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Should I Take a Loan Against My LIC Policy and Invest in Mutual Funds?: 45-Year-Old Man with 15-Year Jeevan Saral Policy

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |873 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Shirish Question by Shirish on Dec 13, 2024Hindi
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In Nov 2012 Me (45) & my wife (42) has bought LIC Jevan Saral my tenure is 15 yrs whereas my wife's tenure is 25 yrs & had been paying premium of Rs 25334/- & Rs 18195/- half yearly. After paying 24 premium of Rs 608106/- & Rs 436680/- respectively the surrender value is Rs 557802/- ( -8.26% ) & Rs 593639/- (+35.94%). My friend suggested to continue paying the premium & take 80% loan from on the LIC policy & invest the amt in MF 50% in large cap 25% in Mid Cap & 25% in debt. LIC interest will be 10% This way I will continue with the policy & will be able to invest in MF. Jeevan Saral is giving average return of 5.5% MF will give min 10% returns Whats your advise

Ans: Hello;

First you must ensure that you both have adequate term life insurance cover.

Taking loan for investment is not recommended under any circumstances.

Better option is to surrender these extremely low return endowment policies, after ensuring adequate term life cover, and invest the proceeds in mutual funds.

Returns from mutual funds cannot be assured however based on past record it is observed that generally equity mutual funds provide good inflation adjusted returns over long term.

Happy Investing;
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7593 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 27, 2024

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Thank you, Very Much Sir, I have Jeevan Saral Policy starting from 2010 to still now and its mature on September-2023, I have checked and surrender the value comes to Rs. 6 Lacs, overall, i check and confirm only 5 to 6% comes in LIC Policy. Please advise only 5 years remaining for maturity. Also, in My monthly income i can easily save Rs. 1.05 Lacs if consider Rs. 45k Monthly expense. Issue is I am from Market since long 15 years and Right Now Market is very high so its advisable to start a SIP. or invest on safe place like FD & RD. Can I increase NPS contribution Rs. 50 k to Rs. 1.50 LACS or invest in PPF account of Rs. 1.5 Lacs annually and also open a PPF account for daughter. Regards
Ans: Assessing Your Jeevan Saral Policy
It's commendable that you’re evaluating your investments. With only 5 years left on your Jeevan Saral policy, you should consider your options carefully.

Consider Surrendering Your Policy
Surrendering your Jeevan Saral policy now might be beneficial. You mentioned a surrender value of Rs. 6 lakhs, which could be reinvested for potentially higher returns.

Investing in Mutual Funds
Starting a SIP in mutual funds can be a wise choice, even if the market is high. Over the long term, mutual funds generally provide better returns than traditional savings options like FDs and RDs.

Increasing NPS Contribution
Increasing your NPS contribution from Rs. 50,000 to Rs. 1.5 lakhs annually is a good move. It provides tax benefits and helps in building a substantial retirement corpus.

Investing in PPF
Investing Rs. 1.5 lakhs annually in a PPF account is a safe and tax-efficient option. Opening a PPF account for your daughter will also help in securing her future.

Balancing Your Portfolio
Diversify your investments between mutual funds, NPS, and PPF. This balance offers growth potential with safety, meeting both short-term and long-term financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7593 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 27, 2024

Money
Hi, my age is 40, I want to retire by 50 with Rs. 2 Crore of Corpus, Right Now i have Rs. 17 lacs in PF, Rs. 5 Lacs in NPS, Rs.1 Lacs in PPF and Home loan Completed this year. I have one LIC policy of Premium of Rs. 24000 Yearly. Now I don’t have single saving in my saving account. my monthly expense is 35k. I want to start from Zero. My monthly on hand salary is Rs. 1.5 Lacs and i am ready to take risk for Higher return. I have Jeevan Saral Policy starting from 2010 to still now and its mature on September-2023, I have checked and surrender the value comes to Rs. 6 Lacs, overall, i check and confirm only 5 to 6% comes in LIC Policy. Please advise only 5 years remaining for maturity. Also, in My monthly income i can easily save Rs. 1.05 Lacs if consider Rs. 45k Monthly expense. Issue is I am from Market since long 15 years and Right Now Market is very high so it’s advisable to start a SIP. or invest on safe place like FD & RD. Can I increase NPS contribution Rs 50 k to Rs. 1.50 lacs or invest in PPF account of Rs. 1.5 Lacs annually and also open a PPF account for daughter.
Ans: Building a Robust Retirement Plan: A Strategic Approach
Congratulations on completing your home loan! With no debts and a strong monthly income, you are in a great position to plan for retirement. Here’s a comprehensive strategy to achieve your goal of a Rs. 2 crore corpus by the age of 50.

