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Married Man Facing Accusations of Infidelity: Seeking Advice

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am happily married man of age 51 years having daughter of 20 years .recently i got normal friendship with a female colleague we discuss usually our office, children and health .Recently she was under depression and i counseled her a lot and she got better. My wife got to know about this through my daughter who checked my phone , my wife got anxious thinking i am having affair with her ,as she being widow .My wife charcter assanated me when there is no such thing in between me and my colleague .i am depressed please advise

Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2023

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Relationship
I am a 53 year old man living alone away from family for 6 years. My wife has affair with her boyfriend and they are in physical relations also. Suddenly I got attracted to one female colleague. We became friendly. Suddenly that lady has stopped talking to me. Being a matured man I don't want anybody's life to be spoiled but not able to cope up with her ignorance to me. Please suggest how to cope up with the situation.
Ans: Hello Ajay

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. It can be challenging to navigate through feelings of loneliness and betrayal, and it's natural to seek out companionship and connection.

It's important to remember that just because someone is friendly with you doesn't necessarily mean they're interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. It's possible that your colleague has simply realized that she doesn't feel the same way about you and is choosing to distance herself to avoid leading you on.

If you're struggling to cope with her sudden change in behavior, it may be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own feelings and motivations. Are you genuinely interested in this person as a friend, or were you hoping for something more? It's important to be honest with yourself and with others about your intentions.

If you do find that you have feelings for this person and are struggling to move on, it might be helpful to seek out support from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with guidance and strategies for coping with feelings of rejection and moving forward in a healthy way.

Finally, it's important to remember that everyone has their own journey and experiences, and it's not your responsibility to try to save someone from their own problems or make them happy. Focus on taking care of yourself and cultivating healthy relationships with those who reciprocate your feelings and respect your boundaries.

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 21, 2023

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Hi Luv Guru, I am 45 yrs old and married. My wife is a lovey companion and we have good relationship with our usual fights and disagreement. We also enjoy each other during our physical relationship. My wife has a friend who unfortunately lost her husband a year ago. She is my wife's friend in her morning and evening walks, common kittys etc. She has hardly come to our house. I was not knowing his husband also never met even. But in a freak accident he lost his life. My wife being a emotional person was very upset and cried a lot. She often talks about her friend and her life that how she is doing and becoming normal. One night during our close moment, I told my wife that you care a lot for your friend, why donot you care for her physical needs also. She is young and may be in need of physical relationship with some one. Why do not you help her by introducing me to her? She asked how come this thing came to my mind? I told just casually, she told me that I am dreaming. After that we have not discussed on this subject. Our relationship is normal. Please guide me whether I suggested some thing wrong?
Ans: Are you nuts? Your wife empathises with her friend who’s just been widowed and you think that offering to have extramarital sex with her is not unusual? What are you, some car that she’s going to rent out to her BFF?! If that widow needs support, give it to her without trying to exploit her situation by trying to get into bed with her, that too after asking for your wife’s blessing! There are a million men out there and with God’s grace hopefully she’ll meet someone else, but you my friend, do not need to figure in that equation. You’re lucky your wife didn’t kick you out!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1471 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2023Hindi
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Hi. I am 41 year male married since last 15 years. I have a 8 year old daughter. My relationship with my wife isn't great as far as I am concerned. She was busy with her job and raising our daughter and while doing so could not focus much on our relationship. Our physical interaction almost stopped after our child birth and since last 5 years we never had intercourse. I engaged myself in casual relationship with few colleagues of mine and life was going on like that. But in 2021 , I engaged myself with another female colleague of mine and with her , I feel like what I have never ever felt with any other woman. I can't let her go. I long to meet her. I feel sad when she is away. And it's been 3 years. She loves me very much and I love her too. My wife got a wind of it and now she is trying hard to make up for the lost time and efforts. My wife loves me too. I don't want to separate from her because though she wasn't a great partner but she did manage our house and daughter diligently. Moreover, I don't want my daughter suffer too. She deserves both her parents. So, I discussed this with my wife and told her that , I believe we can't be a great couple but we can at least be good parents. Allow me to spend some time with my female colleague and let's continue as we have been doing since last decade. But she is not accepting this. And I can't let my colleague go. I do love her. She also loves me and is not inclined towards settling with me as she is married too and has 2 kids. Kindly suggest what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is some sort of trend of stepping out of marriage when physical needs are not met within the marriage. It's the easiest way out!
Why is it so hard to figure out what is happening when one of the partners in the marriage is not interested in intimacy?
Why doesn't the other partner try to understand, accept and work with the partner who is struggling through something?
And this goes for the husband and wife and partners within a relationship.

