking well but before leaving he said this is a suggestion from my end and told that there is slight space between my two teeth in the front and while smiling it creates black image in the photos. So it would be best if i would use invisible aligners so that before wedding it would be fixed adding to this he said he will take care of the expenses and he said he had this thought for a week so its better to disclose it with me. He also said that he didn't tell this to his parents he wanted to check my thoughts on this first, also he said he wanted myself to look very very pretty on the wedding and his relatives should say "Wow, we have never seen such a pretty bride", also he commented about my hair being short actually its medium length but i like to keep my hair short. I really got frustrated when he said all those things this got me very irritated. I didn't speak much, i said i wanted to leave and he dropped me at my place. The next day i asked him if we can meet again to get clarification on this thing, when i asked him the next day about this he said "its just a suggestion if you can take it its fine or you can leave it its upto you". He never accepted that he hurted me or made a wrong statement he kept on saying he didn't mean that way i took it very personally and im creating unnecessary ruckus. at last he said i could have said things differently but he didn't ask for sorry at all. I thought he wont talk about my features again but then after a week he again asked me you were eating outside food for a week you should have gained weight(trying to be funny here), i said no. Because him and his mother already asked about my weight like "why are you so thin? you could have put up some weight know"? I have been in this weight for many years, how much ever i eat my weight remains the same its because of the genetics. But people dont understand this and easily ask some body shaming questions. After this event he is not talking like before and even i dont push him, one of my friend asked me to take initiative and make calls to stop this awkward situation and i took lead called him four times in a week he spoke but he didn't bothered to call me again he was only texting after that too im okay with that but still i feel he might ask me to make changes in my feature, weight etc before the wedding. Im not sure how to deal with this.
Ans: When someone loves and accepts you, they don’t focus on “fixing” things about you to meet external standards, whether it’s for wedding photos or to impress relatives. His insistence that you should look “very, very pretty” for others’ approval shows that his priorities might not align with yours. You weren’t looking for a makeover; you were looking for a life partner who values you for who you are.

His response when you tried to talk about it also speaks volumes. Instead of acknowledging your feelings and reassuring you, he dismissed your concerns, making it seem like you were overreacting. A partner who truly cares would have listened, understood why you felt hurt, and taken responsibility for how his words affected you. Instead, he shifted the blame onto you for "creating unnecessary ruckus," which shows a lack of emotional maturity.

The weight comments, too, are unnecessary and inconsiderate. Genetics determine body type, and no one should feel the need to change themselves to meet someone else’s expectations. His family’s remarks about your weight, combined with his attitude, suggest that this won’t stop after the wedding. If they’re already making you feel self-conscious now, imagine the expectations and unsolicited “suggestions” that might continue in the future.

The distance that has formed between you both after this conversation isn’t just about awkwardness—it’s about emotional disconnection. A strong relationship is built on respect, comfort, and mutual appreciation, not on one person feeling judged and the other acting indifferent. The fact that you had to take the lead in calling him multiple times, while he didn’t reciprocate the effort, says a lot. A healthy relationship should feel mutual, not one-sided.

Right now, you need to ask yourself: Can you truly be yourself in this relationship, or will you constantly feel pressured to meet his and his family’s expectations? Do you feel emotionally safe with him, or do you feel like you have to defend your choices, your body, and your appearance?

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and your peace of mind matters. If his attitude is already making you question yourself and feel frustrated, you have every right to reconsider. You don’t need to “deal” with this by adjusting to his expectations—you need to decide if this is the kind of relationship you want to spend your life in.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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