Hi Madam, The suggestion you have provided (such as adoption or alternative fertility treatments.) they are not at all agreed , they are afraid of the society what people will think abt them as they are stay in village and not much educate. Even they told me that they may end their life if they became child less. So i am so tensed , for that reasons i am not able to concentrated my daily life and work. and the other think the discussion with my wife i do not have courage to talk this think to her.

Ans: Dear D, It is indeed a tough phase that you have been through.

Losing loved ones is very draining emotionally and I can only imagine the pain that you both feel.

Having said this, I am not about to question or judge why you want 10 children or the methods you want to achieve that number. That's your personal decision.

But my job as a Mind Coach is to point out that extra marital affairs and a pregnancy from that can lead to complicated relationship arrangements.

Who will care for the baby? Will three people co-parent?

How do you propose to deal with the emotional and developmental effects on the baby who has to understand who is are his/her parents?

Surrogacy is an option that you might want to look at considering that your wife is also over 35 years.

Adoption is worth considering if you look a giving another child a home and also you have a child within your family.

Whatever your decision, also consider the financial responsibilities of raising 10 children.

I am only giving you various perspectives and also suggest: Please speak to someone neutral; it could be a counsellor or a close friend where you can release your grief of losing your loved ones.

Sit with them and weigh this entire proposition and hear their objective thought process.

Whatever you decide, bring a child into your home and hearts knowing that you can give them a loving home, support and care.

If you are convinced after all deliberations, make a wise decision with your wife and raise that huge family that you are dreaming of.

Be a happy family.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A great way to be part of a child's/childrens lives is to support them. Playing games, teaching them a skill, even creating content as life lessons. A favourite uncle is a great position to have.
support in arranging picnics, birthday party help as a game event manager for neices and nephews also is another way.
writing stories for children or volunteering at local libraries will get lots of children to hear you.
Supporting children in NGO's is another way.

A suggestion to kindly consider is that parents are comfortable with 'trusted adults' who maintain 'personal bubble space' and follow 'safe and unsafe rules'. Go ahead and think of great fun games, children of all ages can and will connect if you have a playground near your home.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How you view life will determine your choices in life.
If a child is a production, then obviously the product comes with operational and maintenance costs.
But if you thought of children as one born out of love that fills joy into your life, the responsibilities that you have mentioned become joys.
Yes, having children and raising them is not an easy task BUT if you have the right frame of mind, you possibly will learn to enjoy that as well irrespective of what society expects of you.
So, first start to re-define the meaning you have attached to children. Once that happens, you will be in a better mind space to understand whether having kids is the right decision for you, if YES, when is the right time and what are all the 'responsibilities' and how to take them on.
A slight change in the way you think can set you free...

All the best!