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Married Man Facing Accusations of Infidelity: Seeking Advice

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |566 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am happily married man of age 51 years having daughter of 20 years .recently i got normal friendship with a female colleague we discuss usually our office, children and health .Recently she was under depression and i counseled her a lot and she got better. My wife got to know about this through my daughter who checked my phone , my wife got anxious thinking i am having affair with her ,as she being widow .My wife charcter assanated me when there is no such thing in between me and my colleague .i am depressed please advise

Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |566 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2023

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Relationship
I am a 53 year old man living alone away from family for 6 years. My wife has affair with her boyfriend and they are in physical relations also. Suddenly I got attracted to one female colleague. We became friendly. Suddenly that lady has stopped talking to me. Being a matured man I don't want anybody's life to be spoiled but not able to cope up with her ignorance to me. Please suggest how to cope up with the situation.
Ans: Hello Ajay

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. It can be challenging to navigate through feelings of loneliness and betrayal, and it's natural to seek out companionship and connection.

It's important to remember that just because someone is friendly with you doesn't necessarily mean they're interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. It's possible that your colleague has simply realized that she doesn't feel the same way about you and is choosing to distance herself to avoid leading you on.

If you're struggling to cope with her sudden change in behavior, it may be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own feelings and motivations. Are you genuinely interested in this person as a friend, or were you hoping for something more? It's important to be honest with yourself and with others about your intentions.

If you do find that you have feelings for this person and are struggling to move on, it might be helpful to seek out support from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with guidance and strategies for coping with feelings of rejection and moving forward in a healthy way.

Finally, it's important to remember that everyone has their own journey and experiences, and it's not your responsibility to try to save someone from their own problems or make them happy. Focus on taking care of yourself and cultivating healthy relationships with those who reciprocate your feelings and respect your boundaries.

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 21, 2023

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Relationship
Hi Luv Guru, I am 45 yrs old and married. My wife is a lovey companion and we have good relationship with our usual fights and disagreement. We also enjoy each other during our physical relationship. My wife has a friend who unfortunately lost her husband a year ago. She is my wife's friend in her morning and evening walks, common kittys etc. She has hardly come to our house. I was not knowing his husband also never met even. But in a freak accident he lost his life. My wife being a emotional person was very upset and cried a lot. She often talks about her friend and her life that how she is doing and becoming normal. One night during our close moment, I told my wife that you care a lot for your friend, why donot you care for her physical needs also. She is young and may be in need of physical relationship with some one. Why do not you help her by introducing me to her? She asked how come this thing came to my mind? I told just casually, she told me that I am dreaming. After that we have not discussed on this subject. Our relationship is normal. Please guide me whether I suggested some thing wrong?
Ans: Are you nuts? Your wife empathises with her friend who’s just been widowed and you think that offering to have extramarital sex with her is not unusual? What are you, some car that she’s going to rent out to her BFF?! If that widow needs support, give it to her without trying to exploit her situation by trying to get into bed with her, that too after asking for your wife’s blessing! There are a million men out there and with God’s grace hopefully she’ll meet someone else, but you my friend, do not need to figure in that equation. You’re lucky your wife didn’t kick you out!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1568 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I am 41 year male married since last 15 years. I have a 8 year old daughter. My relationship with my wife isn't great as far as I am concerned. She was busy with her job and raising our daughter and while doing so could not focus much on our relationship. Our physical interaction almost stopped after our child birth and since last 5 years we never had intercourse. I engaged myself in casual relationship with few colleagues of mine and life was going on like that. But in 2021 , I engaged myself with another female colleague of mine and with her , I feel like what I have never ever felt with any other woman. I can't let her go. I long to meet her. I feel sad when she is away. And it's been 3 years. She loves me very much and I love her too. My wife got a wind of it and now she is trying hard to make up for the lost time and efforts. My wife loves me too. I don't want to separate from her because though she wasn't a great partner but she did manage our house and daughter diligently. Moreover, I don't want my daughter suffer too. She deserves both her parents. So, I discussed this with my wife and told her that , I believe we can't be a great couple but we can at least be good parents. Allow me to spend some time with my female colleague and let's continue as we have been doing since last decade. But she is not accepting this. And I can't let my colleague go. I do love her. She also loves me and is not inclined towards settling with me as she is married too and has 2 kids. Kindly suggest what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is some sort of trend of stepping out of marriage when physical needs are not met within the marriage. It's the easiest way out!
Why is it so hard to figure out what is happening when one of the partners in the marriage is not interested in intimacy?
Why doesn't the other partner try to understand, accept and work with the partner who is struggling through something?
And this goes for the husband and wife and partners within a relationship.

