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Should I Sell My Property to Pay Off Home Loan?

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1172 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Vijay Question by Vijay on Aug 27, 2024Hindi
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Hi I m earning 80k pm where i am spending half of my income to pay emi's. I am owning one house in Vishakhapatnam city which is worth of 1cr and it has home loan outstanding of 18 lakhs , I also own property which worth of 15 lakhs . Is it the right move for clearing the home loan to sell my other property to invest my monthly salary in other portfolios of investments. Kindly suggest me to take a decision for clearing my home loan dues. Is this a good approach or is there any other better investment options for future? Please suggest

Ans: It is always prudent to prepay your loans, as early as possible, and use the surplus income to more investments which could help you to fund your retirement and other financial goals.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 31, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 37 year old working in IT company. My take home salary is around 1.5 lakhs but I have home loan of 45 lacs for rent out property which has a valuation of 82 lakhs. I have 23 lakh market value of shares in share market across 40 odd share, mutual fund of about 7 lakh and fd of another 7.5 lakh. I have taken out 7 lakh from my PF account and want to do part payment of 8 lakh for homeloan next month. So balance homeloan will be around 37 lakh. My question is if i plan to pay the complete homeloan next year by selling all shares, mutual fund and fd.. will it be a right decision since i dont want to take headache of an outstanding home loan? Your valuable response is awaited
Ans: You have a solid financial foundation with diversified investments across shares, mutual funds, and fixed deposits. Your home loan stands at Rs. 45 lakh, and the property is valued at Rs. 82 lakh, indicating a strong asset base. Your decision to make a part payment of Rs. 8 lakh from your provident fund will reduce the home loan to Rs. 37 lakh, which is a good step in reducing your debt.

The question at hand is whether selling all your shares, mutual funds, and fixed deposits next year to completely pay off your home loan is a wise decision. Let’s evaluate your situation from a 360-degree perspective.

Benefits of Paying Off the Home Loan
Debt-Free Status: Paying off your home loan can provide immense peace of mind. Being debt-free can reduce financial stress, allowing you to focus on other long-term financial goals.

Saving on Interest: By paying off the loan early, you will save a significant amount on interest payments. This can be especially beneficial if the interest rate on your home loan is high. Even if you have a reasonable interest rate, the long-term savings can still be substantial.

Increased Cash Flow: Once the loan is repaid, the monthly EMI burden will be gone. This will improve your monthly cash flow, giving you more flexibility in your finances.

Concerns with Selling Investments to Pay Off the Loan
While paying off your home loan sounds appealing, it is important to consider the impact of liquidating your investments. Let’s take a deeper look:

Opportunity Cost: The market value of your shares is Rs. 23 lakh, mutual funds are Rs. 7 lakh, and fixed deposits are Rs. 7.5 lakh. By selling these investments, you may miss out on potential growth in the long term. Shares and mutual funds, especially actively managed funds, have the potential to grow significantly over time, which could lead to higher returns than the interest you save by paying off the loan.

Market Timing: The share market is volatile, and selling all your shares at once might not be the best strategy, especially if the market is down. You may end up selling at a loss or missing out on future gains.

Diversification: Liquidating all your investments to pay off your loan would reduce your investment portfolio. Having a diversified portfolio helps balance risk and rewards, and selling off everything to pay off a single liability could disrupt that balance.

FD Interest Rates: Fixed deposits are a safe but low-return investment. While they don’t offer high returns like shares or mutual funds, they do provide stability. However, if the interest rate on your home loan is higher than the FD rate, liquidating FDs could make sense as you are effectively losing money on the spread between the loan interest and the FD interest.

Evaluating the Decision to Pay Off the Home Loan
Let's consider the following points before you make your decision:

Home Loan Interest vs. Investment Returns: The first step is to compare the interest rate on your home loan with the expected returns on your investments. If the home loan interest is higher than the average returns from your shares, mutual funds, and FDs, then paying off the loan may be a good decision. However, if your investments are yielding higher returns than the interest you're paying, it might be better to keep the loan and let your investments grow.

