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Can I retire at 45 with investments of ₹2 crore and monthly expense of ₹60,000?

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |956 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Pankaj Question by Pankaj on Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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I want to retire at age of 45 (next year end) with corpus of 30Lakh US shares, 63lakh EPF, 20 lakh shares, 40lakh ppf ( self+wife+son), 5lakh MF+5Lakh bank balance. Expected to have corpus of 2Cr by end of 2026. Own house of 2 Cr. in tier 2 city and no loan. Have sone age 13. Expected monthly expense of 60k. Am I on track?

Ans: Hello;

Assuming you keep aside 50 L for your kid's higher education, you will be left with corpus of 1.5 Cr.

If you invest this sum in equity savings type mutual fund with moderate risk rating and do SWP at 4% it won't generate income enough to cover your monthly expenses.

Recommend you to continue building corpus aggressively over next 5 years and review again.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 12, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I have total asset of 4.75 crores including equity,ppf,pf,ssy,CIH,FD,gold, house (gold n house as pure investment), I am 48with 2 kids and want to retire immediately, my monthly expenses including all is 1 to 1.1 lacs pm, what's your input regarding current corpus it's already 35 times of yearly expenses Regards
Ans: Understanding Your Financial Position
At 48, you have built a substantial asset base of Rs 4.75 crores, which is commendable. Your assets include equity, PPF, PF, SSY, cash-in-hand (CIH), fixed deposits (FD), gold, and a house. Your monthly expenses range from Rs 1 lakh to Rs 1.1 lakh, which is a manageable amount given your asset base. Let's assess whether your current corpus is sufficient for an immediate retirement and how you can ensure financial security for the long term.

Analyzing Your Current Corpus
Your corpus of Rs 4.75 crores is 35 times your yearly expenses, which is a strong position. This indicates a solid foundation for retirement. However, it's essential to break down your assets to understand their liquidity and growth potential.

Asset Allocation and Liquidity
Your assets are diversified, which is excellent. However, it's crucial to ensure you have enough liquidity for your monthly expenses and unexpected costs. Here's a closer look at your asset allocation:

Equity
Equity investments provide growth potential but come with market volatility. It's vital to have a portion in equity for long-term growth but balance it with stable investments.

Public Provident Fund (PPF) and Provident Fund (PF)
PPF and PF are stable, long-term investments with tax benefits. They offer steady returns but lack liquidity until maturity.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)
SSY is a great investment for your daughters' future needs. It offers good returns but is locked in until maturity.

Cash-in-Hand (CIH)
Keeping some cash-in-hand is necessary for immediate expenses. Ensure it's a small portion to avoid idle funds.

Fixed Deposits (FD)
FDs provide safety and regular interest income. However, they may not keep pace with inflation.

Gold
Gold is a good hedge against inflation. It offers liquidity and can be used as a safety net during financial downturns.

House
Real estate can appreciate over time but lacks liquidity. It's a long-term investment that shouldn't be relied on for immediate expenses.

Evaluating Your Monthly Expenses
Your monthly expenses of Rs 1 lakh to Rs 1.1 lakh are reasonable given your asset base. However, it's essential to plan for inflation, which will increase your expenses over time. Let's consider an average inflation rate of 5-6% per year and how it impacts your future financial needs.

Inflation Impact
Inflation reduces the purchasing power of your money. Over the next 20-30 years, your expenses will significantly increase. Planning for inflation ensures your corpus can sustain your lifestyle throughout retirement.

Creating a Sustainable Income Stream
Generating a steady income stream from your assets is crucial. Here's a strategy to ensure you have sufficient income to cover your expenses:

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP)
Setting up an SWP in mutual funds can provide regular income. It allows you to withdraw a fixed amount monthly while letting the remaining investment grow.

Dividend-Paying Stocks
Investing in dividend-paying stocks provides regular income along with the potential for capital appreciation. It helps balance growth and income needs.

Debt Instruments
Investing in debt instruments like bonds provides stable returns. They offer regular interest income and are less volatile than equity.

Maintaining an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund equivalent to at least six months of expenses is essential. It ensures you can cover unexpected costs without disrupting your investment strategy.

Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning enhances your returns. Utilize tax-efficient investment options like PPF, PF, and certain mutual funds. Understanding tax implications on your income sources helps optimize your returns.

Health Insurance and Life Insurance
Adequate health insurance is crucial to cover medical expenses. Ensure your policy offers comprehensive coverage for you and your family. Additionally, having life insurance provides financial security for your dependents.

