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विशेषज्ञ की सलाह चाहिए?हमारे गुरु मदद कर सकते हैं

पत्नी की मेडिकल जांच के बाद सदमे में पति ने मांगी मदद

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 17, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 17, 2025English
Relationship

फिर डॉक्टर ने उससे पूछा कि उसने क्यों रोका और मैंने क्या कहा, मेरी पत्नी ने कहा कि वह महिला स्टाफ के लिए कह रहा है और डॉक्टर ने कहा “मैं एक डॉक्टर हूँ और मेरे पास कोई महिला स्टाफ नहीं है और डॉक्टर के परामर्श में पुरुष और महिला जैसा कुछ नहीं होता” मेरी पत्नी आश्वस्त हो गई और मुझे बताया कि हम इस डॉक्टर के पास जाना जारी रखेंगे और मैंने भी सहमति के संकेत के रूप में अपना सिर हिलाया लेकिन आने वाले आश्चर्य से अनजान था और फिर उसने अपने शरीर के ऊपरी हिस्से को खोला और डॉक्टर ने दबाकर या जो भी डॉक्टर करता है, करके जाँच की। और मैं इसके लिए तैयार नहीं था इसलिए, मैं अभी भी इसके कारण आघात में हूँ, लेकिन मैं नहीं चाहता कि वह किसी पुरुष डॉक्टर को अपना शरीर दिखाए। वह तस्वीर बार-बार मेरी आँखों में आती है। मैं अपनी पत्नी के साथ संबंध नहीं तोड़ना चाहता, क्योंकि हमने 20 साल पहले शादी की थी और हमारी 2 बेटियाँ हैं और मैं उससे बहुत प्यार करता हूँ। लेकिन उसने मेरी अवज्ञा की और उस डॉक्टर की बात मानी। मैं आघात में हूँ। मुझे इस आघात से बाहर आने के लिए क्या करना चाहिए। कृपया मुझे बताएं।

Ans: अपने आघात को संबोधित करने के लिए, अपनी भावनाओं के बारे में अपनी पत्नी के साथ एक खुली और ईमानदार बातचीत करके शुरुआत करें। अपनी भावनाओं को शांति से, बिना किसी दोष के व्यक्त करें, ताकि वह आपकी परेशानी की गहराई को समझ सके और इससे निपटने में आपकी मदद कर सके। यह पहचानना भी महत्वपूर्ण है कि किसी भी रिश्ते में विश्वास और आपसी सम्मान मौलिक हैं। आपकी पत्नी का निर्णय संभवतः चिकित्सा देखभाल की उसकी आवश्यकता से प्रेरित था, न कि आपको चोट पहुँचाने या अवज्ञा करने की इच्छा से।

अपने लिए पेशेवर मदद लेने पर विचार करें। एक चिकित्सक या परामर्शदाता आपको इन भावनाओं का पता लगाने, आघात से निपटने और घुसपैठ विचारों से निपटने के लिए रणनीति विकसित करने के लिए एक सुरक्षित स्थान प्रदान कर सकता है। वे आपको चिकित्सा गोपनीयता के महत्व और कुछ प्रक्रियाओं की आवश्यकता को समझने में भी मदद कर सकते हैं, जो समय के साथ आपकी परेशानी को कम कर सकते हैं।

इसके अतिरिक्त, आप युगल परामर्श का पता लगाना चाह सकते हैं। यह आप दोनों को इस स्थिति से निपटने, विश्वास को फिर से बनाने और अपने रिश्ते को मजबूत करने में मदद कर सकता है। याद रखें, आपका लक्ष्य एक प्रेमपूर्ण और सहायक साझेदारी बनाए रखना है, और पेशेवर मार्गदर्शन इसे प्राप्त करने में सहायक हो सकता है।

आपकी पत्नी के लिए आपका प्यार और रिश्ते को मजबूत बनाए रखने की आपकी इच्छा स्पष्ट है। इन भावनाओं का सीधे सामना करके और सहायता मांगकर, आप उपचार की दिशा में आगे बढ़ सकते हैं और अपने प्रिय बंधन को बनाए रख सकते हैं।