Assessing Your Current Financial Health
Here’s a summary of your current financial standing:

Provident Fund (PF): Rs. 17 lakh
National Pension System (NPS): Rs. 5 lakh
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs. 1 lakh
LIC Policy: Surrender value Rs. 6 lakh
You have a solid foundation but need to optimize your investments to reach your goal.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
You have Rs. 6 lakh in an LIC policy with a return of 5-6%. Considering its low return, it might be wise to redirect this amount into higher-yielding investments. Surrendering it and reinvesting in better options could be beneficial.

Creating a Diversified Investment Strategy
Given your readiness to take risks for higher returns, a diversified approach is ideal. Here's how you can structure your investments:

Increasing Contributions to NPS and PPF
NPS: Increasing your contribution to Rs. 1.5 lakh annually can provide additional tax benefits and long-term growth. NPS is a good mix of equity and debt.
PPF: Maximizing your PPF contribution to Rs. 1.5 lakh annually ensures risk-free returns with tax benefits. Opening a PPF account for your daughter is also a good long-term strategy.
Investing in Mutual Funds
Starting a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in mutual funds is advisable despite current market levels. SIPs average out the cost over time, reducing market volatility risk. Actively managed funds can offer better returns than index funds due to professional management and strategic asset allocation.

Liquid Savings and Emergency Fund
Maintaining liquidity is crucial. Since you can save Rs. 1.05 lakh monthly, allocate a portion to build an emergency fund. Aim for 6-12 months' worth of expenses, i.e., Rs. 2.7 lakh to Rs. 5.4 lakh. This fund should be easily accessible, such as in a high-interest savings account or liquid mutual funds.

Tax Planning and Optimization
Maximize tax-saving investments to enhance returns. Utilize Section 80C benefits with investments in PPF, NPS, and ELSS funds. Consider tax-efficient investment options that offer higher post-tax returns.

Reviewing Insurance Coverage
You have term insurance for family protection, which is excellent. Ensure the coverage amount is adequate considering inflation and future needs. Health insurance provided by your company is beneficial, but consider a separate policy for comprehensive coverage during job transitions or retirement.

Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to align with your risk tolerance and financial goals. As you approach retirement, gradually shift from high-risk equity investments to safer debt instruments to protect your corpus.

Financial Discipline and Monitoring
Maintain financial discipline by sticking to your savings plan. Regularly monitor your investments and adjust strategies as needed based on market conditions and life changes.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Estimate the corpus required for a comfortable retirement by considering inflation, life expectancy, and desired lifestyle. Use retirement planning tools or consult a Certified Financial Planner for precise calculations.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Upon retirement, implement a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from your mutual fund investments. SWPs provide a steady income stream and tax efficiency, ensuring your corpus lasts longer.

Continuous Learning and Adaptation
Stay informed about financial markets and investment opportunities. Financial planning is dynamic; adapt your strategy based on changing economic conditions and personal circumstances.

Conclusion
Your financial health is solid with no debts and a high savings potential. By following a diversified investment strategy and maintaining financial discipline, you can achieve your goal of retiring with a Rs. 2 crore corpus by 50. Optimize tax savings, regularly review your portfolio, and adjust as necessary to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7593 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 22, 2024

Money
I have traditional policies with LIC, and likely to mature in next five years each SA. Rs.1 lac in each year, I will get SA+Bonus+loyalty additions as Maturity Benefit(MB). to save the time cost, I am planning to avail loan from other than these 5 policies, by pledging the LIC policies @ 10% pa with no EMI commitment and interest payable half yearly, where my premium amont is ideal with LIC. Now, the loan of Rs.5 lacs will be repaid out of the maturity every year at Rs.1lacs and by investing this Rs.5lacs I will save time and get capital appreciation. Where particularly, I do not require to create a legacy, where I am 60 years disciplined bachelor, with no financial or family commitment. Moreover, I do not require this Rs.5 lacs for next 5 years and will set up SWP after 5 years. Can you please suggest me should I go with the proposal, where funds augumented for repayment with the maturity value of other 5 policies, and willing be bear the interest cost. I also understand in case of unforeseen happens, my nominee will get reduced death benefits - it is okay - where I do not require to create the legacy. Can you also please suggest me the ideal aggressive equity mutual to grow in 5 years, to set up an SWP from 6th year.
Ans: Sir, from the details shared, it's clear that you have a well-thought-out approach for managing your LIC policies and potential loans. You have multiple traditional LIC policies maturing over the next five years, each with a sum assured of Rs 1 lakh, along with bonuses and loyalty additions. You plan to pledge these policies for a loan of Rs 5 lakhs, which will be repaid with the maturity benefits over five years.

