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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |295 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 14, 2023

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Dear sir, I am a widow of 44 yrs reputed officer and I am also working at a reputed post. I have a daughter also. 2 yrs back I gave a matrimoni adv on a online site for remarriage. I received a call from an Sr. Scientist. I was serious about this because he was a nice educated fellow and working as scientist, his case of divorce was in process, which he told that it is going to over soon. After around two months talk over the phone I liked the person and I met him. I liked him, later I invited him at my place as well as I also visited his place we came close to each other physically. Every thing was going fine he shared so many things about his family and wife as well as I also shared. Everything was going on fine suddenly he changed his nature and started avoiding and ignoring me. He told me that I will bring you my home nicely. Now we have fought. I am telling home to meet face to face. he is threatening me and me that if you will meet me and co e toy place will ruin you. Now he is running from me and telling go away and blocked me from all social media. He has used me and left me after wasting my two years. I am at a juncture of life that after my daughter I will be alone. Now after this cheating i have got so scared that not able to belive on any one. What should I do? Should I meet him once at his place? Should I tell all story to his father? I feel depression and anxiety. What should I do pl suggest.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear about the issues you are facing. You certainly did not deserve it. I suggest you hold your head high and do not contact him again. If he has blocked you and is trying to cut you out of his life, that's his loss. You are missing nothing losing a man like that. Count your blessings that you did not end up committing to him and bringing your daughter into the equation. Look at the bright side; you dodged a bullet.

There are plenty of kind and genuine men who would be lucky to partner up with you. Do not give up on love. Take your time; heal from this. I am sure it isn't easy to get back into the dating field and, on top of everything, have an experience like this. But this is just one man; everyone is not the same. You will surely find someone much better and worthy. As for what to do with him- just leave. Do not try to contact and do not take him back if he tries to come back. You deserve more.

Best Wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 26, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello My husband and I took mutual divorce before 1.5 years. this was my second marriage and I married him because he assured me that he will be a father for my toddler. after 7 years of adjustments in marriage (as he was not good as a, neither emotionally nor financially) father, he filed for divorce in just 20 days of our arguments. He raised his hand so I was upset and angry so I too signed the papers. Just after filling divorce that he started asking me to come back else he will get married. I denied to go back and he started seeing girls within a week of filling divorce. With the court procedure, he used to ask me to come back but I was heart broken bcoz he was seeing bride so I denied again. This was continued and our divorce granted. Now since six months again he started approaching me by saying that I only love you and so could not get married. for your kind information, he is very impatient and aggressive by nature. Due to his nature and behaviour I and my family decided to cut him off because it is creating stress only. but till today he is trying to contact me by one or other means. I am already very stressed and emotionally broken down because this happened to me second time. Some times I feel that I should give him one more chance but when looking to my kid, who is 12 now, I am giving up on this thought. and I am not sure whether he is doing this for feelings or just because he is not getting a woman of his choice to marry. My family members are saying that he has no feelings for me and my son but he is just calling me back for his adjustments. I don't know I should trust him or not.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What sort of a game is this? Like children fighting on one day and not speaking with one another and then making up the next day only to fight again...
Why so much of vacillation on your part? When you two separated, was it a conscious move or was it on an impulse?
Also, be very cautious as to why he is insistent on getting back with you?
Also, has he changed his ways and will he be more available to the family now? Wasn't this the reason that actually things went downhill for you?
Plus, he's looking at prospective brides...and you say that he is aggressive and impatient...

So, what is your confusion here?
What will you get by getting back with him?
What will you lose or not gain by not getting back with him?
Are you willing to make compromises to be with a person that you call aggressive?
How is this going to affect your child given that your ex-husband is not emotionally or financially stable?