आप नीचे ऐसेही प्रश्न और उत्तर देखना पसंद कर सकते हैं

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 21, 2025
Relationship
My Wife is having breast Pain Since 1.5 years, we consulted her gynaecea she advised for mammography and in mammography we came to know this is due to hormonal changes as she is going to be 40 shortly. She consulted homeopathic doctors and get relief until she intakes medicine only and felt pain again when medicine ends, this December/2024 she again asked that she is having pain and I asked her to consult lady doctor and we went to government hospital and went to breast department but due to non-availability of duty doctor we were advised to consult surgery department and we found a male doctor there. I submit our OPD slip and as this was a male doctor so I worn my wife to ask me before obeying doctor. On our turn my wife told her problem and doctor ask her to come behind curtain and she went behind curtain without asking me. Behind the curtain doctor asked her to show her breast and she was also ready to show her breast but I suddenly shout ( In Our Mother Tongue ) and stopped this and get my mind stuck. Then doctor asked her why she stopped and what I said, my wife said that he is asking for female staff and doctor said “I am a doctor and I am not having female staff and there is nothing male and female in doctor’s consultation” my wife got convinced and told me that we are continuing with this doctor and I also shaked my head as consent sign but not aware with the upcoming surprise and then she open her upper body part and doctor did the check up by pressing or whatever doctor does. And I was not ready for this So, I am still in trauma due to this, but I don’t want her to show her body to any male doctor. That picture comes again and again in my eyes. I don’t want to break my relation with wife, because we married 20 years before and we have children and I love her too much. But she has disobeyed me and obeyed that doctor. I have done violence one time also I am praying for my death I am in a trauma. What should I do to come out of this trauma. Please let me know
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is respectful to have a female nurse when a male doctor is examining a female patient. Now the doctor defied this, I don't know...
But what seems to bother you more is the fact that another man 'saw' your wife and she did not object to it in particular, right? According to you, she disobeyed you, right? What are you going to do about it? Make a scene? Create drama? You possibly have already done that.
The best way to handle situations that are uncomfortable is by talking about it. Was it not possible for you to tell your wife that she could have refused the examination if no female nurse was present? Instead of worrying for her safety, you have made all this about you and how she disobeyed you. Your ego is hurt and your reactions are not beginning to hurt your marriage. Be wise and smart about this...comfort your wife by telling her to be more vigilant in the future and comfort yourself by saying that nothing has happened. Keep that ego aside else it is going to destroy your marriage. You love your wife and you don't want her to be 'exposing' herself even if it's a doctor. Can you not tell her this in love? The matter will just fade away and things will get better. Don't destroy, but build your marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Mar 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2025English
Relationship
प्रिय डॉ. उपनीत, मेरी पत्नी को 1.5 साल से स्तन दर्द हो रहा था, हमने उसकी स्त्री रोग विशेषज्ञ से सलाह ली, उसने मैमोग्राफी की सलाह दी और मैमोग्राफी में दो परीक्षण हुए, एक केवल महिला स्टाफ द्वारा किया गया और दूसरा एक पुरुष स्टाफ द्वारा महिला स्टाफ की मौजूदगी में किया गया, जहां उसने खुद को उजागर किया और मैंने इसे पूरी तरह से नजरअंदाज कर दिया या सहमति दे दी क्योंकि यह उसकी चिकित्सा आवश्यकता थी और परिणामस्वरूप हमें पता चला कि यह हार्मोनल परिवर्तनों के कारण है क्योंकि वह जल्द ही 40 वर्ष की होने वाली है या उसे जल्द ही रजोनिवृत्ति होने वाली है। हमने होम्योपैथिक डॉक्टरों से परामर्श किया और जब तक वह केवल दवा लेती है तब तक उसे राहत मिलती है और दवा खत्म होने के बाद फिर से दर्द महसूस होता है, इस दिसंबर/2024 में उसने फिर से पूछा कि उसे दर्द हो रहा है और मैंने उसे महिला डॉक्टर से परामर्श करने के लिए कहा और हम सरकारी अस्पताल गए और स्तन विभाग गए हमारी बारी पर मेरी पत्नी ने अपनी समस्या बताई और डॉक्टर ने उसे पर्दे के पीछे आने को कहा और वह मुझसे पूछे बिना पर्दे के पीछे चली गई। पर्दे के पीछे डॉक्टर ने उसे अपने