Dear Sir
I am a housewife, not a working woman, facing work from home problems.
In my family, my husband and my son are working from home. My daughter is in college and has online classes and projects.
Between them, they occupy the hall and the bedroom.
They don’t want noise and when there are video calls, one can’t even step into the room.
I want to support them, but it is very frustrating. I am stuck in the kitchen. And everyone wants so much tea and coffee.
Everyone says their work is important, but I work too doing all the housework and I have no way to relax. The TV is taken up in the evening and night by my husband and son.
Shouldn’t companies have work from home policies for the family too?
How do I make them understand I need a break too?
Thank you.
Kanchi

Other than caging the women, it doesn’t do much…It’s like a forced choice, wherein she needs to give up the career, look after the home and the child and the baby.

Of course, your in-laws are simply being a product of the belief systems of their generation that obviously honed the skills of a woman as a homemaker.

Breaking that in their minds is definitely going to be a task, but not impossible.

Obviously your husband is falling into the same system and unwilling to support you in the manner that you want.

It is imperative that you broach this topic with your husband and request him to bridge the gap between you and your in-laws.

He also needs to be made aware that spending time with his daughter is not out of duty but is needed for a stable emotional growth.

Every home comes with its own set of rules and rituals that are governed by age-old belief systems. And a joint family system requires every member to contribute to the growth of the other; sadly at times, they work at cross-purposes to satisfy their ego and stress their authority.

Bring in a neutral person/relative from the outside to subtly show them that times are changing and so can they.

On your part, do not go on an emotional tirade and meld into the system as it’s your default home system and you must respect it for what it gives you; security and the company of many family members.

Work your way through it with love and understanding that everyone is different and to integrate these differences into your life may help you grow as well.

Subtle and beautiful balance as you satisfy your needs as well as theirs.

Best wishes to you!

Hi Vikas.

I am sure your management is aware of the issues related to work from home. But you must have a one on one discussion with your manager so that she/he is aware of your personal challenges.

At the same time explain to your family the importance of having a job and request them to be more accommodating.

With the vaccination drive picking up, most offices have started opening and the rest will open soon.

Hi Sunita.

The best way to manage the stress is to consider yourself fortunate that your organisation has continued with your employment.

I’m sure you understand that the current economic scenario has not yet picked up and the job market is tough.

As far as your manager is concerned, set clear expectations with her/him at the beginning of the week/day.

Send her/him your task list and then an update at the end of the day/week.

Communicate through email so that it is well documented and there is no ambiguity.

You can also do some breathing exercises and ensure your diet is healthy to manage your stress levels.

Hi.

I think you know the solution to your problems.

There’s one tip I can give you -- explore your hobbies or get into sports; this will give you balance and not let unnecessary issues bother you.

 I would also like to caution you that if you don’t stop this behaviour at work, your company will initiate necessary action against you and that will impact your career adversely.

So separate personal problems from work and be a good manager and employee.

Dear PS,

Typical nuclear family with very little family support relies solely on the mother being the caregiver and this can result in a lot of frustrations. Understood!

But what exactly are you trying to do fighting the situation knowing that things might be the same for a few years down the line till the children grow a little older? Are you planning on being frustrated for all these years?

Also, someone needs to give your husband a talk on these gender specific remarks and pushing the job of the home to you.

Maybe he didn’t mean it the way it sounded, but well…

In the digital world, there is enough and more to do to use the skills that a person has. So why not explore, a work-from-home part time option?

Depending on what your expertise is and the time that you can give to the work from home option, why don’t you focus on searching for this?

This will require an amazing time management and organization skills on your part, so you are able to give it at least 3-4 hours a day.

This will not only keep you occupied and financially stronger, it will also give you a sense of direction and purpose which is what is currently lacking.

Also, if you have an option of a ‘nanny’ for even two hours during the day when the children can be kept busy, you can even have some time for yourself which will re-energize you.

Caring for two small children is no mean feat and make sure when you discuss the work-from-home option (If you choose this), with your husband, you emphasize how important it is for you along with managing the home.

The commitment ‘to do something for yourself’ will be the focus of your discussion and please do something before your frustrations start seeping out and get onto the kids which might eventually happen.

First, be happy yourself to nurture your home and family.

Step Up…All the best!