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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 15, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I'm a 34 years old woman. I'm pursuing my PhD in a reputed university in India. Unfortunately I have taken 10 years to finish this PhD but unable to finish. For three years my boyfriend helped me financially for my studies even my family also. Now he is frustrated, because he thought once I finished with PhD, he will leave his current job n go for abroad or join for PhD. He was thinking I'll help him. Unfortunately, my career at risk now. Because of financial instability we are unable to think of our future, I mean marriage. My entire family is disappointed. I blocked him saying, once I get settled n stable, I'll contact him. I'm under pressure thinking of my career, job, finance, family etc.etc. Because of above things, I'm unable to do anything even neglecting my studies.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When you depend on something or someone for something else to happen, it's like giving away your power and losing control over it.
Frustration and Disappointment are obviously going to follow...first cut the dependencies and conditional help. If your boyfriend depended on your finishing studies for him to go abroad, did you and him not feel like a sword dangling over your heads?
Obviously, the pressure gets to you and it's difficult to focus and get things done.
Study, focus and finish what you need to...you have started on this path...10 years is a long time and now is the time to persist and finish what you have started; if your boyfriend has the maturity, he will wait for you and also independently explore how to fund himself and go abroad. Don't people find a way to go abroad and study? Do all of them depend on their families and spouses and partners? He will find a way; it's time to find yours and then for both of you to align...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |523 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am dealing with brkup its been 2 months its mutual because he is bhramin his parents will not allow intercaste and for me its not possible to settle in place where he lives . its almost 3-4 year of relationship from my age of 18 he was there with my i lost my father during corona he took care of me , he stayed by my side he is not upto the mark but still he is always there for me after that i leave that state where both we stayed and we did long distance for 2 years but now as he come to know his parents are way more strict he dont want to hurts his parents and even my reason that i have to compromise lot carrrer difference and all. As i lost my father at age of 18 i cry lot every one day gap during my relationship also i was so anxious , and some times due to family problems i always used to be disturbed and dont want to live sometimeslike sucidal thoughts and all but at the time of relationship i share all this to him and i feel okay and got back to my study as he motivates me little . but now after brkup i dont have any real friends , i cant talk to any one neither any person messeges me my depression is becoming more big now we are in no contact for some days but again we talk and again we are in no contact he feels like he is in guilt becos he hurted me and made me miserable also he dont think about any other relation ship whatever his parents will bring he will do but for me not that case becos we dont have nay guardian i have to in my own actually we are not that big for marriage but we thought of future more and brkup becos of i have to find some one right we are 21 also my campus placements are coming his neet pg is coming but my heart cries every day i feel choked , i cried , choked and hurt my head it happens often but i still think we can not talk becos how can we move on from some body we talk but my depression at peak level i msg him with bigtext with all that goin on my life. should we talk ? as their is no rush to find other person we have to first focus on career how can we set boundaries? though if i talk i mak eme feel someone i can talk and make me releif at the sam etime it hurts if i dont talk also its hurts more as i ahve no one to talk with . he insisted me that we can be friends i can see u like this he wants me to be happy he feel he did the sin to me. Pls tell what will be good for me how can i be little releif what should i should i talk treat or my depression how ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is tough. I am also glad you found someone to share your pain with at that moment. Coming to your dilemma- whether you should be in touch with him- I understand that it is a great relief to talk to him, but that is momentary, isn't it? You cannot continue doing this if you two are broken up. Even though he is not planning to get married right away, the problem is that he will someday. Plus, more often than not, one person moves on faster than the other, and in your case, if it's him, it will hurt more. The right thing to do is sit and have a clear conversation. Discuss the possibility of getting back together. Ask what is in his mind and express what's in yours. But going in this circle will only hurt you more; maybe not today, but someday it will.

Now, coming to your depression, I would suggest sharing your pain with close friends but you mentioned you have none. That is not uncommon. Not all of us are blessed with it. In that case, I recommend seeing a professional therapist. There is absolutely no shame in it. Rather it will help you in sorting your feelings. Finally, you can take care of them without relying on your ex. I am sure you are doing a wonderful job in managing your depression but a professional counselor can help you come out of this in a more structured way. Please consider it. If you are not comfortable seeing someone in person, there are several counselors available online. Just try it once and see how that makes you feel.