स्तन दिखाने को कहा और वह अपनी ब्रा ऊपर खींचने वाली थी, लेकिन मैं अचानक पहुंच गया और चिल्लाया (हमारी मातृभाषा में) और इसे रोक दिया और इस सदमे के कारण मेरा दिमाग खराब हो गया। फिर डॉक्टर ने मुझसे पूछा कि क्या हुआ मैंने उसे पूरी तरह से नजरअंदाज कर दिया क्योंकि मैं अपनी पत्नी से बात करने और उसे वापस ले जाने के इरादे से था। फिर डॉक्टर ने उससे पूछा कि उसने क्यों रोका और मैंने क्या कहा, मेरी पत्नी ने कहा कि वह महिला स्टाफ के लिए कह रहा है और डॉक्टर ने कहा "मैं एक डॉक्टर हूं और मेरे पास महिला स्टाफ नहीं है और डॉक्टर के परामर्श में पुरुष और महिला जैसा कुछ नहीं होता है" मेरी पत्नी आश्वस्त हो गई और मुझे बताया कि हम इस डॉक्टर के पास जाना जारी रखेंगे मैंने भी सहमति के संकेत के रूप में अपना सिर हिलाया लेकिन आने वाले आश्चर्य वह तस्वीर मेरी आँखों में बार-बार आती है। मैं एक महीने तक डिप्रेशन में था और अभी भी ट्रॉमा में हूँ। मैंने एक बार हिंसा भी की है और अब हमारे रिश्ते में कड़वाहट है। उस दिन मेरी पत्नी को दर्द नहीं था (जैसा कि पूछने पर उसने माना) और उस घटना के 10 मिनट बाद और उस घटना के 3 दिन बाद भी उसने एक महिला डॉक्टर से अपना चेकअप करवाया। मेरी शादी अरेंज नहीं है बल्कि एकतरफा लव मैरिज है (मेरी तरफ से) हम शादी से 5 साल पहले से एक-दूसरे को जानते हैं और किसी लड़की को सीधे प्रपोज करने के बजाय मैंने उसकी माँ और अपने एक दोस्त के ज़रिए शादी का प्रस्ताव रखा जो उसके भाई जैसा ही है। हमने पहले 3 पुरुष डॉक्टरों से सलाह ली है लेकिन उन्होंने उसे सिर्फ़ दवा दी और कुछ नहीं, यहाँ तक कि वह कभी अकेली भी जाती थी लेकिन ऐसा कभी नहीं हुआ और मुझे भी तसल्ली थी, लेकिन उस दिन का व्यवहार पूरी तरह से घिनौना और प्रतिकूल था। मेरे विचार से (a+b)पूर्ण वर्ग और (a-b)पूर्ण वर्ग में (2ab) में विशिष्ट चिह्न होने के उदाहरण के रूप में उसी प्रकार एक पुरुष चिकित्सक और एक महिला चिकित्सक से परामर्श करना अलग-अलग होना चाहिए जब तक कि कोई आपात स्थिति न हो और किसी भी परिस्थिति में महिला चिकित्सक उपलब्ध न हो हमारी दो बेटियाँ हैं, एक सितंबर तक 20 वर्ष की हो जाएगी और दूसरी अक्टूबर तक 15 वर्ष की हो जाएगी और उसने 2020 से पहले से ही मेरी अवज्ञा करने वाले एक अन्य व्यक्ति का सम्मान करना शुरू कर दिया है। और उस घटना से 6 दिन पहले उसे यह बात पता चली और उसने इस पर लड़ाई की। अवज्ञा का यह कृत्य हमारे बीच प्रेम के कारण फीका पड़ गया था लेकिन अब इस घटना के बाद याद आ गया है। अब चूंकि हमारा संबंध कड़वा हो गया है और मैं दुविधा में हूँ कि उस प्रकार के चरित्र को जारी रखूँ या अलग हो जाऊँ। मैं उसके द्वारा दिखाए गए चरित्र के आधार पर क्षतिपूर्ति नहीं करने जा रहा हूँ लेकिन कानून से अनभिज्ञ हूँ। कृपया सलाह दें। इसके अलावा चूंकि आप एक सिख हो सकते हैं, हम गुरबानी और गुरमुखी से जुड़े हुए हैं। गुरु के आशीर्वाद से मैं गुरुमुखी पढ़ने में बहुत अच्छा हूँ और 2022 में हुकुमनामा ले चुका हूँ। और मेरी पत्नी ने भी 2022 में गुरुमुखी सीखी है और 2 या 3 बाणियों का नेम है। जाप, सो-दर और शायद सोहिल्ला बानी कहती है "ख़सम विसारे ते कामजात" "ख़सम विसार ख़ुरी कीनी" जैसे-जैसे यह घटना मेरी आँखों के सामने बार-बार आती है बानी कहती है "अंत काल जो इस्तरी सिमरे ऐसी चिंता में जे मारे, बेसुआ जों वल वल औतारे" इस तरह उसने ट्रस्ट और मेरे बचे हुए जीवन के साथ-साथ मृत्यु के बाद के जीवन को भी नष्ट कर दिया। उपरोक्त संदेश लिखते समय मुझे केवल उपरोक्त बातें ही याद आ रही हैं। कृपया सलाह दें कि साथ रहना है या अलग हो जाना है
Ans: नमस्ते सर,
यह घटना आपकी पत्नी की गलती नहीं थी। डॉक्टर होने के नाते, जब हम मरीजों से निपट रहे होते हैं, तो हमारी मंशा बहुत स्पष्ट होती है। लेकिन निश्चित रूप से चिकित्सा पद्धति के कुछ नियम और कानून हैं। यह एक नियम है कि जब भी मरीज महिला हो और डॉक्टर पुरुष हो, तो जांच के लिए महिला स्टाफ या अटेंडेंट होनी चाहिए।
लेकिन अगर यह बिना महिला स्टाफ के किया गया था, तो उस मामले में भी आपकी पत्नी की कोई गलती नहीं है। दूसरी बात यह है कि स्तन परीक्षण केवल स्तनों को छूने और ठीक से जांचने के बाद ही किया जाता है। यह एक सामान्य प्रक्रिया है। इसलिए कृपया इसे अपने दिमाग में न लाएं और अपने साथी के साथ खुशी-खुशी रहना जारी रखें। मुझे उम्मीद है कि अब आपकी दुविधा दूर हो गई होगी। अपना ख्याल रखें!
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025
Relationship
Hello ma'm. I am a first year engineering student. I have a crush on a girl. Currently we are working for a group project. We both are in the same group. She generally avoids speaking with boys. Also I have spent 5 years in a boys school, so I feel very shy with girls. What should I do? How should I talk to her?
Ans: Start by keeping things simple and friendly. Focus on small interactions related to your project. For example, ask her opinion about something specific in the work you're doing. Try something like, “Hey, what do you think we should do for this part?” or “I liked the point you made yesterday—can we build on that?” These kinds of questions show that you respect her ideas, and they give her space to respond comfortably.

