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Should I Support My Wife's Decision to Quit Her Job Even Though I Fear Regret?

Aamish

Aamish Dhingra  |15 Answers  |Ask -

Life Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2025

Aamish Dhingra is a life coach, educationalist and founder of Cocoweave Coaching International, which provides professional training to empower individuals and organisations.
With over seven years of experience in human resources, he specialises in corporate training, life coaching services and team coaching. His expertise lies in solving complex problems, leading innovative projects and delivering impactful solutions that drive growth and transformation.
Aamish completed his BBA (bachelor of business administration) from Amity University and MBA from Jamia Hamdard University, both in Noida.
He holds a PCC (professional certified coach) certification from the International Coaching Federation, USA, and a credentialed practitioner of coaching certification from the International Coach Guild, Australia.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025Hindi
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I am working in a psu and getting around 80k monthly and my wife is working at tata steel and getting around 60k. We both live in different cities around 330km away. My child who is 3.5 yrs old stays with my wife. At present my wife is having a backache. Along with houshold chore and job , she found it very difficult to manage , hence she wants to resign from job. Everybody out there who is listening this giving a red flag. I as a husband supporting her decision but i have fear that in future if regrets about her decision then what will happen. As a husband what should i do. She jas the opinion that after resign i wll do something onilne course and start something. In this scenario what I should prioritise?

Ans: It’s natural to worry about your wife’s future regrets, but the key here is to focus on her immediate well-being. Managing a job, a household, and a child while dealing with back pain is a lot to handle, and if she feels resigning is the best option, supporting her is the right thing to do. However, rather than seeing this as an end to her career, help her frame it as a transition.
Have an open conversation about her long-term plans. If she wants to do an online course and start something new, encourage her to research options before resigning so that she has a clear path forward. Financially, your combined income is strong, but it’s still important to plan for stability. Instead of rushing into a resignation, she could consider options like taking a temporary break, exploring remote work, or reducing work hours before making a final decision.
Your role as a husband is to support her without letting fear cloud your judgment. Trust that she is making the best decision for herself right now. At the same time, ensure that she is thinking ahead so that she doesn’t feel lost once she steps away from her job. By balancing emotional support with practical planning, you can help her transition smoothly without future regrets.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2023Hindi
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Hello Mr. Ashish, Hope you are doing good!! Background of Persons: I had arranged married since last once year. I already told them before proceeding that I want to continue my carrier and grow forward in the same city. Also, I want to leave in a joint family along with my parents. My spouse is working in government sector. She told me that her Job is transferrable and she is ok moving forward and leaving in my city along with your parents. I am working in MNC at good position and also supporting my family members. Problem: My wife is forcing me to leave separately, shift to another city and start from scratch(zero) in different state having different cultural and traditions. She is also working in government sector and not taking transfer to spouse(husband's) city. Even after explaining couple of times, she is resisting to re-allocate. I am ok if she does anything independently for earning in same city. Also, I will help her in getting the job in private sector in the same city. Also, I will get her employed in another sector through my contacts and preparing her. I am not dependent on her in terms of financial things. We are living separately due to work duties and spent less time together for a week in every month or two month as per the adjustment from both of us. My spouse is not talking properly to me, blocks me, add me to blacklist and threating me to get separated and take divorce. I already had financial and social liabilities on myself which my wife is aware about. I had not seen positive responses from her towards myself, my family and goals. I am ready to leave separately in the same city even if she earns or not. This is impacting my performance in my work. Question: It looks to high danger to me moving to different part of the country having different cultures starting from scratch based on assessments on different parameters. Also, she does not want to take the household chores responsibility. How can be of sure that I can trust her for co-operation in a unknown city? What is the better solution for this ?
Ans: Hello! It sounds like you're facing a complex and challenging situation. It's important to address these issues with care and open communication. Here are a few steps you could consider taking:

Open Communication: It's crucial to have an open and honest conversation with your spouse. Try to understand her perspective and the reasons behind her resistance to moving to your city or taking up a job in the private sector. Share your concerns and feelings as well. Having a calm and respectful discussion can help you both reach a deeper understanding of each other's needs and concerns.

