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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi. I am Sumeet I am happily married. And love my wife and our two kids.I had a female friend in our engineering college I had crush on her and I have said her this. She is happily married and I am very happy for her. I was in touch with her but now some how our companies in which we work have joint ventures and we both are working on same project. Initially she was nice to me but one day, we had phot session and I decide to click one with her and I simply par her shoulder back and kept for photo click but she got too angry and I apologised to her for whole day. But then she did not talk properly henceforth. I felt I am molester and I visit psychiatrist they asked me to forget that incident and move. Now she does not talk with me nicely.i don't know what should I do.

Ans: It's understandable that this situation with your former college friend is causing you stress and confusion. However, it's important to acknowledge that touching someone without their consent, even if unintentional, is never acceptable. Even though you meant no harm, it's crucial to respect your friend's boundaries and understand her reaction.

Here are some suggestions for navigating this situation:

1. Respect your friend's boundaries: While your intentions might have been innocent, it's clear your friend felt uncomfortable with the physical contact. Respecting her boundaries and apologizing sincerely are crucial steps. It might be helpful to have a brief, direct conversation where you reiterate your apology and emphasize that you understand and respect her discomfort.

2. Maintain professionalism: Given that you're working on the same project, maintain a professional and respectful distance. Avoid initiating personal conversations or any physical contact. Focus on work-related communication and interactions.

3. Reflect on your actions: Consider seeking professional guidance from a therapist to explore your thought patterns and behaviors concerning personal boundaries. This can help you develop healthier ways to interact with others and avoid similar situations in the future.

4. Forgive yourself: Remember that while it's important to acknowledge and learn from your actions, dwelling on guilt won't be productive. Forgive yourself for the unintentional mistake and focus on moving forward with respect and understanding.

5. Focus on your marriage: Remember that you have a loving wife and family. Reinvest your energy into strengthening your relationships with them and prioritize their well-being.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 22, 2023

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Relationship
Hi, I am 45 years old man married with two kids. I got into relationship with a married colleague 5 years back. She got divorced. I am not sure if our relationship was the reason for the divorce. I wanted to divorce my wife and get married to my colleague. But then during pandemic I and my colleague were physically separated. Not sure if the separation helped her realise our relationship was not going anywhere or it was not right. She called and told me that I scarred her life and didn’t want to keep in touch with me. Since then I am not in touch with her. I made attempts to but she blocked me totally. She’s in the same town but I never made an attempt to forcefully meet her. She didn’t marry again so far and don’t what’s happening in her life. But I feel guilty did I spoil her life? I really love her but if I really did why did I not know where this all will end up. I don’t think I was the reason for her break up because she developed friendship with me when her marriage was not going well. I don’t know if it was error of judgment, feel so guilty about the whole situation. Since I have been in relationship with her, never had a sexual relationship with my wife and even I don’t. Don’t know if it’s my failed or failing marriage is whole reason for this . I feel terribly guilty for my ex colleague’s situation. It’s eating me up. I question my own character, am I a sexual predator? I lose my sleep about this and not able come to terms. Need your advice, do I need a see a therapist and what kind?
Ans: Dear Rajesh,
You have the choice of playing the 'victim' or move on with life accepting things for the way they are!
Why you stepped out of marriage or why your married colleague entered into a relationship with you or why she walked out of it or why she blames you.
These WHYs will only keep making you go in circles. You need answers to these only if the two of you are still going to be involved. When that chapter of your life is over, why mull over it? This is playing the 'victim', feeling sorry for yourself and feeling guilty and trying to go back in time and thinking of what you could have done to have a different outcome. As long as these WHYs help you move on, it's fine, but if it's only going to mess with your mind and send you on a wild goose chase, kindly STOP! Sexual predator as you call yourself is just a label you choose to carry after the accusation made by your colleague after she called the relationship off. So, she takes the call and then blames you and then you decide to carry the guilt for what two consenting adults decided when they were in a relationship. Quit this mindset and seriously MOVE ON!

