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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |260 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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Shruti Question by Shruti on May 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

May 07, 2024 Hlo sir I am 25 year old and graduated Now preparing for government job . And the boy I love is in defence (navy) we were in a relationship since last 3 years and he decided to tell abouts us to his family and he did .He told about us to his family but his family rejected our relationship due to intercaste marrige as he is jaat and I am saini we both are from Rajasthan where intercaste marrige is a big issue. And his family not only rejected but is behaving very badly to him .not talking to him properly since last 4 months his mother didn't talk to him she stops talking to him. It is very tough for us as well as we didn't expect this reaction from his family.He thought as they love him so much if he try to convince them they will but nothing happened like this . He is very sad and broken and try to make distance from me but can't I also tried but we both can't live each other it's been very tough for both of us to live each other as we don't want to live and also his parents are not accepting this Even though he told me that I tried all ways to convince them but they aren't.and I don't want to give you false hope for future So now we don't have any future but still we want each other as is it not possible to live him at least for me it's not possible. Vo apne parents k against ja nhi skata aur na unke khilaf khada ho sakta aur mai bhi ye nhi chahti ki vo esa kare kyuki atlast family chaiye hum dono ko mai bhi meri family k against to nhi jaugi but ha meri family man jayegi agar mai unhe manugi to uske family jyada orthodox hai . Usne bich Mai 7 - 8 dino tak mujhse distance banne ki kosis kari thi mujhe block kar diya tha har jgh se humari sari photos bhi delete kar di but bad mai mere bhut jyada manage par vo vapis aya gya ap mujhse bat karta hai .maine use pucha ki kya plane hai phr to usne bola ki maine puri koshish kar li har taraf se nhi man rhe ab future ki koi hope nhi hai apni aur meri galti hai maine bat hi kyu kyu tumse starting mai ...mai relationship maj aya hi kyu .. Lekin mai phr bhi use bat kar rhi aur vo bhi kyuki hum dono ek dusre k bine nhi rh pa rhe ab smaj nhi aya rha kya kare .....vo preshna bhi hai jo Banda humesha hasta rhta tha ab vo ek dam udas ho gya hai chup rhene lag gya ye mujse dekha bhi nhi ja rha kya karu kuch smaj nhi aya rha

Ans: Hi Shruti,

I am sorry that you are in this situation. First of all, please try to look at it from your partner's perspective. It isn't easy to confront your parents and it's even harder when they stop communicating altogether. Having said that, I also understand how it is for you. It is not fair, especially in today's day and age, to face discrimination based on caste.

You have two options:
One, you wait patiently, emotionally support your boyfriend, and hope that his parents come to their senses and realize that we are living in 2024, and caste-based discrimination is ridiculous. In this scenario, you do have to let go of your self-respect and have to face many more hardships, that much is guaranteed.

The second option is you hold your head high and move on. Yes, it isn't what you hoped for when you emotionally invested in building this relationship, but unfortunately, these things are still happening. In this scenario, you will be sad for a long time, but you don't have to compromise on your self-respect and you will move on and live to see happier days with someone who respects you and sees you for who you are and not your caste.

Now, the choice is yours.