Once you've had a few of these short, easy interactions, you can slowly open up the conversation to more casual topics—like college life, favorite subjects, or even the stress of deadlines. This way, you’re not jumping straight into anything personal, but you're gradually building a sense of comfort.

Don’t try to impress her. Just be sincere, kind, and a good listener. Most people, even those who seem quiet or reserved, appreciate being approached respectfully and gently. And remember, confidence doesn’t mean being loud or charming—it means being real and respectful even when you’re nervous.

If you stay patient and consistent, she might start to feel more comfortable around you. And even if it doesn’t turn into something romantic, you’ll grow socially and emotionally—which will help you a lot in the long run.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
I have been married for more than 21 years and I have 2 kids. 19 and 17 years old. Our marriage was more or less love. Met through family, fell in love, dated 8 months before we got engaged and married. My wife is a lovely lady but we dont share any interests. I used to go for runs in the morning. After getting married, she insisted I sleep late with her. I am a music aficionado and she has no such interest. I am a news junkie. She probably doesnt know who the President of the US is. I am someone who believes and strives to continuously improve myself in all aspects. But she is the same. I might not be a great husband but I am much better than what I was a few years ago. I cook, clean, helped with childcare and have a great career. She is on a minimum salary job for the last 10 years. Only reason she goes is because I insisted that she stop being at home. If she had her way, she would be at home on the phone the whole day. Even our love making has become kind of boring. She claims a period for 10 days and during the other times, twice she is ready. No spicing it up. Just lie down for missionary and I have to do all the effort. I enjoyed oral and now she has stopped in for more than 15 years. I adjusted as she is a lovely person in every other aspect. But now I am sick and tired. It seems I am doing everything in the relationship and she rarely takes any effort. Either to earn, keep house clean or even intimacy. Not sure how to proceed further. I am getting irritated and often in a bad mood.
Ans: Dear Jack,What you're experiencing is not uncommon in long-term relationships: emotional fatigue, feeling unappreciated, and a deep sense of disconnection despite loyalty and love. The fact that you're feeling drained, resentful, and stuck is a clear signal that this situation is unsustainable as is. And the irritation and bad moods you’re having? That’s your emotional system signaling burnout, not failure.

