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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 26, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Jayprakash Question by Jayprakash on Jun 25, 2024Hindi
Money

Hello Sir , I am 42 years old . I have one child 3 years old. I have invested in Max Life High Growth fund of one lakh per year which is 5 years now . Amount reflecting is 10 lakhs today. 5 years more to go for completion. I have my own house 62 lakhs just purchased . No loans . I recently purchased one more ulip policy midcap momentum 150 max life yearly one lakh for 10 years.I have invested in 3 Bhk apartment amount 1.7 cr which I will complete payment in next year. I earn around 36 to 40 lakhs per year. At present the expense is 50 thousand per month. How much amount should I invest yearly and where to develop a corpus of 5 cr at the age of 60 after deduction for one .child education. Thanks

Ans: First, let's understand your financial situation. You're 42, have a 3-year-old child, and a substantial annual income of Rs 36-40 lakhs. Your expenses are Rs 50,000 per month. You own a house worth Rs 62 lakhs and a 3BHK apartment for Rs 1.7 crores. No loans exist, and you’ve invested in ULIPs.

Compliments and Understanding
It's commendable that you've built a solid financial base and are debt-free. Your foresight in investing for the future is impressive. Let's plan for a corpus of Rs 5 crore by age 60, covering your child's education expenses too.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Max Life High Growth Fund
You’ve invested Rs 1 lakh per year in Max Life High Growth Fund for 5 years. It's now worth Rs 10 lakhs. This ULIP has 5 more years to go. Evaluating ULIPs for high charges and lower flexibility, consider other options for higher returns.

New ULIP Policy
You recently bought another ULIP policy (Midcap Momentum 150, Max Life) with Rs 1 lakh annually for 10 years. ULIPs have mixed reviews due to their high charges and lower liquidity compared to mutual funds.

Real Estate Investments
Owning a house and a 3BHK apartment indicates a strong asset base. However, real estate might not yield high liquidity or returns compared to other investments. We'll focus on diversifying your portfolio further.

Creating a Financial Plan
Defining Financial Goals
Your primary goal is accumulating Rs 5 crore by age 60. Secondary goals include funding your child’s education. Let's outline steps to achieve these objectives.

Diversification Strategy
Diversification is key to managing risk and maximizing returns. We'll explore various investment options, ensuring a balanced portfolio.

Mutual Funds: A Preferred Investment Avenue
Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds offer high growth potential, suitable for long-term wealth accumulation. They invest in stocks, providing inflation-beating returns.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds are less risky, providing stable returns. They invest in fixed-income securities like bonds. They suit investors seeking steady income with lower risk.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid funds balance risk and return by investing in both equities and debt. They offer a diversified approach, suitable for moderate risk-takers.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential provides personalized advice. MFDs help choose funds aligning with your goals and offer ongoing portfolio management.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Regular Investments
Investing through SIPs in mutual funds is beneficial. It ensures disciplined investing and rupee cost averaging, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Calculating SIP Amount
To accumulate Rs 5 crore by age 60, we need to determine the annual investment amount. Given your financial situation, a significant portion of your income can be allocated towards SIPs in equity and hybrid funds.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Long-Term Savings
PPF is a government-backed savings scheme offering attractive interest rates and tax benefits under Section 80C. It suits risk-averse investors seeking assured returns.

PPF Strategy
Investing a portion of your savings in PPF can provide a secure and stable return, balancing the overall risk of your portfolio.

National Pension System (NPS)
Retirement Planning
NPS is a government-sponsored pension scheme offering diversified investments in equities, corporate bonds, and government securities. It provides tax benefits and helps build a retirement corpus.

NPS Contributions
Allocating funds to NPS ensures a steady income post-retirement. It complements other investments, ensuring financial security in later years.

Gold: A Traditional and Reliable Asset
Gold ETFs and Sovereign Gold Bonds
Investing in Gold ETFs and Sovereign Gold Bonds offers benefits of gold without storage hassles. Sovereign Gold Bonds also provide periodic interest, enhancing returns.