Best Wishes!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |294 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2023Hindi
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Hi Ma'am, I have been in a relationship for almost a decade now i.e. since graduation and now me and my bf are doing good in our respective jobs. Since we come from different religions, we have been trying to convince our family very much for last two years to let us happen and get married and in these scenarios during covid I lost my father too now that it's just me and my mom and my elder sister due to societal pressure also they were not agreeing for us but then I could feel now that his family was some how just dragging us showing fake acceptance for me but still being very orthodox but in this process me and my bf got committed to each other very seriously in terms of physical ways but now his family is completely denying the fact that they don't us to happen and are literally forcing his son to marry in their caste. On this thing, the guy is trying to make me understand with false accusations that it's not his family butine which doesn't want us to proceed since my family wanted a mutual ways of marriage and not just his culture thing or else court marriage was the last opt but my guy is saying no I can never go against my family this and that you better understand and I don't know I'm feeling very cheated that now at this stage after being this close where he should have been standing strong with me he's pushing me to set back I don't know iam so clueless I got no energy to get back to being productive in my life or something whereas this acts of his and his family's forcible nature is somehow triggering me to opt for legal methods....I need guidance it's all dark for me and feeling too used.
Ans: Hello Dear,
I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your relationship. It's a complex and emotionally charged situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused It's okay to take some time for self-reflection and self-care. Understand and acknowledge your emotions before making any decisions. Give yourself the space to process the situation and its impact on your well-being. Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings. Share your concerns, fears, and expectations. Encourage him to express his feelings and concerns as well. Effective communication is crucial at this stage. Reflect on your priorities and values in a relationship. Consider whether the current situation aligns with what you envision for your future. Be honest with yourself about what you need and deserve in a partnership. If you're contemplating legal steps, it's advisable to seek legal advice to understand the implications and options available to you. Consult with a lawyer who can provide guidance based on your specific situation and laws. While it's crucial to address the relationship concerns, also focus on your personal growth and well-being. Pursue activities that bring you joy, engage in self-improvement, and consider your long-term goals. Assess whether the relationship is healthy and supportive. Consider whether both partners are willing to work through challenges and make compromises for the well-being of the relationship. Establish clear boundaries for yourself. Determine what you are willing to accept and what you cannot tolerate in the relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being. If both families are open to it, consider seeking the help of a mediator or counselor who can facilitate discussions and help find common ground. Mediation can be a constructive way to address conflicts and find solutions.
Ultimately, prioritize your own happiness and well-being. If the relationship is causing you significant distress, it's important to evaluate whether it's a healthy and fulfilling partnership for you. it's okay to seek professional help or legal advice if needed. Making decisions about your future can be challenging, but it's crucial to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. If you find it difficult to navigate these issues on your own, seeking guidance from professionals or supportive friends can make a significant difference.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

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Relationship
Hi sir I want your advice as I don't know what to do and how to handle I am in long distance relationship with a guy who is in navy since 3 years .He told to his parents about our relationship buy they rejected because off intercaste and all usko bhut kuch sunaya aur ba vo use bat bhi nhi kar rhe pichle 4 mahino se usko mumy use bat gak nhi kar rhi aur use ghar vale uske liye ladki bhi search karne lag gye taki shadi karva de khi aur Is bich vo mujhe ab distance bna rha dur ho rha mujhse dhere dhere mer khane par bat kar rha bs aur.bol rha ab Humara koi future nhi hai isliye acha hoga ab hum bag nhi kare but mai uske bina nhi rhe la rhi bhut buri halat ho rhi meri uske bina vo mer khane par bat kar rha kar vo bhut jyada preshna hai samj nhi aya rha kya karo kese thik karu sab
Ans: Dear Shruti,
Kya haasil hoga tumhe itna pareshaan hoke? Jab ladke ne faisla le hi liya hai ki woh apne maa-pitaa ki hi sunega, toh aise ladke se tumne shaadi bhi kar li toh khushi toh door, har chote se chote faisle bhi uske maa-pitaa hi lenge aur tumhe kabhi shaadi mein apne pati ki madad nahin milegi.
Toh agar woh tumhe door karne lagaa hai, toh yeh baat saaf hai ki woh tumhare liye ya tum dodno ke rishte se zyaada apne maa-pitaa ki baat hi sunega. Aise aadmi se sambandh badhaane se accha yahi hai ki tum apni zindagi jiyo apni tareeke joh kisi ke mohtaaj nahin hai...Apna future khud banao...Aur haan, zindagi toh chati hi rehti hai, bhale hi woh shaks tumahri zindagi ka hissa ho ya na ho...

