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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love me more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed also. We dont have kids because i never loved my husband. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured me that he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022, i used to communicate with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately, in Sept 2023, i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him, told i am not married, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me cheating with him in whatsapp messages, told me to not do. But still i went ahead to continue my relationship with this young guy and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. My parents and family love and respect my husband like their own son. I am doing correct or not please suggest me.

Ans: No you certainly are not “doing correct”! Here’s a good man who loves you and treats you well and has forgiven your indiscretions and still you want someone else? You agreed to marry, right - no one put a gun to your head. Now honour that commitment and stop being so fickle-minded. At 23, your boyfriend is really young and immature. Right now you’re all hot and heavy, but give it a minute; realistically your relationship is unlikely to survive in the long run. And you want to hurt your husband and walk out on your marriage for nothing…he’s only ever treated you right. Don’t be a fool!

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |118 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

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Hi I am 39 year married woman with one 13yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as housewife but I never got love respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affair with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants to marry her. I told these to both of our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion we both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me .But after these incident and during Corona I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him as now i doesn’t feel complete without him. I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for me and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. It sounds like you're in a very complex situation, and I'm not qualified to give you advice on personal or emotional matters. However, I can offer some general information that may be helpful.

It's important to remember that you're not alone in this. Many people go through difficult times in their marriages, and there are resources available to help you cope. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with support and guidance as you work through your challenges.

If you're thinking about leaving your marriage, it's important to weigh all of your options carefully and consider the potential consequences of your decision. You may want to talk to a lawyer or financial advisor to get advice on what your rights and options are.

Ultimately, the decision of what to do is up to you. There is no right or wrong answer, and what works for one person may not work for another. However, it's important to make your decision based on what is best for you and your family.

I hope this information is helpful. Please remember that you're not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1424 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed. But i dont love him. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022 i had communication with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him about my marriage, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me doing wrong, told me to not do. But still i want to continue and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. I am doing correct or not please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The fact that you are asking me whether it is correct or not shows that you are absolutely questioning yourself...
You yourself said that your husband loves you more than anything...then what makes you go around in circles searching for love and attention outside? Obviously you are unable to appreciate what you have...when you can't see that you have a stable life, all you think of doing is thinking of the boyfriend who did not accept you and the young boy who all of 23 is immature and financially unstable with who you want to live with!
Are things described in a nutshell now? You are free to make your choices but also know that you will have to bear the consequences.
At 23,
What sort of a life ahead he visualized for himself?
Does it include you?
What is the guarantee that he will not meet younger women later on?
And if you wish to start a family considering that he is already 23, does he have the capability to support you and the baby?
- Have you considered all of this?
Kindly step up for yourself and start thinking rather than running around in a scattered way looking for someone else to make you happy...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1424 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

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Hello Madam, i am 38 year married women, having a 15year 1 kid boy ( but my husband not loving me even he is not talking with me from the last 8 years but we r leaving together due to our son, he fulfilled the need with the responsibilities of our home and our son but as wife he is not talking and even not caring to me ,but before 2 years back one married man come to talk with me he is my official colleague and we both attached a lot with each other after some days he proposed me and said that he is loving me many years ago but he thought that i am very Strick person will not response him, but now he is saying that he wants me as a life partner me also every time he treat me like a wife very much caring and loving nature now i introduce him to my family as a friend and family members also very happy with taking to him, we are from 2 year together is it good or what should i do further?
Ans: Dear Ruta,
You want to get into a relationship with a married man? Will that not complicate your already complicated life?
You certainly deserve to be loved and taken care of BUT do not jump towards a married man...you do understand that his priorities will lie with his first family and this will hurt you again and you will feel neglected AGAIN...

What is he planning with his marriage? Does his wife know about your relationship? Is he going to end his marriage and then marry you? These questions need answers and then you can decide for yourself keeping in mind that you need to take of yourself emotionally in this second association.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |202 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

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Which overseas country MBBS will be better in-terms of quality education with reasonable fees (less than 50Lacs) for Indian students who may practice in india after FNG test?
Ans: Before the introduction of NEET, the scenario for admission to medical colleges was quite different. Many candidates aspiring to study medicine who did not achieve sufficient marks in their HSC (Higher Secondary Certificate) chose to pursue their education abroad. However, with NEET in place, numerous opportunities are now available in India.

