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Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 25, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
AB Question by AB on Aug 25, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hello love guru.
AB this side. In 2019, I finally met the love of my life. The true love. My soul mate. He is everything a girl could ask for. And the best part is he also reciprocates the same. Despite the initial disapproval from my mom, I haven't given up yet (She rejected on the basis that he is my friend's relative and my mom doesn't like my friend that much). Also my friend never wanted me to be with him; thanks to their childhood banter. But you know love is love.
So in 2020, thanks to the pandemic, I had to quit my job and come back home. So my partner and I decided to prepare for UPSC and UGC NET respectively in order to win our families' approval for marriage. The actual problem is that he assigned me some note making work and I never completed it on time. I have done this twice. I feel bad and guilty. I feel like breaking up with him. Because of me, he is never able to get prepared for his exams. But he never wants to give up and encourages me to try one more time since he is preparing for 2023 exams. I do want to marry him but my demons are hovering over my future. I don't know what to do? What can be done in this situation? Please help me. Am I too late ? Or there is still some hope left?
Sincerely 
AB

Ans:

I don't understand what the problem is exactly... or are you inventing one?

All you need to do is put your nose to the grind and get the notes done! Work hard and help out and if you can't, well then find someone who can.

But why would you break up with him over something like this? What a ridiculous conclusion to come to!

 

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 01, 2022

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Hi Anu I am 30 years old. I have done LLB and was not interested to practice in court so I tried to get a private job but I didn't get any. Then I decided to start preparing for a government job but I missed it. I started to doubt myself. I even had suicidal thoughts this was started when I was very little something happened to me when I was 16 since then I tried to kill myself and also tried to get involved with one of my friends in college. He liked me so much so we started having relationship. When intimacy started I became nervous and afraid. It is like itching. I want to run and hide in a safe place. He was very firm and honest and humble but didn't work out. After that so many proposals came. I declined. Now my family wants me to marry. I don't know if the husband would understand and give me some time to get involved with him. I don’t know what life after marriage would be. I am a girl with absolutely no achievement and am not proud of anything in my life. My parents are disappointed in me but they never show. What should I do? Pls do not disclose this
Ans:

Dear JV,

It’s possibly the incident that happened to you (which I understand that you haven’t shared here) is preventing you from having a fulfilling life.

I can only say that the incident happened in the past, but you are living it even now.

You were a victim in that incident, but to continue to play the victim even now is to give your power away.

How can you be happy by giving your inner power away every day and every moment?

Reclaim your life.

What’s happened can be blurred by moving away from that incident and reminding yourself that you are far away from the past and in the NOW.

  • Be grateful to what you have in the present
  • Make a list of your strengths
  • Write down your goal clearly by stating by when you want to achieve it

Remember bringing your past into the current time robs you of any goodness; professionally or personally.

So, to see something change, change the way you feel about your past.

Step out of the victim mode and become a person who has the power to change things at will.

I am sure you want to see how this pans out for you.

