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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 08, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Mr. Ashish, Hope you are doing good!! Background of Persons: I had arranged married since last once year. I already told them before proceeding that I want to continue my carrier and grow forward in the same city. Also, I want to leave in a joint family along with my parents. My spouse is working in government sector. She told me that her Job is transferrable and she is ok moving forward and leaving in my city along with your parents. I am working in MNC at good position and also supporting my family members. Problem: My wife is forcing me to leave separately, shift to another city and start from scratch(zero) in different state having different cultural and traditions. She is also working in government sector and not taking transfer to spouse(husband's) city. Even after explaining couple of times, she is resisting to re-allocate. I am ok if she does anything independently for earning in same city. Also, I will help her in getting the job in private sector in the same city. Also, I will get her employed in another sector through my contacts and preparing her. I am not dependent on her in terms of financial things. We are living separately due to work duties and spent less time together for a week in every month or two month as per the adjustment from both of us. My spouse is not talking properly to me, blocks me, add me to blacklist and threating me to get separated and take divorce. I already had financial and social liabilities on myself which my wife is aware about. I had not seen positive responses from her towards myself, my family and goals. I am ready to leave separately in the same city even if she earns or not. This is impacting my performance in my work. Question: It looks to high danger to me moving to different part of the country having different cultures starting from scratch based on assessments on different parameters. Also, she does not want to take the household chores responsibility. How can be of sure that I can trust her for co-operation in a unknown city? What is the better solution for this ?

Ans: Hello! It sounds like you're facing a complex and challenging situation. It's important to address these issues with care and open communication. Here are a few steps you could consider taking:

Open Communication: It's crucial to have an open and honest conversation with your spouse. Try to understand her perspective and the reasons behind her resistance to moving to your city or taking up a job in the private sector. Share your concerns and feelings as well. Having a calm and respectful discussion can help you both reach a deeper understanding of each other's needs and concerns.

Seek Professional Help: If communication isn't resolving the issues, it might be helpful to involve a professional, such as a marriage counselor or therapist. They can provide an unbiased perspective and guide you both through productive conversations to find solutions that work for both of you.

Explore Compromises: Is there a middle ground that you both can agree upon? Maybe it's possible for her to find a job in the same city, even if it's not the same sector. Or perhaps you could discuss a timeline for her to explore opportunities in your city. Finding compromises can help address both of your needs and concerns.

Consider Long-Term Plans: Think about the long-term implications of your decisions. Moving to a new city with different cultural norms and starting from scratch can be challenging, especially if you have existing commitments and a stable life where you are now. Evaluate the pros and cons carefully before making a decision.

Personal and Professional Goals: It's important to keep your personal and professional goals in mind. You have worked hard to achieve your position and support your family. Make sure any decisions you make align with these goals while also considering your spouse's desires and career aspirations.

Financial Independence: You mentioned that you are financially independent. If your spouse is also capable of being financially independent, discuss how you both can contribute to your shared expenses and responsibilities, regardless of where you live.

Future Planning: If moving is inevitable, plan ahead. Research the new city, its job opportunities, and lifestyle. Think about how you can support each other during the transition and beyond.

Time and Patience: Complex issues like these take time to resolve. Be patient and understanding with each other as you work through your differences.

Remember that both partners need to compromise and work together for a successful and fulfilling marriage. It's important to prioritize open communication, mutual respect, and understanding each other's perspectives as you navigate through these challenges. If the situation becomes increasingly difficult to handle, seeking professional help can provide guidance and clarity.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anu, Hope you are doing good!! Background of Persons: I had arranged married since last once year. I already told them before proceeding that I want to continue my carrier and grow forward in the same city. Also, I want to leave in a joint family along with my parents. My spouse is working in government sector. She told me that my Job is transferrable and i am ok moving forward with you. I am working in MNC at good position and also supporting my family members in their business. Problem: My wife is forcing me to leave separately, shift to another city and start from scratch(zero) in different city having different cultural background. She is also working in government sector and not taking transfer to spouse(husband's) city. Even after explaining couple of times, she is resisting to re-allocate. I am ok if she does anything independently for earning in same city. Also, I will help her in getting the job in private sector in the same city. Also, I will get her employed in another sector through my contacts and preparing her. I am not dependent on her in terms of financial things. We are living separately due to work duties and spent time together for a week in every month or two month as per the adjustment from both of us. My spouse is not talking properly to me, threating me to get divorce. I already had financial and social liabilities on myself which my wife is aware about. I had not seen positive responses from her towards myself, my family and goals. I am ready to leave separately in the same city even if she earns or not. Question: It looks to high danger to me moving to different part of the country having different cultures starting from scratch based on assessments on different parameters. What is the better solution for this ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, there isn't much that you can do!
It's possible that your spouse suddenly feels that she might lose more than she gains by any move that she makes. You possibly feel the same.
This only means that both of you have not considered what marriage is and could be. You are using marriage to bring out differences rather than build trust. It's a year and if both of you have not managed to stay true to bringing the best out of each other, I wonder what will make you do that!