The medical admission process in India has become more standardized, so there is no longer a need to seek alternatives overseas. In this context, I strongly suggest that pursuing an MBBS in India is preferable rather than from other countries. It is important to understand that candidates must clear NEET for both admission and graduation.

There are several challenges that young students—who are often minors—face when studying abroad. Our education system has not equipped them to handle various situations in foreign countries. Some of the major difficulties include:

1. Admissions are often conducted through agencies, which can result in significant financial losses.
2. Issues related to food and accommodation can arise.
3. Adapting to a different culture and behavior can be challenging, and young students may be tempted towards negative influences.

So, it might be wiser for candidates to complete their undergraduate education in India and consider pursuing postgraduate studies abroad later on. We should encourage our younger generation to take competitive exams, as this will help build their confidence and better prepare them for their future.
Thank you.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |469 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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How to overcome from past memories
Ans: Healing from painful past memories is an intimate and deeply emotional journey. It’s not just about forgetting what happened but learning to carry those experiences in a way that doesn’t weigh you down.

Start by honoring your feelings. These memories are a part of your story, and the emotions tied to them are valid. Allow yourself to sit with the pain, the sadness, or even the anger, without rushing to push it away. Sometimes, simply acknowledging the hurt can bring a sense of release.

Mindfulness can be a gentle companion in this process. When the past pulls you back, focus on the present moment. Notice the feel of your breath, the warmth of the sun, or the grounding sensation of your feet on the floor. These small acts remind you that you are here, now, safe and capable of healing.

Embrace self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend. Remind yourself that it’s okay to have scars and that healing takes time. You don’t have to be perfect or have it all figured out. It’s enough to take one step at a time.

Sometimes, letting go means forgiving—not just others, but yourself too. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning what happened. It’s about freeing yourself from the chains of resentment and allowing space for peace and growth.

Surround yourself with warmth and support. Lean on those who uplift you, who remind you of your strength, and who offer you love without judgment. These connections can be a soothing balm for the soul.

Lastly, be patient with yourself. Healing is not linear, and it’s okay to have days when the past feels heavy again. Trust in your resilience and know that each day, you are growing stronger, finding new ways to hold your memories with tenderness rather than pain. You are worthy of peace, love, and joy in your present and future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |469 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Two years ago, I met someone, at a workplace inclusion workshop in Mumbai. He identified himself as a transgender man, We clicked instantly, and our friendship turned into a romantic relationship over time. He is incredibly supportive, kind, and ambitious. I admire him deeply because he has faced many struggles to be where he is today. My parents found out about him recently, and the backlash has been immense. They’ve threatened to disown me, saying I’m bringing shame to the family. They’re pushing me to break up with him and marry someone 'normal.' The societal pressure, whispers from neighbours, and even judgment from some colleagues are making things unbearable. I love him but I also feel torn between my family, cultural expectations, and my happiness. What should I do?
Ans: First, it's important to acknowledge your feelings of being torn. This is a natural response to the competing demands of love, family loyalty, and cultural expectations. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment; they are valid and understandable.

Next, consider the core values and priorities in your life. What kind of life do you envision for yourself? What role do love, authenticity, and personal happiness play in that vision? Reflecting on these questions can help clarify your path forward.

Communication with your family is crucial, though it may be difficult. Express your feelings, the depth of your love for your partner, and the happiness he brings into your life. It might not change their perspective immediately, but it's important for them to hear your truth. Seek moments of calm and understanding, and try to create a space for dialogue rather than confrontation.

It’s also essential to build a support system beyond your family. Surround yourself with friends, mentors, or support groups who understand and affirm your relationship. This community can provide emotional strength and perspective, reminding you that you are not alone in facing these challenges.

