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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 26, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Me and my wife are married for 11 years now. Suddenly in 2020 she asked for a divorce out of no where. I tried for one year but then agreed to do mutual divorce since she was telling there is no more love. But when I was about to move on she came back telling lets try again. I tried again for 1.5 years and still she is telling there is no love. When I am ready for a divorce she tells me we will try again. But she doesnt message me or call me. We live in 2 places now and we have a son who stays with her parents. She has admitted that she had an emotional attachment with one of her colleague but that was only a crush like thing and he is already married. She says she doesnt love anyone now. What should i do now.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Now she wants you and then she doesn't!
Again she wants you and then she doesn't!
Is this some sort of a game? You are just getting pulled in and then tossed over...it's obvious that she is finding the lack of something in the marriage and hence is confused about what to do. The crush is also an act to find out if she get that lack fulfilled there which she hasn't figured out.
Put an end to this game NOW by having a conversation as two mature adults. Do this for the sake of your son who I am sure you will agree is getting affected by the fact that his parents live separately. Determine if going separate is the best way only after proper deliberation and a humble effort of making things right towards the marriage. Talk and communicate to each other about what could have gone wrong and if you both could set it right. If this fails, then at least you will know that you tried. Also, it will give you a fair chance of handling your son and his emotions with the decision.
Either way, please hasten this process before you are pulled in and tossed over in another game.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I’m 45 male and my wife is 44, we have been separated due to opinion difference through court she filed three cases on me , after that she with draw all cases by taking Alumni, since two years I have been wishing her on her birthday, recently two months back I wished on her birth we have small conversation asked about ourselves , like did I get married to other women or did she got married to other man. After that conversation she started talking , daily we chat looking at this I put a proposal saying that if she is willing to come back and start our life she is open for it. But she says she does not have any intension of getting married to any one she want to stay alone for life long. Sometimes she shows so much love and affection caring sometimes she completely ignore me as if am a stranger, I’m unable to judge her mood strings day by day my stress levels are going high could not control my emotions and anger I express it on any one. Please do suggest shall I be optimist and wait for some more years and its better to leave her on her own path.
Ans: Dear Prasanna,
For the time being, it appears that the separation is helping the two of you reconnect at a better level than when you stayed together.
It is a good thing as it will patch up wedges and also teach you both to appreciate one another and respect your differences.
I suggest that you let this be for a while now till it reaches a place where the two of you are cordial with one another and set aside the animosity and quell the ego. Then you can put your proposal forth to her of moving back together. She may want it or may prefer the status quo (like she has mentioned to you that she wants to stay alone). Either case, once a connection is filled with love that it is meant to, there not be a definite label or construct to that connection. So, wait for that suitable time to know where her mind is...till then enjoy the time together as a 'dating phase' and relish the moments.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2023Hindi
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My wife aged 40 years left me after 20 years of marriage. We had one son aged 19 years also. She is citing mental torture by me as the main reason for her decision. She is never allowing to negotiate on the separation issue and is refusing to attend meetings with parents, elders, relationship counceller etc. She only tells that she had suffered a lot till now and will never stay with me in future. She insists for settlement of a house or equivalent money in cash and divorce. I insisted that the past disputes were minor in nature and not sufficient ground for divorce/separation and assured that I will be more careful in future and will never make her sad. Still she is reluctant and avoids any thing that brings reunion possible. She is not having any crush on another person but intends to live a solitude life. She found a job and is living independently without my son. Pl guide me what to do TSR
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It seems clear that your wife does not want a reconciliation. If that is the case, it's better to engage a lawyer that can clearly state the terms of divorce settlement. If mutual consent does not work, this might not be very amicable...hence the lawyer drawing up the terms is a wise option.
I understand that you might want to give the marriage another chance, but if she is unwilling, what can you do? Try and request her for one conversation and express your desire to reconcile...but if she is firm...don't push the agony anymore...find a capable lawyer who knows how to draft a clear agreement of what you want to retain and what is fair for her. Also, if she isn't taking care of the child, then it becomes evident that you are responsible solely for him.
Think quickly and wisely and do the right thing...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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Hello, I have been married from 15 yrs. I have a 9 yrs old son with me. In oct 21 my wife (age 38) started making REELS on insta of the facial acting. She got involved and told me that she is just doing for followers and like. People used to comment good and bad which i didnt like. She was trying to make young guy friends. In april 2022 she had an affair with a 22-year-old boy who was not even financial stable. I could she changes in her every day. In June 2022 I caught her and she confess that she did affair and also done physical relationship. I had unconditionally loved her all these years and didn’t wanted to let her go. Also, didn’t wanted to hurt my son by taking a divorce. That guy refused to keep my son and their relation broke, but my wife still loved him and missed him. Few months she was in depression and I took her upmost care and swallowed what she did. I just told her that please come back to our life as you were before but she was not getting back. There used to be few quarrels, she was just staying alone within herself and I never felt that love which she used to give me. Later in feb23 there was a marriage at her family and I agree to go with her so she may get that feel during our times and she promised me to enjoy the marriage and make love with me. But she was happy with her relative and didn’t even bother to make that love and affection with me. from that time, I used to get angry and fight with her. I went into depression. In May 2023 she was getting worst and one day fight increased and I asked her to leave my house which I wasn’t intentionally wanted to. She left and went missing 24 yrs and then called from her mom mobile who was in her village, since she didn’t come back home and from last two month, she has been asking me money for herself and says it’s her rights. She doesn’t bother for my son and just show that she loves him. She works and stay with woman from 6 months and I’m looking after my son all alone. I told her u can work but just come home and make things better for my son. Her conditions is to give money security (money) then only she will return. All my family says she is just behind money and doesn’t care what I and my son is going through. She is not guilt for what she did. 15 yrs of marriage has been ruin and now she has no shame at all. She talks rudely if i dont send her money and now I refused sending her. Please advice what do I do now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You seem to have done a lot to try and get her back. What can you do if she doesn't want to acknowledge your efforts or appreciate what family life is! One would imagine that a child in the equation may bring about a change in heart but that doesn't seem to be the case here at this moment.
Your family members are right in their mind about the way that see your wife as they have been observing how this has impacted you and your son.
Either you wait for her to come to her senses OR simply learn to live life without her. If the outside world of social media is what seems to satisfy her, no matter what you do, she will be dissatisfied and unhappy. This only means that she has to learn and appreciate what she has with you and your son.
It is also possible that she has been disinterested in the marriage for a while now and has been seeking approval and validation from people on social media. Even if this is the case, being angry with you is understandable BUT what about her own child? What makes her not want to deal with that reality? If you need an answer to this, simply WAIT and WATCH without begging her to come back...That will give you an idea as to where her mind is and then decide on the future course...