Weigh it all out and then make a decision that is right by you and for you and for your child.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

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Relationship
Hello, I am 41 year old professional. I had met my husband before marriage though social media 5 years back and thereafter maintaining distance relationship and meeting occasionally for 3 years we got married in 2021. It was a struggle for marriage as it was inter caste and inter religious marriage. Everything was smooth in relationship to the fact that I’m responsible for all financial matters as my husband has no job. He is still trying and looking for job. I didn’t mind much but would encourage him to get the job to be mentally and physically fit. Last year we went to his nephews marriage to his village. It was of 7 day programme. On second day I noticed him watching another women ( nephews mother’s sister who has 2 daughters) At that time I didn’t pay attention. After 2 days on a night function I saw my husband texting from far but he looked at that lady again. She also seemed to texting. I became suspicious. Later that night when he came to room I asked to show him his phone he was reluctant. I had to snatch his phone and I saw that he was texting the same lady and in that had asked her to meet her alone. and asking her where he can meet her. I gnashed cried and made a huge scene coz this was not what I had expected. He tried to convince that she was his girlfriend of past and suddenly after seeing her after sometime he only wanted to talk to her. I only asked her ... why alone? He had told me during dating that she had a girlfriend ( never told her identity) and that she has married and moved on. Feeling cheated I could not sleep but only cried that night and in the morning if we can return to our city. Programme had not finished but he agreed and we left. Since then that night and those days still haunt me ; thinking what didn’t I do to love him so much and in return we get cheated. I’m still with him, but mentally I still feel cheated and still am in doubt that he is in touch with her. I am not able to do my duties as part of my mind thinks he cheats me though I have confronted many times on this and he denies that he is not in touch with her Should I leave him or continue with this marriage? We still don’t have any baby.
Ans: Dear Vandana,
Clearly you are more into him than he is into you. Baby or no baby, he seems like someone who isn't going to be steady...what was the need to hide and plan a meeting and if the other lady has moved on, what is doing hanging around her?
And with no financial assurance and stability, he is only tuning his energies to external validation to 'up' his elf esteem...

Isn't it time you actually called him out for his wayward nature and his absolute reluctance to take on some responsibility in the marriage and home? The more you are quiet, the more he is going to feel that you are supporting this nonsense...call it out and NOW! And as for your state of mind, do know that you have it in you to hold your own...don't base you peace of mind on anything outside of you...

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |295 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 08, 2024

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Relationship
Hello, I am 41 year old professional. I had met my husband before marriage though social media 5 years back and thereafter maintaining distance relationship and meeting occasionally for 3 years we got married in 2021. It was a struggle for marriage as it was inter caste and inter religious marriage. Everything was smooth in relationship to the fact that I’m responsible for all financial matters as my husband has no job. He is still trying and looking for job. I didn’t mind much but would encourage him to get the job to be mentally and physically fit. Last year we went to his nephews marriage to his village. It was of 7 day programme. On second day I noticed him watching another women ( nephews mother’s sister who has 2 daughters) At that time I didn’t pay attention. After 2 days on a night function I saw my husband texting from far but he looked at that lady again. She also seemed to texting. I became suspicious. Later that night when he came to room I asked to show him his phone he was reluctant. I had to snatch his phone and I saw that he was texting the same lady and in that had asked her to meet her alone. and asking her where he can meet her. I gnashed cried and made a huge scene coz this was not what I had expected. He tried to convince that she was his girlfriend of past and suddenly after seeing her after sometime he only wanted to talk to her. I only asked her ... why alone? He had told me during dating that she had a girlfriend ( never told her identity) and that she has married and moved on. Feeling cheated I could not sleep but only cried that night and in the morning if we can return to our city. Programme had not finished but he agreed and we left. Since then that night and those days still haunt me ; thinking what didn’t I do to love him so much and in return we get cheated. I’m still with him, but mentally I still feel cheated and still am in doubt that he is in touch with her. I am not able to do my duties as part of my mind thinks he cheats me though I have confronted many times on this and he denies that he is not in touch with her Should I leave him or continue with this marriage? We still don’t have any baby.
Ans: Dear Vandana