Lastly, prioritize your emotional well-being. Engage in activities that bring you peace and joy, whether it's spending time with supportive friends, pursuing hobbies, or even seeking professional counseling. A therapist or coach can offer a safe space to explore your feelings and help you develop strategies to navigate this complex situation.

Remember, the decision about how to proceed must ultimately align with what brings you the most peace and fulfillment. Balancing love and family expectations is difficult, but staying true to yourself and your values is essential for long-term happiness.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7438 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Money
Hello Sir, I am 44 years old man. I want to start SIP for my children, 6.5 years old daughter and 2.5 years old son. The objective is to secure their future and the funds can be used when they want to go for graduation/higher studies. I have shortlisted the following funds, please let me know if you recommend any changes. Thank you! 1-UTI Nifty50 Index Direct: Rs.2000 2-ICICI Prudential Nifty Next 50 Index Fund: Rs.2000 3-Canara Robeco Bluechip Equity Fund: Rs.2000 4-ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund: Rs.3000 5-Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: Rs.2000 6-ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund: Rs.3000 7-Quant Active Find: Rs.3000 8-SBI Contra Fund: Rs.3000 9-Nippon India small cap fund: Rs.3000 10-Nippon India ETF Gold BeES: Rs.2000
Ans: Creating a portfolio for your children’s future is a thoughtful and responsible step. Ensuring the right mix of funds can maximise returns, manage risks, and help achieve your financial goals effectively. Below is an evaluation of your selected portfolio, along with recommendations to streamline and optimise it.

Evaluating Your Portfolio
1. Too Many Funds
You have selected 10 funds, which might lead to over-diversification.
Over-diversification can dilute returns and make tracking difficult.
2. Balanced Allocation Missing
There’s a heavy tilt towards equity with insufficient diversification across asset classes.
Adding a debt component can provide stability and reduce volatility.
3. Index Funds
UTI Nifty50 Index Fund and ICICI Prudential Nifty Next 50 Index Fund:
Index funds lack flexibility and cannot outperform during bear markets.
Actively managed funds might be better for your long-term goals.
4. Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Exposure
Nippon India Small Cap Fund:
High risk but high return potential.
Retain for diversification but limit exposure to 10%-15% of your total investments.
5. Thematic and Contra Funds
SBI Contra Fund and Quant Active Fund:
Thematic and contra funds have niche strategies, making them riskier.
Retain only one if aligned with your risk appetite.
6. Gold ETF
Nippon India ETF Gold BeES:
Adds diversification and inflation protection.
However, limit allocation to 5%-10% of your portfolio.
Recommended Portfolio for Your Goals
1. Core Equity Allocation (60%-70%)
Focus on funds that provide long-term stability and growth.

Large-Cap Funds: Replace index funds with actively managed large-cap funds for better returns.
Flexi-Cap Funds: Retain Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund for its global diversification and balanced approach.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: Retain one small-cap fund (Nippon India Small Cap Fund) for growth potential.
2. Hybrid Funds (20%-25%)
Include hybrid funds to balance equity and debt.

Retain ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund for stability and moderate returns.
3. Gold (5%-10%)
Continue investing in Nippon India ETF Gold BeES for diversification.

Proposed Allocation
To streamline your portfolio, allocate investments more strategically:

Large-Cap Equity Fund: Invest Rs. 4,000 monthly in a strong actively managed large-cap fund like Canara Robeco Bluechip Equity Fund. Large-cap funds provide stability and consistent growth for long-term goals.

Flexi-Cap Fund: Continue investing Rs. 4,000 monthly in Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund. This fund offers global diversification and a balanced approach to equity exposure.

Small-Cap Fund: Retain Nippon India Small Cap Fund and allocate Rs. 3,000 monthly. Small-cap funds add high-growth potential but keep the exposure minimal to manage risk.

Hybrid Fund: Allocate Rs. 5,000 monthly to ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund. This hybrid fund balances equity and debt exposure, providing stability with moderate growth.

Gold ETF: Continue Rs. 2,000 monthly in Nippon India ETF Gold BeES. Gold adds a hedge against inflation and enhances portfolio diversification.