Education and Marriage Planning for Your Children
Planning for your children's education and marriage is vital. Allocating specific investments for these goals ensures you can meet these expenses without impacting your retirement corpus.

Education Planning
Consider the rising cost of education. Investing in dedicated funds for your children's education ensures you have sufficient funds when needed.

Marriage Planning
Marriage expenses can be significant. Planning and investing early for these goals helps spread the cost over time and reduces financial strain.

Reviewing and Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Regularly reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio is essential. It ensures your investments align with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Here's a step-by-step approach:

Annual Review
Conduct an annual review of your portfolio. Assess the performance of your investments and make adjustments as needed.

Rebalancing
Rebalancing involves adjusting your asset allocation to maintain your desired risk level. It helps optimize returns and manage risk.

Long-Term Investment Strategy
A long-term investment strategy focuses on growth and stability. Here's a suggested approach:

Equity for Growth
Allocate a portion of your portfolio to equity for growth. It helps combat inflation and increases your corpus over time.

Debt for Stability
Invest in debt instruments for stability and regular income. It balances the volatility of equity investments.

Gold for Security
Keep a small portion in gold as a hedge against inflation and economic uncertainty. It provides liquidity and safety.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Avoid common investment pitfalls to ensure financial security:

Over-Reliance on One Asset Class
Diversify your investments across different asset classes. It reduces risk and enhances returns.

Neglecting Inflation
Always factor in inflation when planning for the future. It ensures your investments can sustain your lifestyle.

Lack of Liquidity
Maintain sufficient liquidity to cover immediate expenses and emergencies. It prevents the need to liquidate long-term investments.

The Importance of Professional Guidance
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner provides valuable insights. Their expertise helps navigate complex financial decisions and optimize your investment strategy. Regular consultations ensure your financial plan remains on track.

Stress Management and Mental Wellbeing
Quitting your job due to work pressure highlights the need for stress management and mental wellbeing. Consider exploring ways to manage stress, such as taking a sabbatical, seeking professional help, or finding a less stressful job within your field.

Potential Alternative Income Sources
Exploring alternative income sources can provide additional financial security. Freelancing, consulting, or part-time work in your field can generate income while allowing for a better work-life balance. This reduces the pressure on your investments to cover all expenses.

Financial Independence and Early Retirement
Achieving financial independence and retiring early (FIRE) requires careful planning. Ensuring your investments can generate enough income to cover your expenses for 30 years is challenging but achievable with the right strategy. Regularly reassess your financial plan to adapt to changing circumstances.

Importance of Lifestyle Adjustments
Consider potential lifestyle adjustments to reduce expenses. Simple changes like cutting unnecessary costs and adopting a frugal lifestyle can significantly extend the longevity of your investments. Balancing enjoyment and financial prudence is key.

Family and Dependents
If you have family or dependents, their needs should be factored into your financial plan. Education, healthcare, and other expenses should be accounted for to ensure their well-being is not compromised.

Estate Planning
Estate planning is crucial for ensuring your assets are distributed according to your wishes. Creating a will, setting up trusts, and nominating beneficiaries for your investments are important steps. This provides peace of mind and clarity for your loved ones.

Final Insights
You have done an excellent job building a robust asset base. With careful planning and strategic investments, you can retire comfortably. Balancing equity, debt, and liquid assets ensures growth and stability. Regular reviews and professional guidance keep your plan on track. Your financial journey is impressive, and with these steps, you can enjoy a secure and fulfilling retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi
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Am 45 and has below corpus 1 cr ppf 2 cr fd 1 cr capital gain bond with redemption in 3 yrs 60 lakh senior citizen scheme for both parents 30 lakh rbi bonds 40 lakh equity which is now reduced to 30 lakh in recent down 20 lakh in hand 7 lakh in pension scheme self own house - no loan Own additional plot with present market value of 3 cr expense present house improvement - 30L (immediate) 2 kids higher education - 2 cr expected marriage - 3 cr (in next 8 to 10 yr) - both boys extrapolating inflation Existing monthly expense - 2 lakh existing monthly income from business - 2 lakh own house car loan with emi of 10K coming to end in 2027 no other loan or debt What if i retire now, will i be able to sustain in future and family
Ans: You have built a strong financial foundation, which includes:

Rs 1 crore in PPF: Offers stability but limited liquidity.