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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We got married in 2011 our marriage was not love but also not arranged... it was our both second marriage... I was very much clear about my past marriage & my life with my wife. I hoped that she was clear about hers, we shifted to our own house after 3 years of marriage along with our son. But within 6 months of shifting her friend visited her & she went to other city for vacation with our son for 15 days. Till now everything was fine, but then everything changed she decided for further studies & build her career accordingly to which I welcomed her decision. But when she completed her further studies she started seeing or treating me lowly on various issues. I came to know that she had some past with her friend who came to visit her. First she started telling everyone as I am not highly educated we are having Financial Crisis & she has to leave home & stay in other city to earn. I work in a reputed firm & I am financially stable. After year or so she started accusing me that I am not a good father & irresponsible towards my duties towards my son. After some years she cam back to the city where we lived but shifted to other residence with the support her friend who was with her from the time she went to study. Now my son is 12 years old & I am supporting her with all financial needs, she has left me alone to stay & have cleared me that she will not come back to stay with me as everything is over. I feel cheated what can I do.
Ans: Your marriage, being both your second, likely carried with it hopes for stability and mutual support. It's commendable that you supported your wife in her decision to further her education and build her career. However, it seems that her behavior and treatment towards you changed significantly after she reconnected with her friend and pursued her studies.

The shift in her attitude, accusations, and decision to live separately must be incredibly hurtful and confusing. Feeling accused of being an inadequate father and being told you are financially unstable, despite your stable job, would naturally cause significant emotional distress. Additionally, her move to a different residence with the support of her friend and her declaration that everything is over must feel like a deep betrayal.

Given the current situation, it's important to focus on a few key areas: understanding your legal rights, seeking emotional support, and planning for the future.