Health and Term Insurance
Health Insurance
Comprehensive health insurance is crucial to cover medical expenses, protecting your savings and ensuring quality healthcare.

Term Insurance
Term insurance provides high life cover at low premiums. It ensures financial security for your family in case of your untimely demise. Choose a plan with adequate coverage.

Reviewing and Adjusting Investments
Regular Portfolio Review
Regularly reviewing your investment portfolio ensures it aligns with your goals. Make necessary adjustments based on market conditions and personal circumstances.

Avoiding Emotional Investing
Stick to your financial plan and avoid making investment decisions based on emotions. Make informed decisions and seek professional advice when needed.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management
Actively managed funds are managed by professional fund managers. They conduct extensive research and make informed investment decisions, aiming to outperform the market.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have the potential to deliver higher returns compared to index funds. Fund managers can take advantage of market opportunities and mitigate risks through active management.

Flexibility
Actively managed funds offer flexibility in investment strategies. Fund managers can adjust the portfolio based on market conditions and economic trends, enhancing performance.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Lack of Flexibility
Index funds are passively managed and track a specific index. They lack flexibility to adjust to market conditions, which can limit returns.

Potential Underperformance
Index funds may underperform actively managed funds during market downturns. They cannot capitalize on market opportunities or mitigate risks effectively.

Limited Scope
Index funds have limited scope for diversification. They invest in a fixed set of securities, which might not align with your investment goals and risk tolerance.

Final Insights
Achieving a corpus of Rs 5 crore by age 60 requires disciplined investing and strategic planning. Diversifying your investments across mutual funds, PPF, NPS, and gold ensures a balanced and robust portfolio. Engaging a Certified Financial Planner ensures personalized advice and disciplined investing, helping you achieve long-term financial success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 22, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir., my monthly expense is 100000 now and monthly income from house rent is 40k. My age is 47., my pf as per today 50L. Share 8 L and FD 4L, SGB 12L. Maintain same lifestyle after 60., how much corpus I need and how much I should start investing. Kindly clarity
Ans: At age 47, it's commendable that you are thinking about your retirement needs. Maintaining your current lifestyle post-retirement requires careful planning. Let's analyse your current financial situation and what you need to achieve your retirement goals.

Current Financial Status
Your monthly expense is ?100,000, and your income from house rent is ?40,000.

You have accumulated significant assets:

Provident Fund (PF): ?50 Lakhs

Shares: ?8 Lakhs

Fixed Deposits (FD): ?4 Lakhs

Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGB): ?12 Lakhs

These assets show that you have diversified investments, which is excellent for balancing risk.

Estimating the Retirement Corpus
To maintain the same lifestyle after retirement, you need to consider inflation. Your expenses will likely increase over time due to inflation. Assuming a 6% annual inflation rate, your current monthly expenses of ?100,000 will be much higher when you retire at 60.

You'll need a corpus that can generate enough income to cover these expenses. Let's assume you live up to 85 years. This means your corpus should last for 25 years post-retirement.

Calculating the Required Corpus
Estimating the exact corpus involves complex calculations. A Certified Financial Planner can help with precise numbers. However, a rough estimate is that you need about 20-25 times your annual expenses at the time of retirement.

Given your current expenses, you might need a corpus of around ?6-7 crores, factoring in inflation.

Investment Strategy to Build the Corpus
You need to start investing more aggressively to reach your retirement goal. Here's a suggested strategy:

1. Increase Equity Investments

Equities typically offer higher returns compared to other asset classes. Consider increasing your investment in actively managed equity mutual funds. These funds are managed by professional fund managers who aim to outperform the market.

2. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

Start a SIP in mutual funds. It helps in averaging the cost of investment and provides disciplined investing. SIPs are ideal for long-term wealth creation.

3. Diversify Your Portfolio

Diversification reduces risk. You already have SGBs, FDs, and shares. Ensure a good mix of equity, debt, and gold. This balanced approach mitigates risks.

