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Married Man Facing Accusations of Infidelity: Seeking Advice

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am happily married man of age 51 years having daughter of 20 years .recently i got normal friendship with a female colleague we discuss usually our office, children and health .Recently she was under depression and i counseled her a lot and she got better. My wife got to know about this through my daughter who checked my phone , my wife got anxious thinking i am having affair with her ,as she being widow .My wife charcter assanated me when there is no such thing in between me and my colleague .i am depressed please advise

Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2023

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I am a 53 year old man living alone away from family for 6 years. My wife has affair with her boyfriend and they are in physical relations also. Suddenly I got attracted to one female colleague. We became friendly. Suddenly that lady has stopped talking to me. Being a matured man I don't want anybody's life to be spoiled but not able to cope up with her ignorance to me. Please suggest how to cope up with the situation.
Ans: Hello Ajay

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. It can be challenging to navigate through feelings of loneliness and betrayal, and it's natural to seek out companionship and connection.

It's important to remember that just because someone is friendly with you doesn't necessarily mean they're interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. It's possible that your colleague has simply realized that she doesn't feel the same way about you and is choosing to distance herself to avoid leading you on.

If you're struggling to cope with her sudden change in behavior, it may be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own feelings and motivations. Are you genuinely interested in this person as a friend, or were you hoping for something more? It's important to be honest with yourself and with others about your intentions.

If you do find that you have feelings for this person and are struggling to move on, it might be helpful to seek out support from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with guidance and strategies for coping with feelings of rejection and moving forward in a healthy way.

Finally, it's important to remember that everyone has their own journey and experiences, and it's not your responsibility to try to save someone from their own problems or make them happy. Focus on taking care of yourself and cultivating healthy relationships with those who reciprocate your feelings and respect your boundaries.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2023Hindi
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Hi. I am 41 year male married since last 15 years. I have a 8 year old daughter. My relationship with my wife isn't great as far as I am concerned. She was busy with her job and raising our daughter and while doing so could not focus much on our relationship. Our physical interaction almost stopped after our child birth and since last 5 years we never had intercourse. I engaged myself in casual relationship with few colleagues of mine and life was going on like that. But in 2021 , I engaged myself with another female colleague of mine and with her , I feel like what I have never ever felt with any other woman. I can't let her go. I long to meet her. I feel sad when she is away. And it's been 3 years. She loves me very much and I love her too. My wife got a wind of it and now she is trying hard to make up for the lost time and efforts. My wife loves me too. I don't want to separate from her because though she wasn't a great partner but she did manage our house and daughter diligently. Moreover, I don't want my daughter suffer too. She deserves both her parents. So, I discussed this with my wife and told her that , I believe we can't be a great couple but we can at least be good parents. Allow me to spend some time with my female colleague and let's continue as we have been doing since last decade. But she is not accepting this. And I can't let my colleague go. I do love her. She also loves me and is not inclined towards settling with me as she is married too and has 2 kids. Kindly suggest what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is some sort of trend of stepping out of marriage when physical needs are not met within the marriage. It's the easiest way out!
Why is it so hard to figure out what is happening when one of the partners in the marriage is not interested in intimacy?
Why doesn't the other partner try to understand, accept and work with the partner who is struggling through something?
And this goes for the husband and wife and partners within a relationship.

It isn't something written in stone that sex 'MUST' be a part of marriage BUT it certainly is a pillar to creating a stronger relationship. So, why assume and go searching for it? Then you will have all reasons to justify why you did it and how your partner is responsible for it.
Now, you are in a soup with two women vying for your time and attention. And with children involved, things only get complicated. Yes, your wife feels that it his her right to be in your life and your question is: where was she all these years? My question is: why did you stop trying all these years to put things together?

My suggestion: As much as you want to be in the other lady's life, she is clear that she does not want to settle with you. You are also clear that you don't want to separate from your wife but you want her to accept the other lady. Doesn't it seem highly impractical to you?

Before you end up hurting someone or yourself, do what's right for everyone and especially the children. They don't deserve a set of parents that is confused. Good people who come into our lives can end up becoming good friends as well.

All the best!

