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Kanchan Rai |496 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 30, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Question by Saroj on Nov 30, 2023Hindi

Hi Madam, The suggestion you have provided (such as adoption or alternative fertility treatments.) they are not at all agreed , they are afraid of the society what people will think abt them as they are stay in village and not much educate. Even they told me that they may end their life if they became child less. So i am so tensed , for that reasons i am not able to concentrated my daily life and work. and the other think the discussion with my wife i do not have courage to talk this think to her.

Ans: in this scenario i would suggest you to take some professional help (consulting some counsellor or therapist) as this will help to navigate your emotions and confusions on personal note i still recommend sharing details with your wife as not telling her and keeping secrets in your marriage is not great sign.

DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.

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Anu Krishna |1437 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2021

Question by D - Aug 12, 2021Hindi

I'm an orphan and somehow I'm financially stable. After Covid my wife also lost almost all her family members. So kind of both are orphans now. We want at least 10 children now and this is well thought decision. My wife is over 35 still recovering with post Caeserian trauma after our 1st child naturally our target is impossible now however best sex or ways we try. She too is ready for anything any relationship which can give us minimum 10 children (genetically ours) and adoption we'll consider only out of love and not this or other needs, to add family beyond 10 children, if possible. With nasty bad luck, we have no other choice except this well thought decision. Kindly help us know how we can achieve. We're ready for any sort of extra marital or any other relationships or surrogacy etc. Please help Anu ma'am.

Ans: Dear D, It is indeed a tough phase that you have been through.

Losing loved ones is very draining emotionally and I can only imagine the pain that you both feel.

Having said this, I am not about to question or judge why you want 10 children or the methods you want to achieve that number. That's your personal decision.

But my job as a Mind Coach is to point out that extra marital affairs and a pregnancy from that can lead to complicated relationship arrangements.

Who will care for the baby? Will three people co-parent?

How do you propose to deal with the emotional and developmental effects on the baby who has to understand who is are his/her parents?

Surrogacy is an option that you might want to look at considering that your wife is also over 35 years.

Adoption is worth considering if you look a giving another child a home and also you have a child within your family.

Whatever your decision, also consider the financial responsibilities of raising 10 children.

I am only giving you various perspectives and also suggest: Please speak to someone neutral; it could be a counsellor or a close friend where you can release your grief of losing your loved ones.

Sit with them and weigh this entire proposition and hear their objective thought process.

Whatever you decide, bring a child into your home and hearts knowing that you can give them a loving home, support and care.

If you are convinced after all deliberations, make a wise decision with your wife and raise that huge family that you are dreaming of.

Be a happy family.

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