4. Consult a Certified Financial Planner

A Certified Financial Planner can help tailor a plan specific to your needs. They can provide guidance on asset allocation, risk management, and tax efficiency.

Managing Your Existing Assets
Provident Fund (PF)

Your PF is a secure and stable investment. Continue contributing to it. It provides a safety net with assured returns.

Shares and Equity

Monitor your share portfolio regularly. Avoid putting all your money in one stock. Diversify across sectors to minimize risk.

Fixed Deposits (FD)

FDs are safe but offer lower returns. Consider using them for emergency funds or short-term goals.

Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGB)

SGBs are good for diversification. They also provide a hedge against inflation. Keep them as part of your portfolio.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Regularly review your financial plan. Adjust your investments based on market conditions and your changing needs. Stay informed and adapt to new financial opportunities.

Conclusion
Planning for retirement requires a strategic approach. Your current assets provide a strong foundation. By investing wisely and consulting a Certified Financial Planner, you can achieve your retirement goals.

You have already taken the first step by evaluating your needs. With disciplined investing, you can ensure a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Money
Sir, I am 43 years old living in UAE, with FD of 10L and current MF accumulation of 1.04 Cr and monthly SIP 50K along. I have a 2BHK apartment in Chennai which yields a rent of 8000 Rs and a 3-bedroom house inherited from my parents as gift where we live currently. Along with this we have 2400 Sq ft of land in Chennai and 3000 Sq ft of land in Madurai. I am contributing 69K yearly for the last 11 years in my name until 2035 (expected returns 30Lakhs), 28K yearly in my daughter’s name until 2034 (expected returns 10Lakhs). Addition to this i have icici pru gift long terms with annual payment of 2L Rs on my name (to pay for another 10 years and the return of 16K per month) icici future perfect 1L Rs (to pay for another 10 years). Will receive a sum of 5L Rs from a LIC policy which is getting matured this year and a Term policy of 2 Cr for which I must pay 47K annually and it must be paid for another 22 years and 20 Lakhs worth of gold. I wish to invest in stocks in the next 7 years with an average risk and stop SIP at the age of 50. I have a 9th grade daughter who wishes to pursue Medicine and a son who is in grade 2. I wish to retire at the age of 50 (7 years from now) and start consulting. Could you please guide me how much corpus I should create in the next 7 years to live a normal lifestyle and ensure to pay the balance ICICI investments and my daughters’ education regards Raj
Ans: Current Financial Situation
Raj, you have done a commendable job in managing your finances and building a diversified portfolio. Let's assess your current financial landscape.

Fixed Deposits and Mutual Funds
You have a fixed deposit (FD) of Rs 10 lakhs and a mutual fund (MF) portfolio worth Rs 1.04 crore. You also contribute Rs 50,000 monthly to SIPs. This shows a disciplined approach towards long-term wealth creation.

Real Estate Holdings
You own a 2BHK apartment in Chennai, which generates a rental income of Rs 8,000 per month, and a 3-bedroom house inherited from your parents. Additionally, you possess 2400 sq ft of land in Chennai and 3000 sq ft of land in Madurai.

Insurance and Investments
You have various insurance and investment plans:

Annual contribution of Rs 69,000 for yourself until 2035 (expected returns Rs 30 lakhs).
Annual contribution of Rs 28,000 for your daughter until 2034 (expected returns Rs 10 lakhs).
ICICI Pru Gift Long Term with an annual payment of Rs 2 lakhs, yielding Rs 16,000 monthly after maturity.
ICICI Future Perfect with an annual payment of Rs 1 lakh for another 10 years.
LIC policy maturing this year with a sum assured of Rs 5 lakhs.
Term policy with a cover of Rs 2 crore, annual premium Rs 47,000 for the next 22 years.
Gold worth Rs 20 lakhs.
Family Commitments
Your daughter, currently in 9th grade, aspires to pursue medicine. Your son is in grade 2. You plan to retire at 50 and transition into consulting.

