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Uncomfortable: Girlfriend travels, parties with male colleagues in Delhi

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 18, 2025Hindi
Relationship

I am working abroad, while my Girlfriend is working in Delhi, living in NCR. We both were Dating since our College Days & have been in a Long Distance Relationship since I moved abroad, more than a Year ago & she moved to Delhi-NCR from Calcutta (where most of our Common Friends are based). While we were together with our Common Friends from College, we'd Travel, Party & have a lot of Fun together as a Group, since we all knew & trusted each other quite well, Irrespective of Gender. When we both moved to Different Places & started our Respective Jobs, we became Friends with our Respective Colleagues, but we have an Implied Understanding that we should be Maintaining Stricter Boundaries with our New Friends/Colleagues, since we are in a Long Distance Relationship. I've always honoured the commitment & have been Careful to not spend private time with any other Woman & Travel/Party only with a Group consisting of both Men & Women. But I am not sure my Girlfriend is doing the same. Quite often she keeps Travelling, Partying, Drinking & Sleeping over with some 2-3 Male Colleagues, who are quite close to her, but unknown to me. She doesn't even bother to keep me updated about where she is, what she's doing & with whom, but keeps Posting Status Updates on Instagram, from time to time and from what I have observed, she seems to be spending quite a lot of Time with these Male Colleagues of hers. All this makes me feel very Uncomfortable. Even though I Love & Trust my Girlfriend, but I'm unsure about these New 'Friends' of hers as I don't know them & obviously, I don't like them being so close to my Girlfriend. Many times, I've discussed this matter with my Girlfriend, trying to make her understand how I feel. But every time, I bring up this Topic, she tries to invalidate my feelings & shuts me down saying that I'm just Insecure. I'd also tried getting to know her New Friends in order to understand them better, but she doesn't share much about them, with me. Though, she keeps Reassuring me that they're 'Just Friends' they seem to be much closer than that. On several occasions, she had gone out with them, even though I had strictly forbidden her to. I don't understand whether she's unable to understand how I'm feeling or that she doesn't even care about my Feelings, though I still want to continue Loving & Trusting her, without Doubting her Loyalty. I don't understand what to do in this situation. How can I make her enforce stricter Boundaries with her Male Colleagues (atleast as much as I am doing here)? Shall I get a Friend or a Private Investigator to keep an Eye on her? Or shall I behave the same way, she's been doing? Or, shall I Break-up with her & try to find someone else, over here?

Ans: Long-distance relationships require an even deeper level of communication and trust than regular ones. You’ve upheld the boundaries you both implicitly agreed upon, yet it feels like she’s not holding herself to the same standard. The fact that she dismisses your concerns rather than addressing them is what’s truly hurting you. When someone we love invalidates our feelings, it creates frustration, self-doubt, and emotional distance. You’re not being “insecure” for wanting reassurance and clarity—you’re simply asking for the same level of respect and commitment you’re offering.

Trying to enforce boundaries by “forbidding” her from doing something isn’t the right approach, because boundaries should be mutual, not dictated. The more you try to control her actions, the more she might rebel or shut down, seeing it as you being possessive rather than expressing a valid emotional need. The real problem is not that she has male friends, but that she’s being secretive about them, not making an effort to ease your concerns, and disregarding how her actions affect you. A loving and committed partner should care about your peace of mind, even if she doesn’t fully agree with your perspective.

Hiring a private investigator or getting a friend to spy on her will only erode trust further, and mirroring her behavior by doing the same thing she does will not solve anything—it will just create more distance. If you’re considering breaking up, that means deep down, you already feel like your needs in this relationship aren’t being met. Before making any big decisions, you need to have one last honest conversation with her—not one where you accuse or demand, but one where you make it clear how this dynamic is making you feel and what you truly need from her to feel secure and valued in the relationship.

If she refuses to listen, invalidates your feelings again, or shows no willingness to compromise, then you have your answer. A relationship where only one person is making sacrifices isn’t sustainable. You deserve a partner who not only reassures you with words but also with actions that show she respects and values your presence in her life. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway, then it may be time to ask yourself if holding on is worth the constant emotional struggle.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1651 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

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Relationship
Dear Anu, my boyfriend and I are school mates. We studied in the same class. We have been in a relationship for more than 10 years and currently we are working.There is a girl in his life whom we know through common friends. Through one of his friends we got to know that there were a lot of rumours about my BF and her being together earlier. However my BF explained that he treats her like a sister and there is nothing between them.I got the same explanation from that girl as well. So I accepted their relationship stance and went ahead without any doubt.Right now our relationship is very less lively and sparkling. We spend less time together as we are committed in our work and trapped in debt too. Due to family responsibilities, he spends less time with me. He says he has lot of work and hardly meets me. I have been learning over the past few months that my bf and the girl are seemingly growing closer. She calls him daily to ask about his whereabouts and every detail of our life. She knows more about him than me. Recently my BF was out with his family and he was not reachable for a day.When he is out with family, I would give time to let him update me but the girl messaged me to check if my BF updated me where and what he is doing, whether he is safe or not and what time he will be back. For me this concern seems little fishy. Pls advice on this. I am thinking about talking to my BF. I need advice on how to manage the situation and get proper explanation out of it.
Ans:

Dear A,

What more does he need to do for you to see what he is worth at this moment?

