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Kanchan Rai |164 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 11, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Question by Pangao on Apr 11, 2023Hindi

He is much younger than me but I love him so much , I think I'm suffering from attachment lifestyle disorder for 3 months we used to be always together having fun , I also know it will hurt me when this kind of relationship ends but now he went away to other places n I thought it's a good chance for me to treat myself but I started feeling the need to be with him , I miss all things we do , n all I do is think about n about him all the time I tried to forget it n heal my mind but I could never its getting worse n worse , he likes my involvement in his life but also I know when I'm with him I hve no time to work but my feelings always wants to be with him n I want him to be always be in my side , when im with him I feel extraordinarily happy but as soon as I'm not with him everything feels so quiet I'm think it's our attachment lifestyle that is haunting me please help me

Ans: It sounds like you are struggling with strong feelings of attachment to this person, and that these feelings are causing you distress when you are not able to be with them. While it's normal to miss someone you care about, it's important to find a balance between spending time with them and taking care of yourself and other aspects of your life.

It's possible that you may be experiencing some symptoms of an attachment disorder, but it's important to note that this would be a clinical diagnosis that should be made by a mental health professional. That being said, it's clear that your attachment to this person is having a significant impact on your life, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor could be helpful in addressing these feelings and developing healthy coping strategies.

In addition to seeking professional help, there are some things you can do on your own to manage your attachment-related feelings. This might include engaging in self-care activities that make you feel good, such as exercise, spending time in nature, or connecting with friends and family. You may also want to try practicing mindfulness or other relaxation techniques to help you manage your anxiety and stress levels.

It's also important to communicate with the person you are attached to about your feelings and needs. Let them know that you value your time together, but that you also need time to focus on other aspects of your life. Try to set boundaries around your time together, and make sure that you are communicating your needs clearly.

Remember, it's okay to care about someone deeply, but it's also important to take care of yourself and prioritize your own well-being. With the right support and self-care strategies, you can learn to manage your attachment-related feelings in a healthy way.

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Anu Krishna |814 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2022

Question by PP - May 05, 2022Hindi

Dear Anu, I am in relationship with a guy who is 8 years younger than me. We are so much into each other. I am a doctor by profession and he is struggling. I help him emotionally and financially as well. He loves me very much.Although I’m elder to him he acts more mature than me.My concern is to hold him as if I am controlling him and whenever I don't get attention I become very stressed.I am a good-looking person and I get enough boys’ attention. He never gets jealous.My concern is I want him to be close to me and I can't let him go outside city to grab a good job although he is very loyal to me.Plz suggest how to destress myself.

Ans:

Dear PP,

Why don’t you give a shot at Loving Yourself and appreciating yourself?

It’s nice to get attention and adulation from another person, but if you have begun to thrive on it, it’s time to ask yourself: if you are in fact trying to ‘up’ your self-worth from his attention and the easiest way to make sure that this is in constant supply is to be clingy, possessive, jealous and controlling?

Not very healthy traits for a long relationship.

When you start to focus on yourself and love yourself, you will rely less and less on his validation and the relationship starts to form based on trust and will become every healthy.

So, spend more time on YOU! Be with Nature, spend time with your female friends, indulge in hobbies that make you smile and so on…he will also respect that space and share more of his time and attention without you having to do anything about it.

Best wishes.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

Question by DJ - May 16, 2022Hindi

Hi Anu, I am in a relationship with a guy for 5 months. I met him via social media. We know each other since a year. Initially I saw him only as a friend, but we grew close, talked daily for a year, met a few times and decided to date. But I am still confused if he is right for me. It's a long distance relationship and I am not able to connect as much as him. I am not able to decide if I want to spend my life with him. He is too deeply involved, and that scares me, I try to break up because I feel it's not fair to him, but I end up going back to him because I miss him. This continues. I am stuck in a loop, I don't know what to do. Please advice.

Ans:

Dear DJ,

It can be a little difficult to know people through social media as they are at their amazing best there; pictures, videos, status updates usually is for someone else to validate them and possibly does not reflect who they truly are. And yet you call it a relationship? How?

Also, you have chosen to feel guilty for being upfront about it or take a decision to move on.

How much of emotions are invested in this ‘relationship’ or have you grown it in the mind to an extent that doesn’t even exist?

Time to introspect and evaluate:

Who is he?

How much do I know him despite speaking to him every day?

Does his thoughts and idea match mine?

How do you know that he is deeply involved?

Could just feeling lonely be the reason that the two of you are stuck in this?

I have no clue how old you are but I can tell you one thing; there is no future where there is no true love and for true love to grow, one needs to be with another person initially, investing time in one another.

In your case check if the two of you can meet and maybe things might fall into place after that clearing up many of these confusions.

Best wishes!

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