Financial Goals
To ensure a smooth transition into retirement and meet your financial obligations, let's break down your goals:

Retirement Corpus
Daughter's Education
Continuation of Investments
Living Expenses Post-Retirement
Retirement Corpus
You plan to retire in 7 years. To maintain a comfortable lifestyle post-retirement, you need to determine a retirement corpus. This corpus should cover your monthly expenses, healthcare, and unforeseen emergencies.

Daughter's Education
Medical education is expensive. It is crucial to allocate sufficient funds for your daughter's medical education to avoid financial stress later.

Continuation of Investments
You have ongoing investments that require continued funding. Ensuring these are adequately funded until their maturity is essential for maximizing returns.

Living Expenses Post-Retirement
Post-retirement, you will require a steady income to cover living expenses. Your rental income, SIP returns, and maturity proceeds from insurance plans will contribute to this.

Strategy to Achieve Financial Goals
To meet your financial goals efficiently, consider the following strategies:

Increase SIP Contributions
Currently, you invest Rs 50,000 monthly in SIPs. Increasing this amount will help accumulate a larger corpus. Given your current financial stability, consider increasing your SIP contributions by 10-15% annually. This will compound your wealth significantly over the next 7 years.

Diversify Mutual Fund Investments
Review your mutual fund portfolio and diversify across various sectors and market caps. Actively managed funds tend to outperform index funds in the long run due to professional fund management and active stock selection. This can provide better returns and reduce risks.

Surrender Low-Yield Insurance Policies
Your LIC policy maturing this year will yield Rs 5 lakhs. Reinvest this amount in mutual funds for better returns. Assess the ICICI Pru Gift Long Term and ICICI Future Perfect plans. If they are not performing well, consider surrendering them and reinvesting in higher-yield mutual funds. This can maximize returns and provide better growth opportunities for your investments.

Plan for Daughter's Education
Estimate the total cost of your daughter's medical education, including tuition fees, living expenses, and other costs. Create a dedicated education fund using a mix of debt and equity mutual funds. This will ensure safety and growth of the corpus.

Utilize Gold Holdings
Your gold holdings worth Rs 20 lakhs can be a valuable asset. Consider partial liquidation of gold to fund higher-yield investments. Alternatively, keep the gold as a hedge against inflation and as a contingency fund.

Create an Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an emergency fund covering at least 6-12 months of living expenses. This fund should be in a liquid asset class, such as a liquid mutual fund or a high-interest savings account, to access funds readily in case of emergencies.

Investment in Mutual Funds
Instead of investing directly in stocks, mutual funds can provide a balanced approach to achieving your financial goals with moderate risk. Here are the benefits:

Professional Management: Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers who have the expertise to make informed investment decisions.
Diversification: Mutual funds provide diversification across various sectors and asset classes, reducing overall risk.
Liquidity: Mutual funds offer liquidity, allowing you to redeem your investments as needed.
Tax Efficiency: Equity mutual funds held for more than a year qualify for long-term capital gains tax benefits.
Increase SIP Contributions in Mutual Funds
Currently, you invest Rs 50,000 monthly in SIPs. Increasing this amount will help accumulate a larger corpus. Given your current financial stability, consider increasing your SIP contributions by 10-15% annually. This will compound your wealth significantly over the next 7 years.

Diversify Mutual Fund Investments
Review your mutual fund portfolio and diversify across various sectors and market caps. Actively managed funds tend to outperform index funds in the long run due to professional fund management and active stock selection. This can provide better returns and reduce risks.

Corpus Calculation for Retirement
To estimate the corpus required for retirement, consider the following:

Monthly Living Expenses: Calculate your current monthly expenses and account for inflation.
Healthcare Costs: Factor in healthcare costs, which tend to rise with age.
Contingency Fund: Include a contingency fund for unforeseen expenses.
Desired Lifestyle: Consider the lifestyle you wish to maintain post-retirement.
Monthly Living Expenses
Assume your current monthly expenses are Rs 50,000. Accounting for inflation at 6%, these expenses will rise over the next 7 years.