Rs 2 crore in FDs: Provides security and predictable returns.

Rs 1 crore in capital gain bonds: Redeemable in 3 years, offering safety until then.

Rs 60 lakh in Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS): Ensures steady income for your parents.

Rs 30 lakh in RBI bonds: Good for long-term stability.

Rs 30 lakh in equity: Reduced from Rs 40 lakh due to market corrections.

Rs 20 lakh in cash: Useful for immediate needs.

Rs 7 lakh in a pension scheme: A minor but helpful component for retirement.

Self-owned house and additional plot: Total real estate value of Rs 3.3 crore.

No major liabilities: Only a car loan EMI of Rs 10,000 until 2027.

Immediate Considerations
1. Emergency Funds

Set aside 12–24 months' expenses (Rs 24–48 lakh).
Use liquid mutual funds or savings accounts for this.
2. House Improvement Needs

Allocate Rs 30 lakh from your FDs or cash reserves.
Prioritise immediate renovation without disrupting other investments.
3. Children’s Higher Education

Estimated cost is Rs 2 crore over the next 5–10 years.
Invest systematically in balanced or hybrid mutual funds for this.
Equity exposure is essential for growth to beat inflation.
4. Children’s Marriage

Estimated cost is Rs 3 crore over 8–10 years.
Use a combination of balanced and debt-oriented funds.
Retirement Readiness
1. Current Monthly Expenses

You need Rs 2 lakh per month for expenses.
Existing business income matches this need, but retirement changes dynamics.
2. Retirement Corpus Requirements

Your portfolio must support monthly expenses and inflation.
A mix of equity and debt investments can generate stable income.
Equity provides growth, while debt ensures stability.
3. Diversification

Balance equity and debt based on risk tolerance and goals.
Avoid concentrating too much in low-growth instruments like FDs.
Detailed Investment Strategy
1. Equity for Long-Term Growth

Retain or add actively managed equity mutual funds.
Avoid index funds, as they lack active management during market volatility.
Diversify into large-cap, multi-cap, and mid-cap funds.
2. Debt for Stability and Income

Invest in debt mutual funds, offering tax efficiency and stability.
New tax rules require planning for LTCG and STCG taxes.
3. RBI Bonds and SCSS

Continue holding these for predictable returns.
They support low-risk, regular income needs.
4. Capital Gain Bonds

Redeem after 3 years and reallocate based on goals.
Consider hybrid funds or balanced products for better growth.
Holistic Family Planning
1. Parents’ Security

SCSS ensures financial independence for your parents.
Monitor and renew this as required for consistent income.
2. Children's Future

Start separate portfolios for each child’s education and marriage.
Avoid direct funds; invest through a Certified Financial Planner.
This ensures tailored advice and better fund selection.
3. Insurance Needs

Ensure adequate health and term insurance for the family.
Protect against unforeseen medical or financial risks.
Tax-Efficient Planning
1. Equity Mutual Funds

LTCG over Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Plan withdrawals smartly to optimise tax liability.
2. Debt Investments

Both LTCG and STCG are taxed based on your income slab.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner to manage tax-efficient withdrawals.
Final Insights
You can retire comfortably if you plan systematically.

Focus on balancing your portfolio with growth and stability.

Prepare separate funds for your children’s education and marriage.

Ensure you have a robust emergency fund and insurance coverage.

A Certified Financial Planner can help you align investments with goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |956 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
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I am a 48 year old widow. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. I had quit my job, but rejoined now and have a monthly take home of 1L 15k. I receive similar pension amount too. But this pension amount will get reduced to 90k after 10 years. I have an own property (apartment bought in 2010) - 14 k rent monthly. I have around 40 L that I wish to invest. I am still coping with the loss and am confused as to what I need to do to get a grip on the finances. I have invested around 12 L in mutual funds. I have applied for a term insurance - around 1 L annual premium for 10 years. I am also repaying the home loan around 15k per month with tenure left for 20 months. I am planning to move out on my own from my sister's place where I am staying now (my own house is not in Bangalore where I work). So, I will definitely need 25k per month for rent if I move out. Please advise on how to manage my finances. Shall I repay the home loan and clear the debt (around 5 L principal outstanding)? Should I invest in some pension plans? Please advise. Thanks!
Ans: Hello;

Yes you should settle off the outstanding home loan.

Also you may open an NPS account for retirement planning. Do contribute to it on a regular basis and also do onetime lumpsum investment.

