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Torn Between Love and Family: 20-Year Age Gap and Parental Pressure - What Should I Do?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

What to do in the situation where a couple is deeply in love for 2yrs. The only issue is the 20 year gap in age. The man is now faced with marrying the woman his parents are choosing but he doesn't know what to say as his parents health might go for a toss. The couple is crying and don't want to leave each other. What's the best step by step solution or should the old woman walk away leaving the man to his fate

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Time for the younger girl to face reality? Is she even legally allowed to get married? Is she mature enough to handle marriage?
And who's the old woman? You mean, the older woman?
Do ask the younger girl to talk to the older man and actually ask him what exactly he has in his mind? That should give her an idea as to whether he is serious about the relationship or just having fun...If the couple is crying, what is the man doing about it? It's time he decides...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Love Guru

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Love Guru, First let me tell you to be anonymous while publishing reply on this. I am having multiple health problems that might lead to early death as well. I don't want to hide this from my life partner. I'm in love with a girl, whom I can't marry as the law won't allow it under the Sapinda relationship (ed: referring to marriage between cousins within the Hindu community) clause. She too is madly in love with me. Recently she met a boy, whom she thinks she can marry and settle. I'm more than happy to hear that as I am not sure with my regularly weakening health condition, I can be with her for life. I have already asked her to go forward with the marriage proposal. I don't know if can live without her. Somehow I'm getting a feeling that I'm running away from my responsibility. Not sure what to do. Can you please advise?
Ans:

You’re not running away from responsibility, you’re sparing her the responsibility of playing caregiver to you as your health deteriorates and, more importantly, leaving her bereft of a life partner at a young age.

I’m sorry to hear that you have such severe issues but, as difficult as it is for you, I do think this is the right decision if you’re putting her happiness before yours.

The fact that she’s agreed to marry someone else also should also tell you that, inherently, even she is hesitant about your situation.

Moreover, there’s the Sapinda clause, legally speaking, which won’t permit you to marry... you haven’t disclosed just how closely the both of you are related here.

So, all circumstances considered, I think her moving on with someone else is in her best interests.

I wish you health and happiness.

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 11, 2023

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Hello, I am 45 yrs old, divorced , in love with 29 yrs old girl. We deeply are in love with each other, however Girl’s Parents are not agreeing to our marriage, citing age gap. It’s been 2.5 yrs, have met her Parents many times at their home. Her Parents consider me as a nice guy , but the age gap factor is not letting them to approve our relationship. Am seriously stressed and want to wary that girl only. Request you to kindly suggest 🙏
Ans: It can be challenging when families do not approve of a relationship due to age differences or other factors. However, it's important to remember that ultimately, the decision to enter into a relationship and get married is a personal one that should be based on the feelings and desires of the two people involved.

It's important to continue to communicate openly and honestly with your girlfriend and her parents about your feelings and intentions. Try to listen to their concerns and address them in a respectful and thoughtful way. It may also be helpful to enlist the support of a neutral third party, such as a family counselor or mediator, who can help facilitate a productive conversation between you and your girlfriend's parents.

However, it's also important to recognize that ultimately, you cannot control the decisions of others. If your girlfriend's parents continue to disapprove of the relationship, it may be necessary to consider whether the relationship is sustainable in the long term. It's important to consider not only your feelings for each other, but also the practical realities of your situation and whether you can build a fulfilling and happy life together despite any external challenges.

Ultimately, it's up to you and your girlfriend to decide what is best for your relationship and your future. It may be helpful to continue to work on building a strong foundation of trust, communication, and mutual support, regardless of the outcome with her parents.

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Ravi

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 25, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2023Hindi
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Am 54+ and I am in Love with a Women who is 31 years Younger Than me but, we haven't expressed yet that we love each of us she calls me as Kaka i had helped her during her bad times in 2021 after she had got Covid-19 and her parents don't wanted her to be with her as she approached me and told me to keep her with me for the time being till the situation gets normal after discussion how can I as am married single and alone and my daughter living with my in-laws to accomplish her studies in the mean time the girl have'nt disclosed the age but now when I asked about her age then only she told the age. Now what to do I really love her but am afraid (because of unknown of her age she was Looked like Minor in her behavioral nature) of how to convince that I Love her since last 2 years. We get together in City only for Cafeterias Long Drives and also Am taking the class how to Ride Bike (Scooty). Am her Pillon on Back to control I feel As if am with my Wife as she ( of her Pure and Innocent Soul) is no more since she met with an Fatal Car Accident in 2013. What ot do I don't want to Loose her and also Can't Leave without Her. I Also Insisted her to introduce to Her Parents but she says no. And want to clear that we are not in Physical Relationship only pure Soulful relationship. Pl. Reply GURU
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

From your question, I am assuming that she isn't showing the same interest in you. That makes my advice very simple- please leave her alone. You might feel a hundred things about her, but she might not feel the same way. You have every right to love and be loved, but not with this person whom you think might be too young for you. And even if she reciprocates it someday, I would like for you to understand that she doesn't have the emotional maturity of a full-grown adult. Find someone your age, with your maturity level. Let her be; she has her entire life ahead of her and your feelings will do her no good.