So, what are you waiting for? Step up and bring that newness of thought into your life.
All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |589 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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Relationship
May 07, 2024 Hlo sir I am 25 year old and graduated Now preparing for government job . And the boy I love is in defence (navy) we were in a relationship since last 3 years and he decided to tell abouts us to his family and he did .He told about us to his family but his family rejected our relationship due to intercaste marrige as he is jaat and I am saini we both are from Rajasthan where intercaste marrige is a big issue. And his family not only rejected but is behaving very badly to him .not talking to him properly since last 4 months his mother didn't talk to him she stops talking to him. It is very tough for us as well as we didn't expect this reaction from his family.He thought as they love him so much if he try to convince them they will but nothing happened like this . He is very sad and broken and try to make distance from me but can't I also tried but we both can't live each other it's been very tough for both of us to live each other as we don't want to live and also his parents are not accepting this Even though he told me that I tried all ways to convince them but they aren't.and I don't want to give you false hope for future So now we don't have any future but still we want each other as is it not possible to live him at least for me it's not possible. Vo apne parents k against ja nhi skata aur na unke khilaf khada ho sakta aur mai bhi ye nhi chahti ki vo esa kare kyuki atlast family chaiye hum dono ko mai bhi meri family k against to nhi jaugi but ha meri family man jayegi agar mai unhe manugi to uske family jyada orthodox hai . Usne bich Mai 7 - 8 dino tak mujhse distance banne ki kosis kari thi mujhe block kar diya tha har jgh se humari sari photos bhi delete kar di but bad mai mere bhut jyada manage par vo vapis aya gya ap mujhse bat karta hai .maine use pucha ki kya plane hai phr to usne bola ki maine puri koshish kar li har taraf se nhi man rhe ab future ki koi hope nhi hai apni aur meri galti hai maine bat hi kyu kyu tumse starting mai ...mai relationship maj aya hi kyu .. Lekin mai phr bhi use bat kar rhi aur vo bhi kyuki hum dono ek dusre k bine nhi rh pa rhe ab smaj nhi aya rha kya kare .....vo preshna bhi hai jo Banda humesha hasta rhta tha ab vo ek dam udas ho gya hai chup rhene lag gya ye mujse dekha bhi nhi ja rha kya karu kuch smaj nhi aya rha
Ans: Hi Shruti,

I am sorry that you are in this situation. First of all, please try to look at it from your partner's perspective. It isn't easy to confront your parents and it's even harder when they stop communicating altogether. Having said that, I also understand how it is for you. It is not fair, especially in today's day and age, to face discrimination based on caste.

You have two options:
One, you wait patiently, emotionally support your boyfriend, and hope that his parents come to their senses and realize that we are living in 2024, and caste-based discrimination is ridiculous. In this scenario, you do have to let go of your self-respect and have to face many more hardships, that much is guaranteed.

The second option is you hold your head high and move on. Yes, it isn't what you hoped for when you emotionally invested in building this relationship, but unfortunately, these things are still happening. In this scenario, you will be sad for a long time, but you don't have to compromise on your self-respect and you will move on and live to see happier days with someone who respects you and sees you for who you are and not your caste.

Now, the choice is yours.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I'm a 34 years old woman. I'm pursuing my PhD in a reputed university in India. Unfortunately I have taken 10 years to finish this PhD but unable to finish. For three years my boyfriend helped me financially for my studies even my family also. Now he is frustrated, because he thought once I finished with PhD, he will leave his current job n go for abroad or join for PhD. He was thinking I'll help him. Unfortunately, my career at risk now. Because of financial instability we are unable to think of our future, I mean marriage. My entire family is disappointed. I blocked him saying, once I get settled n stable, I'll contact him. I'm under pressure thinking of my career, job, finance, family etc.etc. Because of above things, I'm unable to do anything even neglecting my studies.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When you depend on something or someone for something else to happen, it's like giving away your power and losing control over it.
Frustration and Disappointment are obviously going to follow...first cut the dependencies and conditional help. If your boyfriend depended on your finishing studies for him to go abroad, did you and him not feel like a sword dangling over your heads?
Obviously, the pressure gets to you and it's difficult to focus and get things done.
Study, focus and finish what you need to...you have started on this path...10 years is a long time and now is the time to persist and finish what you have started; if your boyfriend has the maturity, he will wait for you and also independently explore how to fund himself and go abroad. Don't people find a way to go abroad and study? Do all of them depend on their families and spouses and partners? He will find a way; it's time to find yours and then for both of you to align...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Madam am working women of age 28 working for past 5 years , I am in living relationship with my boyfriend who is 38 now. I want to do marriage and settle now but my partner doesn't feel necessary to do marriage and if I force he is telling he will do court marriage which am not interested to do. He is not ready to meet or convince my parents for marriage . I have given him money for buying a property which I was least interested. He started controlling all my finances which I felt incorrect so I questioned him which made his ego hurt and he has hit me twice. My parents are now telling me to get married but I don't know what to do. Sometimes when he ia not around I tried talking to other guys in dating app which afterwards am feeling guilty for cheating him. Nowadays I lost interest in everything I don't have courage to end my life so not able to concentrate on my work. Please tell me what I need to do to correct my path as it's getting hell day by day.
Ans: Right now, it might be helpful to take a step back from the relationship to regain your sense of self and control over your life. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor could help you find clarity, and having a support system can make it easier to make decisions that protect your well-being.