Remember we all need help occasionally. You are amazing and you do not have to hold everything together alone.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |533 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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Madam am working women of age 28 working for past 5 years , I am in living relationship with my boyfriend who is 38 now. I want to do marriage and settle now but my partner doesn't feel necessary to do marriage and if I force he is telling he will do court marriage which am not interested to do. He is not ready to meet or convince my parents for marriage . I have given him money for buying a property which I was least interested. He started controlling all my finances which I felt incorrect so I questioned him which made his ego hurt and he has hit me twice. My parents are now telling me to get married but I don't know what to do. Sometimes when he ia not around I tried talking to other guys in dating app which afterwards am feeling guilty for cheating him. Nowadays I lost interest in everything I don't have courage to end my life so not able to concentrate on my work. Please tell me what I need to do to correct my path as it's getting hell day by day.
Ans: Right now, it might be helpful to take a step back from the relationship to regain your sense of self and control over your life. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor could help you find clarity, and having a support system can make it easier to make decisions that protect your well-being.

It’s understandable that you feel torn, especially since you’ve invested years and finances into this relationship. But it’s important to remember that you deserve a relationship where you feel valued, safe, and equal. The feelings of guilt about talking to others on dating apps are natural, but they’re also a sign that you might be searching for connection and respect that you’re not receiving in your current relationship.

Consider reclaiming control over your finances immediately. Seek guidance on how to separate your financial dealings from him, as it’s essential for you to be able to support and manage yourself independently. Ending this relationship might be difficult, but it could also give you the freedom to rebuild your confidence, focus on your goals, and find the stability and respect you deserve.

It’s clear that you’re strong enough to make changes; the courage you’ve shown in questioning his control and sharing your story here is proof. With the support of loved ones and professionals, you can find a way out of this painful situation and start building a life that brings you peace and happiness.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |533 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 16, 2024

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I want to ask question I'm in relationship of 10 years ,happy relationship he care for me I do also.. but as soon as I ask about marriage we start arguing he said his family is not agree due to caste issue he can't marry .. I can't move on I'm the one who is begging to stay and get married .. I daily calls him msgs him that don't left me .. I don't know I'm doing write or wrong.he is ignoring my problem I'm mentally sick now I'm in depression now
Ans: It sounds like you’re in a very painful and confusing situation. Being in a relationship for 10 years, especially when there’s love and care involved, makes it incredibly difficult to face the possibility of it not leading to marriage, especially because of family or caste issues. It’s understandable that you’re feeling mentally exhausted and depressed from trying to hold onto a relationship that seems uncertain when it comes to the future.

From what you’ve shared, it seems like you’ve invested a lot into this relationship, but your boyfriend is unable or unwilling to take the next step due to his family’s disapproval. The fact that he isn’t making efforts to address this problem and seems to be avoiding the issue is deeply concerning, especially since it’s affecting your mental health. Begging him to stay or to get married can make you feel powerless, especially when you’re the only one pushing for a resolution.

What you're feeling is valid—after 10 years together, it’s natural to want clarity and commitment. But if he continues to avoid dealing with the caste issue or refuses to stand up to his family, it suggests that he may not be as committed to the future you envision. You should not have to beg for commitment in a relationship that’s meant to be equal and supportive.

At this point, it’s important to consider your own well-being. Staying in a situation that is causing you so much distress is not healthy, especially when your efforts are not being reciprocated. You deserve a partner who is willing to confront challenges with you and who values your mental and emotional health.

It might help to take a step back, focus on yourself, and consider whether this relationship, as it stands now, is worth the pain it’s causing. If his family’s opposition is insurmountable for him, and he’s not willing to fight for the relationship, you may need to ask yourself whether staying is truly what's best for you. Surrounding yourself with support—friends, family, or even a therapist—might help you regain clarity and rebuild your mental strength.

