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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 08, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Aditya Question by Aditya on Sep 08, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Love Guru,
Some of my closest friends are girls.
My girlfriend was okay with it earlier, but she is getting too possessive now.
She does not want me to hang out with my female friends but she is okay with my hanging out with my male friends.
I don’t have a romantic interest in these girls and nor do they have a romantic interest in me.
And I am not someone who will cheat.
How do I convince her?
Is this a good sign for the future?
Aditya

Ans:

No, Aditya, it’s definitely not a good sign for the future. An overly possessive partner is a problem.

If she was okay with it earlier, she should be okay with it now.

You’re allowed to have friends of the opposite sex! And you shouldn’t have to convince her that you aren’t going to cheat on her; that means there is an inherent mistrust about you in her head already.

You can sit her down and speak to her about this problem.

If she’s willing to be reasonable about this, good for you. But from the sound of things, my hopes aren’t too high regarding this situation.

Just to be fair to her, however, I am going to put this out there -- I am assuming that you spend a reasonable amount of time with your girlfriend.

There are people who’d much rather be in the company of friends constantly and that is bound to upset their partners. So ensure that you’re spending enough quality time with her as well.

And if you are, and meeting your friends even a couple of times a month is still an issue, well, buddy, I’d say run for the hills.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |546 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 03, 2023

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Relationship
I have a girlfriend.. And i proposed a girl for fun i dont have any feelings on her.. Shes my friend and even she knows we are in a relation.. And another.. My girl has some issues with her friends.. They were planning to beat.. Or scold then i stood beside.. Not let them to hit but daid to speak to her.. She got insulted there.. Now my girlfriend broke up saying these reasons.. What should i do ?
Ans: Dear Srujan,

Your intentions might not be tainted but put yourself in your girlfriend's shoes, and don't think from your perspective. Think of hers. You might have been okay if the roles were reversed, but can't say the same for most people. Jealousy is a green-eyed monster, but for some instances, it is justified; not right, but understandable. You proposing to another girl might have been a joke for you, but it hurt your GF. The only thing you can do here is to explain the situation and apologize for making her feel this way, even though it wasn't your intention.

For your second issue, I'd say it was good thinking on your part not to get too involved and yet be there for your girlfriend and stop her friends from resorting to violence. If that has insulted your partner, you can try clarifying your intent, and if she still does not want to pay heed to your side of the story, you don't owe her any more explanation for this particular issue.