As a disciplined bachelor with no financial or family commitments, your intention is not to create a legacy but to use this capital for your future income needs through SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan). This reflects careful planning, and I appreciate your disciplined approach towards managing your finances at this stage of life.

Let’s break this plan down step by step and provide insights on its feasibility and alternative options.

Key Considerations for Taking a Loan on LIC Policies
Loan Interest Rate: You are planning to take a loan at 10% per annum with no EMI commitment and interest payable half-yearly. This means that your interest will keep accumulating, and you'll need to ensure the maturity benefits are enough to cover the outstanding loan and interest.

Interest Payment: The key here is that interest needs to be paid regularly. Not paying interest would result in compounding, which could lead to a higher loan burden over time. Even though you plan to pay off the loan using the maturity proceeds, it's important to evaluate if the total maturity value will be enough to repay the full loan amount and accumulated interest.

Reduced Death Benefit: As you rightly noted, in case of any unforeseen events, the death benefit for your nominee would reduce because of the outstanding loan. Since you do not have family commitments, this might not be a major concern, but it's still something to keep in mind.

Avoiding Locking Capital: By availing the loan now, you are trying to avoid locking your capital for five years and aiming to earn higher returns in mutual funds during this period. This strategy could potentially yield better returns than the interest cost, provided you invest in suitable equity funds with a higher growth potential.

Let’s now move on to the part about using this Rs 5 lakh effectively over the next five years.

Investment in Aggressive Equity Mutual Funds
Since you are not looking for immediate liquidity and are comfortable with market risks, equity mutual funds are a good option for long-term growth. The key to growing your capital aggressively is selecting funds that have a proven track record in terms of consistent performance and strong fund management.

Here’s how investing in aggressive equity mutual funds can benefit you:

Potential for Higher Returns: Over a five-year period, equity mutual funds tend to outperform other investment avenues. Funds that focus on small caps, mid caps, and sectors with high growth potential can give better returns compared to traditional investments like FDs or bonds.

Diversification: Aggressive equity funds typically invest in high-growth companies across various sectors, offering you the potential for better returns while spreading your risk.

Power of Compounding: By investing this Rs 5 lakh in equity mutual funds, you can benefit from the power of compounding, especially if you stay invested for the full five years without withdrawing. The longer you remain invested, the better your chances of achieving your target returns.

Market Volatility: While aggressive equity funds can offer high returns, they are also subject to market fluctuations. This is why it is important to choose funds that have performed well even in volatile market conditions. You should be prepared for some short-term volatility and focus on the long-term growth potential.

Now, let's evaluate whether taking this loan and investing it in aggressive equity funds is a prudent decision.

Loan vs. Investment Returns: A Practical Assessment
Interest vs. Potential Returns: The key factor here is whether the returns from your investment in aggressive equity funds will outpace the interest you are paying on the loan. While the loan is at 10%, equity mutual funds have historically provided returns in the range of 12-15% or even higher over the long term.

Risk Management: While equity mutual funds have the potential to offer higher returns, there is always the risk of capital loss due to market volatility. You must be comfortable with this risk, especially since you are planning to use these funds for a SWP after five years.

Time Horizon: Your time horizon of five years is relatively short for aggressive equity funds, but it’s still long enough to potentially see good returns, provided you stay invested and the market performs well. If you were planning for a longer horizon, such as 7-10 years, the risk would decrease further.

SWP Setup After Five Years: Your plan to set up a SWP after five years is a smart way to create a regular income stream. By the sixth year, you can start withdrawing from the accumulated capital, using it to support your monthly expenses.