You deserve love, respect, and a partner who is fully committed to you without hesitation or excuses.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 01, 2024Hindi
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Janak

Janak Patel  |15 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2025Hindi
Money
Advice Needed: Transitioning Back to India & Financial Planning Hello, I’m currently in the process of transitioning back to India after spending the last 15 years abroad. My family includes my wife (early 30s) and our 1-year-old baby. We are staying with my parents for now but are planning to move into a larger, more comfortable residence, either by buying or renting. I’d love to hear some perspectives on my financial situation, as I’m trying to figure out the best course of action in this new chapter. Here’s a quick summary of where I stand: 1. Cash Savings: We’re consolidating assets from both India and abroad, and will have about ₹4 crore in liquid funds. 2. Retirement Savings: I have a PPF-equivalent account of around ₹70 lakhs, which I can only access at age 65. I’m hoping the modest returns from this will be sufficient for my retirement. 3. Inherited Assets: I’ve inherited ancestral properties valued around ₹30 crore. I’m not planning to liquidate these assets or touch them for at least the next 10 years. 4. Career: I work in IT and expect a salary of about ₹1.3 lakh per month (after tax) in India. My wife is in the early stages of her career, so we’re still deciding whether she will work here or possibly start her own small business. Given all of this, here’s where I’m at: * Investment options: I’m considering investing the ₹4 crore in commercial real estate to generate passive income. I’ve seen a couple of properties with rental guarantees of ₹1.5 lakh per month, with a 5% annual increase. * Housing preference: My family prefers to live in a gated community, so I’m not really inclined to invest in residential property for passive income. * Housing decision: Should I buy an apartment or villa now, betting on my career certainty here, or focus on creating more financial freedom first before making career moves in India? In my heart, I feel that achieving financial independence should be my first priority before diving into career opportunities or starting a business here. What would you do in my situation? I'd love to hear your thoughts or any advice you can offer!
Ans: Hi,

Welcome back to India and Congratulations on taking this big decision to move back to India.

Before I start my response to your queries, just want you to know we share a couple of things in common. I was abroad for a considerable time and returned back to India and I was also in the IT field at that time, before I moved ship to Personal Finance and Financial Planning. So I can relate to some of your concerns, queries and thought process in that regard.

This may be a bit long but hopefully its helpful.
Your current Financial summary -
Cash/Liquid funds - INR 4 Crores
PPF equivalent - INR 70 Lakhs available at age 65
Inherited properties - valued at INR 30 crores no plan to liquidate as of now
Salary/Income - INR 1.3 lakhs per month in hand

As a few critical data points are not mentioned but with few indicators in queries, I will make some assumptions for the same - Age 37 years, Location for housing/work - Metro/2nd tier city.

Lets get a couple of things kept aside for this discussion -
PPF equivalent - INR 70 lakhs > for retirement can grow to an amount between INR 2 Crores (@4% returns) to INR 4.5 Crores (@7% returns), will cover this again when I mention Retirement below.
Inherited Properties - as there is no plan for liquidation, excluding this completely.

Decisions to be made -
1. Investment Options
2. Housing Buy/Rent
3. Financial freedom/independence

Lets go through each of these and I will add more for your consideration as they will have a weightage on all future decisions.

1. Investment Options
A> Commercial real estate with investment on INR 4 Crores and return of INR 1.5 lakhs per month
Pros -
Regular month income
Commercial Real Estate asset

Cons -
Return on Investment is 4.5% before reducing charges for maintenance, may be below 4% net in hand
Rental Income is taxable (added to other incomes and taxed as per slab rate) expect highest tax rate of 30% as total income will exceed INR 30 lakhs (Salary + rent)
All available funds will be deployed

Note - Commercial real estate appreciation is primarily based on location. Capital gains on Commercial real estate attract tax at 20% as of now.

B> Lets consider an alternative approach assuming investment is for a long term which is usually for real estate assets e.g. 20 years
Invest INR 4 Crores in Mutual funds.
A well diversified portfolio can generate 12% returns over the long term. The Corpus after 20 years will be over INR 38 Crores.

But considering your requirement for a monthly income from this investment, lets do another approach. Split your Investment.
Invest INR 2 Crores in a well diversified Mutual Funds portfolio expecting a 12% return - Corpus at the end of 20 years = INR 19+ crores
For regular income, Invest INR 2 Crores in Balanced Advantage mutual funds and considering a modest return of 10% (last 10 years data will show higher returns). Keep investment for 1 year before withdrawing to attract Long term Capital Gains tax (tax efficient approach). After 1 year you can receive INR 1.5 lakhs per month (increasing at 5% annually) for the next 20 years.