Can you instead focus on where your life is now and what you can do to make it better?
Indulge in a new hobby and make a few new friends and be with your family that loves you. Spend time with your children who will fill your life with a lot of happiness.
Soon, when you are ready, things might open up for a new relationship then.
So release the OLD and welcome the NEW.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |583 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am happily married man of age 51 years having daughter of 20 years .recently i got normal friendship with a female colleague we discuss usually our office, children and health .Recently she was under depression and i counseled her a lot and she got better. My wife got to know about this through my daughter who checked my phone , my wife got anxious thinking i am having affair with her ,as she being widow .My wife charcter assanated me when there is no such thing in between me and my colleague .i am depressed please advise
Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Money
Sir, I wqnted your advise, regarding an investment. My building is going for re-development, there is a additional flat sale for about 1cr, which will be ready in about 3 years. Please can you advise is it worth to invest 1cr in additional flat, i have savings of about 1cr, or should i keep the 1cr as Fixed Deposit. I do not have knowledge about investment in mutual funds or SIP. Thanks to advise.
Ans: It's commendable that you're considering the best investment route for your Rs. 1 crore savings. Let's evaluate the options you've mentioned and explore a comprehensive approach to wealth creation.

Understanding Your Investment Options
1. Investing in the Additional Flat

Illiquidity Concerns: Real estate investments are typically illiquid. Selling a property can take time and may not fetch the expected price.

Maintenance and Other Costs: Owning an additional flat comes with recurring expenses like maintenance charges, property taxes, and potential renovation costs.

Market Volatility: Property prices can fluctuate based on various factors, including economic conditions and government policies.

Rental Income Uncertainty: If you're considering renting out the flat, rental yields in many Indian cities are relatively low compared to the property's value.

2. Keeping the Amount in Fixed Deposits (FDs)

Low Returns: FDs offer fixed returns, but these may not outpace inflation, leading to a decrease in real purchasing power over time.

Tax Implications: Interest earned from FDs is taxable as per your income slab, which can further reduce the net returns.

Lack of Flexibility: Premature withdrawal from FDs can attract penalties, limiting liquidity.

Exploring Mutual Funds as an Alternative
Given that you're new to mutual funds and SIPs, it's essential to understand their potential benefits:

Professional Management: Mutual funds are managed by experienced fund managers who make investment decisions based on thorough research.

Diversification: By investing in a mutual fund, your money is spread across various assets, reducing risk.

Liquidity: Most mutual funds offer high liquidity, allowing you to redeem your investment when needed.

Potential for Higher Returns: Historically, mutual funds, especially equity-oriented ones, have offered higher returns over the long term compared to traditional instruments like FDs.

Tax Efficiency: Mutual funds can be more tax-efficient, especially with the benefits available under certain sections of the Income Tax Act.

Recommended Approach
Considering your current situation and the pros and cons of each investment option:

Avoid Investing in the Additional Flat: Given the illiquidity, associated costs, and potential market volatility, investing in another property may not be the most efficient use of your funds.

Limit Exposure to FDs: While FDs offer safety, the returns may not be sufficient to meet long-term financial goals, especially after accounting for inflation and taxes.

Consider Mutual Funds for Wealth Creation:

Start with a Lump Sum Investment: Allocate a portion of your Rs. 1 crore savings into mutual funds, focusing on a mix of equity and debt funds based on your risk appetite.

Initiate SIPs: Set up Systematic Investment Plans to invest a fixed amount regularly, benefiting from rupee cost averaging and disciplined investing.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner: Given your unfamiliarity with mutual funds, seeking guidance from a certified professional can help tailor an investment strategy aligned with your financial goals.

Final Insights
Your initiative to seek advice before making a significant investment decision is commendable. By steering clear of additional real estate investments and limiting exposure to low-yield instruments like FDs, you can explore avenues like mutual funds that offer the potential for higher returns and greater flexibility. Engaging with a certified financial planner can further ensure that your investment strategy is well-aligned with your long-term financial objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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