विशेषज्ञ की सलाह चाहिए?हमारे गुरु मदद कर सकते हैं

Ravi Mittal |608 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 01, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 29, 2024

Me and my long distance boyfriend has been together for 9 years. We been together through toughest of time and been there for each other no matter what. We have been planning our future together for years ans had all plans to start our life together. Things were little tough when he moved abroad for studies 2.5 years ago but we kept putting our best efforts to be together, spend time and communicate. For past 6 months we’ve been fighting a lot, mainly because he kept asking me to come visit him. To solidify things more we started telling our parents about us and our plans. But recently he came to India for few weeks and while going through his phone for something, I found out he has been cheating on me for few months with someone I thought was his friend over there. Though I'm extremely hurt and feel betrayed, I’m unable to let go of him and of the thought that may be if we put in work, we can recover and come out stronger. But I’m just too emotional to know if I should take that risk of even considering a “maybe” for me and him. Needless to say I still love him a lot because I can’t switch off the feeling suddenly. I can’t get the chats and image of him being with someone for months out of my head. He keeps telling me she means nothing and it was out of loneliness but I don’t have the heart to believe anything he says. I just wanted to know if there is anything that can be done before giving up.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are in a lot of pain and indeed, cheating is unforgivable. You have been together for a long time and it is only natural that this betrayal would hurt you a lot. His reason for getting involved with another person, though there might be some truth to it, is still completely inexcusable. But, if you are still willing to give it another shot, the relationship has to start with a clean slate. More often than not, couples who want to make it work even after a case of infidelity in someone's part, cannot let go of that part. Though understandable, it isn't healthy and it inevitably leads to a breakup, an even bitter one than expected. So, discuss the event with your partner; let him know that you have not forgiven him yet but for the sake of the length of this relationship, you are willing to try and sort things out. If it was indeed out of loneliness, focus on that first. Effort has to be from both sides, though his a little more than yours. But if, at any time, you feel that you do not want to do this, you can reconsider. Trust, once broken, takes some time to heal. Give yourself that time and space. Don't jump into the relationship again- if it's meant to be, it will wait.

Best Wishes.