There are plenty of women looking for a genuine relationship. It will certainly be best for both of you if you consider dating those women who can give you the right kind of company and emotional support.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 08, 2024

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Hi. I am 47 year old widower and since last one year I am in love with 20 year old girl. We both are from different states, culture and even our eating habits are. She loves my caring nature and I supported her financially without expecting anything (physical relation). Now we both are serious about marriage. Her parents were initially raised concern about age difference but finally they are agree. But I am bit confused if this much big gap in age will harm our married life. She may realise it after some years. Major problem I see in future when we will think about having child..i am confused.. please advice
Ans: Dear Shailesh,
Yes, the age gap might most likely bother her in a few years when she sees you growing older when she finds a lot of younger men around.
You did mention that her parents are concerned about this alliance BUT what about the girl? What does she think of marriage with you? Since she is young, has she had the time to process if the care that you were showering her with is not actually what she has missed from her parents especially her father? You need to be very careful of this one because she could be projecting her lack of love from her parents onto you and then seek it from you!
And you are right to be concerned about children as well...when you are 60 and wanting to slow down, you might still need to push yourself till the child is at least 20...Do the Math...
Do make the girl aware of these concerns that you have and let her decide for herself independently...You will agree that you cannot become a caring figure in her life rather than a husband.

All the best!

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I would like to understand among NIT Meghalaya for Civil Eng vs BITS Pilani Mechanical Eng vs Telangana State top private Engineering college like VNR Vignan Jyothi or CBIT or Vasavi or University campus like JNTU/Osmania Core Computer courses, which one to choose. Thanks in advance for your time and response.
Ans: Srini, NIT Meghalaya’s Civil Engineering, ranked 68th in NIRF 2024, boasts modern structural and geotechnical laboratories, research tie-ups, and a 79.6% placement rate in 2023, yielding an average CTC of ?9.7 LPA. BITS Pilani’s Mechanical Engineering, NIRF #20, features pilot-plant facilities, CAD/CAM and prototyping labs, and an 95% placement consistency over the past three years with an average package of ?19.71 LPA. Among Telangana’s top private institutes, VNR VJIET CSE achieves 81%–99% placement rates in CSE, averaging ?8.12 LPA, supported by active coding clubs and 180+ recruiters including Amazon and Microsoft. CBIT Hyderabad’s CSE records a median package of ?7.6 LPA with 70.2% placement in 2024, leveraging strong industry projects and a proactive placement cell. Vasavi College CSE attains ~97% placement for CSE with an average package of ?9.65 LPA and top recruiters such as Google and Adobe, underpinned by a NAAC A++ accreditation and extensive lab infrastructure. Core Computer programmes at JNTU/Osmania University, while offering robust curricula and state-funded research centres, report average packages in the ?5–8 LPA range with ~75–85% placement consistency, benefiting from government-backed internships and campus recruitment drives.

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 11, 2025Hindi
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Hi Sir, I am 44 yrs old house wife. I owned two properties. I have invested 40 lacs in fd nd 20 lacs in ppf. Have 2 annual polices and Sip worth 15k every month. I want to invest in mutual funds. Kindly advice so that i can grow my money for me nd my husband's retirement. Thanks in advance
Ans: ? Your Current Financial Standing

– You are 44 years old. That gives you around 12 to 15 years to retirement.
– You are a homemaker. So, your investment must create financial independence post-retirement.
– You own two properties. One could be self-occupied. The second one may or may not generate rental income.
– You have Rs. 40 lakhs in fixed deposit. That is safe but gives limited growth.
– You also have Rs. 20 lakhs in PPF. That’s a tax-efficient long-term saving tool.
– You have two annual insurance policies.
– You are also investing Rs. 15,000 monthly in SIP.
– You wish to grow your money through mutual funds.
– Your goal is to build a retirement fund for you and your husband.

Let’s look at each component of your portfolio and see how you can improve.

