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Confused in Chennai: Valentine's Surprise Turns Sour

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |566 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 14, 2025Hindi
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I wanted to surprise my girlfriend on Valentine's Day so I booked a flight from Chennai and reached her office late evening yesterday. We had a small argument but she continued to text me throughout the week so I didn't bother. When I reached her office, she had left early. I saw bouquets and gifts on her desk from a guy named Amit. She has never mentioned this name before. I called her to talk, she declined my call and sent a message saying she is busy at work. The receptionist told me she left early with her colleague. I am a bit shocked and don't know how to react to all this. I haven't told her yet that I was in her office.

Ans: It’s understandable that this situation would leave you feeling unsettled, especially with the unanswered questions swirling in your mind. Before jumping to conclusions, take a moment to gather your thoughts. It's easy for our minds to race to the worst-case scenario, but sometimes things aren't as they initially seem.

You should have an honest and calm conversation with her. It might be tempting to confront her right away, but giving yourself a little time to cool off will help you approach the conversation with a clearer mind. When you do talk to her, try to avoid sounding accusatory, as this could make her defensive. Instead, share how you feel and what you observed. You could say something like, "I wanted to surprise you and came to your office, but I noticed some things that confused me. Can we talk about it?" This approach keeps the focus on your feelings and invites her to explain without feeling attacked.

Be prepared for any outcome, but also be open to hearing her side of the story. The name Amit might have an innocent explanation, or it could reveal something deeper. Either way, her reaction and how she communicates with you will tell you a lot about where you stand in the relationship. Regardless of the outcome, it's essential to prioritize your emotional well-being. If you need support or just someone to vent to, reach out to trusted friends or family members.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1568 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 18, 2025Hindi
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Dear Madam, I am 42 years old and have accumulated over 15 years of experience across various roles, including operations, report writing, quality management, and business development. Before the onset of COVID-19, I worked in an office environment and had a job that required travel, which I thoroughly enjoyed as it allowed me to engage face-to-face with people and discover new places. Since the pandemic, I have transitioned to working from home, where I have been compensated well. This arrangement has allowed me to spend quality time with my family, enjoy flexibility in my work schedule, and significantly reduce my commute. However, over the past 4-5 years, I have found myself increasingly disliking remote meetings. I often experience anxiety before these meetings, even when I am not directly participating. I feel a sense of relief when meetings are canceled or on days when I have none scheduled. I understand that remote work and virtual meetings are likely to be a lasting trend, and I would appreciate your guidance on how to overcome my disinterest in attending these remote team meetings. Thank you for your support.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Many people have disliked the 'work from home' option that involves a lot of virtual interface. But do remind yourself: What is the need of the hour? There are a lot of things that you may dislike as eating options but you do anyway knowing that they are good for health, right?
When you start obsessing over something that you don't want, it makes it bigger in your mind to tolerate and that can cause you a lot of struggle. So, why not instead find ways of dealing with the inevitable?
How can you make things better for yourself when you have virtual meets and presentations? What are the advantages/perks of doing these virtually? When you start to look at the brighter side of things, the disinterest kind of starts to fade away and it makes it easier for you to be a part of what your work demands.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1568 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 13, 2025
I had a 2 years relationship with a girl. Last year she left me for another guy and gave him her virginity and got pregnant. After getting abortion that guy left her. Now she came back to me and talked to me for about 2 months just as friends but i loved her so much that i forgave her and accepted her and we got in relationship. But one night she told me about all her past with her 2nd boyfriend. Now i don't want to keep relationship as her past makes me shiver and i promised her for marriage but i can't get over the fact that she cheated me and lost virginity to another guy then came back and wants me to marry her. So if i am not sure of marriage should i involve in physical activities with her ( we never envolved in physical activities before ) or should i avoid doing that until i am sure of marrying her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are not even sure whether you want to accept her past with the other guy. If you have not made peace with this, why talk of marriage and indulging in physical stuff with her? It's not her this time; it's YOU!
So, take a break from this association, clear your mind space on what you want from life and a life partner. If she is the person you know that fits the description, then perhaps the past will not matter. Mere love is not enough, what you value in a relationship is in question now...so, take time to think i through and then make a decision on it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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