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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1683 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 26, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 21, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

My wife always try to impress neighbors, her character is not good. I dont trust her. My in laws always supports her. I don't have parents. I am facing some anxiety disorder. Tourette syndrome tics have started. I also lost my job as i was under extreme stress and taken compulsory voluntary retirement during covid. She is working as a teacher

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I don't understand why her character is not good and why you don't trust her; I am sure you have your reasons to believe so...
What you currently need is a professional who can help you manage your symptoms. Do understand that when the body is undergoing any discomfort, the mind is anxious and has little tolerance for even the simplest of stressful situations. So, I would suggest you to focus on yourself and learn to manage your condition so that you are better equipped to handle any challenging situations back home. Keep the faith up always!

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1683 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

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Relationship
I have been married for a little more than five years and I am living under tremendous stress and depression. We live in a joint family with my parents and an unmarried brother. I had told her all this before marriage. She loves me very much but her attitude towards my relatives has been a matter of concern right from the start. She does not want to keep a relationship with anybody apart from my immediate family. Slowly, she started having problems with my mother also; both have started having minor clashes at home. Many times, it is my mother’s mistake. The main problem is that she is very nagging and complains and gets irritated very frequently at the smallest instance. Frustrated, I planned on separating with her but the news came of her pregnancy and we were blessed with a baby girl. After the baby was born, my wife’s frustration and irritation has increased manifold because of her fear that my mother will give much more love to the baby then she can. So their clashes have increased. Now my wife has been putting a lot of pressure on me to look for a new house away from my parents, since she wants her own space. I already have a home loan on the existing home and a car loan. There is very less scope for me to purchase a new home and I don't want to leave my parents. She just doesn't understand my position and clashes happen between us. Looking at all this, I desperately want to separate from her but can't do so because of our daughter. I love her the most and can't live without her. So I just endure what is happening every day. This has resulted in me slipping into depression. It has affected my work in office as well. I am not performing well, I don't like to speak with any of my friends or relatives, I don't feel like doing anything. I’m living for the sake of my daughter, that's it. Even my parents are not in a position to understand me and my situation so I can't talk to them either. Can you help? Just don’t publish my name.
Ans:

Hi

It is unfortunate that you are in this situation.

Your wife is possibly not very inclined to be in a joint family set-up; the reasons maybe many. But isn’t it necessary for you as a husband and a father to look out for your family?

The misunderstandings caused between the two of you over the years because of being in a joint family set-up have never been addressed and much water has flowed under the bridge.

There is a slim chance that matters might get resolved if you get your mother and wife in the same room and iron it out, with you being a neutral person who does not take sides; this is the best option.

If this isn’t possible, kindly visit a family counsellor who can step in and show your family a way to live amicably or give you a perspective on how healthy it might be to live separately.

At the end of the day, you have responsibilities towards your wife and child too!

All the best and a Happy 2022.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |629 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2024