It isn't something written in stone that sex 'MUST' be a part of marriage BUT it certainly is a pillar to creating a stronger relationship. So, why assume and go searching for it? Then you will have all reasons to justify why you did it and how your partner is responsible for it.
Now, you are in a soup with two women vying for your time and attention. And with children involved, things only get complicated. Yes, your wife feels that it his her right to be in your life and your question is: where was she all these years? My question is: why did you stop trying all these years to put things together?

My suggestion: As much as you want to be in the other lady's life, she is clear that she does not want to settle with you. You are also clear that you don't want to separate from your wife but you want her to accept the other lady. Doesn't it seem highly impractical to you?

Before you end up hurting someone or yourself, do what's right for everyone and especially the children. They don't deserve a set of parents that is confused. Good people who come into our lives can end up becoming good friends as well.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1568 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am a 53 years male, widowed since last 3 years having grown up children pursuing higher studies, have been feeling very lonely since the demise of my wife and am unable to forget it, sometimes feel like having a female friend/ partner with whom i can share my thoughts, there is nobody to talk to since 3 years. My wife's sister who also got widowed since 4 years is also at the same stage i believe. Many a times I think of having her as my partner, though we both have never talked about it and we are mostly not in touch. Is this thinking of mine correct or is there something wrong with me. If it is ok then how to move ahead as she is a very conservative lady with 2 grown up children who have started their jobs recently. Please advise
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry for your loss...
There can be a huge void and there will surely be thoughts on in what way you can fill that void. There is nothing wrong in wanting to have a life partner at this stage and having grown up children, there is a necessity to run it by them...
Initially, they may feel that you are trying to replace their mother and in this case, you need to provide them that reassurance to them that you are always going to keep their mother's memories alive. You maybe surprised that they may also willing be on your side...talk to them...
Now, in the context of your wife's sister...this becomes family and there are complications that may arise out of it as we are conditioned to only accept and live relationships that society has defined for us. But having said that, you and your wife's sister are adults...
Also, you have no clue on how she perceives all of this...so, before placing too much of hopes on this, do try and figure out where her mind is...if you even get a slight feel that she might be offended, DO NOT broach the topic at all...Within the family, these kind of talks can ruin relationships...so be very careful...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |553 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8145 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

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Hello, I am 57 years working out of India and earning 35 lacs annually with PR of that country and having NRI FD of 3.5 crore and mutual fund of 20 lac and sip of 3lac per annum. I have own bungalow and flat in b town of Gujarat. My daughter went to U.S.A for master last year. I want to retire and want to enjoy rest of life exploring the world with wife. Please advise.
Ans: Your goal is clear—retirement and world travel with your wife. You have built a strong financial foundation. Now, structuring your investments for lifelong cash flow is important.

Assessing Your Current Financial Position
Income: Rs. 35 lakh annual income from work abroad.

Assets: Rs. 3.5 crore in NRI fixed deposits, Rs. 20 lakh in mutual funds.

Investments: SIP of Rs. 3 lakh per year.

Real Estate: Own bungalow and flat in Gujarat.

Family Responsibility: Daughter pursuing a master's degree in the U.S.A.

Retirement Goal: Financial independence and world travel.

Key Challenges in Retirement Planning
Cash Flow Management: Ensuring a steady income for expenses.

Inflation Risk: Expenses will rise over time, reducing purchasing power.

Investment Growth: Maintaining and growing wealth to last a lifetime.

Liquidity Needs: Quick access to funds for travel and emergencies.

Tax Efficiency: Minimizing tax burden on withdrawals.

Retirement Corpus Planning
1. Estimating Annual Expenses
Consider monthly lifestyle costs, medical expenses, and travel budgets.

Account for inflation, as costs will rise over time.

Keep an emergency fund to handle unexpected expenses.

2. Generating Regular Cash Flow
Fixed Deposits (FDs): Provide safety but lower returns after tax.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Ideal for steady monthly income.

