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Long-Distance Dilemma: Balancing Fatherhood and Job Away from Daughter
Dr Ashish Sehgal |119 Answers |Ask -Follow
Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024
Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 31, 2024Hindi
Listen 
Hi Sir, I am 42 years old man. I have one 7 years old daughter. Myself working in Private company as a Manager electronics and my wife Central Govt. Employee. We all three was together from last 7 years but recently my wife transferred to other city with daughter. Job related to my field not available in that city so I was not able to shift with them. My daughter and myself not able to stay away from each other but parallelly I am not able to leave job due to financial condition. Please guide me what to do ?
Ans: It sounds like you're facing a challenging situation, balancing the emotional needs of your family with the financial necessities of your job. Here's a structured approach to help you navigate this:
1. Evaluate Options for Proximity
Remote Work Opportunities: Explore if your current company or similar companies offer remote work options. Given the rise of remote work, there may be opportunities that align with your expertise.
Transfer Within Company: Inquire if your company has a branch or affiliated office in the city where your wife and daughter are now located.
2. Maximize Quality Time
Regular Visits: Schedule regular visits to see your wife and daughter. This could be every weekend or every other weekend, depending on distance and costs.
Virtual Interaction: Utilize video calls to maintain daily interaction. This can help maintain the emotional bond with your daughter.
3. Financial Planning
Budget Review: Reassess your financial situation to identify any adjustments or savings that can be made. This might help in managing travel expenses or saving towards potential relocation in the future.
Consult a Financial Advisor: If possible, seek professional advice to better manage your finances and explore options for creating a more flexible budget.
4. Support Network
Family and Friends: Lean on family and friends for emotional support. They can also help with practical matters, such as babysitting or providing company.
Professional Support: Consider speaking to a counselor or coach to navigate the emotional stress. This can provide strategies for coping and maintaining mental well-being.
5. Long-Term Planning
Career Development: Look into furthering your skills and qualifications. This can open up more opportunities, potentially even in the city your family is now in.
Explore Local Opportunities: Stay updated on the job market in both your current city and the new city. Networking can sometimes uncover opportunities that aren't immediately apparent.
Balancing these aspects will require flexibility, communication, and a bit of creativity. It's important to maintain open communication with your wife and daughter, ensuring that each step you take is aligned with their needs and yours. Remember, the goal is to find a sustainable way to support your family emotionally and financially. This might involve a series of small adjustments rather than one big change. Take it step by step, and be kind to yourself during this transition.
1. Evaluate Options for Proximity
Remote Work Opportunities: Explore if your current company or similar companies offer remote work options. Given the rise of remote work, there may be opportunities that align with your expertise.
Transfer Within Company: Inquire if your company has a branch or affiliated office in the city where your wife and daughter are now located.
2. Maximize Quality Time
Regular Visits: Schedule regular visits to see your wife and daughter. This could be every weekend or every other weekend, depending on distance and costs.
Virtual Interaction: Utilize video calls to maintain daily interaction. This can help maintain the emotional bond with your daughter.
3. Financial Planning
Budget Review: Reassess your financial situation to identify any adjustments or savings that can be made. This might help in managing travel expenses or saving towards potential relocation in the future.
Consult a Financial Advisor: If possible, seek professional advice to better manage your finances and explore options for creating a more flexible budget.
4. Support Network
Family and Friends: Lean on family and friends for emotional support. They can also help with practical matters, such as babysitting or providing company.
Professional Support: Consider speaking to a counselor or coach to navigate the emotional stress. This can provide strategies for coping and maintaining mental well-being.
5. Long-Term Planning
Career Development: Look into furthering your skills and qualifications. This can open up more opportunities, potentially even in the city your family is now in.
Explore Local Opportunities: Stay updated on the job market in both your current city and the new city. Networking can sometimes uncover opportunities that aren't immediately apparent.
Balancing these aspects will require flexibility, communication, and a bit of creativity. It's important to maintain open communication with your wife and daughter, ensuring that each step you take is aligned with their needs and yours. Remember, the goal is to find a sustainable way to support your family emotionally and financially. This might involve a series of small adjustments rather than one big change. Take it step by step, and be kind to yourself during this transition.
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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 24, 2025
Hi Sir,
I'm a 36 yrs aged software employee working in Hyderabad with monthly in hand salary of 120k and withs 2 kids my son(his age is around 4 yrs) and my daughter (her age is around 2yrs).
I have the following investments as of today.