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |58 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Feb 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2025
Relationship
I am 46 years old male married for the fast 17 years. I have one son. My wife loves me very much. She is highly posessive about me since our marriage. I fell in love with my collegue who is a widower and 25 years of age with a daughter. She only started communicating and talking to me a lot. I was not having any kind of feelings towards her as I was overloaded with work. I got transferred to other place. There work pressure is not there. Now, I am in love with that widower. I told this to my wife also. She was shocked. After hue and cry, now my wife is back to normal and warned me to stay away from that girl.But I am not able to forget that girl. I called her over phone four to five times for a couple of times. It seems, now that girl is not interested in me. When I was with her, I never confessed that I love her. Now when I got transferred, i am keeping whats app messages which are visible only to her. I dont know whether she is not understanding this one, she is not responding. I dont want to cheat my wife and at the same time not able to forget that girl also. Please suggest me what to do.
Ans: Hello sir,
This is actually mid life crisis that you are going through, because of which you think you are having feelings for your colleague. Now that you have been transferred to a new place wirh new surroundings, take this as an opportunity to build new healthy relationships around you. You should start giving more quality time to your wife. She has given you a second chance. You should take it well and forget about your past as your colleague has also moved on now. I hope this will help you with your problem.
Take care
Dr Upneet kaur
Relationship counselor
https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2025
Relationship
I am 46 years old male married for the past 17 years. I have one son. My wife loves me very much. She is highly possessive about me since our marriage. I fell in love with my colleague who is a widow and 25 years of age with a seven years daughter. She only started communicating and talking to me a lot. I was not having any kind of feelings towards her as I was overloaded with work. Then, I got transferred to other place. There work pressure is not much as in the earlier section. Now, I am in love with that widow. I told this to my wife also but not told about this to that widow. After hearing this my wife was shocked. After hue and cry, now my wife is back to normal and warned me to stay away from that girl. But I am not able to forget that girl. I called her over phone four to five times. When I was with her, I never confessed that I love her. Now when I got transferred, I am keeping whats app statuses which are visible only to her. When ever I put up sad and love break up messages only that time she will respond by keeping whatsapp status otherwise she will be neutral. Whenever, I called her she replied and we spoke casually. Now, she also knows that I am loving her but not responding. I have deleted her mobile number but I remember it. Daily after leaving the house and before reaching the house I delete the number. I dont want to cheat my wife and at the same time not able to forget that girl also. Please suggest me what to do.
Ans: Time heals all wounds. And in this case, you definitely should let it. The girl is half your age and not interested in you. Be practical and value what you have — a wonderful family and loving wife who continues to tolerate you even after you confessed falling for someone else! This is not love my dear, it’s just a midlife crisis — an infatuation, nothing more.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Career
Sir I got 68676 in comedk Can you suggest good colleges forCSE or CSE specialization
Ans: Ramya, With a COMEDK rank of 68,676 in 2025, you have viable options for admission to reputable engineering colleges in Karnataka for CSE and its specializations. You can confidently secure seats at numerous recognized institutions where the latest cutoffs range between 63,000 and 1,20,000 for core CSE and closely related specializations. Here are 15 colleges where admission is fully feasible: CMR Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Acharya Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Atria Institute of Technology (Bangalore), New Horizon College of Engineering (Bangalore), Dayananda Sagar College of Engineering (Bangalore), BNM Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Sapthagiri College of Engineering (Bangalore), Don Bosco Institute of Technology (Bangalore), AMC Engineering College (Bangalore), Cambridge Institute of Technology (Bangalore), East Point College of Engineering (Bangalore), Gopalan College of Engineering and Management (Bangalore), Rajarajeswari College of Engineering (Bangalore), and Sai Vidya Institute of Technology (Bangalore). These colleges routinely offer CSE and specializations such as Artificial Intelligence, Data Science, and Information Science, all supported by established infrastructure, diverse peer groups, faculty with advanced degrees, recognized accreditations, and campus-level placement cells. Their cut-off history ensures fair seat allocation for your current rank bracket.