Seek Professional Help: If communication isn't resolving the issues, it might be helpful to involve a professional, such as a marriage counselor or therapist. They can provide an unbiased perspective and guide you both through productive conversations to find solutions that work for both of you.

Explore Compromises: Is there a middle ground that you both can agree upon? Maybe it's possible for her to find a job in the same city, even if it's not the same sector. Or perhaps you could discuss a timeline for her to explore opportunities in your city. Finding compromises can help address both of your needs and concerns.

Consider Long-Term Plans: Think about the long-term implications of your decisions. Moving to a new city with different cultural norms and starting from scratch can be challenging, especially if you have existing commitments and a stable life where you are now. Evaluate the pros and cons carefully before making a decision.

Personal and Professional Goals: It's important to keep your personal and professional goals in mind. You have worked hard to achieve your position and support your family. Make sure any decisions you make align with these goals while also considering your spouse's desires and career aspirations.

Financial Independence: You mentioned that you are financially independent. If your spouse is also capable of being financially independent, discuss how you both can contribute to your shared expenses and responsibilities, regardless of where you live.

Future Planning: If moving is inevitable, plan ahead. Research the new city, its job opportunities, and lifestyle. Think about how you can support each other during the transition and beyond.

Time and Patience: Complex issues like these take time to resolve. Be patient and understanding with each other as you work through your differences.

Remember that both partners need to compromise and work together for a successful and fulfilling marriage. It's important to prioritize open communication, mutual respect, and understanding each other's perspectives as you navigate through these challenges. If the situation becomes increasingly difficult to handle, seeking professional help can provide guidance and clarity.

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 31, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir, I am 42 years old man. I have one 7 years old daughter. Myself working in Private company as a Manager electronics and my wife Central Govt. Employee. We all three was together from last 7 years but recently my wife transferred to other city with daughter. Job related to my field not available in that city so I was not able to shift with them. My daughter and myself not able to stay away from each other but parallelly I am not able to leave job due to financial condition. Please guide me what to do ?
Ans: It sounds like you're facing a challenging situation, balancing the emotional needs of your family with the financial necessities of your job. Here's a structured approach to help you navigate this:

1. Evaluate Options for Proximity
Remote Work Opportunities: Explore if your current company or similar companies offer remote work options. Given the rise of remote work, there may be opportunities that align with your expertise.
Transfer Within Company: Inquire if your company has a branch or affiliated office in the city where your wife and daughter are now located.
2. Maximize Quality Time
Regular Visits: Schedule regular visits to see your wife and daughter. This could be every weekend or every other weekend, depending on distance and costs.
Virtual Interaction: Utilize video calls to maintain daily interaction. This can help maintain the emotional bond with your daughter.
3. Financial Planning
Budget Review: Reassess your financial situation to identify any adjustments or savings that can be made. This might help in managing travel expenses or saving towards potential relocation in the future.
Consult a Financial Advisor: If possible, seek professional advice to better manage your finances and explore options for creating a more flexible budget.
4. Support Network
Family and Friends: Lean on family and friends for emotional support. They can also help with practical matters, such as babysitting or providing company.
Professional Support: Consider speaking to a counselor or coach to navigate the emotional stress. This can provide strategies for coping and maintaining mental well-being.
5. Long-Term Planning
Career Development: Look into furthering your skills and qualifications. This can open up more opportunities, potentially even in the city your family is now in.
Explore Local Opportunities: Stay updated on the job market in both your current city and the new city. Networking can sometimes uncover opportunities that aren't immediately apparent.


Balancing these aspects will require flexibility, communication, and a bit of creativity. It's important to maintain open communication with your wife and daughter, ensuring that each step you take is aligned with their needs and yours. Remember, the goal is to find a sustainable way to support your family emotionally and financially. This might involve a series of small adjustments rather than one big change. Take it step by step, and be kind to yourself during this transition.

..Read more

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