Healthcare Costs
Healthcare costs can be substantial post-retirement. Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance and allocate a part of your corpus towards healthcare.

Contingency Fund
Set aside at least 10% of your retirement corpus for emergencies. This ensures financial security during unforeseen circumstances.

Desired Lifestyle
Factor in any lifestyle changes you wish to make post-retirement, such as travel, hobbies, or relocation.

Final Insights
Raj, your current financial situation is strong, with a diversified portfolio and substantial assets. To ensure a comfortable retirement and meet your financial goals, focus on increasing SIP contributions, diversifying mutual fund investments, and planning adequately for your daughter's education. Reviewing insurance policies and reallocating funds to higher-yield investments will optimize your returns. Investing in mutual funds can provide balanced growth and reduce risk, ensuring financial security post-retirement.

Building a robust retirement corpus requires careful planning and disciplined investing. With the right strategies, you can achieve your financial goals and enjoy a comfortable retirement while ensuring your family's financial security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 06, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am earning 1.2 lakh per month. Age 29 unmarried, Money for marriage is adjusted.I have a house and planning to buy another one probably 1cr . An lic policy of yearly premium of 25k. My savings are 5 lakhs. As of now I can invest 40k per month. I want liquid corpus of 1cr by age 50 and children education planning.
Ans: Monthly Income and Savings
You earn Rs. 1.2 lakh per month.

You save Rs. 40,000 per month.

You have Rs. 5 lakhs in savings.

Your LIC policy has a yearly premium of Rs. 25,000.

Investment Goals
You want Rs. 1 crore by age 50.

You plan for your children's education.

You plan to buy a house worth Rs. 1 crore.

Investment Strategy
Invest in a mix of equity and debt funds.

Focus on actively managed funds for better returns.

Consider SIPs for regular investments.

Liquid Corpus Goal
Aim for a diversified portfolio.

Allocate funds to equity for growth.

Include debt funds for stability.

Children's Education Planning
Start early to benefit from compounding.

Invest in children's plans and education funds.

Review and adjust the portfolio regularly.

House Purchase Plan
Ensure your investments align with your house purchase goal.

Keep your house purchase timeline in mind.

Insurance and Savings
Review your LIC policy for adequacy.

Consider additional term insurance if needed.

Professional Guidance
A Certified Financial Planner can help optimize your plan.

Regularly review your portfolio with your planner.

Final Insights
Maintain a disciplined investment approach.

Regularly review and adjust your goals.

Seek professional advice when needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |171 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi, I'm 37 and I just started to invest in MFs regularly. My investments are listed below. Except a couple of them, all of them are either 1 month to a few days old. As mentioned below, started SIP of 40000 between Motilal Oswal Nifty Midcap 150 and Nippon india small cap. I would like to invest 40000 more in SIPs making my total investment as 1CR over the next 10 years, in the hopes of creating a portfolio of 2 CR with a 12% return on year. I understand that there are 11 MFs here but appreciate your suggestions on trimming this down while meeting the above mentioned financial goal. Thanks. 1. Motilal Oswal Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value 50000: 2. Nippon India Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 50000: 3. Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value:70277: 4. Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Reg-G: One Time: Investment: 24998: Current Value:38598: 5. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 52727: 6. Axis ELSS Tax Saver Dir-G: One Time: Investment:30000: Current Value: 63863: 7. Nippon India Large Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 49999.99: Current Value: 52358: 8. Motilal Oswal Midcap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 54061: 9. Quant Small Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 100000: Current Value: 103437: 10. Motilal Oswal Nifty Midcap 150 Dir-G: SIP: Investment:19999.98 Current Value: 20319: 11. Nippon India Small Cap Dir-G: SIP: Investment: 20000: Current Value 20040:
Ans: 1. Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index is a recently introduced index and hence also your funds based on this index. The back tested results look attractive however I recommend you to monitor them closely for 2-3 years and if you feel not sure about their progress you may exit and redeploy proceeds into PPFAS flexicap fund and Nippon large cap fund.