Long-Term Growth Potential: Actively managed funds and shares have the potential to generate significant returns in the long run. The power of compounding can help grow your wealth. By liquidating these investments now, you could be giving up long-term gains. This is particularly important for your financial goals like retirement, children’s education, or other milestones.

Balance Between Debt and Investments: Rather than selling off all your investments to pay off the home loan, you might consider a balanced approach. You can make a substantial part-payment towards the loan without liquidating your entire portfolio. This will reduce your debt while still allowing you to benefit from your investments’ growth.

Alternative Strategies
If you are uncomfortable with having an outstanding home loan, there are alternative strategies you could explore rather than liquidating all your investments.

Part-Payment Strategy: Instead of paying off the entire loan, you could make regular part-payments from your savings. This will reduce the loan balance and interest burden while allowing your investments to continue growing. The extra EMI savings can be reinvested in mutual funds or other financial products that align with your goals.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Rather than selling all your mutual funds at once, you could opt for an SWP. This allows you to withdraw a fixed amount periodically, which could be used for part-payments on the loan. This way, you can continue to benefit from market growth while gradually reducing your loan burden.

Reinvest Your Savings: Once you have repaid a portion of your loan, you can reinvest the EMI savings in mutual funds through SIPs or other long-term growth options. This will help you build wealth while maintaining a balanced financial portfolio.

Risks of Selling All Shares and Mutual Funds
It’s important to address the potential risks involved in liquidating all your shares and mutual funds:

Tax Implications: Selling shares and mutual funds could lead to capital gains tax. Long-term capital gains on shares and mutual funds above Rs. 1 lakh are taxable at 10%, while short-term gains are taxed at 15%. You may need to pay a significant amount in taxes if you sell all your investments at once.

Missing Future Growth: Shares and mutual funds, particularly equity funds, have historically provided high returns over the long term. By selling these investments now, you may miss out on future growth opportunities, especially if the market performs well in the coming years.

Lack of Liquidity: By selling all your investments, you may end up with limited liquidity. It's essential to maintain an emergency fund and have enough liquid assets to cover unforeseen expenses.

Benefits of Continuing Your Home Loan
While paying off your home loan may seem like a relief, there are advantages to continuing with the loan:

Tax Benefits: Home loans provide tax benefits under Section 80C (for principal repayment) and Section 24(b) (for interest repayment). These deductions can reduce your overall tax liability, providing you with financial savings every year.

Low-Interest Rate Environment: If your home loan interest rate is relatively low, it may not be a burden to continue with the loan. Low-interest loans are manageable and can be balanced with investments that provide higher returns.

Inflation Advantage: Over time, inflation reduces the real value of debt. This means that while your loan amount stays the same, its value in real terms decreases as inflation rises. In other words, you’ll be paying off the loan with “cheaper” money in the future.

Final Insights
Paying off your home loan early can bring peace of mind, but it’s important to carefully evaluate the decision from all angles. While eliminating the loan will reduce your financial burden, liquidating all your shares, mutual funds, and fixed deposits may not be the best strategy for long-term wealth building.

Instead, you could consider a balanced approach, making part-payments on the loan while allowing your investments to grow. This would reduce your debt burden without sacrificing future growth potential. It’s also worth considering the tax implications and opportunity costs of selling your investments.