Dividend-paying Mutual Funds: Useful for passive cash flow.

Corporate Bonds: Can provide stable interest income.

Optimizing Your Investment Portfolio
1. Reducing FD Dependence
Rs. 3.5 crore in FDs is too high. Interest rates may not beat inflation.

Shift a portion into mutual funds with a mix of equity and debt.

Debt mutual funds can provide stability with better tax efficiency.

2. Equity Exposure for Growth
Equity is necessary for long-term wealth growth.

Consider large-cap and multi-cap mutual funds for stability.

Keep a portion in international funds for global exposure.

3. Debt Investments for Stability
Short-term debt funds are good for liquidity.

Corporate bond funds can offer better returns than FDs.

Select tax-efficient debt instruments for fixed income.

Funding Your Travel Goals
Create a dedicated "Travel Fund" for expenses.

Use SWP from mutual funds to generate travel cash flow.

Avoid dipping into principal amount to maintain financial security.

Tax Planning for Retirement
1. Taxation on Withdrawals
SWP from equity mutual funds attracts LTCG tax after Rs. 1.25 lakh gains.

Debt fund withdrawals are taxed as per income slab.

Optimize withdrawals to reduce tax burden.

2. NRI Tax Considerations
Check tax liabilities in India and your resident country.

Double taxation treaties can help reduce excess taxation.

Plan withdrawals carefully to avoid tax inefficiencies.

Estate Planning and Succession
Create a will for asset distribution.

Nominate beneficiaries in mutual funds and FDs.

Consider gifting assets to your daughter for tax benefits.

Final Insights
Reduce FD dependency and shift towards mutual funds.

Maintain a balance between equity and debt investments.

Structure cash flow using SWP and tax-efficient investments.

Plan withdrawals wisely to minimize tax impact.

Set aside a dedicated travel fund for world exploration.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8145 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 04, 2025Hindi
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is right time to invest in mutual funds short term
Ans: Your question on short-term mutual fund investment is important. Let’s assess if this is the right time and how to approach it.

Understanding Short-Term Investments in Mutual Funds
1. Market Conditions and Short-Term Investments
The Indian stock market is currently experiencing volatility.

Global economic uncertainties and interest rate policies are influencing market movements.

Short-term investments depend on market cycles and liquidity needs.

If invested for a short period, market timing plays a crucial role.

2. Risk vs. Reward in Short-Term Investing
Short-term mutual fund investments carry risks due to market fluctuations.

Equity funds may not be ideal for short-term goals due to volatility.

Debt funds can provide stability but may have lower returns than equities.

Risk assessment is necessary before investing for the short term.

3. Ideal Fund Categories for Short-Term Investment
Ultra-short duration funds: Suitable for 3–6 months with lower risk.

Short-duration funds: Ideal for 1–3 years with moderate risk.

Liquid funds: Best for parking surplus funds for a few months.

Corporate bond funds: Offer slightly higher returns but come with credit risk.

Key Factors to Consider Before Investing
1. Investment Horizon
Define the exact period you wish to stay invested.

If less than one year, avoid equity mutual funds.

If 1–3 years, prefer high-quality debt funds.

2. Liquidity Needs
Short-term investments should be easily accessible when needed.

Debt mutual funds offer better liquidity than FDs for short-term goals.

Exit loads and redemption timeframes should be checked before investing.

3. Taxation Impact on Returns
Debt mutual fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Consider post-tax returns while comparing investment options.

Evaluating Alternatives for Short-Term Investments
1. Fixed Deposits vs. Debt Mutual Funds
Bank FDs provide fixed returns but may have lower post-tax returns.

Debt mutual funds offer flexibility and tax-efficient returns.

FDs may be suitable if interest rates remain high.

2. Arbitrage Funds for Short-Term Investment
Arbitrage funds invest in equity but work like debt funds in terms of risk.

Tax-efficient for holding periods beyond one year.

Suitable for those seeking stability with slightly better returns than FDs.

Final Insights
Short-term mutual fund investments require careful selection based on the time horizon.

Debt funds are better suited for stability, while arbitrage funds offer tax efficiency.

Consider liquidity, taxation, and risk factors before investing.

Market fluctuations can impact short-term returns in equity funds.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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