Kindly set aside the childish squabbles and suggest to your wife that the two of you need to work on this. Threats may kindly be kept aside...it only widens the gap between the two of you. Bring the conversation to a place where you talk about what it is now and how the two of you want it to be independently to you AND then work on bringing it to WIN-WIN...

Is this possible? Yes, it is provided you channel the conversation as mature adults without threats and pointing our faults and working towards putting the marriage together.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

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Relationship
I am married person since 2015. From last 2 to 3 years it is not working properly. Due to some following problems, 1. I am only one boy in my family. I don’t have any brother or sister. My father is also passed away, so there is need of child in my family because now I am at the age of 30. But my wife is not physically strong. There is always some health issue with her. 2. There is education gap too in between us. She is metric level education and I am engineer. Due to this we don’t have that much effective communication leads to conflicts in every situation. She never give respect to my mother and never do regular house works to and at the end of the day again conflicts arises between my mother and my wife. 3. I want to give divorce to her but unfortunately she is purposely not ready for that because she knows very well that she will never been happy in another house like my house. 4. Same problem when I discussed with her mother and father, they straight forward refuse to give divorce; they said, “if you have any problems or want to give divorce then go to those person who are responsible for marriage or who finalize your marriage”. Lastly, I am now at dead end and don’t know the solution of how to escape from this situation.
Ans: Dear Rajesh,
First and foremost, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, as well as that of any potential children involved. While divorce may seem like the only solution, it's also worth considering seeking professional help, such as marriage counseling or therapy, to try to address the issues in your relationship and explore potential avenues for improvement.

If communication is a significant challenge due to education and cultural differences, a therapist or counselor can help facilitate more effective communication and understanding between you and your wife. They can also provide guidance on how to navigate conflicts and differences in a constructive manner.

Additionally, it may be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a religious or community leader, to mediate discussions between you, your wife, and your respective families. They may be able to provide support and guidance in finding a resolution that is mutually acceptable and respects the well-being of all parties involved.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue divorce or to work on improving the relationship is a deeply personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It's important to take the time to carefully consider your options and seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals as needed.

..Read more

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 19, 2025
Money
I'm a fresher who currently got placed into an NBFC for 25k salary in hand. How can I multiply this through investments and savings. Please suggest me some. Thank you in advance
Ans: Absolutely delighted to hear that you’ve landed a job. Your first step is a big one. Starting at Rs. 25,000 in hand, you’re not just earning—you’re building a future. Let’s break this down into clear action steps. My aim is to guide you like a Certified Financial Planner would, with a 360-degree plan for savings and smart investments.

I’ll help you understand what to do with your income, how to manage your spending, and how to multiply your savings over time.

Let’s begin with the most important areas.

Understand Your Cash Flow
First, track where every rupee goes.

Use a simple notebook or a mobile app.

Classify expenses: needs, wants, and savings.

Always aim to save before you spend.

Try to save 30% of your income each month.

That means at least Rs. 7,500 should be saved.

Build Your Emergency Fund
Start a separate bank savings account.

Keep Rs. 15,000 to Rs. 30,000 for emergencies.

This is not for shopping or vacation.

Only use it for medical or job-related problems.

Add a fixed amount monthly until you reach your goal.

Get Health Insurance Immediately
Your employer may offer one, but it is not enough.

Buy a personal health cover worth Rs. 3 lakh to Rs. 5 lakh.

Premiums are low for your age.

It protects your savings during illness.

Always disclose everything honestly while applying.

Term Insurance is Not Urgent Yet
You are single and just starting.

So, no need for term insurance now.

Take it only when you have dependents.

Focus instead on building assets and savings.

Automate Your Savings Process
Open a separate savings bank account for investments.

