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63-Year-Old Retiree With 45 Lakh Investment: Will It Last?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
KDM Question by KDM on Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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my age is 63 years, I have invested in senior citizen schemes a sum of Rs.45 lakhs. having PPF of Rs.35 lakhs and further I planned a monthly income of Rs.50000 from NSC from June,2025 for a period of 5 years and it is starting from June,2025 onwards. I have a health policy for Rs.5 lakhs per year. will it sufficient for my remaining life

Ans: Your financial discipline and planning are commendable. Let’s assess whether your investments and health cover are sufficient for your remaining years.

Strengths in Your Current Financial Setup
Senior Citizen Schemes: Rs. 45 lakhs offers safety, regular income, and assured returns.

PPF Corpus: Rs. 35 lakhs is a tax-free, secure investment for long-term needs.

Planned NSC Income: Rs. 50,000 monthly from June 2025 ensures steady cash flow for five years.

Health Policy: Rs. 5 lakh coverage supports medical needs and reduces financial strain.

Key Concerns and Areas for Improvement
Longevity Risk
Life expectancy is increasing. Funds must last for 20-25 years or more.

Assess if income from current investments can sustain inflation-adjusted expenses.

Medical Inflation
Medical costs rise at 10-12% annually.

Rs. 5 lakh health coverage may not suffice for critical illnesses or major surgeries.

Inflation Impact on Income
Senior citizen schemes and NSC returns may lose purchasing power over time.

Consider inflation-adjusted income strategies for long-term sustenance.

Limited Liquidity
A large portion is locked in PPF and senior citizen schemes.

Emergency access to funds may be restricted.

Suggestions for Financial Security
Increase Health Coverage
Enhance health coverage to Rs. 10-15 lakh per year.

Consider super top-up plans for additional coverage.

Build a Contingency Fund
Set aside Rs. 5-7 lakh for emergencies.

Use liquid mutual funds or short-term fixed deposits for easy access.

Diversify Investments
Allocate a portion to hybrid or balanced mutual funds for moderate growth.

Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) for inflation-adjusted monthly income.

Plan for Post-NSC Income
NSC income ends in 2030.

Invest maturing NSC funds into growth-oriented mutual funds for continued income.

Manage PPF Withdrawals
PPF maturity offers tax-free withdrawals.

Plan partial withdrawals to supplement income after NSC maturity.

Regular Portfolio Reviews
Monitor fund performance and market conditions annually.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for rebalancing.

Final Insights
Your current setup reflects thoughtful planning and disciplined investing. However, gaps in health coverage and inflation-adjusted income need attention. A diversified portfolio and enhanced health cover will secure your financial independence. Plan withdrawals wisely to sustain your lifestyle for years to come.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
Asked on - Jan 09, 2025 | Answered on Jan 09, 2025
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Thank you so much sir, so kind of you......will definitely follow your advise
Ans: You're welcome! If you have any more questions or need further assistance, feel free to ask. Best wishes on your financial journey!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
Asked on - Jan 09, 2025 | Answered on Jan 09, 2025
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kindly suggest Invest maturing NSC funds into growth-oriented mutual funds for continued income. Kindly suggest good funds to build up a portfolio as suggested/advised by you............Manage PPF Withdrawals PPF maturity offers tax-free withdrawals. Use liquid mutual funds or short-term fixed deposits for easy access. Diversify Investments Allocate a portion to hybrid or balanced mutual funds for moderate growth. Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) for inflation-adjusted monthly income.
Ans: Invest maturing NSC funds in growth-oriented mutual funds for long-term wealth creation. Use diversified mutual funds for steady returns and hybrid funds for moderate growth. Leverage Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) for inflation-adjusted monthly income. For PPF maturity, park funds in liquid mutual funds or short-term FDs for liquidity. Contact a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) like us for personalised advice and specific mutual fund recommendations tailored to your needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
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Sir, I am 32 years old. I have retired to stay with my parents with a corpus of 4cr, Out of the income generated from my corpus which i have distributed among my elderly parents mainly in FDs I am able to do a SIP of 80K monthly apart from depositing 1.5 L in PPF and 50k in Nps. I also have about 15 L exposure in shares and 60 L in Mutual Funds and 20 L in savings account for emergency apart from having Mediclaim for the family. My present family expenditure is 75 k per month I plan to remain single and have no loans. Want to know whether my financial planing will be able to see me through my life.
Ans: Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
Firstly, congratulations on your disciplined approach to financial planning. With a corpus of Rs 4 crore and strategic investments, you’ve established a strong foundation. Let’s take a closer look at your financial plan and its sustainability over your lifetime.