Ultimately, the decision should align with your financial goals and risk tolerance. If the peace of mind of being debt-free is more important to you than potential long-term gains, paying off the loan may be the right decision. However, if you’re willing to manage the loan for a few more years, you could potentially build greater wealth by allowing your investments to grow.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 20, 2024

Money
Hello sir. My age is 41 . I have taken a different loan stage wise as need. My salary is 72000 and loan+credit card bill is around 68000 so it is very difficult to manage it. I have home loan of 18000 emi Personal loan emi 18800 pending emi 50 Personal loan EMI 11500 pending emi 24 Personal loan EMI - 4000 pending emi 30 Two wheeler loan EMI 3400 pending emi 12 Credit card due is 100000 I have buy 1 BHK flat on 4 th floor before 11 year as it market value remain same so I think to sell out for clear some due So it is advisable or not. Is any bank/institute/financial support is in market to provide a single loan to clear all your different loan n we need to clear only one EMI ???
Ans: Your current financial situation involves high debt obligations relative to your income. Managing these efficiently is crucial to improve cash flow and financial stability. Let us address the situation step-by-step and evaluate your options for reducing debt stress.

Current Financial Snapshot
Income: Rs 72,000 per month.

EMI Obligations: Rs 68,000 monthly across home, personal, and two-wheeler loans.

Credit Card Debt: Rs 1,00,000 outstanding balance.

Assets: A 1 BHK flat purchased 11 years ago, with little to no appreciation.

Challenges in Your Financial Scenario
High Debt-to-Income Ratio: A significant portion of your income goes towards EMIs.

Multiple Loans: Managing several EMIs increases stress and creates inefficiency.

Flat’s Value Stagnation: Limited appreciation in your flat reduces its utility as an investment.

Assessing the Sale of Your Flat
Potential Benefits
Clearing Debt: Selling the flat can reduce or eliminate some debts.

Cash Flow Relief: Reduced EMIs can provide more breathing room for monthly expenses.

Simplification: With fewer loans, managing your finances becomes easier.

Potential Risks
Loss of Asset: Selling the flat reduces your property portfolio.

Market Conditions: Stagnant market value may not yield significant proceeds.

Rent Costs: If you sell, you may need to spend on rent, impacting cash flow.

Considerations Before Selling
Assess the flat’s current market value and selling potential.

Calculate the total debt you can clear with the sale proceeds.

Evaluate the impact on future living arrangements and rental costs.

Exploring Debt Consolidation
Single Loan to Replace Multiple Loans
Many banks and NBFCs offer debt consolidation loans.

A single loan replaces all your current debts.

You pay only one EMI, making it easier to manage finances.

Benefits of Debt Consolidation
Lower EMI: Consolidation can reduce overall EMI through extended tenure.

Reduced Interest Rates: Personal loans and credit cards have high interest rates. A consolidated loan may offer lower rates.

Simplified Management: Fewer payment schedules reduce the risk of missed EMIs.

Key Considerations
Evaluate the total cost, including processing fees and interest.

Check your eligibility and credit score for better loan terms.

Avoid taking new loans after consolidation to prevent a debt spiral.

Reducing Credit Card Debt
Immediate Actions
Prioritise paying off your credit card balance due to high interest rates.

Convert the outstanding balance into an EMI option if your bank allows.

Avoid using credit cards until the balance is cleared.

Long-Term Management
Use credit cards only for essentials and pay full balances each month.

Set spending limits to ensure better control over usage.

Optimising Your Budget
Reduce Expenses
Categorise expenses and cut non-essential spending.

Use public transport or carpooling to reduce travel costs.

Review utility bills and optimise usage to lower costs.

Create a Debt Repayment Plan
List loans by interest rate and tenure.

Focus on high-interest loans like personal loans and credit cards first.

Use any bonuses or windfalls to prepay loans.

Generating Additional Income
Renting the 1 BHK Flat
If selling the flat is not feasible, consider renting it for extra income.

Use the rent to reduce EMI pressure or build a repayment fund.

Freelancing or Part-Time Work
Explore freelance opportunities that match your skills.

Use additional income to pay off debts faster.

Alternatives to Consider
Restructuring Loans
Approach your lenders to restructure loans with extended tenure or reduced EMI.

Ensure that restructuring terms are affordable and sustainable.

Balance Transfer
Transfer high-interest personal loans to lenders offering lower interest rates.

Use this to reduce overall interest burden and EMI.

Benefits of Working with a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner can provide a customised debt repayment plan.