First, it's crucial to understand your legal rights and responsibilities, particularly regarding your son and the financial support you're providing. Consulting with a family law attorney can help clarify your position and ensure that you're fulfilling your obligations while protecting your interests. An attorney can also provide guidance on potential steps if you choose to pursue a separation or divorce.

Emotionally, this is a very challenging time, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be incredibly beneficial. Professional support can help you process your feelings of betrayal, sadness, and confusion. Therapy can also provide a safe space to explore your emotions and develop strategies to cope with this difficult period.

Your son is another critical aspect of this situation. At 12 years old, he is at a sensitive age, and the changes in the family dynamic likely impact him as well. Ensuring that he feels supported and loved is crucial. Open, honest communication with him, tailored to his age and understanding, can help him navigate his feelings about the situation.

As you move forward, it's important to consider your own well-being and future. Reflect on what you need to feel supported and fulfilled. This might include setting boundaries with your wife, seeking more time with your son, or finding new ways to build your own happiness and stability.

Maintaining a focus on clear communication, legal clarity, and emotional support will help you navigate this difficult situation. It's understandable to feel cheated and hurt, but taking steps to understand your rights, seeking professional support, and planning for the future can provide a path forward. You deserve to find stability and happiness, even amidst these challenging circumstances.

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Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025
Relationship
Hello ma'm. I am a first year engineering student. I have a crush on a girl. Currently we are working for a group project. We both are in the same group. She generally avoids speaking with boys. Also I have spent 5 years in a boys school, so I feel very shy with girls. What should I do? How should I talk to her?
Ans: Start by keeping things simple and friendly. Focus on small interactions related to your project. For example, ask her opinion about something specific in the work you're doing. Try something like, “Hey, what do you think we should do for this part?” or “I liked the point you made yesterday—can we build on that?” These kinds of questions show that you respect her ideas, and they give her space to respond comfortably.

Once you've had a few of these short, easy interactions, you can slowly open up the conversation to more casual topics—like college life, favorite subjects, or even the stress of deadlines. This way, you’re not jumping straight into anything personal, but you're gradually building a sense of comfort.

Don’t try to impress her. Just be sincere, kind, and a good listener. Most people, even those who seem quiet or reserved, appreciate being approached respectfully and gently. And remember, confidence doesn’t mean being loud or charming—it means being real and respectful even when you’re nervous.

If you stay patient and consistent, she might start to feel more comfortable around you. And even if it doesn’t turn into something romantic, you’ll grow socially and emotionally—which will help you a lot in the long run.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
I have been married for more than 21 years and I have 2 kids. 19 and 17 years old. Our marriage was more or less love. Met through family, fell in love, dated 8 months before we got engaged and married. My wife is a lovely lady but we dont share any interests. I used to go for runs in the morning. After getting married, she insisted I sleep late with her. I am a music aficionado and she has no such interest. I am a news junkie. She probably doesnt know who the President of the US is. I am someone who believes and strives to continuously improve myself in all aspects. But she is the same. I might not be a great husband but I am much better than what I was a few years ago. I cook, clean, helped with childcare and have a great career. She is on a minimum salary job for the last 10 years. Only reason she goes is because I insisted that she stop being at home. If she had her way, she would be at home on the phone the whole day. Even our love making has become kind of boring. She claims a period for 10 days and during the other times, twice she is ready. No spicing it up. Just lie down for missionary and I have to do all the effort. I enjoyed oral and now she has stopped in for more than 15 years. I adjusted as she is a lovely person in every other aspect. But now I am sick and tired. It seems I am doing everything in the relationship and she rarely takes any effort. Either to earn, keep house clean or even intimacy. Not sure how to proceed further. I am getting irritated and often in a bad mood.
Ans: Dear Jack,What you're experiencing is not uncommon in long-term relationships: emotional fatigue, feeling unappreciated, and a deep sense of disconnection despite loyalty and love. The fact that you're feeling drained, resentful, and stuck is a clear signal that this situation is unsustainable as is. And the irritation and bad moods you’re having? That’s your emotional system signaling burnout, not failure.