Set auto-transfer every month after salary credit.

This creates financial discipline automatically.

Don’t mix this with your spending account.

Treat savings as your monthly bill.

Start SIPs in Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Choose regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

They guide you with experience and research.

Don’t go for direct funds without guidance.

Direct funds need time, study, and ongoing monitoring.

Regular plans give you ongoing personalised support.

A CFP and MFD can help with fund switching also.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Fund managers take decisions after market study.

Better for new investors like you.

Helps avoid sudden losses due to inexperience.

Higher chances of outperformance in long term.

Active funds adapt to market changes quickly.

Stay Away From Index Funds
Index funds follow market, no fund manager involved.

In bad markets, they also fall badly.

No one to protect or shift to safer assets.

No flexibility in difficult times.

Active funds manage risk better than index funds.

Choose SIPs with Proper Goal-Setting
Don't invest just for returns.

Invest with a goal in mind.

Examples: buy laptop, travel, marriage, house fund.

Assign timelines for each goal.

Choose funds based on time horizon and risk level.

Ideal Portfolio Mix for You
Equity mutual funds: Long-term wealth creation.

Hybrid mutual funds: Balance between growth and safety.

Recurring deposit or FD: For short-term needs.

Keep 2 or 3 funds only. Not more.

Don’t invest in random funds from friends or apps.

Avoid These Investment Mistakes
Don’t buy insurance for investment.

Don’t invest in LIC endowment or ULIPs.

They give low return and high lock-in.

No flexibility, no transparency.

Avoid chit funds and schemes from unknown sources.

Regularly Review Your Progress
Every 6 months, check your investments.

See if your savings rate is increasing.

Track how much emergency fund you have built.

Check if goals are getting closer.

A CFP can help you monitor and correct your path.

Build Skills to Increase Income
Savings alone won’t create wealth fast.

Improve your career skills also.

Take affordable online courses.

Ask for projects at work, build a reputation.

Better pay will give you higher savings later.

Budgeting Tips That Actually Work
Follow 50-30-20 rule: 50% needs, 30% wants, 20% savings.

For now, you may need to reverse it: 50% savings.

Use UPI apps for expense control alerts.

Don’t keep too much cash in hand.

Withdraw once a week, not daily.

Social Media Influencers are Not Financial Planners
Don’t follow random advice online.

Their needs are not your needs.

Your plan should match your goals, not theirs.

Stick to your savings plan strictly.

Professional advice is always better.

Avoid Loan Traps at Early Stage
Don’t take EMI cards or credit cards yet.

Start with a debit card linked to your bank.

Avoid monthly subscriptions that you forget.

Keep zero debt as long as possible.

Loans reduce your ability to save and invest.

Benefits of Investing via MFD with CFP Support
You get advice suited to your income level.

Fund selection is personalised.

Help is given for SIP starting, changes, withdrawals.

They help with taxes and switching too.

Your long-term success becomes their priority.

Don’t Fall for High Returns Promises
If someone offers 20% return, it’s risky.

Stable 10–12% return over years is good.

Compound growth needs patience.

Shortcuts often lead to losses.

Stay steady and grow slowly but surely.

Think Long Term, Act Monthly
Rs. 2,000 monthly SIP grows big in few years.

You will learn patience through SIP investing.

Don’t stop SIPs if market falls.

Use market fall as chance to grow faster.

Keep SIPs running without panic.

Protect Yourself from Tax Shocks Later
Equity mutual funds give tax benefit on long term.

LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG is taxed at 20%.

For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your slab.

So plan redemption properly.

Financial Independence Should Be Your Goal
Try to reach a stage where money works for you.

That needs slow and steady investing.

Once you reach Rs. 5 lakh corpus, add more SIPs.

With every hike, increase SIP by Rs. 500 to Rs. 1,000.

Build wealth step by step.

Stay Consistent, Not Perfect
You may skip saving in one month. That’s okay.

Don’t stop. Resume next month.

Track your progress, not your mistakes.

Stay focused on long term.

Small savings add up to big money later.

Finally
You have made a wonderful beginning.

Saving at Rs. 25,000 salary shows maturity.

With consistency, Rs. 7,500 monthly savings will create big wealth.

Stick to professionally managed mutual funds.

Don’t try shortcuts or risky bets.

Get support from a trusted Certified Financial Planner.

Learn, earn, save, invest, and grow at your own pace.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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