1) PPF -8.5 Lakhs (12500/- monthly contribution)
2) Sukanya(SSY)- 4.8 Lakhs (12500/- monthly contribution)
3) NPS - 1.5 lakhs (8560/- monthly contribution)
4) EPFO - 6.5 Lakhs
5) NPS Vastalya (My son) - 13k (1k monthly contribution)
6) Post office RPLI (My wife) - 1.3 lakhs (22000/- yearly contribution)
after the above all deductions, I can save 50k per month.
My long term goal is buying a flat/house along with my retirement plan in next 10 yrs and need take care of my children education & marriage.
I don't have any accumulated amount for down payment for buying a flat/house.
What would be best approach to purchase a flat/house in Hyderabad ?
should I take a home loan and buy a flat immediately in next 1/2 yrs (or) Should I invest an SIP of 50K per month for 5/10 yrs then buy ?
Ans: Thank you for sharing detailed information. You already have a disciplined approach to savings. You are clearly focused on long-term goals. Let's now look at the best approach to meet those goals.
Income and Savings Review
Your monthly in-hand salary is Rs.1.2 lakh. That gives a good base.
After all deductions, you can save Rs.50,000 monthly. That is a strong habit.
With two kids, financial responsibilities are high. You are still managing savings. Appreciate it.
Let’s now assess each of your investments.
Review of Existing Investments
PPF of Rs.8.5 lakh with Rs.12,500 monthly. Good for long-term. Safe and tax-free.
Sukanya for your daughter with Rs.4.8 lakh is well-planned. Continue it till she turns 14.
NPS of Rs.1.5 lakh with Rs.8,560 monthly. It builds retirement corpus. Continue it.
EPFO of Rs.6.5 lakh is part of your salary benefits. That’s a stable addition to retirement.
NPS for your son is a new initiative. It’s too early to predict its usefulness.
Post office RPLI in wife’s name with Rs.1.3 lakh. Yearly Rs.22,000 is manageable.
Overall, you have built a strong base with safe and regular investments. But these are mostly conservative. They may not beat inflation by a good margin.
Let’s now look at your primary goals.
Goal 1: Buying a Flat in Hyderabad
This is a big financial goal. Needs careful planning and timing.
You have zero savings for down payment now. That limits immediate action.
Buying now through a loan will put pressure on your cash flow.
If you go for loan now, EMI may be Rs.30,000–Rs.35,000 monthly.
That leaves you with very little for future goals and emergencies.
It is better to avoid rushing to buy flat now.
You can start a savings plan for down payment. Build at least Rs.6–8 lakh in 3–4 years.
Then you can take loan for balance amount. EMI will be safer then.
This way, your financial stress remains low.
Should You Wait or Buy Now?
Let’s compare both approaches carefully.
Buy Flat Immediately:
EMI pressure starts immediately. About Rs.30,000–Rs.35,000 per month.
You won’t be able to invest Rs.50,000 monthly anymore.
No funds left for kids’ future or your retirement.
You will be forced to stop current PPF or NPS contributions.
Not a safe approach. Will affect your other goals badly.
Wait and Invest for 5 Years:
Invest Rs.50,000 every month for 5 years.
You can build a down payment corpus of Rs.6–8 lakh easily.
Invest this amount in regular mutual funds with CFP guidance.
You can plan your home buying calmly. With less loan burden.
Your EMI will start only after 5 years. By then income also will grow.
Verdict: Wait and invest. Buy later. More secure path.
About Mutual Funds for SIP
SIP is best way to grow money in a planned way.
You should go for actively managed mutual funds.
Avoid index funds. They just follow index. No protection in falling market.
Actively managed funds try to give higher return than index.
They select good companies using deep research.
Use regular mutual funds through MFD with CFP support.
Avoid direct mutual funds. No help, no monitoring, no personal advice.
Regular funds provide tracking, rebalancing and expert guidance.
For you, regular plans through CFP will reduce risk and improve returns.
Start SIP of Rs.50,000 monthly in 3 to 4 funds.
Mix of large, mid and flexi-cap funds can work well.
Over 5 years, this SIP will help in flat down payment.
After that, you can reduce SIP and start EMI for flat.
Also continue SIP with lower amount for retirement and kids’ goals.
Retirement Planning
You are 36 now. Planning retirement early is smart.
NPS and EPFO are your current retirement tools.
They are safe but not flexible. Returns also moderate.
Mutual funds SIP gives better flexibility and return potential.