2. The additional 40 K sip proposed maybe split between either ELSS(for tax saving too) or PPFAS flexicap and Nippon India large cap fund.

3. You may merge your ELSS investments into one fund, my advice would be Mirae Asset ELSS.

4. This will help rationalize number of funds in your portfolio from 10(+2) to 7.

5. Discipline, focus and periodic review in MF investment are a must!

6. As you reach closer to your target transfer the gains from equity funds to liquid/debt funds to protect it from volatility.

I am quite hopeful that you may very well achieve the intended target with the right approach.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

Happy Investing!!

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2024Hindi
Relationship
I met a women through a matrimonial site. I live abroad and she lives in India. I am 42 and she is 40 years old. We spoke for about 6 months. Then I came to India. Spent some time together and even met the parents. We both like each other. And have the blessings of the parents. But the problem is distance. I am very close to attaining citizenship. But still see that the process and getting an OCI could take at least 2 years. She has a good job with the central government in India. She has decent career prospects, in the country where I live. Initially, she was not interested in marrying anyone living abroad. I raised this with her when we spoke. She had come to where I live for a short diploma course, and was okay in talking with me. When I met her parents, they were also okay with her moving abroad. So far things have been good, but now we are trying to fix the dates for marriage, and trying to solve the long distance issue. I suggested that she could take a sabbatical and spend some time, or if possible pursue higher education. so she need not leave her job in India. Given her current background she also has good career prospects already. However she panics now every time I try to breach this topic. She is scared even to research n life abroad, and now she feels it is better we break up. She admits that , she is a chronic overthinker, I have been very careful in dealing with difficult topics. She has had a relatively easy life, whereas I am used to dealing with challenges personal and professional setbacks. It is really difficult to connect with someone, irrespective of age. I have worked for 18 years in India, and not keen to go through the toxic culture and harsh corporate life. She has a transferable job in India, so even in India we might struggle to be together. I am okay with retiring, from a corpoarte jb and seeking another career which would keep me financially independant and help me lead a meanigful existene. I am exploring ways, but thiis is going to take time. We both considered all the scenarios, and agreed that if she finds a good job abroad, would be relatiely the easier path. But now she is not even ready to consider this and becomes very anxious. . I feel I am more, happy healthy living abroad than in India. I was diabetic in India, and am now off medicines , after moving abroad. It has been easier for me to lead a happy and healthy life abroad, even though I live alone. I am wondering how to approach this. I do not want to hurt anyone. I can understand why she is anxious. I have told her that she does not have to leave her job, she only has to research if she has good prospects. I even offered to get her in touch with folks who have made such transition. I gave her contact details of consultants who can advic her on her career prospects. Visa etc is not an issue. Please advise if I can salvage this relationship or better to accept defeat. I really like her and do not want to hurt her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your concerns. It is a tough choice- both for you and her. On one hand, we can't completely deny her concerns either. She has a good job here and the fear is only fair. But, given her chronic overthinking, she must have already created a worse scenario in her head. It sounds like you both are in a difficult spot where you care for each other deeply but life-changing decisions are creating anxiety. No matter how much you tell her, it isn't going to help. She has to come to terms with it herself. but there are some things you can do to speed up the process-

Acknowledge the fear- Don't make her feel like she is wrong to think this way, or that she is merely overthinking. There is some logic to her fears. Acknowledge that. It does not mean you are encouraging them. Just let her know that any big life decisions are bound to cause some panic in a person and her feelings are completely valid.

Encourage her to take small steps- Instead of asking her to talk to people who have made the shift, try casually including stories of such people in a normal daily conversation once in a while. It would not feel like a commitment but also give her an idea.

Frame the discussion in a better way- For instance, instead of focusing on the move, discuss the life you will be building together. This will give her a scope to see what she can gain if only she can get over her fears.