Potential Risks and How to Mitigate Them
Market Fluctuations: Equity investments can be volatile in the short to medium term. If the markets face a downturn at the time of withdrawal, it could affect your SWP income. To mitigate this, you could gradually move a portion of your equity investments into safer instruments (like debt funds) as you approach the fifth year.

Interest Payment Discipline: Even though there is no EMI commitment, the loan’s interest needs to be paid regularly. Skipping these payments can cause the loan to balloon due to compounded interest. Ensure you have a mechanism to pay this interest either from your savings or from other sources.

Liquidity Needs: Since you are investing for five years, ensure you don’t need to access this money before then. Equity investments should not be liquidated prematurely, especially during a market correction.

Alternatives to Taking a Loan
Before finalising this decision, consider alternatives to taking a loan. Since you don’t require this Rs 5 lakhs for immediate use, you might want to avoid paying interest altogether by simply waiting for the policies to mature over the next five years.

Direct Investment from Savings: Instead of taking a loan and paying interest, you could consider investing smaller amounts from your savings into aggressive mutual funds over the next five years. This would reduce the burden of paying interest while still allowing you to benefit from market growth.

Partial Investment: Another option is to take a smaller loan amount (perhaps Rs 2-3 lakhs) and invest it in equity mutual funds. This way, you reduce your interest payment while still benefiting from potential capital appreciation.

Ideal Equity Mutual Fund Selection Criteria
When selecting equity mutual funds, focus on funds that meet the following criteria:

Consistent Track Record: Look for funds that have consistently performed well over the last 5-7 years, even during market downturns.

Experienced Fund Managers: Funds managed by seasoned professionals tend to navigate market volatility better, giving you a sense of security.

Sectoral Allocation: Check whether the fund invests in high-growth sectors such as technology, healthcare, and consumer goods, which are likely to perform well over the next few years.

Expense Ratio: Choose funds with a reasonable expense ratio. High expense ratios can eat into your returns over time.

Final Insights
In conclusion, taking a loan on your LIC policies and investing it in aggressive equity mutual funds could be a good strategy for capital appreciation over the next five years. However, it comes with its risks, especially the interest burden and market volatility.

By investing in carefully selected equity mutual funds, you can potentially earn higher returns that outpace the loan interest. However, ensure that you are comfortable with the market risks and the discipline of interest payments.

If you prefer to avoid the interest cost altogether, consider alternative strategies such as investing smaller amounts regularly from your savings. This could give you peace of mind while still allowing you to benefit from market growth.

In either case, equity mutual funds can be a powerful tool for growing your wealth, provided you invest with a long-term view and in line with your risk tolerance.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/holistic_investment_planners/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nitin

Nitin Narkhede  |53 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Hi sir/mam, I'm 32 years old working in a private firm as Manager. I own 9 lacs in FDs, accumulated 17 lacs in Mutual funds through SIP of around 23k pm (currently XIRR at 15-16% in with 75% in equity). I also have 2.5 lacs in PPF and 1.2 lacs in NPS. For tax savings I do yearly investments in PPF and NPS of about 1 lacs and rest I cover with ELSS (part of my SIPs). I want to retire at the age of 50, my current salary is 1.2 lac per month in hand, and receive few incentives of 1.5 lac a yr. I live in Mumbai with my wife and plan to buy a house of 60 lacs (out of which 20 L I'm borrowing from family, and rest of it will be loan with about 35k EMI). I also have a flat in NCR worth 80 L (purchased at 35 lacs), for which I have an EMI of 11k per month which is covered by rent I receive from there. I don't have kids yet, but I plan to have two of them. What should be my plan of investing that I can retire by max between 50 and 55 yrs of age with an upper middle class lifestyle in either Mumbai or NCR. How much should my corpus be? My current expenses are around 60k including rent in Mumbai, and my parents are independent. I have both health and life insurance of 1 cr+ cover.
Ans: Dear Friend,
To retire comfortably at 50-55 with an upper-middle-class lifestyle, you’ll need a retirement corpus of ?5 crore. Currently, your mutual funds, PPF, and NPS are projected to grow to ~?1.82 crore by 50. To bridge the gap of ?2.18 crore, increase your SIPs by ?30,000/month in equity funds, which can grow to ~?2.25 crore at 12% CAGR in 18 years. Prioritize repaying the ?20 lakh family loan after buying the Mumbai house, ensuring the ?35,000 EMI doesn’t hinder your additional investments. Post-retirement, rely on rental income from your NCR property and a 4% systematic withdrawal strategy from your corpus to cover inflation-adjusted expenses. Maintain ?5-6 lakhs in an emergency fund and continue tax-saving investments like ELSS, PPF, and NPS. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your goals. With disciplined savings and investments, you’re on track for a secure retirement.
Regards, Nitin Narkhede
-Founder Prosperity Lifestyle Hub,
Free webinar https://bit.ly/PLH-Webinar