Corpus Allocation and Safety Net
Your corpus of Rs 4 crore is a significant amount. It's wisely distributed, offering both security and growth potential. Fixed Deposits (FDs) provide safety, though they often yield lower returns compared to other investment options. Your distribution of funds, especially the Rs 20 lakh kept as an emergency fund, shows foresight. Having Rs 20 lakh in a savings account ensures liquidity and readiness for any unforeseen expenses.

Monthly SIP and Investments in PPF and NPS
You are contributing Rs 80,000 monthly to Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs), Rs 1.5 lakh annually to Public Provident Fund (PPF), and Rs 50,000 annually to the National Pension System (NPS). These are commendable strategies. SIPs, especially in equity mutual funds, can provide substantial long-term growth due to compounding and rupee cost averaging. PPF and NPS offer tax benefits and a secure retirement corpus.

Equity and Mutual Fund Exposure
Your Rs 15 lakh exposure in shares and Rs 60 lakh in mutual funds indicate a balanced approach to risk and return. While direct equity investment can be rewarding, it’s also risky and requires diligent monitoring. Your mutual fund investments, managed by professional fund managers, offer diversified exposure and reduce individual stock risk.

Family Expenditure and Lifestyle Choices
With a monthly family expenditure of Rs 75,000, your expenses seem well-managed within your means. Planning to remain single without any loans further reduces financial strain and obligations. Your mediclaim policy is a crucial safety net, covering potential health-related expenses and ensuring your corpus remains intact.

Assessing Long-term Sustainability
Now, let’s evaluate whether your current financial planning can sustain you through your lifetime. We will consider various factors such as inflation, investment returns, and life expectancy.

Inflation and Its Impact
Inflation erodes purchasing power over time. Historically, inflation in India averages around 6-7% per year. While your current expenses are Rs 75,000 per month, they will likely increase over the years. It’s essential to ensure that your investments grow at a rate higher than inflation to maintain your lifestyle.

Investment Returns and Growth
Your investment strategy includes a mix of FDs, equity shares, mutual funds, PPF, and NPS. Historically, equity mutual funds in India have delivered returns between 12-15% annually, significantly outpacing inflation. PPF provides around 7-8% returns, which is close to the inflation rate, and NPS, depending on the asset allocation, can yield around 9-11%. Your FD returns, though secure, may not beat inflation, but they provide stability.

Future Income Generation
To sustain your lifestyle and grow your corpus, it's crucial to focus on investments that offer inflation-beating returns. Your SIPs in equity mutual funds will likely be the primary growth driver. Given your Rs 80,000 monthly SIP, you are investing Rs 9.6 lakh annually in mutual funds. Over the long term, this could significantly grow your corpus, assuming average returns of 12-15% from equity mutual funds.

Reassessment and Diversification
It’s important to periodically reassess your financial plan. Given your current exposure, it might be beneficial to review the performance of your shares and mutual funds annually. Diversifying your mutual fund portfolio across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds can balance risk and returns. Avoiding over-reliance on FDs and ensuring a greater portion is in high-growth potential instruments will help.

Importance of Active Management
Actively managed funds often outperform index funds in emerging markets like India due to market inefficiencies. Fund managers can make strategic decisions to capitalize on market opportunities. While index funds mirror market performance, actively managed funds strive to beat it, which can be advantageous in a dynamic market environment.

Potential Drawbacks of Direct Funds
Direct funds may seem attractive due to lower expense ratios, but they require a deeper understanding and continuous monitoring. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide professional guidance, ensuring your investments align with your goals and risk tolerance. Regular funds, despite higher fees, offer the benefit of professional management and advice, which can be invaluable.

Emergency Fund and Liquidity
Your Rs 20 lakh emergency fund is substantial and provides a solid safety net. Ensure it remains easily accessible and consider keeping it in a high-interest savings account or a liquid fund for better returns. It's crucial to maintain this fund to cover at least 6-12 months of expenses.

Health Insurance and Contingency Planning
Your mediclaim policy is essential. Regularly review it to ensure adequate coverage, especially as medical costs rise. Consider critical illness insurance if you don't already have it. It's also wise to have a will in place to ensure smooth succession of your assets.

Evaluating Future Goals and Adjustments
As you age, your risk tolerance might change. It's essential to adjust your investment strategy accordingly. Consider shifting to more conservative investments as you approach retirement age. Reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio annually can help maintain the desired risk-reward ratio.

Financial Planning Tools and Resources
Utilizing financial planning tools can provide insights into your future financial position. These tools can simulate different scenarios, helping you make informed decisions. A CFP can offer tailored advice based on your unique situation and goals.

Legacy Planning and Philanthropy
If you have philanthropic goals or wish to leave a legacy, plan accordingly. Setting up trusts or charitable foundations can ensure your wealth benefits future generations or causes you care about.