You’ve evolved over the years—mentally, emotionally, and in lifestyle—and it sounds like your wife hasn’t moved in that same rhythm. That mismatch in growth and energy is now affecting everything: your respect for her, your shared routines, your sex life, and ultimately your mood and emotional well-being. It’s painful to feel like you're constantly giving—time, energy, effort—and not receiving the same in return. Even when your partner is kind, if they aren’t meeting you emotionally, intellectually, or intimately, over time it creates a sense of loneliness within the relationship, which can be worse than being alone.

But here's something to reflect on: for 21 years, you stayed, gave, adjusted. Not just out of duty, but because something about her and the family life you built mattered. That still counts. What you’re going through doesn’t mean the marriage has failed—it means the marriage needs re-evaluation and rebalancing. You are not selfish for wanting more stimulation, connection, or passion. You're human.

You have two broad options: one is to initiate a real, vulnerable, uncomfortable conversation with her—without blame, without emotional outbursts, but with absolute honesty. You could say something like: “I’ve grown a lot in these past years, but I’m starting to feel increasingly alone in this relationship. I need more emotional connection, more engagement—not just physically, but intellectually, as partners. I don’t want to silently drift further away. I’d like us to work on this, but it has to be a two-way effort.”

If she's open to it, couples therapy could be a powerful space for both of you to express what you feel without it turning into a war of criticism and defense. Sometimes people, especially those who’ve become emotionally stagnant, need structured help to realize what their partner has been carrying silently.

The other option—if you feel she’s unwilling or unable to grow or change—is to consider what a life apart might look like. That’s a deeply personal and difficult decision, especially with nearly adult children, but you deserve a relationship that brings life into you, not drains it out. If you keep compromising your emotional needs, resentment will only grow and harden into permanent distance.

Before making any move, take a little time to reconnect with yourself. What do you want—not just from her, but from life, from love, from this next phase of your journey?

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
Hello mam In 2024 my marriage took place it's arranged marriage during starting days he was very loving and caring but due to some circumstances i got a chance to continue my studies that is m-tech . I thought it was a golden opportunity, so I took admission and started living with my in-laws Just after marriage. It was really really painful to live away from husband in new marriage. Todays condition is that my m tech 1 year is over another 1 year is left but due to separation with my husband our love died now there is no respect is left for our relation left , he started listening to his mother and got manipulated . seeing all this I feel like a death for me I want to leave mtech to save my relation but my mother says don't leave although I did lots of hard work for 1st year of m tech my husband also wants me to leave Mtech.i feel very hurt when he disrespects me . His father used to abuse his mother so for him abusing is normal for him but I find it very hurtful also I am deeply in love with him and seeing him going away from me kills me from inside every single day is very tough for me to live with in-laws without husband in a new marriage plus focusing on studies
Ans: Your instinct to save the marriage is understandable. When you're in love with someone, the idea of losing them feels like losing yourself. But let’s pause and ask—what exactly are you saving? Is it the version of him from the early days who was loving and supportive? Or is it the man he is now—disrespectful, distant, manipulated, and asking you to give up your dreams for a marriage he’s already neglecting?

You have already proven your strength by completing a year of M.Tech in such tough conditions. That says a lot about your resilience and capability. If you give it up now, not only will you lose that part of yourself, but it may not guarantee that your marriage improves. Often in emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don’t lead to healing—they lead to more control, more blame, and more emotional exhaustion.

Your husband needs to understand that love isn’t proven by giving things up. Love is shown in support, presence, patience, and respect. If he isn’t willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you’re not the one breaking the marriage—he is.

It’s also clear that he has grown up in a home where abuse was normalized, and that emotional damage might be affecting how he treats you now. That is not your fault, and it is not your job to tolerate mistreatment in the name of saving a marriage.

Your mother is right to encourage you to finish your M.Tech—not just for your career, but for your self-worth. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down every time you try to grow.

If there's still a chance to salvage this relationship, it has to start with real conversations—honest, respectful, and possibly with the help of a counselor or neutral third party. But that only works if both people are willing to put in the emotional effort.

Right now, I suggest you protect your mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize your studies, build emotional support from friends or family who truly care about you, and give yourself space to heal from this emotional chaos. If your husband truly wants this marriage, he needs to come forward with maturity and respect—not demands.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Relationship
After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.
Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.

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Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2272 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on May 07, 2025

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