Additional Recommendations
1. Debt Component for Stability
Consider short-term debt funds or liquid funds for low-risk capital appreciation.
These can be used for nearer-term educational needs like school fees.
2. Gradual SIP Increases
Increase SIPs by 10%-15% annually as your income grows.
This ensures your investments grow in tandem with inflation.
3. Portfolio Review and Rebalancing
Review your portfolio annually to evaluate performance.
Rebalance if any fund consistently underperforms for over 2-3 years.
4. Tax Planning
Retain an ELSS tax-saving fund to maximise tax benefits under Section 80C.
Final Insights
Your disciplined approach to securing your children's education is commendable. This revised portfolio offers a balanced mix of growth and stability. It ensures you can meet future education milestones confidently. Stay consistent, increase contributions periodically, and monitor performance regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7438 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 04, 2025Hindi
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Money
I have 60 lakhs inr as retirement money.Where to invest to generate an income of 40000-50000 plus appreciate the capital and im what ratio to invest to save the capital in case of a rainy day?
Ans: To generate a monthly income of Rs. 40,000 to Rs. 50,000 while preserving and appreciating your retirement corpus of Rs. 60 lakhs, it is crucial to follow a balanced and diversified investment strategy. Here's a comprehensive plan that balances income generation, capital appreciation, and safety for rainy-day needs:

Investment Allocation for Income and Capital Growth
1. Fixed Income Instruments (30%-40%)
Objective: Stable monthly income and capital protection.

Options:

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS): If you are 60+, invest up to Rs. 30 lakhs for quarterly payouts.
Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS): Offers reliable monthly income with low risk.
Bank Fixed Deposits (FD): Choose deposits with monthly interest payouts for stable cash flow.
Debt Mutual Funds: Consider high-quality short-term or dynamic bond funds for better tax efficiency and returns.
Approximate Allocation: Rs. 20-25 lakhs.

2. Equity Mutual Funds (40%-50%)
Objective: Long-term capital appreciation to counter inflation.

Options:

Balanced Advantage Funds (BAFs): Dynamically allocate between equity and debt for moderate risk.
Large Cap Funds: Focus on blue-chip companies for stability.
Multi-Cap Funds: Provide diversified exposure to large, mid, and small caps.
Approach: Start a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from equity funds after 3 years for tax-efficient income.

Approximate Allocation: Rs. 25-30 lakhs.

3. Emergency Fund (10%-15%)
Objective: Cover unforeseen expenses or emergencies.

Options:

Keep 6-12 months’ expenses in liquid funds or high-interest savings accounts.
Use short-term FDs or sweep accounts for easy access to funds.
Approximate Allocation: Rs. 6-9 lakhs.

4. Alternative Investment (Optional - 5%-10%)
Objective: Enhance portfolio diversification.

Options:

Gold ETFs/Sovereign Gold Bonds: Hedge against inflation and economic uncertainty.
Corporate Bonds or Non-Convertible Debentures (NCDs): Ensure AAA-rated for safety.
Approximate Allocation: Rs. 3-5 lakhs.

Monthly Income Strategy
Fixed Income Source: Use interest from SCSS, POMIS, and FDs for regular monthly cash flow.
Equity SWP: Start withdrawing Rs. 15,000-20,000 monthly after 3 years. This ensures tax efficiency and steady income.
Rainy-Day Protection
Maintain a liquid fund with Rs. 6-9 lakhs for quick access during emergencies.

Avoid locking too much in illiquid instruments like long-term FDs or property.

Points to Remember
Rebalance Annually: Review and adjust allocation to align with market conditions.
Tax Efficiency: Debt instruments like SCSS and POMIS are taxable. Equity funds offer LTCG tax benefits.
Inflation Adjustment: Reinvest surplus income to ensure your corpus grows with inflation.
Final Insights
A balanced mix of fixed income and equity can provide regular income and capital growth. Prioritise liquidity for emergencies while optimising tax efficiency. This approach ensures financial independence throughout retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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