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Relationship
I have been married for 23 years and father of 3 children. My age gap with my wife is 11 yrs. I have been helping my in-laws for the last 13 years financially every month and also additional medical costs. I am a single breadwinner and i earn a good income but unable to save much as my wife dont have any economic sense. secondly, she is a highly depressed woman and always threatens me of suicide or shall leave home scaring my children who are around 16 yrs of age and disturbing their studies. even a small counter point she will take it seriously and shout at me for a very long and will make all sorts of threats. I am fed up with this type of relationship with her and I am helpless as my children have another 5 yrs to go to reach adulthood. She spends too much not on luxuries but unnecessary expenses and social costs like gifts to friends and relatives and spends a lot of time for temple or pooja activities with addtional expenses.
Ans: Dear KKR
It's evident that you're dealing with a significant amount of stress and emotional strain due to your wife's behavior and financial situation. It's important to establish clear boundaries in your relationship with your wife. Communicate your concerns about her behavior and the impact it's having on you and your children. Let her know that threatening suicide or leaving home is not a healthy or productive way to resolve conflicts, and express your willingness to support her in seeking help and finding healthier ways to cope Consider sitting down with your wife to have an open and honest conversation about your financial situation and the importance of budgeting and saving for the future. Explore ways to track expenses, prioritize needs over wants, and work together to set financial goals that align with your family's long-term objectives. Consider consulting with a legal or financial advisor to explore options for protecting your assets and securing your financial future, especially if you're concerned about your wife's spending habits and the impact it may have on your financial stability. It's important to remember that you're not alone in dealing with these challenges, and there are resources and support available to help you navigate this difficult time. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals for guidance and support, and prioritize your own well-being and the well-being of your children as you work towards finding solutions to your current situation.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |629 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am working in a central psu and my wife works for state govt and both are 48 yrs. We are married for 20 yrs and have 2 sons (20 &16). She is never expressive nor vocal, because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness. Her parents never ever made her realised that problem can be from her side too nor asked me even a single time whats is bothering me. She is over ambitious in her job and neglects everything in the personal life. This negligence started from the day 1 of the married life. She never try to understand the problem and reasons behind and just ignore and move ahead. This makes life miserable and likewise 20 yrs passed.. Its like when sons are moving out of home, I feel very much alone and sometimes feels to runaway from life...She dont show any emotions, giving the reasons that its her nature...She says loves me, but whats that love which is not felt by me for a single day...I wanted a wife not a nurse.. What to do....I lost my hope of life.
Ans: It's clear that communication and understanding between you and your wife have been lacking for quite some time. It's important to remember that marriage is a partnership, and both partners need to be willing to work on the relationship for it to thrive. It's also common for individuals to have different communication styles and emotional expressions, but it's crucial to find common ground and ways to connect despite these differences. Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how you're feeling. It's important for her to understand the impact her behavior is having on you and your relationship. Establish boundaries around work and personal life to ensure that both of you are making time for each other and your family. Encourage your wife to prioritize your relationship and family time.Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. This might involve engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with friends and loved ones, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor for yourself. change takes time, and healing a relationship requires effort and commitment from both partners. It's okay to feel discouraged and overwhelmed, but please don't lose hope. There are resources and support available to help you navigate this difficult time. You deserve to live a fulfilling and happy life, and it's never too late to work towards that goal.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1683 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am working in a central psu and my wife works for state govt and both are 48 yrs. We are married for 20 yrs and have 2 sons (20 &16). She is never expressive nor vocal, because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness. Her parents never ever made her realised that problem can be from her side too nor asked me even a single time whats is bothering me. She is over ambitious in her job and neglects everything in the personal life. This negligence started from the day 1 of the married life. She never try to understand the problem and reasons behind and just ignore and move ahead. This makes life miserable and likewise 20 yrs passed.. Its like when sons are moving out of home, I feel very much alone and sometimes feels to runaway from life...She dont show any emotions, giving the reasons that its her nature...She says loves me, but whats that love which is not felt by me for a single day...I wanted a wife not a nurse.. What to do....I lost my hope of life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sure there is an issue that you are facing BUT to generalize it as: because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness.
Are you sure that has not been a single day or a single moment of feeling some joy? DO NOT indulge in this kind of belief as it only makes the issue look bigger than what it maybe.
If you feel alone, talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel. It's your marriage as well; do something to stay in it.
If there is a reason for her to be the way that she is, that needs to be addressed. Also, by complaining rather than facing the issue together, you are alienating yourself from the marriage. Give this a fair chance and deal with it in a mature way. Talking about it helps more than complaining; as she will bring her list of complaints and then it just gets into a loop.
- have an honest conversation
- make space for a back and forth conversation
If she refuses to talk, then possibly there is a need for a professional to intervene. She will also need to understand what hurts you and work on it, so that the marriage moves on smoothly. Marriage is a two-way dance.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1683 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

