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Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 15, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Nov 15, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

I have been married for 2 years but I don't feel close to my husband.
It was a marriage arranged by my relatives and despite trying I don't feel any love for him.
Now I am in love with his younger brother. He loves me too but is afraid to tell his brother. He feels it is wrong and it will break his family.  What should I do? Is it my fault?

Ans:

It certainly sounds like a messy affair.

It's not your fault that you've fallen in love; people can't always help the way they feel about someone else.

But it's not fair to your husband that you don't love him and before things get worse, like maybe you becoming pregnant, I would suggest you end the marriage soon.

As for your relationship with the brother, that should not coincide with things in any way.

If, after you're divorced, you both decide to ease into being a couple over the course of time and see where it goes, that in itself will be a challenge for your respective families.

So take one step at a time, slowly and discreetly. Because leaving him for his brother will cause trauma anyway. Waiting it out will help the situation immensely.

 

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2023

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Hi, I have been married to my love for the last 20 years and have a 15 yr old son. I had a restaurant for 3 years and had got attracted to the executive chef who later became a partner in my restaurant. He is not married. During these years and from before that my married life had been very depressing. My husband stays abroad for work and even when he comes we do not gel because we have been living away for too long. We don’t relate to each other any more. We also do not have a sex life during the time I had my restaurant. The chef knows all about my family and often have visited and partied with my husband too. We have crossed the line and have still been in love for the last 4 yrs. He is unmarried and is much younger to me but he is fully committed to me. I can’t understand what to do. Please guide.
Ans: hello there,
It sounds like you are in a complex and emotionally challenging situation. Infidelity and emotional involvement with someone outside of your marriage can be difficult to navigate Decisions about relationships and marriages are significant and often take time. Avoid making impulsive decisions and give yourself the time needed to carefully consider your options.Take into account the impact of your decisions on your son. Children can be profoundly affected by changes in their parents' relationship. Ensure that any decisions made consider his well-being Reflect on what you want for your future. Do you want to work on your marriage, or do you feel that it's irreparable? Make decisions based on what aligns with your values and long-term goals. Assess your relationship with the chef. Consider the potential consequences of continuing this relationship, especially given your commitment to your husband. Understand the impact it may have on all parties involved Open and honest communication is crucial. If you haven't already, have a frank conversation with your husband about your feelings, the state of your marriage, and any areas that need improvement. This may be a difficult conversation, but it's an essential step in understanding each other's perspectives.

All the best.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed. But i dont love him. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022 i had communication with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him about my marriage, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me doing wrong, told me to not do. But still i want to continue and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. I am doing correct or not please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The fact that you are asking me whether it is correct or not shows that you are absolutely questioning yourself...
You yourself said that your husband loves you more than anything...then what makes you go around in circles searching for love and attention outside? Obviously you are unable to appreciate what you have...when you can't see that you have a stable life, all you think of doing is thinking of the boyfriend who did not accept you and the young boy who all of 23 is immature and financially unstable with who you want to live with!
Are things described in a nutshell now? You are free to make your choices but also know that you will have to bear the consequences.
At 23,
What sort of a life ahead he visualized for himself?
Does it include you?
What is the guarantee that he will not meet younger women later on?
And if you wish to start a family considering that he is already 23, does he have the capability to support you and the baby?
- Have you considered all of this?
Kindly step up for yourself and start thinking rather than running around in a scattered way looking for someone else to make you happy...

All the best!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love me more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed also. We dont have kids because i never loved my husband. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured me that he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022, i used to communicate with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately, in Sept 2023, i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him, told i am not married, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me cheating with him in whatsapp messages, told me to not do. But still i went ahead to continue my relationship with this young guy and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. My parents and family love and respect my husband like their own son. I am doing correct or not please suggest me.
Ans: No you certainly are not “doing correct”! Here’s a good man who loves you and treats you well and has forgiven your indiscretions and still you want someone else? You agreed to marry, right - no one put a gun to your head. Now honour that commitment and stop being so fickle-minded. At 23, your boyfriend is really young and immature. Right now you’re all hot and heavy, but give it a minute; realistically your relationship is unlikely to survive in the long run. And you want to hurt your husband and walk out on your marriage for nothing…he’s only ever treated you right. Don’t be a fool!

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2025
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Hi i am a married woman aged 45 years, i am happily married and have a loving husband. My husband travels a lot due to work and my son is studying in college in Pune. Everything was going fine in my life, but few months back a MBA graduate boy 23 years joined our office in my team. He had to report to me, and our company send us for sales corporatemeetings to Mumbai and other cities often. Gradually we became close and he confessed he had a crush on me. I was falttered but told him i am much older and married. Although i was very flattered that he found me attractive. I am tall 5ft 7 inches and kept myself very fit and always men keep hitting on me but i always ignore them. On our last trip together we went for a meal and had a few drinks together. Then i told him i was sleepy and needed to go to my room. He accompanied to my room and had a coffee. I had a bavk ache and he said he can massage me for 5 mins. I hesitantly agreed during the massage one thing led to another and we had sex and since then we have started having sex whenever we travel togther often. He says he truly loves me but for next 5 years he cannot marry anyone. I have now started loving him a lot i often fight with my husband. I want to continue this affair but am afraid if my husband finds out or if people in office come to know. Strangely another young man in office has starterd showing interest in me and asked me out for a coffee. He also says he likes me a lot anf is caring, I am confused shall i also go for a simple coffee. what if my husband or younger boyfriend find out. Is what i am doing wrong, i just want to live my life fully am i wrong ???
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you do not have an open marriage, then what you are doing is certainly wrong. When has cheating ever been right? Especially when you did not mention anything wrong with your husband. I am not judging you; but I would suggest that if you want to keep this up, you either come clean to your husband or let him go. This isn't fair. You living your life to the fullest should not harm or hurt others.
Hope this helps.

..Read more

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