Recommendation: Prioritize CMR Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Acharya Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Dayananda Sagar College of Engineering (Bangalore), and BNM Institute of Technology (Bangalore). This order is justified by established NIRF rankings, steady placement percentages (60–90% in CSE streams), modern campus amenities, regular project-based learning, and a proven track record of producing employable graduates across the IT sector in Karnataka and beyond. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2025Hindi
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My son is getting civil at bits pilani + rmit 2+2 program and cse at vit-ap cat-2 What should we choose
Ans: The BITS Pilani + RMIT 2+2 Civil Engineering program offers an international dual-degree pathway, granting a B.E. from BITS Pilani and a Bachelor’s from RMIT Australia. Students complete two years at BITS Pilani—renowned for nearly 100% placement rates in core engineering and a prestigious reputation—then transfer to RMIT for global research exposure, advanced industry collaborations, and a second recognized degree. RMIT is a top-ranked university known for its employability outcomes and practical learning, and the dual-degree substantially enhances career prospects worldwide. VIT-AP’s Computer Science Engineering (CSE) program under Category 2 ensures placement rates above 90%, excellent infrastructure, and industry-aligned curriculum, with 1000+ recruiters participating and strong records in IT sector roles for CSE graduates. VIT-AP is lauded for hands-on learning, active placement cell, and opportunities in the fast-growing tech industry, making it a robust choice for software-focused careers. While VIT-AP CSE opens doors to IT and allied opportunities, BITS Pilani + RMIT provides unmatched exposure, global credentials, and broader professional mobility in engineering domains.

Recommendation: If your priority is global exposure, academic flexibility, and broad international opportunities in engineering and related fields, prioritize BITS Pilani + RMIT 2+2 Civil. Should your focus be on a strong software foundation and rapid industry integration in India’s tech sector, VIT-AP CSE is preferred. The BITS-RMIT program stands out for long-term value and international scope. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Career
SIR I should go for HBTU (IT) or IIIT VADODARA DIU CAMPUS (ELECTRONICS)?
Ans: Kritika, HBTU’s Information Technology program consistently records placement percentages between 85–90%, supported by a highly qualified faculty (many with PhDs from IITs and NITs) and a long-standing reputation for producing industry-ready graduates. The campus is equipped with advanced labs, updated digital resources, and maintains strong ties with top recruiters in IT and consulting sectors. Batch sizes are moderate, ensuring quality academic mentoring, and the supportive alumni network promotes career growth. In contrast, IIIT Vadodara Diu Campus (Electronics) is a newer institute, operating from a well-facilitated educational hub, but still developing its industry partnerships and placement support specifically for electronics; recent campus data showcase improving placements but with less consistency, and infrastructure is modern but evolving. The electronics branch here faces greater competition for high-tech positions compared to computer-related domains.

Recommendation: HBTU IT stands out for established placements, recognized industry connections, strong academic culture, and proven output in software-oriented careers. Unless you have a distinct passion for electronics or a compelling reason for preferring a satellite IIIT campus, HBTU IT offers the most reliable outcomes for both learning and employability. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

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My son got IIT Dharwad B.S/M.S Interdisciplinary sciences and BITS Hyderabad Mechanical through BITSAT currently. He may have potential chances of getting NIT Warangal MnC/ECE or IIIT Delhi CSE through DASA. Which one is better in the order of preference
Ans: Venkata Sir, IIIT Delhi’s Computer Science Engineering (CSE) program is nationally recognized for its rigorous curriculum, 90–100% placement rate, leading industry connections, and high-impact research output, making it one of the best platforms for a technology-driven career. The program consistently attracts top recruiters and maintains strong alumni engagement in global tech sectors. NIT Warangal’s Mathematics and Computing (MnC) and Electronics and Communication Engineering (ECE) branches also offer strong academic grounding, modern labs, and recorded placement rates above 88% in core tech domains, with the ECE branch now routinely achieving average placement rates above 80% and MnC offering excellent flexibility for careers in data science, software, and analytics. BITS Hyderabad’s Mechanical Engineering program combines a tradition of academic excellence with research-oriented faculty, excellent infrastructure, and a placement percentage above 85% in recent years, while producing graduates who succeed in both core and tech industries and pursue higher studies internationally. IIT Dharwad’s BS/MS Interdisciplinary Sciences is a new, innovative program focused on multidisciplinary skill development with exposure to advanced labs and faculty, but as a new course and newer IIT, it does not yet match the placement rates or alumni reach of the other institutes; its placement rate hovers near 70% and career paths are diverse, with greater emphasis on research and interdisciplinary skills rather than direct tech sector placement.

