My wife and I have been married for 15+ years and we have two young kids (5 and 10 yrs old).

We are from northern India and sort of settled in the USA.

The issue is that our communication has been very poor and since the birth of our first child about 10 years ago, the problem has become significantly worse.

During the initial years of a kid's life it is obviously understandable to have an infant sleep with parents in bed, but my wife decided to continue doing that years into the birth.

This continued till my first child was 5 or 6 years older. And then came along our second kid and the same thing repeated.

I was not in agreement with this way of having kids sleep in bed every night and I started sleeping separately and have been doing that for years.

I believe this in itself caused multiple cascading communication issues and our detachment from each other.

My wife does not take any time out for the two of us and instead spends almost all her time caring for herself or kids.

My wife is also very (extremely) possessive and insecure with kids and me developing any kind of meaningful bond.

I have to ask her permission for example to take kids out or else she uses sarcasm, demean etc., or other ways to intimidate me as if I am doing something wrong.

I need your help to understand if any of this kind of behavioUr can be considered 'normal'.

Can I say to myself - 'bad luck, but this happens in marriage and is not a good enough reason to consider separation and divorce'? Or the behaviour I am seeing is way out of the ordinary and cause for some action to save my mental health.

I feel lonely, depressed and deprived of emotional support, and really miss time with my kids as well as being a parent to them in ways I think is best for them.

Parenting style significant differences have further increased the rift between us, and since kids spend a vast majority of their time with mom, I see them develop personalities which I think is not best for them as they step out into the world and become independent.

I am really squeezed between many conflicting thoughts.

Should I work on leaving this marriage after years of trying to establish some minimum communication and mutual trust?

Should I stay for the sake of my kids, but if so what is the point, I am not able to parent them anyway in any meaningful way?

We have arguments and verbal fights a lot and that is the only communication we have left now and otherwise weeks and months go by without any calm and meaningful conversations.

I am very lost and hope for some advice that I can apply and clear my thoughts.

I will very much appreciate your help.