I understand how heartbreaking it can be to find out your spouse is cheating. I would only tell you one thing- if the thought of leaving him has crossed your mind even once, it is worth sitting down and introspecting. If you happen to come to an understanding that separation would be what's best for you, have an open and clear discussion with your spouse. If he agrees to change his ways, you can give it another shot. But that's completely up to you. No one can force you to give him a second chance. As you said, you don't still have a child and it is best to come to a decision before there is a child in the equation. If your husband does not care about it and sticks to his behavior, there will remain not a shred of doubt that separation is the right choice. But before all of that, take a beat and think. Not from a place of anger and grudge. Calm yourself and think if you are reading too much into the situation or if is it actually as bad as it looks. It will be tough, but it is important because the rest of your life depends on it.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi sir, I am 34 year women with 2 girl kids. I m working in IT and I earn good amount of livelihood. Sir I hv been married for 6 years and after 1 year of marriage me and my husband understanding issue started where he wants to dominate on me in all senses including financial stuff. But I was okay n in 1 year my 1st daughter born then serious issue started I had rejoined job n discontinued giving all my salary to him. I started savings for my kid where he was nt happy he indirectly demanded my complete salary to be given to him as I did before issue start. Bt in 2020 as lockdown happened he moved to his village where It was very difficult for me to work bt demanded to come to his place. I denied and concentrate my career. So he left us 2 years he did call n check how is kid. Then again he came back 2022 with elders we moved to together to city and again asked money as my sal was increased if nt asked me to barrow 50-60lac as loan n give to him for property which he agreed to make it my name in his place. Bt I denied bc I couldn't trust him meanwhile 2nd daughter born. I came for mother place n he started doing backstabbing abt me n my family within relatives. When I asked he stopped coming visiting me n my daughter and he turn up for 2 baby also it's been year now. Sir my question is ..I m fed up of his behaviour n I dont trust him. As I hv two kids is it really difficult to live without him in this society. As many of my relatives are suggesting go and call ur him how can you live alone with 2 daughter. Sir pls guide me what should I do now ..I tolerate him all these years for kids and society. Now I m done n scared as will I be able to handle all alone. My parents are big support and now I m nt in condition where I go legally against him. Is my decision of living by myself with my daughters and parents is correct or wrong decision or I should go with him.
Ans: Your situation is indeed complex and emotionally taxing. It's important to approach this with both clarity and compassion for yourself and your daughters. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this:

Self-Reflection and Clarity
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s essential to recognize your feelings of frustration, fear, and exhaustion. These emotions are valid and need to be addressed.
Define Your Priorities: What are your primary concerns? Your children’s well-being, your financial independence, your personal peace, and safety are likely at the top of this list.
Evaluating Your Relationship
Assess Trust and Respect: Trust and mutual respect are fundamental to any relationship. If these are missing, it is challenging to maintain a healthy partnership.
Past Behaviors as Indicators: Look at the past behavior of your husband. Consistent demands for money, lack of support, and absence during critical times can be telling signs of his priorities and commitment.
Support System
Lean on Your Parents: Having your parents’ support is a significant advantage. They can provide emotional, physical, and perhaps even financial support as you navigate this period.
Professional Help: Consider seeking counseling or support groups for single mothers. These resources can provide guidance, emotional support, and practical advice.
Societal Pressure
Redefine Norms: Society often has rigid expectations, but your well-being and that of your children come first. Living according to societal norms at the cost of your mental peace and safety is not sustainable.
Role Models: Look for examples of other women who have successfully managed similar situations. Their stories can offer inspiration and practical advice.
Legal and Financial Considerations
Know Your Rights: Even if you’re not in a position to take legal action now, it’s essential to be informed about your rights regarding child support and alimony.
Financial Independence: Continue to safeguard your financial independence. This will provide security and stability for you and your daughters.
Decision Making
Short-Term vs. Long-Term: Think about both immediate needs and long-term goals. What decision will bring peace and stability now, and what will be beneficial in the future?
Children’s Well-Being: Consider the environment your children will grow up in. A peaceful, loving environment, even if it’s without their father, might be more beneficial than a toxic, conflict-ridden one.
Practical Steps
Document Everything: Keep records of communications and financial transactions. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action in the future.
Plan for Independence: Create a plan for your independent living situation, including budgeting, childcare, and career progression.
Final Thoughts
Choosing to live independently with your daughters is a courageous and often necessary step for many women in similar situations. Trust in your strength and the support of your parents. It’s important to remember that living a life of peace and dignity, even if it means being a single parent, is a powerful and positive example for your children.

You are not alone in this journey. Seek the support you need, trust your instincts, and prioritize your and your children’s well-being above all.