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Relationship
Hi Madam, I am married (arrange marriage) for 10 years with a son of 8 years, I am middle class person and giving Home loan EMI also, because of which no money is saved. My problem is that my wife always demands money and fights for it. She is all aware of my income and expenditures of every month (I have prepared a list and shares with her). I have no habits of alcohol or smoking, but she always fights with me that I spends money on my bad habits and on friends. She always say that you don't take me outside , don't spend on me and blah blah...(I do take her to movies and wherever she wants to go with me or with her friends). She is very short tempered that I avoids talking to her but she finds a chance for fight. For her demands, I left my parental flat and mother and lived with her in a rented house for 5 years and now purchased an independent home also. But, I am fed up of her demands and fights. She even fights when our son is around and even comes near my body as if she wants to hurt me....(although we never had a physical fight). I am very afraid. For your information, she also works as a teacher in a private nursery school (pays half of our home loan EMI) and she is from village background. My father expired long back and mother is living with my younger brother. I even don't meet my close friends frequently (once or twice in a month) because of her fear, as when I meet them she fights on this issue also. I want peace in my life. Kindly help.
Ans: Dear Sunil,
This needs a bit more of finding out what exactly is going on? What is the root cause of anger and the blame game with your wife?
Whatever I suggest will just be a BAND-AID solution and things will flare up yet again. There is deep-seated anger and insecurities rising (from what I understand from you.
The only thing I can say is; spend time with her on an emotional level and maybe this will ease her emotional highs and lows. But, I do feel it is time to have an intervention where as a Couple you are given to tools to work on your relationship.
Do see an expert who specializes in marriage therapy/counseling. They will be able to guide you in a very structured fashion as to how to re-start and re-build your marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |629 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 25, 2025

Relationship
Off late ( 4-5 months ) iam experiencing extreme anxiety during flying. It was not there before. Also the recent airline accident and reading news reports about flight technical snags are adding to my worry. My job profile requires me frequency travel and i cannot avoid it. Can you pls advice me on some relaxation techniques or methods to calm myself while flying.
Ans: Hello Krish,
The important thing to remember is that flying itself remains one of the safest modes of travel, and your anxiety, while very real, is more about perception than actual risk.
When you notice anxiety rising before or during a flight, try focusing on your breathing first. A simple technique is the 4–7–8 method: inhale through your nose for 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, and exhale slowly through your mouth for 8 counts. This helps calm the body’s stress response. Pairing this with progressive muscle relaxation — gently tensing and releasing muscles from your feet upwards — can give your mind something to focus on and reduce the physical tension that comes with anxiety.
Visualization also works well. Before your flight, close your eyes and imagine yourself boarding calmly, settling into your seat, and landing smoothly at your destination. During the flight, picture a safe, steady path in the sky, like a road, reminding yourself that turbulence is just like bumps on that road — uncomfortable, but not dangerous.
Practical steps help too. Limit caffeine or heavy news consumption before you fly, carry calming music, podcasts, or even guided meditations on your phone, and try to keep your mind occupied with a book, work, or even puzzles. Some people find comfort in talking briefly to flight attendants — their calm and routine presence can be reassuring.
If your anxiety feels overwhelming or keeps getting worse despite these methods, it may help to work with a therapist trained in cognitive-behavioral techniques for phobias. Even a few focused sessions can equip you with tools to manage the fear more effectively.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10334 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 25, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 25, 2025Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, I am 42 years old with 60K monthly salary. Have one child in 8th class. As far as saving is concerned, having LIC of Rs.2.5K monthly for last 2 years and SIP monthly Rs.3.5K for last 8 months. Have 2 Lac in FD. Can I afford a home loan EMI for at least 20-25 years? How can I plan my financial strategies after home loam EMI burden? Please suggest.
Ans: You have taken very good steps already with SIP and FD. Your intent to own a house and at the same time secure your family’s future is appreciable. With proper planning you can handle a home loan and also balance other goals. Let us look at your situation from a 360-degree perspective.

» Current income and expenses
– Your monthly income is Rs 60,000.
– Existing commitments are Rs 2,500 LIC and Rs 3,500 SIP.
– That means Rs 6,000 is already going into savings.
– You still have Rs 54,000 left for household expenses, EMI, and other savings.
– This gives you capacity to plan EMI if done carefully.

» LIC policy assessment
– LIC investment is small but not effective for wealth creation.
– Traditional LIC plans give low returns, sometimes lower than inflation.
– Since you are in second year only, surrendering and reinvesting is better.
– The amount can be moved to mutual funds for higher growth.
– Protection should be taken separately through pure term insurance.

» SIP and FD assessment
– Current SIP of Rs 3,500 is a good start.
– At your age and goals, SIP amount needs to be increased.
– FD of Rs 2 lakh is good for emergency buffer.
– But FD is not suitable for long-term wealth creation.
– You must maintain part for emergencies but shift extra to mutual funds.