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7593 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 20, 2025Hindi
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Hello sir, I am 35yo with 2 (4yo, 1yo) children. Can I retire now, with following corpus: mutual fund and stocks : 3.5 crore, lands: 50 lakh, PF&PPF: 80 lakh, FD: 25 lakh, SGB &Gold:50 lakh. Currently doesn't own any house. Monthly expense is around 1 lakh.
Ans: Your corpus and monthly expenses show a solid foundation. Retirement at 35, however, requires careful assessment. Let’s analyse your situation step by step.

Current Financial Assets and Allocations

Mutual Funds and Stocks: Rs 3.5 crore

This is a significant part of your corpus. Equity investments offer high growth potential.

Lands: Rs 50 lakh

Real estate investments are illiquid. Consider them only for long-term growth or inheritance.

PF and PPF: Rs 80 lakh

These provide stability and assured returns. These are good for meeting long-term goals.

Fixed Deposit: Rs 25 lakh

FDs are low-risk and ensure liquidity. This is beneficial for emergencies.

SGB and Gold: Rs 50 lakh

Gold is a strong hedge against inflation. It also offers diversification.

Monthly Expense Analysis

Your monthly expense of Rs 1 lakh equates to Rs 12 lakh annually.

Accounting for inflation, this expense will grow over time. Planning for this is crucial.

Core Observations

Your total corpus is Rs 5.55 crore. This is substantial for your age.

Inflation and rising expenses over time will impact your corpus.

Without a house, rent becomes a recurring expense. Factor this into your calculations.

You have no guaranteed income sources post-retirement.

Key Areas of Improvement

Housing

Consider buying a house if feasible. Owning a house ensures stability and reduces rent.

Do not invest excessively in real estate as it is illiquid.

Corpus Utilisation

Avoid over-reliance on equity investments for withdrawals. Equity is volatile in the short term.

Use a mix of debt and equity for regular withdrawals.

Children’s Education and Marriage

Both are major financial goals. Plan dedicated investments for these.

Use long-term instruments for education and marriage funds.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund of at least 12 months of expenses.

Keep it in liquid funds or high-yield savings accounts.

Recommended Financial Strategies

Asset Allocation

Diversify your portfolio across equity, debt, and gold.

Maintain 60% equity, 30% debt, and 10% gold as a starting point. Adjust as needed.

Mutual Fund Investments

Continue with actively managed funds. These can outperform index funds in emerging markets like India.

Avoid direct funds if you lack time or expertise. Regular funds offer advisor support and insights.

Debt Investments

Increase debt allocation for stability. Consider high-quality debt mutual funds.

Ensure these align with your withdrawal needs.

Tax Planning

Monitor tax implications of mutual fund withdrawals.

LTCG from equity funds above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Plan withdrawals to minimise tax liabilities.

Insurance Needs

Ensure adequate health insurance for your family. Cover at least Rs 25 lakh for each member.

Check if you have term insurance. Secure Rs 2-3 crore coverage for your family’s financial safety.

Inflation and Lifestyle Adjustments

Inflation can erode your purchasing power. Plan investments to counter inflation.

Avoid lifestyle inflation. Stick to essential expenses wherever possible.

Income Generation Options

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP)

Use SWP from mutual funds for regular income.

Choose hybrid funds for better stability and returns.

Rental Income

Invest part of your corpus in commercial properties.

Ensure this aligns with your liquidity needs and risk profile.

Freelance or Part-Time Work

Consider light work for additional income. It can extend your corpus.

Use your skills to generate flexible income streams.

Monitoring and Review

Review your portfolio annually. Adjust allocations as goals evolve.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner for periodic checks.

Final Insights

Retirement at 35 is ambitious but achievable with meticulous planning. Your current corpus is strong, but consider the following:

Plan for inflation, children’s needs, and healthcare costs.