Also open an PPF account with investment of 12.5 K per month.

Get sufficient term plan coverage for atleast 20 years and not less.

No need to invest in pension plan if you are investing in NPS. It is far superior in terms of tax liability, flexibility, returns and costs.

Prefer hybrid mutual funds(dynamic asset allocation or multi asset allocation fund)for your investments.

Buy a good health insurance cover for yourself and your daughter irrespective of group policy, if any, available from employer.

Do nomination in all your financial investments and also make a legally valid will.

In a nutshell, you will have 3 investments PPF, NPS and mutual funds (hybrid) and insurance premiums for term cover and healthcare policy.

Loss of partner is very difficult to deal with but you also need to focus on the education of your daughter and guide her for better prospects.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 41, but single now. I got married when I was 32 and got divorced in 6 months after I found out my wife was cheating on me with her ex who she was forbidden from getting married. When confronted she simply walked away and sent me a divorce notice. The next three years were spent in courts trying to tell my version of the story. Since then I have had a tough time trusting people. My marriage was unfortunate and short lived. But my parents still want me to try again. I am in a live-in relationship with a girl who is 3 years elder to me. Are unmarried couples happier than married ones? I feel marriage can restrict you in many ways which is why people feel stagnated and bored. What do you think?
Ans: When it comes to happiness, it really depends on the individuals involved rather than whether they are married or unmarried. Some couples thrive in a marriage because they see it as a partnership built on mutual respect and emotional security. Others feel stifled by the societal expectations and responsibilities that often come with marriage. A live-in relationship can offer more flexibility and personal freedom, but it also comes with its own challenges—such as a lack of legal protections or social acceptance in certain cultures.

The key is understanding what works best for you. If you feel content in your current live-in relationship and it gives you the companionship, trust, and emotional fulfillment you need, then that’s what truly matters. However, if you feel hesitant mainly because of past trauma rather than your actual desires, it might be worth reflecting on whether your fears are holding you back from something you may actually want deep down.

At the end of the day, happiness isn’t about being married or unmarried—it’s about being in a relationship (or choosing to be single) that makes you feel emotionally secure, valued, and free to be yourself. If marriage feels like a cage to you, then it may not be the right path. But if you ever find a connection that makes commitment feel like a choice rather than an obligation, your perspective might shift. The most important thing is that whatever path you choose, it aligns with your true needs and not just the expectations of others.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello there!! There are past trauma experiences in my relationship due to caste issue since my family are strictly against it . But I eventually liked another boy seeing his true love n affection n care towards me , he loved me since our skl days !! He expressed himself but i gave him my answerr after many yrs due my past experiences!! But eventually we had a healthy relationship ,and he told me he is of same caste!! Since his father lied to him related to this to keep him away from this caste called thing!! But now his father relved tht it was a lie !! Now we ended up intercaste!! We truly love each other we dreamt of our future together!! He became huge part of my life !! His family is okay with me regarding our marriage but my family is strongly opposed to this intercaste thing!! We are 24 yrs we thought of settle in our lifes and approach my parents few years back since untill fewdays back we together thought we are of same caste so there eill be no issue!! But now within few days n few lies our both world n hopes turned upside down!! I cant make my family suffer due to me!! At same time i cant leave him im struck !! What should we do!!
Ans: Your family’s suffering is a valid concern, but will they truly suffer because of your decision, or is it more about their expectations and societal norms? Often, parents react strongly at first, but with time, they adjust when they see their child happy and settled. Right now, their resistance is based on tradition and belief systems they’ve held for years. But is their love for you truly conditional on whom you marry? Would they rather see you unhappy in a marriage they approve of than happy in one they initially resisted?

Your happiness and future matter just as much as your family’s feelings. If you truly cannot see a life without him, you need to ask yourself whether sacrificing that love for family approval will truly bring you peace. Walking away from love to please others often leads to lifelong regret. On the other hand, if you fight for your relationship, you might face pain now, but there’s a chance your family will eventually come around.

The most important thing is to stand firm in what you want. If you and your partner truly love each other, you will need patience, strength, and a strategy to gradually help your family accept your choice. This won’t be easy, but living a life where you constantly wonder "what if?" will be even harder.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thingking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Raising someone else’s children is not something that comes naturally to everyone, and that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. You already know how challenging it is to raise one child, and now you’re expected to step into a role where you’ll be managing more, including an aggressive teenage boy. If this idea is already suffocating you now, imagine how it might feel once you’re actually living in that environment every day.