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 11, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, my age is 37 and I am currently employed in the private sector with a monthly salary of 1.75 lakhs. I would like to provide a summary of my financial situation and seek advice on how much corpus I would require to comfortably retire at the age of 45. Current Financial Overview: Real Estate: 3.5 crores (includes 3 houses and a plot) Stocks: 7.5 lakhs Mutual Funds: 13.5 lakhs Corporate Bonds: 2 lakhs Employees' Provident Fund (EPF): 21.5 lakhs Public Provident Fund (PPF): 8.5 lakhs (investing since 2013) PPF (Wife’s Name): 1.5 lakhs (invested this year, continue to invest the same amount each year) Gold: 20 lakhs Home Loan: 23 lakhs (balance with LIC), Planning to close within 1 year time-frame. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Investing 30,000 monthly (recently started, 3 months ago) Term Insurance: 1 crore (premium of approximately 35,000 annually) Health Insurance: Company-provided (7.5 lakhs limit) National Pension System (NPS): Investing 50,000 annually (started this year) Monthly Expenses: 50,000 (including child’s fees and other expenditures, excluding investments) & Investing 50K in Gold every month. Family Details: I have a 6-year-old son and am expecting a new baby in October 2024. My wife is a homemaker. Could you please provide guidance on how much corpus I would need to retire comfortably at 45, considering my current financial situation and future goals? Thank you for your assistance.
Ans: You've outlined a comprehensive overview of your financial landscape, which provides a solid foundation for planning your retirement. With a goal to retire at 45, you have eight years to build and secure a sufficient corpus to ensure a comfortable retirement for you and your family.

Key Financial Assets and Liabilities
Real Estate: Rs 3.5 crore
Stocks: Rs 7.5 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs 13.5 lakhs
Corporate Bonds: Rs 2 lakhs
EPF: Rs 21.5 lakhs
PPF: Rs 8.5 lakhs (self), Rs 1.5 lakhs (wife)
Gold: Rs 20 lakhs
Home Loan: Rs 23 lakhs (planning to close in 1 year)
SIP: Rs 30,000 per month (recently started)
NPS: Rs 50,000 annually (started this year)
Insurance: Term insurance of Rs 1 crore, company-provided health insurance of Rs 7.5 lakhs
Monthly Expenses: Rs 50,000 (excluding investments)
Evaluating Your Retirement Corpus Needs
To determine the corpus required for retirement at 45, we need to consider several factors, including your expected expenses during retirement, inflation, and the number of years you plan to be retired.

1. Estimate Post-Retirement Expenses:
Current Monthly Expenses: Rs 50,000 (excluding investments)

Inflation Adjustment: Assuming an average inflation rate of 6%, your current monthly expenses will likely increase by the time you retire.

Post-Retirement Monthly Expenses: Assuming you maintain a similar lifestyle, and considering inflation, your monthly expenses could rise to approximately Rs 80,000 by the time you retire.

Yearly Expenses: Rs 80,000 x 12 = Rs 9.6 lakhs annually at retirement age.

2. Determine the Number of Years in Retirement:
Retirement Age: 45 years
Life Expectancy: Assuming you plan up to 85 years, you'll need to plan for 40 years of retirement.
3. Estimate Required Corpus:
Corpus Required: The corpus needed to sustain your lifestyle for 40 years considering inflation, and safe withdrawal rates.
Assumptions:
Post-retirement, you could adopt a safe withdrawal rate of 4% annually.
Expected returns on the retirement corpus post-retirement could be around 7%.
Using these assumptions, the corpus required to sustain annual expenses of Rs 9.6 lakhs for 40 years with a 4% withdrawal rate can be calculated.

4. Corpus Calculation:
Given the complexities of long-term retirement planning, a simplified method to estimate the corpus is:

Corpus Calculation Formula:
Annual Expenses at Retirement Age (Rs 9.6 lakhs) x 25 = Rs 2.4 crores
This formula is based on the 4% rule, which suggests that if you withdraw 4% of your corpus annually, your savings should last for 30-40 years.

However, considering the uncertainties and potential changes in your lifestyle, a more conservative approach would be to plan for a corpus of around Rs 3-4 crores. This takes into account potential healthcare costs, lifestyle changes, and other unforeseen expenses.

Current Asset Evaluation and Future Planning
Now, let’s break down how your current assets can contribute towards building the required corpus and what additional steps are necessary.