If you don't have trust and understanding in your relationship, it's a losing battle, no matter how much you both try to hold on to it. An honest and level-headed discussion is the only thing that can save your relationship at this point.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Currently, I am in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past 5 months. I have been in love with her for the past 5 years and she has been aware about it. We had a love hate relationship for the last 5 years where she had also dated another guy for a year in the middle. But after getting into a relationship with her, she came to know that I had gone out with other girls, while I had claimed that I was in love with her and could not be with anyone else as a result. She is aware that since we were not together, I was allowed to hangout with other females and maybe get a bit physically close to them, but now she cannot wrap her mind around the fact that I did those. The thought of me with someone else disturbs her, and she has a pretty hard time trusting me. We have had discussions at length and I have assured her multiple times that I am not going to do anything of that sort anymore but nothing seems to dissolve her uncomfortability towards it. I do love her the most and do anything for her and want this to work out and she claims to love me a lot as well. What do I do? How can I make her trust me?
Ans: Dear Anonymous, Please understand that trust is a delicate aspect of any relationship, and rebuilding it requires time, patience, and consistent effort from both partners. It's important to create an environment where both of you feel secure and valued. You must have heard action speaks louder than words demonstrate through your actions that you are committed to the relation. If you've promised to change certain behaviors, make sure you follow through. Reassure her of your love and commitment. Continue to have open and honest conversations about your feelings, concerns, and the reasons behind your past actions. Encourage her to express her thoughts and emotions as well. Make sure she feels heard and understood.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 18, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am working abroad, while my Girlfriend is working in Delhi, living in NCR. We both were Dating since our College Days & have been in a Long Distance Relationship since I moved abroad, more than a Year ago & she moved to Delhi-NCR from Calcutta (where most of our Common Friends are based). While we were together with our Common Friends from College, we'd Travel, Party & have a lot of Fun together as a Group, since we all knew & trusted each other quite well, Irrespective of Gender. When we both moved to Different Places & started our Respective Jobs, we became Friends with our Respective Colleagues, but we have an Implied Understanding that we should be Maintaining Stricter Boundaries with our New Friends/Colleagues, since we are in a Long Distance Relationship. I've always honoured the commitment & have been Careful to not spend private time with any other Woman & Travel/Party only with a Group consisting of both Men & Women. But I am not sure my Girlfriend is doing the same. Quite often she keeps Travelling, Partying, Drinking & Sleeping over with some 2-3 Male Colleagues, who are quite close to her, but unknown to me. She doesn't even bother to keep me updated about where she is, what she's doing & with whom, but keeps Posting Status Updates on Instagram, from time to time and from what I have observed, she seems to be spending quite a lot of Time with these Male Colleagues of hers. All this makes me feel very Uncomfortable. Even though I Love & Trust my Girlfriend, but I'm unsure about these New 'Friends' of hers as I don't know them & obviously, I don't like them being so close to my Girlfriend. Many times, I've discussed this matter with my Girlfriend, trying to make her understand how I feel. But every time, I bring up this Topic, she tries to invalidate my feelings & shuts me down saying that I'm just Insecure. I'd also tried getting to know her New Friends in order to understand them better, but she doesn't share much about them, with me. Though, she keeps Reassuring me that they're 'Just Friends' they seem to be much closer than that. On several occasions, she had gone out with them, even though I had strictly forbidden her to. I don't understand whether she's unable to understand how I'm feeling or that she doesn't even care about my Feelings, though I still want to continue Loving & Trusting her, without Doubting her Loyalty. I don't understand what to do in this situation. How can I make her enforce stricter Boundaries with her Male Colleagues (atleast as much as I am doing here)? Shall I get a Friend or a Private Investigator to keep an Eye on her? Or shall I behave the same way, she's been doing? Or, shall I Break-up with her & try to find someone else, over here?
Ans: Long-distance relationships require an even deeper level of communication and trust than regular ones. You’ve upheld the boundaries you both implicitly agreed upon, yet it feels like she’s not holding herself to the same standard. The fact that she dismisses your concerns rather than addressing them is what’s truly hurting you. When someone we love invalidates our feelings, it creates frustration, self-doubt, and emotional distance. You’re not being “insecure” for wanting reassurance and clarity—you’re simply asking for the same level of respect and commitment you’re offering.

Trying to enforce boundaries by “forbidding” her from doing something isn’t the right approach, because boundaries should be mutual, not dictated. The more you try to control her actions, the more she might rebel or shut down, seeing it as you being possessive rather than expressing a valid emotional need. The real problem is not that she has male friends, but that she’s being secretive about them, not making an effort to ease your concerns, and disregarding how her actions affect you. A loving and committed partner should care about your peace of mind, even if she doesn’t fully agree with your perspective.

Hiring a private investigator or getting a friend to spy on her will only erode trust further, and mirroring her behavior by doing the same thing she does will not solve anything—it will just create more distance. If you’re considering breaking up, that means deep down, you already feel like your needs in this relationship aren’t being met. Before making any big decisions, you need to have one last honest conversation with her—not one where you accuse or demand, but one where you make it clear how this dynamic is making you feel and what you truly need from her to feel secure and valued in the relationship.

If she refuses to listen, invalidates your feelings again, or shows no willingness to compromise, then you have your answer. A relationship where only one person is making sacrifices isn’t sustainable. You deserve a partner who not only reassures you with words but also with actions that show she respects and values your presence in her life. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway, then it may be time to ask yourself if holding on is worth the constant emotional struggle.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Janak

Janak Patel  |21 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 10, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hi, I am 46 years old residing in a B Town in India. I have 2 daughters one 16 years old and second 7 years old. I have Savings of 25 Lakh in my account as emergency find. I have FD of 65 Lakhs. PF, PPF and NPS of 25 Lakhs, Mutual Fund and Shares of 25 Lakhs, Lic policies worth 25 Lakhs, Gold around 1.2 Crores. I have a medical insurance of 20 Lakhs for me and my family, Term insurance of 1Cr. As properties. I own 2 independent houses, 2 flats and 2 plots in Bangalore which has a current value of about 4.5 Cr. In my home town i have 2 Houses, 1 apartment and plots which has a current value of 2.75 Cr. Currently i am drawing a monthly salary of 2 Lakh rupees and get a rent of 30K/ month. I donot have any emi's and my monthly expenses is currently 75K. I am planning to retire at the age of 50. Is my financial condition stable to retire at the age of 50? Thanks for your suggestion in advance.
Ans: Hi,