You’ve evolved over the years—mentally, emotionally, and in lifestyle—and it sounds like your wife hasn’t moved in that same rhythm. That mismatch in growth and energy is now affecting everything: your respect for her, your shared routines, your sex life, and ultimately your mood and emotional well-being. It’s painful to feel like you're constantly giving—time, energy, effort—and not receiving the same in return. Even when your partner is kind, if they aren’t meeting you emotionally, intellectually, or intimately, over time it creates a sense of loneliness within the relationship, which can be worse than being alone.

But here's something to reflect on: for 21 years, you stayed, gave, adjusted. Not just out of duty, but because something about her and the family life you built mattered. That still counts. What you’re going through doesn’t mean the marriage has failed—it means the marriage needs re-evaluation and rebalancing. You are not selfish for wanting more stimulation, connection, or passion. You're human.

You have two broad options: one is to initiate a real, vulnerable, uncomfortable conversation with her—without blame, without emotional outbursts, but with absolute honesty. You could say something like: “I’ve grown a lot in these past years, but I’m starting to feel increasingly alone in this relationship. I need more emotional connection, more engagement—not just physically, but intellectually, as partners. I don’t want to silently drift further away. I’d like us to work on this, but it has to be a two-way effort.”

If she's open to it, couples therapy could be a powerful space for both of you to express what you feel without it turning into a war of criticism and defense. Sometimes people, especially those who’ve become emotionally stagnant, need structured help to realize what their partner has been carrying silently.

The other option—if you feel she’s unwilling or unable to grow or change—is to consider what a life apart might look like. That’s a deeply personal and difficult decision, especially with nearly adult children, but you deserve a relationship that brings life into you, not drains it out. If you keep compromising your emotional needs, resentment will only grow and harden into permanent distance.

Before making any move, take a little time to reconnect with yourself. What do you want—not just from her, but from life, from love, from this next phase of your journey?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
Hello mam In 2024 my marriage took place it's arranged marriage during starting days he was very loving and caring but due to some circumstances i got a chance to continue my studies that is m-tech . I thought it was a golden opportunity, so I took admission and started living with my in-laws Just after marriage. It was really really painful to live away from husband in new marriage. Todays condition is that my m tech 1 year is over another 1 year is left but due to separation with my husband our love died now there is no respect is left for our relation left , he started listening to his mother and got manipulated . seeing all this I feel like a death for me I want to leave mtech to save my relation but my mother says don't leave although I did lots of hard work for 1st year of m tech my husband also wants me to leave Mtech.i feel very hurt when he disrespects me . His father used to abuse his mother so for him abusing is normal for him but I find it very hurtful also I am deeply in love with him and seeing him going away from me kills me from inside every single day is very tough for me to live with in-laws without husband in a new marriage plus focusing on studies
Ans: Your instinct to save the marriage is understandable. When you're in love with someone, the idea of losing them feels like losing yourself. But let’s pause and ask—what exactly are you saving? Is it the version of him from the early days who was loving and supportive? Or is it the man he is now—disrespectful, distant, manipulated, and asking you to give up your dreams for a marriage he’s already neglecting?

You have already proven your strength by completing a year of M.Tech in such tough conditions. That says a lot about your resilience and capability. If you give it up now, not only will you lose that part of yourself, but it may not guarantee that your marriage improves. Often in emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don’t lead to healing—they lead to more control, more blame, and more emotional exhaustion.

Your husband needs to understand that love isn’t proven by giving things up. Love is shown in support, presence, patience, and respect. If he isn’t willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you’re not the one breaking the marriage—he is.

It’s also clear that he has grown up in a home where abuse was normalized, and that emotional damage might be affecting how he treats you now. That is not your fault, and it is not your job to tolerate mistreatment in the name of saving a marriage.

Your mother is right to encourage you to finish your M.Tech—not just for your career, but for your self-worth. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down every time you try to grow.

If there's still a chance to salvage this relationship, it has to start with real conversations—honest, respectful, and possibly with the help of a counselor or neutral third party. But that only works if both people are willing to put in the emotional effort.

Right now, I suggest you protect your mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize your studies, build emotional support from friends or family who truly care about you, and give yourself space to heal from this emotional chaos. If your husband truly wants this marriage, he needs to come forward with maturity and respect—not demands.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Relationship
After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.
Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.

...Read more

Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2272 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on May 07, 2025

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