You can assign one fund’s SIP fully to your retirement goal.
You need bigger retirement fund. So SIP is needed even after NPS and EPFO.
Don’t rely only on NPS. Add mutual fund SIP to build a proper retirement fund.
Children’s Education and Marriage Planning
Your son is 4. Your daughter is 2. You have 13–16 years for education planning.
Sukanya is good for daughter. But more is needed.
For both kids, education cost will be high.
Start separate SIP for each child’s education.
You can start with Rs.10,000 each per month. Adjust based on your income.
Use separate mutual funds for these goals.
Later, assign some part of PPF maturity also for child marriage.
Avoid child insurance plans. Low return, high cost, and lock-in.
SIP in regular funds gives better flexibility and growth.
Emergency Fund
Emergency fund is must for every family.
Keep at least 6 months’ salary as emergency money.
That is Rs.7.2 lakh in your case.
Use bank savings or liquid mutual funds for this.
Emergency fund is not for investing. Don’t mix it with SIP.
Build this fund slowly over 6–8 months.
Insurance Review
You have RPLI for wife. That is a savings product.
You need pure term insurance. Sum assured of Rs.1 crore is needed.
Premium is low. Life protection is high.
No need for ULIPs or investment-cum-insurance plans.
Also check for proper health insurance for family.
Don’t depend only on office health plan.
Tax Efficiency
Your current investments give good tax benefits.
PPF, Sukanya, NPS all have tax benefits.
EPFO also gives tax-free interest.
Mutual funds have long-term tax advantages too.
LTCG above Rs.1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG taxed at 20%. Still better than FD or RD taxation.
Mutual funds help in better tax planning in long term.
What You Can Do Now – Step-by-Step
Start SIP of Rs.50,000 monthly in 3–4 mutual funds.
Take help from CFP for selecting right funds.
Review current RPLI. Keep only if not affecting liquidity.
Buy term life cover of Rs.1 crore immediately.
Start emergency fund. Target Rs.7.2 lakh over 1 year.
Start planning for home buying after 4–5 years.
Rebalance your investments every year with your CFP.
Track progress of each goal separately.
Don’t take any loan now. Wait until you are ready.
Finally
You have done a good job with disciplined savings.
But now, you need to shift from saving to smart investing.
Mutual funds with CFP guidance will take your goals forward.
Avoid direct funds and index funds. Use active regular funds.
Delay home buying. Build your down payment through SIP first.
Continue PPF, NPS and Sukanya. But add mutual fund SIP for higher growth.
Keep insurance pure and simple. No ULIPs or endowment plans.
Follow this roadmap. All your goals can be met peacefully.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
Income and Savings Review
Your monthly in-hand salary is Rs.1.2 lakh. That gives a good base.
After all deductions, you can save Rs.50,000 monthly. That is a strong habit.
With two kids, financial responsibilities are high. You are still managing savings. Appreciate it.
Let’s now assess each of your investments.
Review of Existing Investments
PPF of Rs.8.5 lakh with Rs.12,500 monthly. Good for long-term. Safe and tax-free.
Sukanya for your daughter with Rs.4.8 lakh is well-planned. Continue it till she turns 14.
NPS of Rs.1.5 lakh with Rs.8,560 monthly. It builds retirement corpus. Continue it.
EPFO of Rs.6.5 lakh is part of your salary benefits. That’s a stable addition to retirement.
NPS for your son is a new initiative. It’s too early to predict its usefulness.
Post office RPLI in wife’s name with Rs.1.3 lakh. Yearly Rs.22,000 is manageable.
Overall, you have built a strong base with safe and regular investments. But these are mostly conservative. They may not beat inflation by a good margin.
Let’s now look at your primary goals.
Goal 1: Buying a Flat in Hyderabad
This is a big financial goal. Needs careful planning and timing.
You have zero savings for down payment now. That limits immediate action.
Buying now through a loan will put pressure on your cash flow.
If you go for loan now, EMI may be Rs.30,000–Rs.35,000 monthly.
That leaves you with very little for future goals and emergencies.
It is better to avoid rushing to buy flat now.
You can start a savings plan for down payment. Build at least Rs.6–8 lakh in 3–4 years.
Then you can take loan for balance amount. EMI will be safer then.
This way, your financial stress remains low.
Should You Wait or Buy Now?
Let’s compare both approaches carefully.
Buy Flat Immediately:
EMI pressure starts immediately. About Rs.30,000–Rs.35,000 per month.