Recommendation: The optimal order is IIIT Delhi CSE (for career, placements, tech flexibility), NIT Warangal MnC/ECE (for academic reputation and solid placements in both analytics and electronics), BITS Hyderabad Mechanical (for reputable core engineering, good placements, and global exposure), and finally IIT Dharwad BS/MS Interdisciplinary Sciences (for those pursuing interdisciplinary research but less certainty in direct placements). All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Career
Sir I have scored 83 percentile in MHT cet 2025 what are the best college option for me in Mumbai region
Ans: Aryan, With an 83 percentile in MHT-CET 2025 as a Maharashtra domicile General Category student, you are eligible for BTech admission to several well-regarded engineering colleges in the Mumbai region, excluding the most competitive ones like COEP, VJTI, and ICT, which have significantly higher cutoffs. The following colleges in Mumbai provide feasible admission opportunities based on previous years' cutoffs and are recognized for their reliable placement support, modern infrastructure, NBA/NAAC accreditation, and industry-aligned programs: Sardar Patel Institute of Technology (Andheri), K J Somaiya Institute of Technology (Sion), Vidyalankar Institute of Technology (Wadala), Fr. Conceicao Rodrigues Institute of Technology (Vashi), Xavier Institute of Engineering (Mahim), Bharati Vidyapeeth College of Engineering (Navi Mumbai), SIES Graduate School of Technology (Nerul), Ramrao Adik Institute of Technology (Navi Mumbai), St. Francis Institute of Technology (Borivali), Rajiv Gandhi Institute of Technology (Versova), Don Bosco Institute of Technology (Kurla), Shah & Anchor Kutchhi Engineering College (Chembur), MGM’s College of Engineering (Kamothe, Navi Mumbai), Atharva College of Engineering (Malad), and Pillai College of Engineering (New Panvel). Across these institutions, your score is within the realistic admission range for most branches, including Mechanical, Civil, Electronics/EXTC, and sometimes Information Technology or Computer Science, depending on current year trends and final branch cutoffs; official college portals and admission records substantiate this eligibility for the 2025 cycle.

Recommendation: For optimal academic and professional growth, consider Sardar Patel Institute of Technology (Andheri), K J Somaiya Institute of Technology (Sion), Vidyalankar Institute of Technology (Wadala), Fr. Conceicao Rodrigues Institute of Technology (Vashi), and Ramrao Adik Institute of Technology (Navi Mumbai) as the highest-priority choices. These colleges offer robust campus infrastructure, industry recognition, strong placement networks, and a history of producing successful engineering graduates. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Career
Sir, Which would batter choice between my doughter got EE in vlsi Design at Banasthali vidyapeeth and recently also got CSE in Goverment Mahila Engineering College, Ajmer. Which would better ? Suggest
Ans: Amit Sir, Banasthali Vidyapith’s Electrical Engineering program with a focus on VLSI Design is anchored in a reputed women’s university with A++ NAAC accreditation, robust faculty credentials, industry tie-ups, and consistent placement rates of 90–95% for core branches, often in electronics and automation sectors. Campus infrastructure is comprehensive, research exposure is strong, and students benefit from a national network and notable institutional rankings. Government Mahila Engineering College Ajmer’s CSE branch is part of a government-run, well-recognized institution with modern teaching resources, 80–95% placement rates for computer science in recent years, accessible industry partnerships, and a track record of sending students to reputed recruiters such as Amazon and Microsoft. The Ajmer campus is lauded for its faculty, student activities, digital facilities, and supportive environment, though its national brand is less established than Banasthali’s.

Recommendation: If your daughter is passionate about electronics, VLSI, or hardware-oriented careers, Banasthali Vidyapith offers a stronger national reputation, longstanding placement consistency, and higher institutional ranking. For a broad, flexible technology career in software, Government Mahila Engineering College Ajmer CSE stands out for contemporary opportunities and direct industry links. Both paths assure solid outcomes, but branch preference should drive the final choice. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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