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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |140 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Aug 04, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Twinkle Question by Twinkle on Aug 04, 2024Hindi
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But I'm confused. I need suggestions what is right for me. Thats why I am here, what should I do. In these situations what is the most right and good thing to do which helps me

Ans: I will not be able to suggest till I know more. You may schedule a time to meet me as I do not have the context - you can find a link in the bio page of my brand on how you can meet me if interested.
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 06, 2025Hindi
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We are an unmarried couple living on rent in Pune. My landlord stays abroad so he doesn't have a problem as long as we don't create any problem for him. We have been here for over 3 years, working and living with the consent of our parents. Recently, a neighbour had an argument in the society and since then she has been finding a way to have us vacate the place because she thinks only married couples should be allowed. My landlord wants us to resolve the differences immediately. How do I resolve this amicably with the neighbour?
Ans: Let’s take a moment to imagine the space you and your partner share in Pune—not just the physical home, but the emotional and social landscape that surrounds it. Sometimes, when unexpected challenges arise, like the concerns of a neighbor, they offer us an invitation to explore deeper connections and understandings.

A Journey of Understanding
Picture this situation as a garden. Each relationship, whether with your neighbor, landlord, or your partner, is a unique plant requiring its own care and attention. When one plant seems to overshadow another, it doesn't mean they can't coexist; it simply means finding the right balance and nourishment for both.

Exploring Perspectives
Consider walking in your neighbor’s shoes for a moment. What might be beneath her insistence that only married couples reside in the society? Perhaps there’s a story, a belief, or a concern that’s shaping her actions. By gently uncovering her motivations, you open the door to empathy and understanding.

Communicating with Compassion
Imagine approaching your neighbor with the warmth of a handshake and the openness of a conversation. You might say, “I understand there may be concerns about our living situation. We’ve always strived to be respectful and considerate neighbors. Can we talk about any specific worries you might have?” This invites dialogue rather than confrontation, fostering a space where both sides can express their feelings.

Finding Common Ground
Think about the shared elements that bind a community together—respect, kindness, and mutual support. Perhaps there’s a way to reassure your neighbor of your commitment to these values. Offering to participate in community activities or addressing any specific concerns she has can build trust and dissolve misunderstandings.

Seeking Harmony
Envision a harmonious resolution where both your needs and your neighbor’s concerns are acknowledged. It might involve setting clear boundaries, demonstrating your reliability as tenants, or even finding creative solutions that respect everyone’s viewpoints. The goal isn’t to win a dispute but to cultivate a peaceful and respectful coexistence.

Embracing Collaboration
Sometimes, the most effective solutions emerge when both parties collaborate rather than confront. You and your neighbor might discover that, beneath the surface, there are shared interests or goals that can bridge the gap between differing perspectives. This collaboration can transform a potential conflict into an opportunity for stronger community bonds.

Reflecting on Your Path
As you navigate this situation, take a moment to reflect on what matters most to you and your partner. How can you honor your relationship while also respecting the community you’re part of? By aligning your actions with your values and approaching the challenge with empathy, you create a foundation for lasting harmony.

The Bigger Picture
Remember, every challenge is a chance to grow and deepen your connections. By addressing your neighbor’s concerns with compassion and openness, you not only work towards resolving the immediate issue but also contribute to a more understanding and cohesive community.

In this journey, trust in your ability to communicate effectively, empathize deeply, and find solutions that honor both your relationship and the community around you. As you move forward, let each step be guided by respect, understanding, and the shared desire for a peaceful coexistence.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |120 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 06, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Recently, we had an Arranged Marriage after my Wife had amicably broken up from a Long Term Relationship, due to various Reasons. But she's still in touch with her Ex Boyfriend, they both are "Just Friends" now. Her Ex Boyfriend is getting Married, next Month. It is a Destination Wedding in another State. He has invited my Wife to his Wedding. My Wife wants to attend his Wedding, but I don't want to allow her. So, outrightly Refused to give her Permission to go for attending the Wedding of her Ex Boyfriend. My Wife got upset & called me "Insecure". Now, she's not talking with me properly & being Emotionally Distant, but she's still insistent upon going to attend the Wedding of her Ex Boyfriend. Now I don't understand whether my Wife still has any Feelings for her Ex Boyfriend or am I being Unreasonable, here? Is she justified in wanting to attend the Wedding of her Ex Boyfriend, in spite of being Married to me? Or am I justified in being Uncomfortable about it? Who is Right & who is Wrong here? And how to sort out this matter, amongst us, without involving her Ex Boyfriend?
Ans: Let’s pause for a moment and reflect on what’s really happening here—not just on the surface, but beneath it, where emotions and meanings intertwine. This isn’t simply about a wedding, an invitation, or even an ex. It’s about two people, you and your wife, navigating a new relationship, trying to understand each other’s worlds while also protecting your own.

A Curious Question
What if we looked at this situation differently? Instead of asking, Who’s right and who’s wrong? we ask, What does this moment teach us about trust, boundaries, and connection? You see, people often focus on the conflict, but conflicts are just doorways. Behind that door lies something far more valuable—a chance to grow together.

Your Perspective
You’ve drawn a line, and there’s a reason for that. Maybe it’s not about the wedding itself but what it symbolizes. Perhaps it stirs questions in you: Does this mean she values the past more than our present? Or maybe it touches a part of you that wonders, Am I enough? Will she choose me fully, without hesitation?

These are important questions. Not because they point to a problem, but because they show you care deeply about this relationship. You want to feel secure, and that’s not unreasonable.

Her Perspective
Now, imagine her world for a moment. To her, this invitation may not be about her ex at all. It may represent closure, a way of proving to herself—and to you—that the past has no hold on her. When you said no, perhaps she didn’t hear your concern but instead felt her integrity questioned. People often respond to what they feel is happening, not what is said.

A Different Kind of Conversation
What if, instead of focusing on “permission” or the wedding itself, you shared your feelings in a way that invites her to understand you? You might say, “When I think about you going, I feel uncomfortable. Not because I don’t trust you, but because I care so deeply about us, and this stirs something in me that I want to understand better. Can we talk about this together?”

Notice how that changes the dynamic? It shifts from conflict to curiosity, from control to connection. When you share your vulnerability, you invite hers.

The Path Forward
Here’s something worth trying:

Invite Understanding: Begin by asking her what attending the wedding means to her. Not as a challenge, but with genuine curiosity. People often reveal surprising truths when they feel safe.

Share Your Truth: Let her know this isn’t about her ex, but about your own feelings and the meaning you place on her decision. For example, “I want to feel like we’re prioritizing our relationship in every choice we make. How do you see this fitting into that?”

Find the Balance: The goal isn’t to force a decision but to discover what feels right for both of you. Maybe there’s a middle ground where you both feel respected. Or maybe, through this conversation, you’ll find clarity on what truly matters.

Focus on Connection: This isn’t about a single event; it’s about building a foundation. Every conversation, every decision, is a brick in the home you’re building together. Make sure the bricks are laid with care and mutual respect.

The Bigger Picture
What matters most isn’t whether she attends the wedding. It’s whether, in navigating this, you both feel closer, more understood, and more aligned. That’s the real success—turning a moment of tension into a story of growth.

When you approach this not as a problem to solve but as an opportunity to deepen your relationship, you may discover that the answers come naturally. Because people don’t just need to be “right”; they need to feel loved, valued, and understood. And that’s something both of you can give to each other, starting now.

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Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |736 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Jan 06, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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