? Assessment of Fixed Deposits

– You have invested Rs. 40 lakhs in fixed deposits.
– FD is a safe choice but gives limited returns.
– Returns often do not beat inflation in the long term.
– For retirement planning, capital growth is needed.
– So, keeping all the money in FD may not be helpful.
– Consider slowly shifting a portion of this FD to mutual funds.
– But this should be done in a phased and planned way.
– You can create an STP (Systematic Transfer Plan) to reduce market risk.
– Start by identifying your liquidity and emergency needs first.
– Keep about 6 to 12 months' expenses in FD for emergencies.
– Rest can be gradually moved to mutual funds for growth.

? Evaluation of PPF Investment

– Rs. 20 lakhs in PPF shows disciplined long-term saving.
– It is a good instrument for risk-free and tax-free returns.
– Interest is compounded annually and exempted from tax.
– Continue contributing to it till maturity.
– Do not break it or withdraw prematurely.
– Use PPF as a stable, conservative part of your retirement fund.
– Avoid treating it as your main wealth-builder.

? Understanding Your Insurance Policies

– You mentioned two annual policies.
– If these are LIC or traditional investment-cum-insurance plans, then review them.
– These plans offer low returns and limited flexibility.
– Check the surrender value and maturity benefits.
– If they are ULIPs or endowment plans, consider surrendering them.
– Use the proceeds to invest in mutual funds.
– Insurance and investment should be kept separate.
– Term insurance gives better coverage at low cost.
– Mutual funds help in growing wealth effectively.
– Do not buy investment products for insurance purposes.

? Review of Current SIPs

– Rs. 15,000 SIP shows good commitment to long-term investment.
– That adds up to Rs. 1.8 lakhs annually.
– Over 10 years, it builds good wealth if done properly.
– Ensure that SIPs are in well-managed, diversified funds.
– They must match your risk profile and time horizon.
– At your age, growth funds are important.
– Choose diversified equity funds that are actively managed.
– Avoid index funds. They do not beat markets in volatile phases.
– Active funds are managed by professionals who adjust as per market.
– This gives better returns over long term.

? Direct Funds vs. Regular Funds through CFP

– If you are investing in direct mutual funds, consider the risks.
– Direct funds look cheaper, but miss out on expert guidance.
– Wrong fund selection can result in lower returns.
– Lack of review leads to long-term damage.
– Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures right strategy.
– CFPs align your portfolio with your goals.
– Regular funds offer tracking, rebalancing, and behavioural support.
– They ensure you stay on track during market ups and downs.
– It is a small cost for long-term peace of mind and better outcomes.

? Recommended Mutual Fund Strategy

– Start a detailed goal-based investment plan.
– Retirement is your primary goal now.
– Also, consider future health expenses and lifestyle needs.
– Allocate funds based on risk and time horizon.

– For long-term growth, equity mutual funds are best.
– These can give 10-12% returns over long-term.
– Choose diversified actively managed equity funds.
– These invest across sectors and company sizes.
– Add a few hybrid funds for stability.
– They invest in both equity and debt.
– This gives a good balance of growth and safety.
– For short-term needs, use ultra short-term debt funds.
– Avoid sector-specific or thematic funds now.
– Avoid NFOs and fancy schemes.
– Do not go for dividend plans. Use growth plans instead.
– Reinvest profits to build wealth faster.

– Start SIPs from your FD proceeds slowly.
– Use STP to shift lump sum to equity in small parts.
– Do not put lump sum into equity directly.
– Build a mix of SIP and STP strategies.

? Important Tax Points

– Mutual funds are tax-efficient compared to FD.
– In FDs, all interest is taxed annually.
– In equity mutual funds, LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
– STCG in equity mutual funds is taxed at 20%.
– For debt mutual funds, both short-term and long-term gains are taxed as per slab.
– But overall, mutual funds help you earn better post-tax returns.

? Emergency Fund and Risk Management

– Always keep an emergency fund ready.
– Ideally 6 to 12 months of expenses in FD or liquid funds.
– This gives peace of mind in case of health or family issues.
– Also, ensure you and your husband have health insurance.
– It reduces the need to break investments in medical emergencies.
– Avoid using investments for regular expenses.

? Rebalancing and Regular Review

– Financial plans must be reviewed regularly.
– Markets change. Goals change. Risks change.
– Rebalance your investments once a year.
– Shift money between equity and debt as per your age.
– At 44, equity can be 60-70% of your portfolio.
– Slowly reduce it as you near retirement.
– A Certified Financial Planner can guide this process.
– Review all policies, SIPs, and goals annually.