They help manage finances effectively while maintaining focus on long-term goals.

Guidance ensures disciplined execution without additional debt accumulation.

Final Insights
Selling your flat can clear significant debt, but consider rental costs and market conditions. Debt consolidation can simplify EMIs and reduce interest costs, but evaluate its feasibility. Focus on paying high-interest loans first, optimise expenses, and explore additional income streams. Avoid accumulating further debt to regain financial stability. A structured approach will help you achieve long-term financial freedom.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 24, 2025Hindi
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I am 36 years old with two kids 3.75 years old and 1.25 year old. I have outstanding home loan of 24 lakh. I have mutual fund holding of 9 lakh and 3 lakh in equity. I don't have other savings. My monthly salary is 1.8 lakh and home loan emi is 55k/month and other expenses are 50k/month. I intent to pay off my home loan entirely by April 2025. And then save and focus on purchasing other real estate property. Request you to advise if I should pay off current home loan and then invest in second ( given opportunity cost of rising real estates ) or should I keep current emi and take additional loan to purchase second property as 24 lakh rupees would not be enough for second property.
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
You are 36 years old with two young kids.

Your monthly salary is Rs. 1.8 lakh.

Home loan EMI is Rs. 55,000 per month.

Other monthly expenses are Rs. 50,000.

Your current assets include Rs. 9 lakh in mutual funds and Rs. 3 lakh in equity.

No other savings apart from these investments.

You plan to fully repay your Rs. 24 lakh home loan by April 2025.

You are considering investing in another real estate property.

You are evaluating whether to pay off your current home loan first or take an additional loan.

Evaluating Home Loan Repayment
Paying off your home loan will free up Rs. 55,000 per month.

This can increase your savings and investment capacity.

However, prepaying the loan reduces liquidity, which is important for financial security.

Home loan interest rates are lower than potential investment returns from mutual funds.

Instead of full prepayment, partial repayment with continued investment may be better.

Assessing your loan’s interest rate versus expected returns is essential.

Managing Your Cash Flow and Investments
After EMI and expenses, you have Rs. 75,000 surplus per month.

With no emergency savings, all surplus going into loan repayment is risky.

Maintaining liquidity through an emergency fund is crucial.

Investing part of the surplus in mutual funds can create better long-term returns.

A balanced approach between loan prepayment and investment can be more beneficial.

Risks of Purchasing a Second Property
Real estate is illiquid and requires significant investment.

Rental yields are generally low, offering about 2-3% annually.

Capital appreciation is uncertain and depends on market conditions.

Maintenance, taxes, and potential vacancies add to costs.

If property prices fall, you may face financial stress with a higher loan burden.

Opportunity Cost of Investing in Real Estate
Investing in equity mutual funds offers better long-term returns.

You can achieve financial freedom faster through diversified investments.

Real estate locks in a large amount of money with slow growth.

Liquidity is lower compared to mutual funds or fixed-income instruments.

Recommended Financial Strategy
1. Build an Emergency Fund
Keep at least 6-12 months of expenses in liquid funds.

This ensures financial security and avoids forced withdrawals from investments.

2. Balance Loan Repayment and Investments
Instead of full prepayment, allocate some surplus towards investments.

Partial prepayment can reduce interest burden without affecting liquidity.

Continue investing in mutual funds for long-term wealth creation.

3. Avoid Purchasing Another Property
With limited savings and liquidity, another property will increase financial risk.

A second home loan will add EMI burden and reduce investment potential.

Diversifying into equity and fixed-income investments is a better approach.

Real estate investment limits flexibility in case of financial emergencies.

4. Strengthen Your Investment Portfolio
Increase SIP contributions in mutual funds to build long-term wealth.

Focus on a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds for diversification.

Invest in debt funds or fixed-income instruments for stability.

Ensure a proper asset allocation based on risk tolerance and goals.