It’s understandable that you feel torn, especially since you’ve invested years and finances into this relationship. But it’s important to remember that you deserve a relationship where you feel valued, safe, and equal. The feelings of guilt about talking to others on dating apps are natural, but they’re also a sign that you might be searching for connection and respect that you’re not receiving in your current relationship.

Consider reclaiming control over your finances immediately. Seek guidance on how to separate your financial dealings from him, as it’s essential for you to be able to support and manage yourself independently. Ending this relationship might be difficult, but it could also give you the freedom to rebuild your confidence, focus on your goals, and find the stability and respect you deserve.

It’s clear that you’re strong enough to make changes; the courage you’ve shown in questioning his control and sharing your story here is proof. With the support of loved ones and professionals, you can find a way out of this painful situation and start building a life that brings you peace and happiness.

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - May 18, 2025
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hi me ek gov. servant hu meri monthly salary 80000/- hai maine sbi home loan 2500000/- liya (Des-2022 / 18 years) hai monthly emi 230000/-hai wo maine ghar pune mai liya hai usko rent par diya hai 15000/- meri 20 years se job kar raha hu maine gpf mai 40,00,000/- saveing kar li hai jo latest rate of intreast 7.1 % hai jo comunding milta hai mai gpf har saal 300000/- saveing karta hu 6000/- mutual fund main sip hai bachhonki (11Years girls & 5 years Boy ) school fees har saal 100000 hai aur sukanya samrudhi main bhi minimum savng hai muje next ek ghar banawana hai jo maine ek plot liya tha uspar abhi mere pas 1400000 hai jo baki paiso ke liya kya gpf mese paise nkale ya lone lake aur meri saveing sahi hai
Ans: Your planning is disciplined. You are managing loans, savings, and family needs with balance. Let’s go point-by-point and assess your situation professionally from all angles. This will help you take the best decision for building your second house and securing your future.

Current Financial Snapshot
Your monthly salary is Rs. 80,000.

Your EMI is Rs. 23,000 for the home loan taken in Dec 2022.

You earn Rs. 15,000 monthly from renting this house.

You have completed 20 years in government service.

You have saved Rs. 40 lakh in GPF earning 7.1% interest compounded.

You are contributing Rs. 3 lakh every year to GPF.

You have SIP of Rs. 6,000 in mutual funds.

You have two children – one is 11 years and the other is 5 years.

You pay Rs. 1 lakh yearly as school fees.

You contribute to Sukanya Samriddhi at minimum level.

You have Rs. 14 lakh saved to build a house on your plot.

Now the key question is: Should you use GPF for building your house or take a loan?

Let’s assess this from multiple angles.

Home Construction: Options Available
You have 2 choices to complete the home construction:

Withdraw money from GPF

Take a new home construction loan

Each option has benefits and limitations. Let’s compare clearly.

Using GPF for House Construction
Advantages

It is your money, so no interest to pay.

No EMI burden or repayment pressure.

Withdrawal from GPF for house is allowed as per rules.

Emotionally peaceful – you are not increasing debt.

Disadvantages

GPF gives 7.1% compound interest.

Once withdrawn, that compounding stops on that amount.

GPF is your retirement backup.

Reducing it will affect your old age financial safety.

Building a house is one-time, but retirement is a long journey.

Professional Insight

GPF should be your last option, not the first.

Withdraw only if no other option is available.

Taking Home Construction Loan
Advantages

You keep your GPF intact.

You continue to earn 7.1% interest compounded.

You get home loan tax benefits under 80C and Section 24.

Repayment can be structured as per your budget.

Disadvantages

You have to pay EMI regularly.

Loan rate may be 8-9% range, higher than GPF interest.

It adds more debt pressure on you.