You won’t be able to invest Rs.50,000 monthly anymore.
No funds left for kids’ future or your retirement.
You will be forced to stop current PPF or NPS contributions.
Not a safe approach. Will affect your other goals badly.
Wait and Invest for 5 Years:
Invest Rs.50,000 every month for 5 years.
You can build a down payment corpus of Rs.6–8 lakh easily.
Invest this amount in regular mutual funds with CFP guidance.
You can plan your home buying calmly. With less loan burden.
Your EMI will start only after 5 years. By then income also will grow.
Verdict: Wait and invest. Buy later. More secure path.
About Mutual Funds for SIP
SIP is best way to grow money in a planned way.
You should go for actively managed mutual funds.
Avoid index funds. They just follow index. No protection in falling market.
Actively managed funds try to give higher return than index.
They select good companies using deep research.
Use regular mutual funds through MFD with CFP support.
Avoid direct mutual funds. No help, no monitoring, no personal advice.
Regular funds provide tracking, rebalancing and expert guidance.
For you, regular plans through CFP will reduce risk and improve returns.
Start SIP of Rs.50,000 monthly in 3 to 4 funds.
Mix of large, mid and flexi-cap funds can work well.
Over 5 years, this SIP will help in flat down payment.
After that, you can reduce SIP and start EMI for flat.
Also continue SIP with lower amount for retirement and kids’ goals.
Retirement Planning
You are 36 now. Planning retirement early is smart.
NPS and EPFO are your current retirement tools.
They are safe but not flexible. Returns also moderate.
Mutual funds SIP gives better flexibility and return potential.
You can assign one fund’s SIP fully to your retirement goal.
You need bigger retirement fund. So SIP is needed even after NPS and EPFO.
Don’t rely only on NPS. Add mutual fund SIP to build a proper retirement fund.
Children’s Education and Marriage Planning
Your son is 4. Your daughter is 2. You have 13–16 years for education planning.
Sukanya is good for daughter. But more is needed.
For both kids, education cost will be high.
Start separate SIP for each child’s education.
You can start with Rs.10,000 each per month. Adjust based on your income.
Use separate mutual funds for these goals.
Later, assign some part of PPF maturity also for child marriage.
Avoid child insurance plans. Low return, high cost, and lock-in.
SIP in regular funds gives better flexibility and growth.
Emergency Fund
Emergency fund is must for every family.
Keep at least 6 months’ salary as emergency money.
That is Rs.7.2 lakh in your case.
Use bank savings or liquid mutual funds for this.
Emergency fund is not for investing. Don’t mix it with SIP.
Build this fund slowly over 6–8 months.
Insurance Review
You have RPLI for wife. That is a savings product.
You need pure term insurance. Sum assured of Rs.1 crore is needed.
Premium is low. Life protection is high.
No need for ULIPs or investment-cum-insurance plans.
Also check for proper health insurance for family.
Don’t depend only on office health plan.
Tax Efficiency
Your current investments give good tax benefits.
PPF, Sukanya, NPS all have tax benefits.
EPFO also gives tax-free interest.
Mutual funds have long-term tax advantages too.
LTCG above Rs.1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG taxed at 20%. Still better than FD or RD taxation.
Mutual funds help in better tax planning in long term.
What You Can Do Now – Step-by-Step
Start SIP of Rs.50,000 monthly in 3–4 mutual funds.
Take help from CFP for selecting right funds.
Review current RPLI. Keep only if not affecting liquidity.
Buy term life cover of Rs.1 crore immediately.
Start emergency fund. Target Rs.7.2 lakh over 1 year.
Start planning for home buying after 4–5 years.
Rebalance your investments every year with your CFP.
Track progress of each goal separately.
Don’t take any loan now. Wait until you are ready.
Finally
You have done a good job with disciplined savings.
But now, you need to shift from saving to smart investing.
Mutual funds with CFP guidance will take your goals forward.
Avoid direct funds and index funds. Use active regular funds.
Delay home buying. Build your down payment through SIP first.
Continue PPF, NPS and Sukanya. But add mutual fund SIP for higher growth.
Keep insurance pure and simple. No ULIPs or endowment plans.
Follow this roadmap. All your goals can be met peacefully.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
Asked on - May 24, 2025 | Answered on May 24, 2025
Thanks Sir
Ans: You're welcome! If you have any more questions or need further assistance, feel free to ask. Best wishes on your financial journey!
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment