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Seeking Advice: Moving on After Partner's Betrayal?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |442 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 01, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
aks Question by aks on Nov 29, 2024Hindi
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Thank you so much for your valuable advice, ma'am. I will take it to heart & work on healing from this betrayal..............!!! Ek Nayi Jindagi Shuru Karni hain Hamein Abb...!!!

Ans: all the best

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |471 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 14, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2023Hindi
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Dear sir, I am a widow of 44 yrs reputed officer and I am also working at a reputed post. I have a daughter also. 2 yrs back I gave a matrimoni adv on a online site for remarriage. I received a call from an Sr. Scientist. I was serious about this because he was a nice educated fellow and working as scientist, his case of divorce was in process, which he told that it is going to over soon. After around two months talk over the phone I liked the person and I met him. I liked him, later I invited him at my place as well as I also visited his place we came close to each other physically. Every thing was going fine he shared so many things about his family and wife as well as I also shared. Everything was going on fine suddenly he changed his nature and started avoiding and ignoring me. He told me that I will bring you my home nicely. Now we have fought. I am telling home to meet face to face. he is threatening me and me that if you will meet me and co e toy place will ruin you. Now he is running from me and telling go away and blocked me from all social media. He has used me and left me after wasting my two years. I am at a juncture of life that after my daughter I will be alone. Now after this cheating i have got so scared that not able to belive on any one. What should I do? Should I meet him once at his place? Should I tell all story to his father? I feel depression and anxiety. What should I do pl suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear about the issues you are facing. You certainly did not deserve it. I suggest you hold your head high and do not contact him again. If he has blocked you and is trying to cut you out of his life, that's his loss. You are missing nothing losing a man like that. Count your blessings that you did not end up committing to him and bringing your daughter into the equation. Look at the bright side; you dodged a bullet.

There are plenty of kind and genuine men who would be lucky to partner up with you. Do not give up on love. Take your time; heal from this. I am sure it isn't easy to get back into the dating field and, on top of everything, have an experience like this. But this is just one man; everyone is not the same. You will surely find someone much better and worthy. As for what to do with him- just leave. Do not try to contact and do not take him back if he tries to come back. You deserve more.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1403 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

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Hello, I am 41 year old professional. I had met my husband before marriage though social media 5 years back and thereafter maintaining distance relationship and meeting occasionally for 3 years we got married in 2021. It was a struggle for marriage as it was inter caste and inter religious marriage. Everything was smooth in relationship to the fact that I’m responsible for all financial matters as my husband has no job. He is still trying and looking for job. I didn’t mind much but would encourage him to get the job to be mentally and physically fit. Last year we went to his nephews marriage to his village. It was of 7 day programme. On second day I noticed him watching another women ( nephews mother’s sister who has 2 daughters) At that time I didn’t pay attention. After 2 days on a night function I saw my husband texting from far but he looked at that lady again. She also seemed to texting. I became suspicious. Later that night when he came to room I asked to show him his phone he was reluctant. I had to snatch his phone and I saw that he was texting the same lady and in that had asked her to meet her alone. and asking her where he can meet her. I gnashed cried and made a huge scene coz this was not what I had expected. He tried to convince that she was his girlfriend of past and suddenly after seeing her after sometime he only wanted to talk to her. I only asked her ... why alone? He had told me during dating that she had a girlfriend ( never told her identity) and that she has married and moved on. Feeling cheated I could not sleep but only cried that night and in the morning if we can return to our city. Programme had not finished but he agreed and we left. Since then that night and those days still haunt me ; thinking what didn’t I do to love him so much and in return we get cheated. I’m still with him, but mentally I still feel cheated and still am in doubt that he is in touch with her. I am not able to do my duties as part of my mind thinks he cheats me though I have confronted many times on this and he denies that he is not in touch with her Should I leave him or continue with this marriage? We still don’t have any baby.
Ans: Dear Vandana,
Clearly you are more into him than he is into you. Baby or no baby, he seems like someone who isn't going to be steady...what was the need to hide and plan a meeting and if the other lady has moved on, what is doing hanging around her?
And with no financial assurance and stability, he is only tuning his energies to external validation to 'up' his elf esteem...

Isn't it time you actually called him out for his wayward nature and his absolute reluctance to take on some responsibility in the marriage and home? The more you are quiet, the more he is going to feel that you are supporting this nonsense...call it out and NOW! And as for your state of mind, do know that you have it in you to hold your own...don't base you peace of mind on anything outside of you...

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |471 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 08, 2024

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Hello, I am 41 year old professional. I had met my husband before marriage though social media 5 years back and thereafter maintaining distance relationship and meeting occasionally for 3 years we got married in 2021. It was a struggle for marriage as it was inter caste and inter religious marriage. Everything was smooth in relationship to the fact that I’m responsible for all financial matters as my husband has no job. He is still trying and looking for job. I didn’t mind much but would encourage him to get the job to be mentally and physically fit. Last year we went to his nephews marriage to his village. It was of 7 day programme. On second day I noticed him watching another women ( nephews mother’s sister who has 2 daughters) At that time I didn’t pay attention. After 2 days on a night function I saw my husband texting from far but he looked at that lady again. She also seemed to texting. I became suspicious. Later that night when he came to room I asked to show him his phone he was reluctant. I had to snatch his phone and I saw that he was texting the same lady and in that had asked her to meet her alone. and asking her where he can meet her. I gnashed cried and made a huge scene coz this was not what I had expected. He tried to convince that she was his girlfriend of past and suddenly after seeing her after sometime he only wanted to talk to her. I only asked her ... why alone? He had told me during dating that she had a girlfriend ( never told her identity) and that she has married and moved on. Feeling cheated I could not sleep but only cried that night and in the morning if we can return to our city. Programme had not finished but he agreed and we left. Since then that night and those days still haunt me ; thinking what didn’t I do to love him so much and in return we get cheated. I’m still with him, but mentally I still feel cheated and still am in doubt that he is in touch with her. I am not able to do my duties as part of my mind thinks he cheats me though I have confronted many times on this and he denies that he is not in touch with her Should I leave him or continue with this marriage? We still don’t have any baby.
Ans: Dear Vandana

I understand how heartbreaking it can be to find out your spouse is cheating. I would only tell you one thing- if the thought of leaving him has crossed your mind even once, it is worth sitting down and introspecting. If you happen to come to an understanding that separation would be what's best for you, have an open and clear discussion with your spouse. If he agrees to change his ways, you can give it another shot. But that's completely up to you. No one can force you to give him a second chance. As you said, you don't still have a child and it is best to come to a decision before there is a child in the equation. If your husband does not care about it and sticks to his behavior, there will remain not a shred of doubt that separation is the right choice. But before all of that, take a beat and think. Not from a place of anger and grudge. Calm yourself and think if you are reading too much into the situation or if is it actually as bad as it looks. It will be tough, but it is important because the rest of your life depends on it.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

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Dr Shyam

Dr Shyam Jamalabad  |84 Answers  |Ask -

Dentist - Answered on Dec 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
Health
Hi Doctor, I’ve been hearing a lot about mouthwash and floss lately, and I’m confused about whether I really need to use it. I brush regularly 2 times, but sometimes I feel like my breath isn’t as fresh as I’d like it to be. I also want to keep my teeth strong and prevent any issues with bacteria. Can you tell me if mouthwash is necessary even if I’m already brushing and flossing? If yes, which type of mouthwash would be best for someone like me? I’ve heard that it can sometimes cause mouth sores or sensitivity, so I want to make sure it’s safe for me.
Ans: Hello
I'm happy to know you brush and floss regularly. Please continue to do so.
While poor oral hygiene is the leading cause of bad breath, it is definitely not the only cause. Please be informed that it can be caused by various other factors, too.

Here are some of the most common causes of bad breath, also known as HALITOSIS.

Oral Health Issues
1. _Poor oral hygiene_: Infrequent brushing and flossing can lead to the buildup of bacteria, plaque, and tartar, causing bad breath.
2. _Gingivitis and gum disease_: Inflammation and infection of the gums can cause bad breath.
3. _Tooth decay and cavities_: Bacteria in the mouth can break down food particles, especially sugars, and release volatile sulfur compounds (VSCs) that cause bad breath.

Food and Drinks
1. _Onions and garlic_: These foods contain sulfur compounds that can be released in the mouth and cause bad breath.
2. _Coffee and tobacco_: These substances can dry out the mouth, leading to an increase in bacteria and VSCs.
3. _Spicy or acidic foods_: Foods like citrus fruits, tomatoes, and spicy dishes can irritate the mouth and cause bad breath.

Medical Conditions
1. _Diabetes_: Uncontrolled diabetes can lead to dry mouth, which can contribute to bad breath.
2. _Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD)_: Stomach acid can flow up into the mouth, causing bad breath.
3. _Sinus infections and respiratory issues_: Postnasal drip and respiratory infections can cause bad breath.
4. _Kidney disease and liver disease_: These conditions can cause a buildup of toxins in the body, leading to bad breath.

Lifestyle Factors
1. _Smoking and tobacco use_: Tobacco products can dry out the mouth and cause bad breath.
2. _Alcohol consumption_: Excessive alcohol consumption can lead to dry mouth and bad breath.
3. _Medications_: Certain medications, such as antidepressants, antihistamines, and decongestants, can cause dry mouth and bad breath.
4. _Hormonal changes_: Hormonal fluctuations during menstruation, pregnancy, or menopause can lead to bad breath.

Other Factors
1. _Dry mouth_: A lack of saliva can contribute to bad breath.
2. _Mouth breathing_: Breathing through the mouth instead of the nose can dry out the mouth and cause bad breath.
3. _Poor digestion_: Undigested food particles in the stomach can be released into the mouth, causing bad breath.


If you're concerned about bad breath, it's essential to consult your dentist so that he can examine your teeth and gums thoroughly to rule out local factors and address any underlying medical conditions.

Mouthwashes definitely help by keeping the oral bacteria under control. At least temporarily. They mask mouth odours and give you a feeling of freshness.
But the root cause of the problem still needs to be identified and suitably treated. Also, please note that mouthwashes are not a substitute for regular brushing and flossing.
Your dentist will guide you on what mouthwash suits you best depending on your lifestyle, oral hygiene and medical history.
Meanwhile, here are some good attributes to look for in a mouthwash:

Active Ingredients
1. _Antibacterial agents_: Chlorhexidine, triclosan, or essential oils (e.g., tea tree oil) to combat bacteria and plaque.
2. _Anti-inflammatory agents_: Ingredients like aloe vera or chamomile to reduce gum inflammation.
3. _Antifungal agents_: Ingredients like domiphen bromide to combat fungal infections.
4. _Fluoride_: To strengthen tooth enamel and prevent decay.

Additional Benefits
1. _Anti-plaque and anti-gingivitis properties_: To help prevent the buildup of plaque and reduce the risk of gingivitis.
2. _Bad breath prevention_: Ingredients like chlorine dioxide or zinc to help eliminate volatile sulfur compounds (VSCs) that cause bad breath.
3. _Sensitivity relief_: Ingredients like potassium nitrate or strontium chloride to help desensitize nerves and provide relief from tooth sensitivity.
4. _Whitening agents_: Mild abrasives or hydrogen peroxide to help remove surface stains and whiten teeth.

Safety and Comfort
1. _Alcohol-free_: To avoid drying out the mouth and reducing saliva production.
2. _Sugar-free and artificial sweetener-free_: To make the mouthwash suitable for people with dietary restrictions or preferences.
3. _pH balanced_: To ensure the mouthwash doesn't disrupt the natural pH balance of the mouth.
4. _Gentle and non-irritating_: To minimize the risk of mouth irritation, especially for people with sensitive teeth or gums.

...Read more

Dr Shyam

Dr Shyam Jamalabad  |84 Answers  |Ask -

Dentist - Answered on Dec 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2024Hindi
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Health
Doctor, I’ve recently noticed that my gums bleed a little when I brush, and they feel a little tender, especially around the back. I did some quick research online, and it sounds like it could be gingivitis, but I’m not really sure. I’ve always been pretty regular with brushing, but I might not be doing it thoroughly, and I don’t always floss. I am 38 and was wondering, is it possible for me to treat or even cure gingivitis by myself at home? Should I just start using a specific mouthwash or change my brushing routine? Or is this something I should see a dentist about right away? I’m hoping it’s something simple I can handle without needing a visit to the dentist.
Ans: Mild gingivitis can be treated and managed at home with good oral hygiene practices and some natural remedies. However, if the condition persists or worsens, it's essential to consult a dentist for professional treatment.

Home Treatment and Prevention:

1. *Brushing and Flossing*: Brush your teeth at least twice a day and floss once a day to remove plaque and food particles.
2. *Saltwater Rinse*: Rinse your mouth with warm saltwater several times a day to reduce inflammation and kill bacteria.
3. *Antibacterial Mouthwash*: Use a commercial hydrogen peroxide/chlorhexidine gluconate mouthwash to kill bacteria and reduce inflammation.
4. *Dietary Changes*: Eat a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, and avoid sugary and processed foods.
5. *Vitamin C* plays a significant role in gingival health. So make sure you have fresh citrus fruits (preferably unrefrigerated) on a regular basis. The other option is to take Vitamin C supplements.

When to Consult a Dentist:

1. *Persistent Gingivitis*: If your gingivitis persists despite good oral hygiene practices and home remedies.
2. *Severe Symptoms*: If you experience severe symptoms like bleeding gums, pain, or swelling.
3. *Gum Recession*: If you notice gum recession or exposed roots.
4. *Loose Teeth*: If your teeth become loose or mobile.


Remember, while home treatment and natural remedies can help manage mild gingivitis, regular dental check-ups and professional cleanings are essential to prevent and treat gum disease.

...Read more

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