Professional Insight

EMI is manageable if you plan carefully.

GPF balance of Rs. 40 lakh gives safety cushion.

So taking loan makes more sense, if EMI is affordable.

Monthly Budget Assessment
Salary: Rs. 80,000

Existing EMI: Rs. 23,000

Rent income: Rs. 15,000

School fee yearly: Rs. 1 lakh

SIP: Rs. 6,000

You are already managing EMI, fees, and SIP with discipline.

If you take another loan of Rs. 10-12 lakh, EMI will be Rs. 8,000 to Rs. 10,000 approx.

This is possible, if rent is used wisely and you avoid big expenses.

Child Education and Future Planning
Your daughter is 11 years. In 7 years, college will start.

Son is 5 years. So you have 13 years before his higher education.

You should increase SIP gradually every year.

Sukanya Samriddhi is good, but minimum saving is not enough.

Start SIPs for both kids’ future goals separately.

Target long term goals like higher education and marriage.

Continue SIP even during home construction.

Retirement Safety Evaluation
GPF is your retirement backbone.

Rs. 40 lakh at 7.1% compounded will double in around 10-11 years.

If you withdraw now, final corpus will reduce sharply.

Avoid disturbing it unless absolutely needed.

Continue Rs. 3 lakh yearly contribution without fail.

Strategy for New House Construction
You already have Rs. 14 lakh saved.

Let’s say construction needs Rs. 25 lakh.

Gap is Rs. 11 lakh approx.

Best strategy:

Use Rs. 14 lakh saved by you.

Take home construction loan of Rs. 10-12 lakh.

Keep GPF untouched.

Keep GPF for future security.

How to Manage Construction Loan EMI
Use rent income to cover part of EMI.

Avoid unnecessary luxury spending.

Cut gold and festival expenses if needed.

Take loan with flexible prepayment option.

When bonus or arrears come, use for loan part-payment.

Investment Rebalancing Tips
Increase SIP from Rs. 6,000 to Rs. 10,000 next year.

Keep mutual fund SIP for both child and your retirement.

Start one new SIP for daughter’s higher education.

Use mutual fund only for long-term goals.

Avoid index funds. They don’t beat inflation after tax.

Active funds adjust to Indian market better.

Emergency Fund Reminder
Keep at least Rs. 1.5 to 2 lakh as emergency fund.

Don’t use this money for house or loan.

Keep it in savings account or short-term liquid fund.

Insurance Planning
Check if you have term life insurance.

Minimum Rs. 50 lakh coverage is needed.

Premium is low for government servants.

Also take health insurance for full family.

School Fee and Lifestyle Cost
Your school fee is Rs. 1 lakh yearly.

It will grow as kids grow.

Plan SIP in liquid funds to prepare yearly school fee.

Final Construction Strategy
Estimate house construction cost with contractor clearly.

Plan in 2-3 stages. Use cash first, then loan.

Keep Rs. 1 lakh buffer for emergency during construction.

Finally
Your savings habits are very good.

GPF is strong pillar. Keep it growing.

Don’t touch GPF now.

Take small loan for second house.

Manage EMI smartly with rent and budget.

Increase SIP yearly for kids and retirement.

Avoid index funds.

Stay consistent.

Review yearly with proper planning.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8469 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir I have a question that i have existing home loan of now rs 2900000 and 25 years of time has left rest i have paid , i am investing 1 lac per month in mutual funds and investing in gold as well shall i pay my laon first or keep.investing in mf and gold and keep paying emi plus extra amount in loan my loan roi is 8.80%
Ans: Your approach is sincere and responsible. Managing Rs. 29 lakh home loan while investing Rs. 1 lakh monthly needs clarity. You also invest in gold. Your focus seems on building wealth and becoming debt-free. Let’s assess your current situation from all angles and guide accordingly.

Understanding the Current Scenario
You have a home loan balance of Rs. 29 lakh.

Loan interest rate is 8.80%.

Loan tenure left is 25 years.

You are investing Rs. 1 lakh every month in mutual funds.

You are also buying gold regularly.