Lets understand the value of your current Investments at the time of retirement. Below is the list with its current value and (expected rate of return).
Emergency Fund - 25 lakhs (3.5%)
Fixed Deposits - 65 lakhs (7%)
PF/PPF/NPS - 25 lakhs (8%)
MF/Stocks - 25 lakhs (10%)
LIC Policies - 25 lakhs (no change)
Your current investments listed above will achieve a value of 3.5 crore at the time of retirement 4 years from now.

Apart from this you have mentioned properties worth 7.25 Cr. Assuming you will only use/liquidate them if required, so excluding them from consideration for now.

You total income is 2.30 lakhs per month (includes rent) and expenses are 75k per month. So there is potential to add to the above investments for the next 4 years.

I will assume your current expenses are sufficient for the lifestyle you want to continue post retirement.
You will require a corpus on retirement after 4 years to sustain your expenses adjusted with inflation of 6% which will be close to 1 lakh per month (at the time of retirement).
With this starting point, and adjusting for inflation of 6% each year, and life expectancy of 30 years post retirement you need a corpus of approx. 2.5 crore - again assumed this will earn a return of 8% for the 30 years.
If you can invest wisely and generate a slightly higher return of say 10%, the corpus requirement will be 2 crore.

Your current investments at the time of retirement with value of 3.5 crore is sufficient to cover your expenses for the next 30 years inflation adjusted at 6%.
And this is excluding the properties you own and additional investments you can make for the next 4 years.

Summary - You are more than stable as far as your financial state is concerned. You have a strong base to meet your retirement needs and also a potential to create wealth for the generations ahead.

I want to highlight/recommend few points -
1. Increase the medical Insurance for yourself and family to 1Crore as medical expenses will only increase in future.
2. Stop the Term Life Insurance and save the premium for investment. As you have no liabilities and net-worth is high enough to cover any outcomes in life ahead, this premium is a lost cause considering your strong financial state.
3. Revisit the LIC Policies you have and consider surrendering/stopping them if they are not nearing their maturity. They are not giving you enough cover and providing below par returns. So do discuss with a trusted licensed advisor and evaluate them. If they will mature in the next 4 years, ignore this point.
4. Post retirement period is a long duration of 30 years, so do consider getting a good advisor - a Certified Financial Planner who can guide you to plan your retirement well and help you design a portfolio for additional wealth creation as a legacy for your children/dependents.


Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8098 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hi, I have the following funds part of my SIP and the last 4 funds are my one time lump sum of 35K each and invested sometime in November last year. Are these good to hold (lump sum) and rest as SIP for another 5 years. 1 Kotak Flexicap Fund - Reg Gr 2 Kotak Flexicap Fund - Dir Gr 3 Tata Multi Asset Opp Dir Gr 4 TATA Nifty 50 Index Dir Pl 5 Technology Plan - Direct - Growth 6 Bandhan Sterling Value Fund-(Reg PIn) -Gr 7 Nifty Smallcap250 Quality 50 Index Fund - Dir - G 8 | HDFC Dividend Yield Direct Growth 9 Quant Large and Mid Cap Fund Direct Growth 10 Quant Multi Asset Fund Direct Growth 11 Groww Nifty Non Cyclical Consumer Index Fund Direct Growth 12 Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund Direct Growth Thanks in advance for your guidance.
Ans: You have invested in multiple funds through SIP and lump sum. Holding them for the next 5 years is a good approach. However, it is important to check if your portfolio is diversified, aligned with your goals, and tax-efficient.

Overlap Between Funds
Your portfolio has multiple funds from the same category.

Too many similar funds do not improve returns but make tracking difficult.

Checking fund overlap can help avoid duplication.

Actively Managed vs Index Funds
You have index funds in your portfolio.

Index funds do not offer downside protection in market corrections.

Actively managed funds can outperform the index in volatile markets.

Switching from index funds to actively managed funds can improve growth.

Direct vs Regular Funds
You have invested in direct funds.

Direct funds may seem cheaper, but they lack expert guidance.

Investing through an MFD with CFP credentials ensures better selection and tracking.

Regular funds provide better decision-making support over time.

Sector-Specific and Thematic Funds
You hold a technology fund.

Sector funds are high-risk, as they depend on one industry’s performance.

If the sector underperforms, returns may be negative for years.

A diversified approach reduces risk compared to sector-based investing.

Smallcap and Midcap Allocation
You have smallcap and midcap funds.

These funds can be highly volatile in the short term.

Holding them for 5+ years is necessary to reduce risk.

Ensure you rebalance if the portfolio gets too aggressive.

Multi-Asset and Dividend Yield Funds
Multi-asset funds provide stability during market corrections.

Dividend yield funds are suitable for conservative investors.

These funds help in balancing the portfolio between risk and return.

Final Insights
Reduce overlapping funds and focus on fewer, well-performing funds.

Exit index funds and shift to actively managed funds for better growth.

Consider switching from direct funds to regular funds for expert tracking.

Keep sector funds below 10% of your portfolio to avoid concentration risk.

Continue SIPs in high-quality diversified funds for long-term wealth creation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8098 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

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Money
Can I run my family with 15 k exp and 20k retirement income
Ans: You have a monthly retirement income of Rs 20,000 and expect monthly expenses of Rs 15,000. On paper, this looks manageable, but there are important financial factors to consider. Let us analyse whether this income will be sufficient for the long term.

Cost of Living and Inflation Impact
Expenses will increase over time due to inflation.

If inflation is 6% per year, your Rs 15,000 monthly expenses may double in 12 years.

If income remains Rs 20,000, the gap between income and expenses will widen.

Healthcare and Medical Costs
Medical expenses increase with age.

Even with health insurance, out-of-pocket medical costs can rise.

If a medical emergency arises, your savings could be depleted quickly.

Emergency Fund Requirement
A sudden family emergency can strain finances.

Having at least 2–3 years' worth of expenses in a liquid fund is necessary.

If you do not have an emergency fund, your retirement income may not be sufficient.

Unplanned Expenses and Lifestyle Changes
New financial needs may arise, such as helping family members or home repairs.

You may want to travel, pursue hobbies, or engage in social activities.

A fixed retirement income can make such expenses challenging.

Investment Strategy for Long-Term Security
To beat inflation, invest a portion of savings in growth-oriented assets.

A mix of equity and debt funds will help generate better returns.

A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from equity funds can provide a higher monthly income.

Alternative Income Sources
Consider part-time work, freelancing, or consulting if possible.

Rental income or dividends from investments can support retirement cash flow.

Final Insights
Rs 20,000 may be enough now, but inflation and rising costs can make it insufficient later.

A combination of investments, emergency funds, and alternate income sources will provide financial security.

Regularly review and adjust your financial plan to sustain your retirement lifestyle.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8098 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hello sir, I have about 28 lakhs invested in different MF. Now i want a SWP of 35000 per month from that total fund. Looking at the current market situation I was either thinking if dividing the fund between debt 30% and equity 70%. But instead of investing a lumpsum amounts will it make more sense to park all my funds in a dynamic debt fund and then every month do SIP of maybe one lakh each to equity fund or balanced fund. Also i would like to know what difference will it make in my investment returns between sip and lumpsum except ofcourse averageing the market volatility in case of SIP and getting more UNITS if done lumpsum.
Ans: You have Rs 28 lakh invested in mutual funds and want to withdraw Rs 35,000 per month through a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP). You are considering whether to invest the corpus as a lump sum in a 70% equity – 30% debt allocation or to park the full amount in a debt fund and do an SIP of Rs 1 lakh per month into equity.

Your goal should be to generate stable withdrawals while preserving your capital and ensuring growth. Below is a structured approach to managing your funds wisely.

Understanding SWP and Its Impact on Your Corpus
SWP is a cash flow strategy, allowing regular withdrawals while the remaining corpus continues to grow.

The key challenge is to balance withdrawals and growth so that the corpus does not deplete too soon.

Investing in a mix of debt and equity will ensure stability while benefiting from market growth.

Option 1: Investing 70% in Equity and 30% in Debt
This allocation is suitable for long-term growth. Equity provides growth, while debt ensures stability.

A balanced portfolio helps manage volatility and ensures a steady SWP.

The downside is that a lump sum investment in equity exposes you to market fluctuations.

If the market falls after investing, the SWP may lead to selling equity at a lower value, reducing corpus longevity.