5. Secure Your Family’s Future
Ensure you have adequate term life insurance to protect your family.

Health insurance for yourself, spouse, and kids is necessary.

Create a financial plan for your children’s education and future needs.

Finally
Paying off your home loan is beneficial but should not drain liquidity.

Investing in mutual funds offers better flexibility and growth.

A second property will increase financial stress and limit investment potential.

Maintaining a balanced approach ensures financial stability and long-term wealth creation.

Prioritize an emergency fund, investments, and financial security before taking new liabilities.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |30 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025
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I don't get along with my husband and in-laws. I am living with him only for the sake of my 5 year old son. I broke up with my ex to marry this man to keep my parents happy. However, he is not at all an ideal partner for me. He abuses me all the time and takes me for granted. He doesn't allow me to step out, or meet my friends and family. I have to wait for him to go to work, so I can call anyone. His family keeps a close watch on what I do and informs him if I step out to even meet my family or relatives. We fight and argue almost every day. I have told him that I want a divorce but he said No, I have to adjust and accept. I am a graduate but I don't have a job. It is frustrating when he doesn't let me do anything on my own. I blocked my ex when our marriage got fixed but he is always suspicious. Sometimes I feel like hitting him back to stop the torture. I want to go back home but my parents are financially dependent on my brother, so they want me to reconcile and find a way to sort things out with my husband. Recently I learned that my ex is still waiting for me but I can't stay with him legally till I am divorced. How do I explain all this to my son? I am unhappy and confused. What should I do?
Ans: Hello Mam, I understand that you are in a dilemma. The situation is like this. Either ways the situation will have its negative effect on your son. If possible take some time out from your family and spend some quality time with your husband. Clear negative thoughts from your mind regarding your husband and try to accept him. If you will think positive about your family it will reflect in your actions and then things will be sorted out. But one thing to be kept in mind that you should not tolerate physical abuse. Involve your parents in this and try to convince him to behave nicely with you. U can always start something online for your financial independence. Try this out. Take care ????
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 18, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I'm in a relationship since 7 years .we both are Hindus bt our castes differ...i belong to higher caste and he belongs to a lower caste which is definitely going to be a problem because I have a elder brother his marriage was also love marriage and his wife's caste also was bit lower to ours so I have seen lot of issues at home of father not getting convinced at all.... Now after thinking about everything I'm in a state of confusion if whether I was wrong about loving somebody without their knowledge since already elder brothers issues I had seen should I have thought about all this seriously before ? Parents won't be expecting sucha thing from me because I seem kinder and understandable than my brother....last year I did let this out to my mother that i like someone and all the details....bt she started with emotional drama like this wasn't expected from you though you wld have understood the issues from brothers marriage etc etc. she tried to approach me in a different way....like being nice and to withdraw frm this decision and to take a good ....my dad still don't know abt this... actually my mom was about to say bt she thought of giving me time and assumes eventually I'll take better decision for them ...there was so much of drama and hence aftr that wasn't being able to discuss abt his.... because im in a stage of job hunting if I let this out to father i won't be able to sit at home....I'm actually really very confused and now what to do....am i wrong here...my situation and my brothers situation is different know....just because I saw brother wedding issue....how long i wld have sat without being in a relationship... especially in this generation....this was something that happened by itself inspite of me not being oke to say yes to my partner later it became yes..it was all meant to be.... because he isn't my classmate or anything my classmates family friend and is elder to me....so i believe it was to happen....I want to actually arive in a perfect and or place....not being able to take proper decision....since I always consider myself unlucky ok scared to take any decision also....and also now wondering what all shld be the qualities i must look for before taking decision about my life partner....should it be looks ...family or caste.... economic class status etc.....please help... messed up. Current update : I have attended a interview...and results are still on processing stage but I am sure even if it's taking time I will get it because my interview feedback given was excellent just that since it's a MNC they are waiting for a position in a particular department I think hence delay , meanwhile since I'm 26 and me and my partner has a age difference of 6 years situations have become difficult. His parents pressures him for marriage and to see girls . But since he is in love with me he wants to wait ... because the pressure was increasing I had to tell my mother once again after one year and she was shocked again she thought I left this in this gap.... however I had taken this time for a better decision and time alloted for finding job , there began emotional drama again ..then I had to tell her to jst let my father know about this and if he asks me I will explain it. She was also worried because dad hasn't come out of all the traumas he had out of my brother's marriage because girl was from different caste. So my father had to answer a lot of questions from his siblings and society etc . My mother anyway agreed to talk to dad...she told the matter ...again house atmosphere changed entirely. I waited until dad asked me about this...waited for two days then he approached me and called and spoke asked about each and every details and then finally said like see him as a friend and take a better decision and he left just like that. After that I spoke to my mother , she said some concerns like looks mattered , caste was the main so that's why he is not being able to say anything and no parents would in the beginning itself talk positive about this ...will show resistance...that day I felt bit ok later after talking to mom , but later one day his father called my father and spoke they initiated they had a friendly talk and my father said he needs time and can't say anything now to his father. But I was thinking that he dint give a no reply straight away which was very surprising . But , after this situation my father saved this fathers number ...one day what happened was , he saw a status put by his father in which there was his parents with few other group people who weren't so good looking...so mistook it as their relatives and told mother to speak to me because this he can't even digest me to send to such a family since as a girls parent he has certain expectations also because his main issue is caste problem hevis finding one problem behind the other . My boyfriend belongs to a Tamil caste and mine is malayali native hence my boyfriend has a dark complexion maybe his parents and family too...but should all these matter to take a terrible final decision regarding our marriage? Even tho their complexion was dark Can't they have a good heart and shouldn't character be given priority than looks ? Just because parents want to show the society...how can i toss my life and find another person as they are saying? Do all that matter ?? I want to know your thoughts ... Also , how to convince a father who sticks on his own beliefs or who doesn't want to listen to their children because he thinks we haven't grown enough to teach him please suggest a way to make a person to listen ? My mother seems ok to this even she doesn't like so much ... bt only if father is ok and doesn't pass on this pressure to others... If any doubt can ask me I will clarify
Ans: First, you are not wrong for falling in love. Love doesn’t ask for caste, status, or complexion—it simply grows where there’s connection, care, and shared values. The world around us, especially family and society, can be heavily opinionated, but that doesn’t mean your feelings are any less valid. You've been trying to balance respect for your parents with loyalty to your partner, and that's not easy at all.