Do not rush- Big life decisions can't be taken in a hurry. So, give her that space and time. In the meantime, you can continue with life as it was. Let her know that there isn't a timeframe within which she has to decide. This isn't an ultimatum. Sometimes a few kind words can make all the difference.

It's still not time to give up. Is she worth trying a little more? If yes, try. Create a space that is free of judgment where she can openly share her worries, no matter how trivial they might be. It can seem that you are putting in all the effort, but for a chronic overthinker, even considering or trying to overcome a set fear is a big task. Give her a little more time. I am sure things will work out soon.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
So, i've started talking to this girl who was a classmate during my college. We've never talked all this time... But we started talking only after 7 years... She was currently working near my home town.. and i am working in a neighbouring state. It is 3 or 4months now.. we are talking and we liked each other...like.. we were in the same situations in life... Like.. we both lost our mothers.. and we are from the same community.. but the deadlock came here in the guise of religion. She belongs to one and i belong to another... Even though we both from same caste... We had a discussion before like.. even though we like each other... she cant move forward in relation because of religion. We had am understanding for sometime... But recently we had a discussion over the same topic and we had a fight... Now the girl and i are not fully talking to each other... Cause she was frightened on what could happen to us if we move forward in a relationship and it fails... Because we are not a stage to try and test things because we both are 29 and you know how it will be in family for a girl... So pleaseee give me advice how to save this relationship... Because i dont want to miss this girl at all. Please...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a tough spot, but if she has truly made up her mind not to proceed with the relationship, especially based on something as sensitive as religion, I cannot advise you to pursue her or try to convince her further. The only thing you can do is have one last open discussion where you express your feelings and the things you are willing to do to make this relationship work out. And for one last time, you can ask her, and only ask, if she would be willing to give it another try. If the answer is still a no, I am sorry, but it would not be wise to continue pushing this. If religion is important to her or an integral part of her family values, it would be selfish to ask her to set that aside for you.

I hope things work out for you.


Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi sir, I’m planning to start a new life with my girlfriend for rest of my life leaving our both families aside. Reason to do that is, I’m recently married with other girl, and my gf married to other guy. We both didn’t even completed 6 months. We are not happy with our life partners. The reason we Got married to other is lack of courage to fight elders by my girlfriend but now she is ready to do fight or even leave them aside for me and start a new complete life.I’m a simple corporate working guy. We are completely decided to live together whatever happens. Our parents wont accept us as they are thinking about our married partners. Whats the best advice you would give to us to start new life in other state?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

This is a huge decision. First, I would advise both of you to think this through. I am not discouraging you because a broken marriage is far better than a forced one. But if you have even the slightest tinge of doubt, don't rush it. A lot of people are involved in this.

Here are my two cents-

Respect your current marriage- Even if you decide to leave your spouses, you have to handle this situation responsibly and with respect. You are in love with each other, but your current partners are going to suffer for it, through no fault of their own. The least you can do is part ways with kindness and integrity.

Legalities- Divorces can be a long and complicated process. It takes a financial and mental toll on people. Be prepared for that, especially since you do not have the support of your family.

Mental health- Here I am not only talking about your mental health, you need to consider your current spouse's mental health too. And though leaving behind your family seems to be the only option, it is still a big decision. Make sure both you and your girlfriend are in the right frame of mind when you finalize the decision.

As for building a new life in a new city, as exciting as it is, it will be equally challenging. Plan everything to the last detail- finances, living arrangements, job, etc. Before you make the move, make sure both of you are financially independent and self-sufficient. That's the only way to tackle any hurdles.

My best advice is to make this decision very carefully and approach the situation with empathy for all parties involved. I urge you to be honest with your current partner, instead of ever resorting to gaslighting. This is on you, but it would be easy to pin this on your spouse. Don't take the easy route. Take the right one.

I hope things work out for you with no one getting irreparably hurt.

Best wishes.

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