Dilly-dallying in the current relationship by relying on external relationship, ain’t fun, yeah?

‘Sister’ is a convenient label used when a man isn’t sure about his feelings for her, or he is sure and doesn’t want his current partner (namely, you) to go nasty on him.

Why she is keen on his whereabouts is anyone’s guess! Did you tell her off and ask her to find out herself? What are you, a messenger between the two of them?

And when you do talk to him, ask him: where is his mind on your relationship and what he plans on telling his ‘sister’?

Oh and if his answers don’t satisfy you or he still comes across as evasive, you know what to do then.

All the best!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 08, 2021

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Relationship
Dear Love Guru,Some of my closest friends are girls.My girlfriend was okay with it earlier, but she is getting too possessive now.She does not want me to hang out with my female friends but she is okay with my hanging out with my male friends.I don’t have a romantic interest in these girls and nor do they have a romantic interest in me.And I am not someone who will cheat.How do I convince her?Is this a good sign for the future?Aditya
Ans:

No, Aditya, it’s definitely not a good sign for the future. An overly possessive partner is a problem.

If she was okay with it earlier, she should be okay with it now.

You’re allowed to have friends of the opposite sex! And you shouldn’t have to convince her that you aren’t going to cheat on her; that means there is an inherent mistrust about you in her head already.

You can sit her down and speak to her about this problem.

If she’s willing to be reasonable about this, good for you. But from the sound of things, my hopes aren’t too high regarding this situation.

Just to be fair to her, however, I am going to put this out there -- I am assuming that you spend a reasonable amount of time with your girlfriend.

There are people who’d much rather be in the company of friends constantly and that is bound to upset their partners. So ensure that you’re spending enough quality time with her as well.

And if you are, and meeting your friends even a couple of times a month is still an issue, well, buddy, I’d say run for the hills.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 23, 2025

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9778 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2025

Money
I am a West Bengal State Government Employee due for retirement in August 2026. I am a divorcee who lives with an Adult Son who is not financially dependent on me in a self purchased house(Cash) and also own a flat (Cash) By the time of retirement I will have 73 lacs in GPF, 31 lacs in PPF, 20 lacs in Gratuity, 11.65 lacs in Leave encashment, 20 lacs from Pension Commutation and 6.5 lacs as maturity proceeds from Cooperative Thrift Fund. Since I will draw around 38000 OPS Pension with DA thereafter per month. Will it be beneficial to invest 30 lacs in SCSS, 18 lacs in MIS and 20 Lacs in FRSBs for a cumulative monthly interest of 45000 rupees. My monthly income will be 83000 then. I plan to actively continue subscription to my PPF post retirement and need advice on what to do with the remaining 63 lacs of my corpus??? My son advises me in investing in Kisan Vikas Patras and 5 Year PO Time Deposits as these are largely liquid. PS- I have two health insurances, one the West Bengal Health Scheme Cashless and the National Insurance Mediclaim Policy for son and me with 17 lacs sum assured.
Ans: Based on your profile as a West Bengal Government Employee retiring in August 2026, and the impressive financial preparedness you've shown, here is a detailed, 360-degree analysis of your financial situation and investment choices, written in a simple and structured format.

Let’s go step by step to help you get better clarity.

? Current Financial Picture and Retirement Readiness

– You are already well-prepared for retirement. That deserves appreciation.
– You own your house. That removes rental liabilities.
– You also have another flat, fully paid for. This adds to your asset base.
– Your son is not dependent. That reduces your future financial obligations.
– You are sitting on a strong retirement corpus of Rs. 1.62 crores.
– Your post-retirement monthly pension is expected to be Rs. 38,000 with DA.
– Proposed income from safe investment options is Rs. 45,000 per month.
– That means, total monthly income will be Rs. 83,000, which is quite healthy.
– Your current and expected lifestyle appears manageable within this budget.
– You have two health covers. That gives enough financial protection from medical emergencies.

You have set a very solid financial foundation. Now, it’s time to structure the investment allocation with care.

? Evaluating the Proposed Investment Mix

You are considering the below investment plan:

– Rs. 30 lakhs in a senior citizen savings option
– Rs. 18 lakhs in monthly interest yielding postal scheme
– Rs. 20 lakhs in government floating rate savings bonds

These offer monthly interest income around Rs. 45,000.