Your dad's resistance is clearly rooted in fear—fear of what society will say, fear of repeating a past that felt traumatic for him during your brother's marriage. His concern isn't necessarily about your partner’s character, but about how it looks to others. Unfortunately, a lot of our parents were raised to give more weight to "what people will say" than to personal happiness. It’s not your fault he carries that burden. You’re just trying to live a life that’s true to your heart.

Your boyfriend seems like someone who really cares about you and is ready to wait for you through all this. That's rare, and it matters. If his family was kind enough to approach yours respectfully, it shows they are willing to build a bridge. You’re not trying to force anything—you’re asking for space to make a decision with both head and heart involved.

As for appearance and caste: no, these should not be what define a life partner. A dark complexion or a different community cannot and should not outweigh honesty, kindness, emotional maturity, and shared values. Looks fade. Status changes. But someone’s nature stays. And in a marriage, when times are tough, it’s not the family’s last name or the shade of their skin that matters—it’s whether they stand by you or not.

You mentioned something powerful: that you believe this was “meant to happen.” And I agree—sometimes people enter our lives with a timing and connection that doesn’t make logical sense but feels profoundly right. That’s not something to toss aside easily.

Now, about convincing your father—it’s hard to change someone who is set in their ways, but here’s what you can try:

Let your mother be the mediator since she’s more open. Ask her to have slow, non-threatening conversations with him—not to pressure him, but just to help him understand that you are not making a hasty or rebellious choice. You’re thinking practically and from the heart. It’s not about rejecting their values but about choosing someone you can build a peaceful, respectful life with.