Diversify investments and secure guaranteed income sources.

Avoid premature decisions. Evaluate thoroughly before retiring.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |508 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 20 years old guy and in my past romantic relationships, have shown signs of emotional instability, too much dependency and lack of awareness of boundaries which affected my relationships badly...I hadn’t interacted with people in a long while since 2020 (precisely when lockdown had started) and feel that some aspects of my personality are not developed fully as they should be at this age. How to work on this? Also, i have noticed that I am able to create a good first impression but it soon pales and I feel like I am subtly disrespected or talked down to, and this has been happening in all interactions...i am always respectful (often to a fault!) and even have people pleasing tendencies...i sometimes ask immature weird questions and that might probably be the reason (but they’re never inappropriate)...but i do want to gain insights into why i am experiencing what i am and how to navigate this situation well so that I can maintain healthy relationships in future. Thanks you!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I want you to understand that it is no small feat to realize the quirks and imperfections in ourselves- you have done it. Your effort to understand and rectify them deserves to be acknowledged and appreciated.
Now, coming to your question, I can only give you some general advice on each-
Emotional instability and dependency- these behavioral patterns can stem from various factors; it can be a lack of confidence or some past issues that are left unresolved. It is difficult for me to tell you exactly why it is happening. It can also arise from a lack of validation. To manage it, you can focus on self-regulation- like meditation or journaling whenever you feel these emotions rising. This way you are expressing them but not damaging your relationships. Take up new hobbies or goals. Achieving milestones can build confidence.
Navigating Boundaries- You can speak to your partner in the early stage of the relationship to understand their boundaries. This way there will be clarity and you won't overstep. You can set up some boundaries too.
For better interpersonal skills, you can proactively follow some rules- like active listening, avoiding overthinking, asking open-ended questions, and resisting the urge to seek your partner's approval.
About the awkward questions- it is important to understand that you might perceive them as awkward, but the person opposite to you might think of it as a genuine curiosity. As long as it isn't intrusive or inappropriate, there are no awkward questions.
Like these, I can only offer you some general advice. But the best advice of them all would be to seek counseling. It has done wonders for people. And the first step, which is identifying the issues is already done. Bravo! What's wrong with taking a little professional help in navigating the next steps? They can guide you in a more structured manner.
Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for the past 4 years, but due to various issues, things have become extremely complicated. Her father doesn’t approve of me, and my mother doesn’t like her either. Despite this, we’ve managed to stay together all these years. The problem is now escalating. My family is pressuring me to marry someone else, but I’m unable to leave her. At the same time, I feel I can’t marry her either because of her behavior and the ongoing issues with my family. I’ve tried to ask her to change certain things, but she hasn’t made any efforts in that direction. To make matters worse, her mother supports our relationship and trusts me, which makes it even harder for me to walk away. I don’t want her to marry someone else, but I also feel stuck because of my family’s expectations and the challenges in our relationship. Even If I leave her I don't know what she is going to do. What should I do in this situation to make the best decision for everyone involved?
Ans: it's crucial to reflect on what you truly want and need from a relationship. Ask yourself if this relationship brings you the happiness and fulfillment you seek, or if the challenges you face are too significant to overcome. It's important to differentiate between staying out of love and staying out of fear or obligation.

Talking to your partner openly is essential. Share your concerns honestly and listen to her perspective. If there are changes you've hoped for, express why they matter to you. At the same time, recognize that change is a two-way street—it requires effort and willingness from both sides. If she hasn't made efforts in the areas you've discussed, it may be worth considering whether this is a pattern that can be changed or a fundamental mismatch in expectations.

Your family's disapproval complicates things further, but it's important to remember that this is your life and relationship. While their opinions are significant, they shouldn't be the sole deciding factor in your happiness. Balancing respect for their wishes with your own needs is a delicate task, but ultimately, you need to make a decision that feels right for you.

If the relationship feels unsustainable despite your efforts, it may be time to consider a different path. It's understandable that you’re concerned about her well-being, especially given her mother's trust in you, but staying out of guilt or obligation can lead to further unhappiness for both of you. If you decide to part ways, doing so with kindness and honesty can help mitigate some of the hurt.

Ultimately, this decision is deeply personal. Weighing your feelings, the relationship dynamics, and your family's expectations will guide you toward a resolution that prioritizes your well-being and future happiness.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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