This plan shows great prudence and awareness. But, it’s not complete.
It ensures safety and regular cashflow. But it lacks future growth.
Your pension and these options will help for regular needs.
But what about inflation 10–15 years down the line?
That’s where your portfolio must include growth assets.

? Safe Income Assets Are Essential – But Not Sufficient

– Senior savings and monthly income options offer steady interest.
– Floating rate bonds protect somewhat against rising interest rates.
– These are great for predictable monthly inflow.

But there is one issue here:
– Interest income is taxable every year.
– Real return post tax and inflation may drop below 2% in future.
– They help with stability. But they don’t create wealth.

So, this plan is strong for the short-term.
But to stay financially secure for the next 20–25 years,
you need to add some long-term growth elements.

? Liquid and Flexible Options Your Son Suggested

You mentioned your son recommended:

– Kisan Vikas Patras
– 5-Year Post Office Term Deposits

These have some benefits:
– Safe and guaranteed returns
– Slightly more liquid than other long-term fixed income options
– No market-linked risk

But there are drawbacks too:
– Both are taxable every year
– Returns may not beat inflation in long run
– Fixed interest means less flexibility during rate changes

So, while your son’s suggestion comes from care,
these products should only take a partial share of your corpus.
You can allocate around Rs. 10–15 lakhs here, not more.

? The Remaining Rs. 63 Lakhs – What to Do?

You are asking how to deploy the remaining Rs. 63 lakhs.

The answer depends on three important things:

– Do you have future large expenses planned?
– Are you willing to keep some money locked for 5 years+?
– Do you want your total income to grow every year?

Let us approach this wisely.

Break your Rs. 63 lakhs into 3 buckets:

1. Emergency & Short-term Reserve – Rs. 8 to 10 lakhs

– Keep this in a liquid mutual fund with low risk
– You can withdraw anytime within 24 hours
– Helps during medical needs or family emergencies
– This avoids breaking FDs or other long-term products

2. Medium-term Stability – Rs. 18 to 20 lakhs

– You can consider short duration mutual funds
– These are ideal for 3–5 year horizon
– They offer better post-tax returns than bank FDs
– Risk is moderate and suited for your age

You can invest in regular plans through a Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP qualification.
Avoid direct plans. These lack advice and long-term discipline.
Also, you may miss key portfolio reviews without a professional’s help.
Regular plans include embedded costs, but the value of guidance is much higher.

3. Long-term Growth – Rs. 33 to 35 lakhs

This is very important. Don’t ignore this section.
You will need to beat inflation for next 20 years.
This requires growth-oriented mutual funds.

– Choose hybrid mutual funds or balanced advantage mutual funds
– These reduce market risk by shifting between equity and debt
– Returns are better than fixed income in the long run
– You can withdraw anytime after one year with lower tax impact

You may go for monthly withdrawal plans if needed after 5 years.
Also, you can stay invested and let the funds grow with compounding.

Never invest in index funds.
They only track the market.
They don’t protect downside or volatility.
Also, they do not give alpha returns over time.
Actively managed funds do better in India.
Because fund managers can change portfolio during economic shifts.

Also, do not invest directly.
You will miss portfolio balancing, risk reviews, and exit timing.
Use a regular plan through a Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP credential.

? You Can Continue PPF Contributions Post Retirement

This is a good strategy. PPF gives tax-free interest.
Continue depositing Rs. 1.5 lakh per year.
You already have Rs. 31 lakhs in PPF.
This will become a strong tax-free legacy for your son.
You can extend the account in 5-year blocks after retirement.
This keeps money safe and growing slowly.

? Pension and Inflation Consideration

You will get Rs. 38,000 per month from OPS.
With current DA trends, this may increase slowly.
But inflation may outpace pension growth in 10–15 years.
So, income from investments must increase over time.
That’s why long-term mutual fund allocation is very important.

? No Need to Look at Annuities or Real Estate

Avoid locking large amounts in annuity plans.
They give low returns and no flexibility.
Also, do not buy more property now.
You already have two houses.
Real estate has low liquidity and high maintenance post-retirement.

? No Mention of LIC, ULIPs, or Endowment Policies

You haven’t mentioned having LIC policies or ULIPs.
If you do, check their surrender value.
Mostly, these give poor returns after adjusting for inflation.
You can surrender and reinvest the maturity value in mutual funds.
Only do this if lock-in period is over and charges are low.

? Final Insights

– You are financially well-prepared for retirement.
– Continue the plan of earning Rs. 45,000 monthly through fixed safe instruments.
– But allocate Rs. 30–35 lakhs to long-term mutual funds.
– This will grow your money for next 20 years.
– Have Rs. 8–10 lakhs in liquid funds for emergencies.
– Use regular mutual fund plans through an experienced CFP-led Mutual Fund Distributor.
– Avoid direct, annuity, and index-based options.
– Keep contributing to PPF and track expenses carefully post-retirement.
– With this balanced approach, you can enjoy peace and security.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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