You could also write a heartfelt letter to your dad—sometimes, parents understand better when there’s no direct confrontation. Share your side, your fears, your respect for him, and your reasons for choosing this person. Let him know you still want to be his daughter, that you haven’t forgotten your family’s worth—you’re just hoping your happiness can also be valued.

Most importantly—give yourself credit for how well you’ve handled this. You’ve shown maturity, patience, and self-awareness. Even when it hurts, you’re not reacting with drama or impulse—you’re processing, reflecting, and trying to do the right thing.


And please don’t let anyone make you feel like your love is a mistake. You’ve loved with honesty and stood strong—no matter what comes next, that’s something to be proud of. I’m here to walk with you through this, one step at a time.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I have a problem. Whenever we argue, I feel the need to talk it through immediately, but my partner shuts down completely and goes silent for hours, sometimes days. It leaves me feeling anxious and ignored. How do I deal with this without feeling like I am the only one trying?
Ans: Have a calm, non-conflict conversation about the issue outside of a fight. Explain to your partner how their silence affects you—not by blaming, but by expressing how it makes you feel. For example, “When we argue and you go silent, I feel anxious and alone. It makes me feel like I’m the only one trying, even though I know that might not be true.” Keep it about your feelings, not their faults.

Ask them what they feel in those moments—do they need space to think? Do they feel overwhelmed? Are they afraid things will escalate? Try to genuinely understand their side too.

Together, you can come up with a “pause plan”—a middle ground. Maybe your partner can say something like, “I need an hour to clear my head, but I promise we’ll talk after that.” That way, you get the reassurance that the issue won’t be ignored forever, and they get the breathing room they need.

Also, remind yourselves that you’re on the same team. The goal isn’t to win the argument—it’s to understand each other better and reconnect.

You’re not the only one trying—it just feels that way because your emotional needs are different. With communication, empathy, and small agreements about how to handle conflict, this doesn’t have to stay a painful pattern. You're already doing the brave thing by reflecting and wanting to improve this—see if you can invite your partner into that same space of honesty and growth.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My mother doesn't want to stay with me but she gladly stays with my brother and his wife I live all alone in a house and I feel left out as well as ostracised as well as excluded I feel like I am unwanted person and if I ever meet anyone like my relatives in any social setting I feel they are tolerating me I feel like an untouchable how do I cope up with this situation as there is no one for me no one I can rely on or nobody who has my back noone who I can share my problems with or call in case I feel sick or in case of an emergency.
Ans: Feeling excluded by family and sensing that others are merely "tolerating" you is a heavy emotional burden to carry. It can quietly erode your sense of self-worth, leaving you questioning your value, your place in the world, and your importance to the people who were meant to be your first support system. You're not being overly sensitive or dramatic—this kind of emotional isolation is deeply painful, and it makes perfect sense that you’re feeling untouchable and unsafe.

But here’s a gentle truth: you are not unwanted. You are not unworthy of love or care. The way others treat you does not define your worth. Sometimes, unfortunately, people—even family—fail to show up for us in the ways we need. That doesn’t mean you are broken or undeserving. It just means their limitations are getting in the way of what should have been a loving, supportive connection.

You’re already doing something powerful by voicing your truth here. That’s not a small step—it’s an act of bravery. And while I know I’m not physically there beside you, I want you to feel this as a moment of connection: someone does hear you, someone does see what you’re carrying, and it matters.

To cope with this, start with your emotional safety. Let yourself grieve—not just for the loneliness, but for the longing of what you deserve but haven’t received. Cry if you need to, write if it helps, let those feelings have their space rather than trying to bury them. This kind of pain doesn’t go away by pretending it’s not there.