Monitoring and Adjusting Your Plan
Financial planning is not a one-time activity. Regular monitoring and adjustments are crucial. Life events, market changes, and personal goals evolve, necessitating periodic reviews. Staying proactive ensures your financial health and long-term sustainability.

Final Insights
Your current financial planning shows prudence and foresight. Maintaining a balance between growth-oriented investments and secure options like FDs provides stability and potential for wealth growth. Regularly reassessing and adjusting your plan ensures it remains aligned with your goals and market conditions. With disciplined investing, continuous learning, and professional guidance, you can confidently navigate your financial journey and secure a comfortable future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

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Hello sir, I am 36 yrs serving in a PSU. I am having 1.6 lakh PM gross salary. I deposite 1.5 lakh in self PPF, 1.5 LAKH in wife PPF and 1.5 lakh in daughter(7 yrs old) SSY(for which i opened an FD, RD and SIP MF to get 4.5 lakh at 1st week of april to deposite). Also i and my wife having LIC policies of 12 lakh S.A. (jeevan labh) for which i deposite 10500/- pm altogether. I am covered with suffucient amount of compulsary term insurance by office. Also we are covered under compulsary mediclaim by office. In NPS 29k is being deposited monthly as on date(including employers 14%).I have 2 kids(7 yrs daughter and 3 yrs son). Is it sufficient for my future?????
Ans: At 36 years old and serving in a PSU, you have a solid financial foundation. Your monthly gross salary of Rs 1.6 lakh and various investments show your commitment to securing your future. Let's assess your current situation and see if it’s sufficient for your future needs.

Existing Investments
PPF Contributions:

Rs 1.5 lakh in your PPF.
Rs 1.5 lakh in your wife’s PPF.
These provide long-term tax-free returns.
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY):

Rs 1.5 lakh annually for your daughter.
You have planned an FD, RD, and SIP to fund this.
LIC Policies:

Policies with a sum assured of Rs 12 lakh.
Monthly premium of Rs 10,500.
Term Insurance and Mediclaim:

Adequate term insurance from your employer.
Comprehensive health insurance cover for the family.
National Pension System (NPS):

Monthly contribution of Rs 29,000 (including employer’s contribution).
This will help build a substantial corpus for retirement.
Financial Goals and Assessment
Children’s Education:

Ensure you have planned for your children’s higher education.
Costs can be substantial, and early planning helps.
Retirement Planning:

Your NPS contributions are a good start.
Consider additional investments for a comfortable retirement.
Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund for unforeseen expenses.
Typically, this should cover 6-12 months of expenses.
Recommendations
Review and Adjust Insurance:

Evaluate your LIC policies. They might offer low returns.
Consider investing in mutual funds for higher returns.
Increase Equity Exposure:

SIP in mutual funds offers better long-term returns.
Avoid index funds; opt for actively managed funds for higher growth.
Education Fund for Kids:

Start a dedicated fund for your children’s education.
Equity mutual funds can help grow this corpus.
Regular Financial Review:

Periodically review your financial plan.
Adjust based on life changes and financial goals.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner:

A CFP can provide tailored advice.
They help optimize your investments and ensure you meet your financial goals.
Insight into Insurance Policies
Life Insurance:

Your LIC policies might not be the best investment.
Consider surrendering and reinvesting in mutual funds for better returns.
Term Insurance:

Ensure your term insurance cover is adequate.
This protects your family in case of any unfortunate event.
Benefits of Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner (CFP):
A CFP can help balance your portfolio.
They provide insights into better investment options and tax-saving strategies.
Final Insights
Diversify Investments:

Diversify across different asset classes.
Balance between equity, debt, and insurance.
Focus on Long-term Goals:

Plan for your retirement and children’s education.
Regularly review and adjust your financial plan.
Seek Professional Advice:

A Certified Financial Planner can offer a 360-degree solution.
They ensure your investments are aligned with your long-term goals.
Summary
Your current investments are solid.
Review and adjust your insurance policies.
Increase equity exposure for better long-term returns.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for tailored advice.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2024Hindi
Money
Dear Mr. Ramalingam Kalirajan, I am 51 years old, single with no dependent. currently I own a portfolio of INR 1.3 Cr in which 40 L is in MF and 10L in Bond and 10L in Gold. 50L in direct Shares and another 20L in Insurance (Ulip). apart from this I have a Flat which is worth of 60L. my Monthly expenses is around 40K, currently I am planning to retire, kindly let me know whether with this investment can I retire keeping life expectancy of 70-80 years. kindly advice.
Ans: It’s commendable that you’ve accumulated a substantial portfolio and are considering retirement thoughtfully. Let's evaluate each asset class within your portfolio to assess your retirement readiness.