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |260 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

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Relationship
Hi sir I want your advice as I don't know what to do and how to handle I am in long distance relationship with a guy who is in navy since 3 years .He told to his parents about our relationship buy they rejected because off intercaste and all usko bhut kuch sunaya aur ba vo use bat bhi nhi kar rhe pichle 4 mahino se usko mumy use bat gak nhi kar rhi aur use ghar vale uske liye ladki bhi search karne lag gye taki shadi karva de khi aur Is bich vo mujhe ab distance bna rha dur ho rha mujhse dhere dhere mer khane par bat kar rha bs aur.bol rha ab Humara koi future nhi hai isliye acha hoga ab hum bag nhi kare but mai uske bina nhi rhe la rhi bhut buri halat ho rhi meri uske bina vo mer khane par bat kar rha kar vo bhut jyada preshna hai samj nhi aya rha kya karo kese thik karu sab Usne mujhe har jgh se block kar diya gha ek bar par mere manane par aya hai but ab na mere number save kar rha na Instagram par follow kar rha kuch nhi maine jab bola to bolta hai bat ho rhi na bs
Ans: Dear Shruti,

I am sorry that you are in this situation. First of all, please try to look at it from your partner's perspective. It isn't easy to confront your parents and it's even harder when they stop communicating altogether. Having said that, I also understand how it is for you. It is not fair, especially in today's day and age, to face discrimination based on caste.

You have two options:
One, you wait patiently, emotionally support your boyfriend, and hope that his parents come to their senses and realize that we are living in 2024, and caste-based discrimination is ridiculous. In this scenario, you do have to let go of your self-respect and have to face many more hardships, that much is guaranteed.

The second option is you hold your head high and move on. Yes, it isn't what you hoped for when you emotionally invested in building this relationship, but unfortunately, these things are still happening. In this scenario, you will be sad for a long time, but you don't have to compromise on your self-respect and you will move on and live to see happier days with someone who respects you and sees you for who you are and not your caste.

Now, the choice is yours.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |294 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, I am in relationship with a guy who is from different caste. It's been three years but his family is not agreeing due to family status and intercaste. My family is ready as I am the eldest daughter of my family and unturned 30 this year. I have no time but he can't marry me without his parents concent. My family is searching a boy for my marriage. I can't marry with another guy. what shall I do to marry him to convince his family or what should he do his monther is so rigid. Please ???? support us what should we do? Two lives will be spoiled bcz of this. The only problem is upper and lower caste.
Ans: Navigating a relationship where cultural norms and family expectations conflict is challenging, but it's crucial to approach it with empathy and patience.
You're deeply committed to your partner despite the pressure from his family due to caste differences. While your family supports your marriage, his family, especially his mother, is firm in their opposition. You're also facing time constraints and societal pressure, making the situation urgent and stressful.
Your partner needs to have ongoing, respectful conversations with his parents, emphasizing your love and commitment. He should explain why you are the right person for him and how you positively impact his life. Understanding and addressing their specific concerns, whether they are about societal judgment or family honor, is crucial.
Sharing personal stories and demonstrating the depth of your bond can help his parents see beyond the caste issue. Highlighting your shared values and how you both support each other can make your relationship more relatable to them.
Seek help from a trusted family member or friend who can mediate and help his parents see the relationship from a new perspective. A respected family elder who has navigated similar challenges can also be influential.
Changing deep-seated beliefs takes time. Your partner should continue to gently and persistently show his parents that his happiness lies with you. Patience will be key as they may need time to adjust to the idea
Engage with support groups or counselors experienced in intercaste relationships. They can provide valuable advice and emotional support.
Discuss potential scenarios if his parents don’t approve. Consider whether options like elopement or giving them time to come around could work for both of you. These conversations should be open and honest to ensure mutual understanding.

Throughout this process, maintain strong communication and support each other emotionally. Navigating these challenges together will strengthen your bond and help you both find a path forward that honors your relationship and family ties.

..Read more

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