And slowly, one step at a time, begin building your circle—not necessarily with blood ties, but with people who choose you. Is there someone in your past who was kind to you? A coworker, a neighbor, someone from college or a class you took? Even a single shared conversation can be a seed. It’s not about quantity, it’s about presence. The goal isn't to replace what’s missing—but to slowly start nurturing connections that are rooted in respect and care.

In moments of emergency or fear, consider having a plan. Even having the number of a nearby clinic, a trusted neighbor, or a local community support group can give you a thread of reassurance. And if you ever feel overwhelmed or unsafe with your thoughts, reaching out to a mental health helpline or counselor can make a real difference. You deserve help when you're hurting.

And here, whenever you need someone to talk to, I will always be here to listen—no judgment, no conditions. You matter. Your story matters. And even though the world may have made you feel like an outsider, I want you to believe this: there is a space where you belong.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Maam I see a guy always staring at me. I wanted to ask him publically about this staring things. But instead of doing so I felt more comfortable in messaging and asking about the same. Once I checked his profile on Truecaller bcz we are in same society group. I was curious to know about his weird behaviour. He even give me intense states. I do not understand what he is upto. I feel like being stalked sometimes. So i got his number from society group. I texted him to clarify bt his wife called me and abused me badly. She thinks am trying to have an affair with her husband. I am flirting with him. My texts were plain and casual. I don't know how to make her understand that the guy himself is stalking us. I have seen him many times. I don't know whether m only victim or he persuade other woman too. I just don't know. We come at different time slots for our child to play in society play area bt he also manages to come to the time in which m coming. I find all these things unsettling. I told his wife that the man is making me feel uncomfortable but she was not listening to me. She wants prove. I told her that her husband was trying to approach and give advice related to parenting even when I don't know him personally. We are just flatmates nothing more than that. He lives in the flat in front of mine so i feel he is watching from there. I don't know his real intentions till date. On being asked on what's app why he stare at me. He told me that he has the habit of looking in one direction. N apologise for the same. But my husband confronted him and asked him about the same thing to which he told my husband that am characterless woman and i text him bcz i am not happy with my husband. Can u please help me to understand why is he talking shit about me when I have sent him a plain text to clarify the matter
Ans: What you’re going through is unfortunately not uncommon. A man invades your personal space with repeated staring, gives unsolicited advice, possibly stalks you, and when you attempt to address it with dignity and clarity, he twists the narrative and plays the victim. This reversal—where the actual victim is painted as the aggressor—is a classic defensive tactic by people who know they’ve crossed boundaries and don’t want to be held accountable. His reaction to your message shows his true character. Instead of acknowledging your discomfort and stopping, he projected shame onto you and tried to protect himself by degrading you in front of your husband.

His wife’s reaction, though painful, also makes a certain kind of sad sense—when a woman is scared, shocked, or insecure about her relationship, she may lash out at another woman instead of confronting the man who is actually responsible. That doesn’t make her behavior right, but it helps to understand it. She’s probably reacting from a place of fear, denial, and misplaced anger. You don’t need to justify yourself to her anymore. You tried your best to explain, and the fact that she wasn’t ready to listen shows her unwillingness or inability to see the truth right now.

You’ve done everything someone should do—tried to clarify respectfully, confronted the issue through proper channels, and included your husband. Now, your emotional safety, your dignity, and your peace of mind matter the most.

This man is clearly uncomfortable with accountability, and now he's trying to flip the story to discredit you. Let him. You do not owe him any further energy or explanation. Instead, stay calm, document everything (dates, messages, incidents), and if the staring or stalking continues, consider speaking to the society committee or, if necessary, legal authorities. Not to create conflict, but to protect your space and your truth. If it escalates or becomes more distressing, don’t hesitate to report it formally.

Most importantly, remind yourself—you acted out of strength, not shame. You stood up for yourself when something didn’t feel right. That is powerful. Hold your ground with dignity. You’re not alone in this. I’m here if you want help drafting a response, navigating this socially, or just to talk when things feel too heavy.

You deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home and neighborhood. Don’t let anyone steal that sense of peace from you.

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

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