Pros -
Investment generates higher rate of return, Corpus growing/compounding at 12% return
Regular month income
Investment returns are more tax efficient
Flexibility to deploy all or partial funds towards building a corpus
Corpus can be liquidated in future much faster and easily than Real estate

Cons -
No real estate asset

Recommendation - Approach B is recommended as this will provide liquidity and appreciation towards wealth creation. This will also provide availability of funds for a new venture as and when required if that becomes a viable option in the future.

2. Housing Buy/Rent
If you plan to stay in India for long and settle down (not clearly indicated considering career options), you can consider buying a house property. But if the work location is not what you believe to be the place where you would like to settle down, then start with a Rental option and over time reconsider location for buying option.

Buying Property
Pros -
Asset is generated
Stability of residence if/when self occupied
Some amount of tax deductions/exemptions can be claimed if Loan is taken

Cons -
A large amount of funds required/blocked for full payment / partial payment (with loan)
EMI on Loan reduces income/funds in hand
EMI is much higher than rent
Locked to the property, change will be expensive

Renting Property
Pros -
Capital is not deployed immediately
Rent can be claimed for tax benefits
Provide opportunity to consider long term housing decision
Difference between EMI and Rent can be Invested to generate a good corpus
Flexibility to move jobs across locations

Cons
No Asset is generated
Rent is an expense
No sense of ownership in the house you stay

So in summary, the decision is more individual and how you perceive the house property as an asset. For flexibility to settle down in your career in India I can recommend to start with a Rental option and I am sure in a few years you will know where and what to buy (if at all) towards your house property. Also Location is again critical towards budget and type of housing to consider.

3. Financial freedom/independence
This is probably more important than we realize. With time if we accumulate debt through loans, and expenses, this is one goal which takes a back seat.
Assuming you have worked on the above 2 goals and finalized your options/approach for them, I would strongly recommend you plan your monthly expenses and cash in/outflows to understand what amount you have in hand that can be considered towards savings for the future.
With a long road ahead in your work life (another 20+ years), Asset allocation needs to be considered when planning to deploy your savings. Equity based investment can provide health returns for investments that are for more than 7 years and a well diversified Mutual Fund portfolio can achieve this. For requirements within 5-7 years do consider debt products to park your money and earn modest returns giving priority to liquidity and safety.

Few very important points are not mentioned but I would like to highlight and you should start considering them immediately.

1. Life Insurance - Buy a Term Life plan for yourself and once your wife starts earning, for her too. The amount needs to be calculated and my final recommendation (last para below) will cover this. Start with INR 50 lakhs and keep adding based on the Financial plan.

2. Health Insurance - Buy a good coverage for Family (even though you may have some with your employer). Recommend to go upto 1 Crore (and there are multiple options Base cover + Top-up covers for this).

3. Emergency Funds - Keep aside at least 6-9 months of expenses as emergency funds in a safe and liquid investment e.g. Fixed Deposits.

4. Your child's education - Within another 1.5 years schooling (pre-primary) will start and the education expenses are not as easily managed now. They will require a plan as they escalate very quickly as the child moves towards higher levels of education. Education inflation is in the range of 12% ~ 15% on average. So depending on what your decide for the school/education institute, this becomes a considerable amount and if unplanned may erode your corpus very quickly.

5. Though you have mentioned Retirement briefly, the PPF-equivalent amount will not be sufficient for retirement. Retirement typically at 60 years of age demands a corpus to cover the next 20-25 years of lifespan. Considering inflation may be just getting covered by the modest returns on your INR 70 lakhs fund, you are definitely short on the retirement side.

As you can see we have not considered the inherited property in this discussion, it can have a considerable impact towards your over financial plan.

Though I have provided some responses to your individual queries, this will still need a more comprehensive Financial Planning.
Hence I strongly recommend you approach a Certified Financial Planner and go through the process to arrive at a Financial plan which will be in sync with your Life plan. A CFP will take into account all aspects of your personal preferences and guide you towards various options and alternatives you can consider. The comprehensive Financial plan will include/cover all aspects of Investment management, Risk management (life and health Insurance), Retirement planning and Tax management - a tax efficient approach towards your requirements. Please remember just as Life is ever changing and evolving for each of us, so will your Financial plan require the changes and evolution to stay relevant for you, and this is where a CFP will add the most value when you have a long association. A CFP will plan and re-plan your goals and its requirements over the years and provide options and recommend the amounts and product categories to consider for each of them.

Best wishes for you to settle down and hope the above has provided a start towards it.

Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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