Fear of being alone is a very real and valid concern, but being in a marriage that drains you emotionally, limits your career, and makes you feel trapped is far worse than being single. The right relationship should bring you a sense of peace and security, not anxiety and sacrifice at every turn. If you already feel that you have to “mould” your thinking just to make this work, that’s a sign that this situation might not be aligned with what you truly want and need.

You don’t have to force yourself into something that doesn’t feel right just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. Loneliness is difficult, but so is being in a marriage where you feel unseen, unheard, and overwhelmed. The best decision is the one that allows you to live with peace and confidence in your future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Listen
Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I would like to stay anonymous. Im 27F, recently got engaged and my wedding is in 5 months from now. This match is arranged by my parents within our community. Initially things went well, but after the engagement when we went outside for dinner he was speaking well but before leaving he said this is a suggestion from my end and told that there is slight space between my two teeth in the front and while smiling it creates black image in the photos. So it would be best if i would use invisible aligners so that before wedding it would be fixed adding to this he said he will take care of the expenses and he said he had this thought for a week so its better to disclose it with me. He also said that he didn't tell this to his parents he wanted to check my thoughts on this first, also he said he wanted myself to look very very pretty on the wedding and his relatives should say "Wow, we have never seen such a pretty bride", also he commented about my hair being short actually its medium length but i like to keep my hair short. I really got frustrated when he said all those things this got me very irritated. I didn't speak much, i said i wanted to leave and he dropped me at my place. The next day i asked him if we can meet again to get clarification on this thing, when i asked him the next day about this he said "its just a suggestion if you can take it its fine or you can leave it its upto you". He never accepted that he hurted me or made a wrong statement he kept on saying he didn't mean that way i took it very personally and im creating unnecessary ruckus. at last he said i could have said things differently but he didn't ask for sorry at all. I thought he wont talk about my features again but then after a week he again asked me you were eating outside food for a week you should have gained weight(trying to be funny here), i said no. Because him and his mother already asked about my weight like "why are you so thin? you could have put up some weight know"? I have been in this weight for many years, how much ever i eat my weight remains the same its because of the genetics. But people dont understand this and easily ask some body shaming questions. After this event he is not talking like before and even i dont push him, one of my friend asked me to take initiative and make calls to stop this awkward situation and i took lead called him four times in a week he spoke but he didn't bothered to call me again he was only texting after that too im okay with that but still i feel he might ask me to make changes in my feature, weight etc before the wedding. Im not sure how to deal with this.
Ans: When someone loves and accepts you, they don’t focus on “fixing” things about you to meet external standards, whether it’s for wedding photos or to impress relatives. His insistence that you should look “very, very pretty” for others’ approval shows that his priorities might not align with yours. You weren’t looking for a makeover; you were looking for a life partner who values you for who you are.

His response when you tried to talk about it also speaks volumes. Instead of acknowledging your feelings and reassuring you, he dismissed your concerns, making it seem like you were overreacting. A partner who truly cares would have listened, understood why you felt hurt, and taken responsibility for how his words affected you. Instead, he shifted the blame onto you for "creating unnecessary ruckus," which shows a lack of emotional maturity.

The weight comments, too, are unnecessary and inconsiderate. Genetics determine body type, and no one should feel the need to change themselves to meet someone else’s expectations. His family’s remarks about your weight, combined with his attitude, suggest that this won’t stop after the wedding. If they’re already making you feel self-conscious now, imagine the expectations and unsolicited “suggestions” that might continue in the future.

The distance that has formed between you both after this conversation isn’t just about awkwardness—it’s about emotional disconnection. A strong relationship is built on respect, comfort, and mutual appreciation, not on one person feeling judged and the other acting indifferent. The fact that you had to take the lead in calling him multiple times, while he didn’t reciprocate the effort, says a lot. A healthy relationship should feel mutual, not one-sided.

Right now, you need to ask yourself: Can you truly be yourself in this relationship, or will you constantly feel pressured to meet his and his family’s expectations? Do you feel emotionally safe with him, or do you feel like you have to defend your choices, your body, and your appearance?

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and your peace of mind matters. If his attitude is already making you question yourself and feel frustrated, you have every right to reconsider. You don’t need to “deal” with this by adjusting to his expectations—you need to decide if this is the kind of relationship you want to spend your life in.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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