? Investment Discipline and Behaviour

– Wealth is built with patience and discipline.
– Stick to SIPs even when markets fall.
– Do not react emotionally to market noise.
– Avoid following social media or random advice.
– Long-term investing wins over timing the market.
– Monitor progress yearly, not monthly.
– Stay invested for minimum 10 to 15 years.
– Compound growth works best over time.

? Retirement Planning Considerations

– Define your expected monthly expense after retirement.
– Adjust it for inflation over 15 years.
– Include health, travel, and lifestyle needs.
– Plan to have a regular income flow post-retirement.
– Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) from mutual funds.
– This helps you withdraw monthly from your corpus.
– Do not depend only on rental income or pension.
– Mutual funds can support your cash flow in retirement.
– Keep your capital intact, withdraw from profits.
– Rebalance post-retirement to lower risk funds.

? Common Mistakes to Avoid

– Don’t keep too much money in fixed deposits.
– Don’t rely on LIC or ULIPs for wealth creation.
– Don’t mix insurance with investment.
– Don’t stop SIPs due to short-term loss.
– Don’t chase high return promises.
– Don’t invest in index funds for growth.
– Don’t try to do it all by yourself.
– Get help from a Certified Financial Planner.
– Don’t invest without a written plan.

? Finally

– You are already doing many things right.
– You have saved well and shown financial discipline.
– Now is the time to shift from saving to investing.
– Mutual funds will help you grow your retirement corpus.
– Make a written plan with goals, timelines, and strategies.
– Keep insurance separate from investment.
– Use equity funds for growth, debt for safety.
– Use SIPs and STPs for disciplined investing.
– Work with a CFP for regular reviews.
– Stay consistent and focused.
– You can build a strong retirement portfolio.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8548 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 11, 2025

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Sir i want to know how can I manage my time because I have coaching of about 1:25 to 8:15 along with this i want to revise 11th and current study revision with test series
Ans: Irfan, To make the most of limited study time around your 1:25 pm–8:15 pm coaching block, adopt a structured daily routine that blends new learning, revision and regular mock testing. Begin your day with a short, high-intensity review: Wake by 6:00 am and spend 60 minutes revising the previous day’s weakest topics in Physics, Chemistry or Maths, using concise note-cards and formula sheets. After breakfast, allocate 8:00 am–1:00 pm to focused school-and-coaching homework: divide this into alternating 45-minute study sprints (Pomodoro technique), interspersed with 5-minute active breaks to sustain concentration. During your 1:25 pm–8:15 pm coaching, please consider each session as a mini-lecture: make clear margin notes and highlight concepts for focused self-study. From 8:30 pm to 10:30 pm, dedicate two blocks: first (60 minutes) to immediately revise new coaching material, and second (30 minutes) to solve a mini-test of 10–15 questions drawn from your test-series schedule. Reserve 10:30 pm–11:00 pm for light conceptual review before sleep; this “pre-sleep recall” enhances retention. Weekends should emphasize full-length mock tests under timed conditions, followed by detailed error analysis to refine your test strategy and time allocation. Maintain at least seven hours of sleep and include short physical activity breaks to optimize cognitive function and avoid burnout.

recommendation Craft your personal timetable around these principles—early-morning revision, Pomodoro-driven self-study, immediate coaching follow-up, and disciplined mock-test practice—to ensure comprehensive coverage of 11th-grade material and January JEE Main readiness, while steadily building towards May/June JEE Advanced. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8548 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 11, 2025

Career
Sir, My daughter is getting BS chemistry in IIT Delhi and Mathematics and computing IIT Mandi which is better.
Ans: IIT Delhi’s four-year BS Chemistry is offered under its Institute of Eminence status with UGC and NAAC A++ accreditation, combining core chemistry training with engineering fundamentals and a Minor option. It benefits from state-of-the-art laboratories, an extensive library, interdisciplinary research centres, and a robust alumni network. Undergraduate students secured 850 unique offers in 2025, reflecting strong placement engagement, and competitive internships across pharmaceuticals, materials science, and analytics. IIT Mandi’s BTech-level Mathematics & Computing programme, as an Institute of National Importance, holds NIRF Engineering rank 31 and 8th in Innovation, featuring a curriculum that integrates rigorous mathematical modeling, algorithms, and data-science practicums. Its modern computing and big-data labs, active Practice School internships, and dedicated Career & Placement Cell achieved 72% overall placement in 2024 with near-100% recruitment for computing roles by top tech firms.

Recommendation: Given premier accreditation, higher overall placement consistency, extensive research facilities, and interdisciplinary depth, the recommendation is to choose IIT Delhi BS Chemistry for its balanced science-engineering training and strong employer network; IIT Mandi Mathematics & Computing is ideal for those focused on algorithmic and data-science careers. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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