Monthly Income Needs and Existing Assets

You mentioned monthly expenses of Rs 40,000.
Over a 20-30 year retirement period, inflation may gradually increase this amount. A sustainable withdrawal strategy will help address this.
Given a life expectancy of 70-80 years, a monthly income from investments is essential to meet your needs without depleting your corpus.
Mutual Funds

Your mutual fund corpus of Rs 40 lakh could play a key role in providing regular income.

Actively managed funds, unlike index funds, allow expert fund managers to navigate market conditions. They aim for growth even in uncertain markets.
These funds can also be diversified across equity and debt categories to maintain balance. Equity funds can support growth, while debt funds can offer stability and liquidity.
Suggested Action

Retain and build your mutual fund corpus. Regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) and Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) offer guidance, minimizing risk while aiming for returns.
Setting up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) can provide monthly income in a tax-efficient manner. SWP helps maintain principal while generating steady cash flow.
Direct Share Investments

With Rs 50 lakh in direct shares, your exposure to the equity market is significant.

Direct shares can be volatile and may not always align with the cash flow needs of retirement.
However, with proper management, shares may serve as a growth engine in your portfolio.
Suggested Action

Gradually shift part of your direct shares to diversified equity mutual funds. They provide professional management, spreading risk across sectors and companies.
Review the remaining stocks for potential dividends. Dividend-yielding stocks can complement your monthly cash flow needs.
Bond Investments

Your Rs 10 lakh in bonds offers stability but limited growth. Bonds are more effective as a balance to higher-growth assets like equities.

Bonds have fixed interest, but they may not keep up with inflation. Over time, they could lose purchasing power.
Suggested Action

Retain some bonds for safety but consider partially reallocating to debt mutual funds. Debt funds offer liquidity and potentially better post-tax returns than traditional bonds.
Maintain a mix of short and medium-term debt funds. These provide safety while possibly enhancing returns over traditional fixed-income instruments.
Gold Holdings

Gold can serve as a hedge in times of market volatility, and your Rs 10 lakh in gold contributes to a diversified portfolio.

However, gold alone may not generate regular income. It is more useful for capital preservation.
Suggested Action

Keep your gold as a long-term hedge but avoid expanding your holdings in gold.
For income generation, focus on growth-oriented assets like equity or hybrid funds, which combine equity and debt in a balanced manner.
Insurance (ULIP)

Your Rs 20 lakh in a Unit Linked Insurance Plan (ULIP) provides both insurance and investment. However, ULIPs can come with high charges and may not yield optimal returns.

Suggested Action

It is advisable to consider surrendering or partially exiting the ULIP.
Reinvest the proceeds into mutual funds, which offer greater flexibility, transparency, and cost-efficiency. A term insurance policy can cover any remaining insurance needs.
Real Estate

You own a flat valued at Rs 60 lakh, which can provide security or rental income if required. However, real estate as an asset is typically illiquid, and immediate access to funds can be challenging.

Suggested Action

If rental income isn’t feasible, consider whether this asset aligns with your retirement goals. Selling the property can free up funds for more liquid investments.
Alternatively, keep it as a fallback option but prioritize liquid and income-generating investments for cash flow needs.
Creating a Sustainable Income Stream

To cover Rs 40,000 monthly expenses, an ideal approach is to create a mix of income sources from your portfolio:

A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from equity and hybrid mutual funds could provide monthly income while maintaining the principal.
Dividends from shares, if selected well, can further support your cash flow.
For liquidity, a portion in debt mutual funds or bonds can cover emergencies.
Optimizing Tax Efficiency

Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%, and short-term gains at 20%.
Debt funds, on the other hand, are taxed per your income tax slab.
Setting up withdrawals strategically can help minimize tax impact and extend the life of your corpus.
Maintaining Emergency Funds

Since you are planning for a lengthy retirement, set aside a portion of liquid assets as an emergency reserve. This could be a mix of cash, liquid mutual funds, and short-term debt funds.

A sufficient emergency fund provides a buffer without disrupting your main investment portfolio.
It ensures that you won’t need to liquidate assets in unfavorable market conditions.
Healthcare Planning

Without dependents, healthcare planning is crucial to address any unforeseen medical expenses. Consider a robust health insurance policy to minimize out-of-pocket costs.

If you already have health insurance, evaluate the coverage for adequacy.
Top-up plans can provide extra protection without a large increase in premiums.
Finally

Your retirement plan appears well-structured with diversified investments, yet a few refinements could ensure financial security. By consolidating your portfolio for income generation and stability, you can enjoy a comfortable and financially independent retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

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One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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