Option 2: Parking in a Debt Fund and Doing Monthly SIPs
This reduces market timing risk by investing gradually.

Debt funds provide low but steady returns, protecting the corpus while equity exposure increases.

SIPs spread the risk over time, ensuring better price averaging.

The downside is that debt funds provide lower returns, which may impact the final corpus.

SIP vs Lump Sum: Key Differences
SIP helps in market averaging, reducing the impact of volatility.

Lump sum investment can generate higher returns if the market performs well.

SIP is better for those worried about market crashes, while lump sum works well for long-term investors willing to take higher risks.

Best Strategy for You
A hybrid approach will work best:

Step 1: Park Rs 28 lakh in a low-duration or dynamic debt fund.

Step 2: Start an SIP of Rs 1 lakh per month into equity for 24–28 months.

Step 3: Withdraw Rs 35,000 per month from the debt fund until equity allocation builds up.

Step 4: After 2–3 years, rebalance to maintain a 60% equity – 40% debt allocation for stability.

Tax Implications of SWP
Withdrawals from equity funds held for over 1 year attract 12.5% tax on LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh.

Withdrawals before 1 year attract 20% STCG tax.

Withdrawals from debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Final Insights
A mix of debt and equity will ensure growth and stability in your SWP plan.

Parking the corpus in a debt fund first and then gradually shifting to equity is a safer approach.

Rebalancing every 2–3 years will help manage risk and sustain withdrawals.

Keep track of taxation to optimise post-tax returns.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8098 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 12, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hello Sir, I am 46. Unemployed due to health reasons. I have 28 lakhs i want to invest in SWP . I need 35000 monthly. How long do I have before my fund runs out? How should I invest to make the most of it? I want my funds to appreciate as well to be atleast propionate to my need of 35000. Given- if i invest in lumpsum than I get higher number of units and if i take the SIP route it can negate the market volatility. Looking at the current market scanerio i believe it may take couple of years to see proper returns. I was also thinking of pooling the entire corpus in Aggressive debt funds and then do a SIP to an actively managed equity fund. Under these circumstances please provide fund names also. Thanks in advance.
Ans: You are 46 and unemployed due to health reasons. You need Rs 35,000 per month from your investments. Your goal is to make your funds last longer while allowing growth.

Let us analyse your options and create a plan.

Assessing Your Requirement
You need Rs 4.2 lakh per year (Rs 35,000 x 12 months).

Your corpus is Rs 28 lakh.

If you withdraw Rs 4.2 lakh annually without growth, your funds will last less than 7 years.

You need growth to sustain withdrawals for a longer period.

Challenges with a High SWP Rate
A SWP of 15% per year (Rs 4.2 lakh from Rs 28 lakh) is too high.

Safe withdrawal rates are usually 4-6% per year.

A high withdrawal rate will deplete your corpus fast.

Investment Strategy for SWP
You need a mix of equity and debt to balance growth and stability.

Step 1: Allocate Corpus Wisely
Equity (50%): Invest for growth.
Debt (50%): Keep funds for the next 5-6 years of withdrawals.
This approach helps maintain stability while allowing long-term appreciation.

Step 2: SWP from Debt Funds
Start your SWP from debt funds to avoid withdrawing from volatile equity investments.

Debt funds provide stability and minimise short-term risk.

This ensures your equity investments have time to grow.

Step 3: Systematic Transfer to Equity
Keep your equity allocation in a flexi-cap or multi-cap fund for diversification.

Invest in a systematic transfer plan (STP) from a debt fund to an equity fund.

This reduces market timing risk and balances volatility.

Expected Corpus Longevity
If your portfolio grows at 8-10% annually, your funds may last 10-12 years.

If the market performs well, your funds may last longer.

A lower withdrawal rate will further extend sustainability.

Alternative Options to Sustain Your Corpus
Reduce withdrawals: If possible, lower monthly expenses to Rs 25,000-30,000.

Part-time income: If health permits, explore work-from-home or passive income options.

Medical emergency fund: Keep at least Rs 2 lakh aside for medical needs.

Review investments: Rebalance every year to maintain growth and stability.

Final Insights
Your current withdrawal rate is high.

A balanced equity-debt approach can extend the longevity of your corpus.

Use SWP from debt funds and STP to equity for better returns.

Monitor the portfolio regularly to ensure sustainability.

If possible, reduce withdrawals slightly to make the corpus last longer.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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