» Home loan affordability
– A safe EMI limit is 30 to 35% of income.
– For you, that is around Rs 18,000 to Rs 21,000 per month.
– If EMI goes much higher, family cash flow will suffer.
– You need to balance EMI with child’s future and retirement.
– A 20 to 25-year loan is possible but keep EMI affordable.

» Risk of higher EMI burden
– Higher EMI blocks your monthly income.
– It reduces ability to invest for child education and retirement.
– If income rises steadily, EMI burden becomes manageable.
– But depending only on future salary growth is risky.
– Always choose EMI that you can pay even in tough times.

» Emergency fund before loan
– Emergency fund is vital before taking a home loan.
– It should cover at least 6 months of expenses including EMI.
– Your FD of Rs 2 lakh is not enough.
– Build this reserve before committing to loan.
– It will give confidence and safety during emergencies.

» Insurance protection
– Home loan adds large liability to your family.
– You must have adequate life insurance through pure term policy.
– This ensures family can repay loan if something happens to you.
– Health insurance is also very important.
– These covers reduce stress when EMI is running.

» Child education planning
– Your child is in 8th class.
– Within 4 to 5 years, higher education cost will start.
– This is a high priority goal along with home.
– Education cost inflation is very high.
– You must allocate SIP for this goal separately.

» Retirement planning
– You are 42 now and have about 18 years to retire.
– Retirement corpus needs long-term disciplined investing.
– Many people ignore retirement while paying EMI.
– If you delay, you may face shortage later.
– Even small SIPs now can grow large in long term.

» Role of equity mutual funds
– Equity mutual funds create wealth for long-term goals.
– They help fight inflation and build retirement corpus.
– Active funds give professional management and growth opportunity.
– Index funds cannot protect during market falls.
– Actively managed funds have better risk management for your goals.

» Debt mutual funds for balance
– Debt funds provide stability in portfolio.
– They are useful for near-term goals like child’s higher studies.
– They are also good for systematic transfers into equity funds.
– Gains are taxed as per income slab, but stability matters more.
– Balancing debt and equity avoids excess volatility.

» Regular vs direct funds
– Direct funds seem cheaper but they lack guidance.
– With direct funds, you miss the support of Certified Financial Planner.
– Mistakes in timing or allocation may ruin your goals.
– Regular funds with CFP monitoring ensure disciplined strategy.
– The small cost difference is worth the expert advice and reviews.

» Balancing EMI and investments
– Do not commit entire surplus to EMI.
– Keep part of surplus for SIPs in mutual funds.
– This balances house goal with education and retirement goals.
– House is important but should not block your other future needs.
– Balanced approach reduces financial stress later.

» Systematic plan for you
– Keep emergency fund of at least 6 months expenses.
– Maintain affordable EMI within 30% of salary.
– Take sufficient term insurance to cover loan and family needs.
– Increase SIPs gradually for child education and retirement.
– Review portfolio annually with a Certified Financial Planner.

» Psychological balance
– Owning a home gives comfort but EMI brings pressure.
– Proper planning gives peace of mind.
– Splitting resources between EMI, SIP, and insurance balances responsibilities.
– With discipline, you can handle loan and other goals together.
– Confidence grows when you see both home and investments progressing.

» Tax awareness with investments
– Equity fund long term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.
– Short term gains taxed at 20%.
– Debt fund gains taxed as per slab.
– Planning redemptions across years can reduce tax impact.
– This will be important when you withdraw for education.

» Importance of yearly review
– Your income, expenses and goals will change with time.
– Loan balance and investments need tracking every year.
– Rebalancing ensures right mix of debt and equity.
– Regular review prevents drift and keeps you on track.
– CFP guidance is essential for this monitoring.

» Currency impact for education
– If your child studies abroad, currency impact will matter.
– Rupee tends to weaken against USD and GBP.
– This increases future cost of overseas education.
– Equity funds can help manage this inflation.
– Some international funds may be considered later for currency hedge.

» Finally
– You can afford a home loan with careful planning.
– Keep EMI around 30% of your income.
– Build emergency fund and take term insurance before loan.
– Surrender LIC and move money to mutual funds.
– Balance EMI with SIPs for child education and retirement.
– Stick to active funds and regular plans with CFP support.
– With discipline and yearly reviews, you can own a house and also secure future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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