1. Real Estate: Rs 3.5 Crores
Real estate is a significant part of your net worth. However, liquidity is an issue with real estate.
You might want to consider whether you plan to keep these properties for rental income, sell them closer to retirement, or downsize.
2. Stocks: Rs 7.5 Lakhs
Your current stock portfolio is modest. Over the next 8 years, aim to increase your investment in stocks through systematic investments (SIPs or direct stock purchases) to leverage market growth.
3. Mutual Funds: Rs 13.5 Lakhs
Continue your SIPs, and consider increasing the amount when feasible. Diversify into equity funds with a good track record, and consider a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds to balance risk and return.
4. Corporate Bonds: Rs 2 Lakhs
While bonds are safer, they offer lower returns. It’s good to have them for stability, but focus more on equity for growth at this stage.
5. EPF and PPF: Rs 31.5 Lakhs
Your EPF and PPF investments are doing well. Continue with these contributions as they provide tax-free returns and security. Consider increasing your contribution to PPF if possible, as it offers a secure, long-term return.
6. Gold: Rs 20 Lakhs
Your monthly investment of Rs 50,000 in gold is significant. While gold is a good hedge against inflation, it should not dominate your portfolio. Consider reducing the monthly investment in gold and reallocating some of these funds into equity SIPs or mutual funds to enhance growth.
7. Home Loan: Rs 23 Lakhs
Closing this loan within a year is a wise decision, as it will free up cash flow and reduce your financial liabilities, allowing you to invest more aggressively for your retirement.
8. NPS: Rs 50,000 Annually
Since you’ve just started investing in NPS, it’s a good tax-saving tool with the added benefit of a pension. Continue with this investment, as it will provide you with a regular income post-retirement.
9. Term Insurance and Health Insurance
Your term insurance cover of Rs 1 crore is adequate. Ensure it is kept active as it provides financial security for your family. Review your health insurance coverage to ensure it meets your future needs, especially as your family grows.
Future Investment Strategy
Given your current asset base and retirement goal, here’s a roadmap to help you reach your target:

1. Increase Equity Investments
With 8 years to retirement, your portfolio should have a higher equity exposure to maximize growth. Gradually increase your SIP amounts in equity mutual funds or direct stocks.
Consider reallocating some of your monthly gold investment into equity funds to enhance returns.
2. Diversify Mutual Fund Investments
While continuing with your current SIPs, consider adding diversified equity funds and index funds to your portfolio. A balanced mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds will provide the necessary growth potential.
3. Consider Additional Real Estate Monetization
Evaluate if selling one of your real estate holdings closer to retirement could provide liquidity and enhance your retirement corpus. Alternatively, rental income can supplement your retirement income, but be cautious about the management and upkeep costs.
4. Maximize Tax-Advantaged Accounts
Continue contributing to your PPF and NPS accounts, as PPF provides tax-free returns and NPS contributes to a secure retirement corpus. Maximize contributions to these accounts within the allowable limits.
5. Focus on Debt Repayment
Prioritize closing your home loan within the next year. Once this debt is cleared, redirect the EMI amount into your retirement savings.
6. Emergency Fund
Ensure you have a sufficient emergency fund, equivalent to at least 6 months of expenses, to cover any unforeseen events without dipping into your retirement savings.
7. Plan for Healthcare and Child’s Education
Given that your family is growing, it’s essential to plan for increased healthcare needs and your children’s education expenses. Consider setting up dedicated funds for these goals, separate from your retirement corpus.
Regular Monitoring and Review
Retirement planning is dynamic. It’s crucial to review your investments regularly, at least once a year, to ensure they are aligned with your retirement goals. Adjust your strategy as needed based on market conditions, changes in your financial situation, and progress towards your retirement target.

Final Insights
Based on your current financial situation and assuming disciplined investment and regular reviews, accumulating a corpus of Rs 3-4 crores by the time you retire at 45 is feasible. This corpus, combined with your real estate assets and other investments, should provide a comfortable retirement with a reasonable withdrawal strategy.

Focus on increasing your equity exposure, reducing unnecessary debt, and ensuring your portfolio is well-diversified to achieve higher growth. As you approach retirement, gradually shift your portfolio towards more stable, income-generating assets to preserve your capital.

Retirement planning requires careful consideration of both current and future needs. By staying committed to your investment strategy and making informed adjustments, you can secure a financially independent retirement at 45.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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