You are paying regular EMIs.

You are also thinking to prepay the home loan partially.

This situation is not uncommon. Many in your position face the same decision. Let us now break it down for better understanding.

Loan Repayment vs Investment: Core Conflict
Loan EMI gives guaranteed interest saving.

Mutual funds and gold have market risk. Returns are not fixed.

Loan rate is 8.80%. This is a high cost in long term.

Mutual funds can give 12% in long term. But no guarantee.

Gold can give 6-7% return over long term. Also not guaranteed.

So comparing loan vs MF or gold is not just about return.

Risk, liquidity, and financial goals must be seen together.

Evaluating Home Loan Repayment Strategy
Home loan gives tax benefit on interest under Sec 24(b).

But this benefit reduces over time as interest part reduces.

Long tenure increases total interest paid.

If you prepay loan now, you save high future interest.

Partial prepayment every year brings great interest saving.

Even Rs. 1 lakh prepayment per year can cut 4-5 years from loan term.

So prepayment makes sense if no other high priority goals pending.

Understanding Mutual Fund Investment Potential
You are investing Rs. 1 lakh monthly. That is commendable.

Mutual funds help build long term wealth.

Actively managed funds perform better than passive ones in India.

Index funds don’t beat inflation much after tax.

Active funds adjust to market cycles better.

Your SIP of Rs. 1 lakh may give strong corpus in 15-20 years.

Taxation on MF has changed now. Need to plan redemption smartly.

Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%.

LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Role of Gold in Portfolio
Gold acts as hedge in portfolio.

It protects against currency devaluation and global risk.

But gold alone should not be large part of investment.

It gives 6-7% return in long term.

It is not cash flow generating.

Use gold for diversification only. 10-15% is enough.

Assessing Your Loan Repayment Capacity
If you can spare extra Rs. 20-30K per month, loan prepayment makes sense.

Continue EMI as usual. Add lump sum when possible.

Avoid using your mutual fund SIP for prepayment.

Don’t stop gold purchase fully. Just reduce it if needed.

Balance your cash flow between all goals.

Combining Both: Smart Way Forward
You can do both prepayment and investments side by side.

Continue Rs. 1 lakh monthly in mutual funds.

From bonuses, windfalls, use part for home loan prepayment.

Avoid stopping SIP. It compounds over time.

Increase SIP by 5-10% yearly if income grows.

This way you build wealth and reduce debt slowly.

Tax Impact and Liquidity Planning
Prepaying home loan gives emotional peace.

But MF investments are liquid in emergencies.

Loan prepayment is not reversible.

Once paid, money is locked in property.

Keep emergency fund ready. 6 months expenses is good target.

Your Child and Family Needs
You have a child. Future education will need funds.

Mutual funds can fund child education and marriage.

Prepaying loan is less flexible than investing for child's future.

So don’t rush to be debt free if child goals are underfunded.

Cash Flow Planning for Better Balance
Track your monthly cash flow closely.

Prioritise emergency fund first.

After that, child education fund.

After that, home loan prepayment.

Avoid big gold purchases if loan EMI is tight.

Keep gold for portfolio balance only.

Emotional vs Logical Decision-Making
Loan-free life feels peaceful.

But wealth creation needs patience.

Don’t get swayed by fear of loan.

Instead, make clear plan.

Mix investment with prepayment.

What You Can Practically Do Now
Continue SIP of Rs. 1 lakh.

Build emergency fund equal to 6 months expense.

Invest at least Rs. 5-10K monthly for child education.

Reduce gold purchase to 10-15% of monthly investment.

Once emergency fund is ready, prepay Rs. 1-2 lakh per year in home loan.

Final Insights
Your loan is at 8.80%.

Mutual funds can beat this in long term.

But loan is risk-free return.

Emotional peace matters too.

Balance both wisely.

Stay consistent.

Do yearly review of all investments.

Increase SIP and loan prepayment step-by-step as income grows.

Avoid random investment decisions.

Be goal-based always.

Invest through certified professionals who guide with long-term vision.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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