It isn't something written in stone that sex 'MUST' be a part of marriage BUT it certainly is a pillar to creating a stronger relationship. So, why assume and go searching for it? Then you will have all reasons to justify why you did it and how your partner is responsible for it.
Now, you are in a soup with two women vying for your time and attention. And with children involved, things only get complicated. Yes, your wife feels that it his her right to be in your life and your question is: where was she all these years? My question is: why did you stop trying all these years to put things together?

My suggestion: As much as you want to be in the other lady's life, she is clear that she does not want to settle with you. You are also clear that you don't want to separate from your wife but you want her to accept the other lady. Doesn't it seem highly impractical to you?

Before you end up hurting someone or yourself, do what's right for everyone and especially the children. They don't deserve a set of parents that is confused. Good people who come into our lives can end up becoming good friends as well.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1471 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 30, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, I am a 53 years male, widowed since last 3 years having grown up children pursuing higher studies, have been feeling very lonely since the demise of my wife and am unable to forget it, sometimes feel like having a female friend/ partner with whom i can share my thoughts, there is nobody to talk to since 3 years. My wife's sister who also got widowed since 4 years is also at the same stage i believe. Many a times I think of having her as my partner, though we both have never talked about it and we are mostly not in touch. Is this thinking of mine correct or is there something wrong with me. If it is ok then how to move ahead as she is a very conservative lady with 2 grown up children who have started their jobs recently. Please advise
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry for your loss...
There can be a huge void and there will surely be thoughts on in what way you can fill that void. There is nothing wrong in wanting to have a life partner at this stage and having grown up children, there is a necessity to run it by them...
Initially, they may feel that you are trying to replace their mother and in this case, you need to provide them that reassurance to them that you are always going to keep their mother's memories alive. You maybe surprised that they may also willing be on your side...talk to them...
Now, in the context of your wife's sister...this becomes family and there are complications that may arise out of it as we are conditioned to only accept and live relationships that society has defined for us. But having said that, you and your wife's sister are adults...
Also, you have no clue on how she perceives all of this...so, before placing too much of hopes on this, do try and figure out where her mind is...if you even get a slight feel that she might be offended, DO NOT broach the topic at all...Within the family, these kind of talks can ruin relationships...so be very careful...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |518 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 22, 2025Hindi
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I’m 36M, I met a girl in my office, who works in the same department. It was love at first site for me, but I was scared to tell her that. As time passed, I used to strike some casual conversations with her or her team to connect with her and there were some clear signs that she liked me, for example, she would call me or text me why I’m not talking to her if I didn’t message her for some time (a week) or she would ask me if I was coming to office as we were working Hybrid if not she would also not come to office. But she always refused to come out with me for a movie or date/meet saying she had a very strict family and cannot come out other than office. I used to think that this was a real thing. But all this went on until her birthday arrived. I got some gift to give her on her birthday only to know that she suddenly stopped talking to me, no replies to my messages, calls or anything. At first, I was bit concerned if there was any problem or if she was in any trouble. But little did I know it was not the case at this time. After few (many) attempts trying to reach her. I though maybe she could be busy or something and I understood may be if I did not disturb her, she might call back. Time went on I again met her after 4 or 5 months in Office with no contact. By this time, I had already realised there was something wrong and she had already lost interest in me. But still I felt like I wanted to have a closure on this and I went on and gave the gift and proposed her, that is when she told me that she was in a relationship with some other person for 4 years. This blew my mind to pieces, as I was thinking why would someone shows any sort of interest on someone when they are already in relationship with some other person. I tried to move away from her after this incident, but fate we still are working in the same department and that I have to see her more often than not. I still have strong feelings for her, but I cannot show this to her and worst act normal. Whenever I see her, I want to talk to her and If I talk to her, I fall for her again and again. But she is happy and casual about all this as if there was not casualty in whole of this thing. Even now she asks me if I’m coming to office so that she could meet me. So, through all this, I have some questions 1. Why does a women show any sort of Interest on someone else when she is already in a relationship, so she can use me as a options and throw away when done 2. How do I move on, as I did not love her for some superficial features, rather I really liked her character, and that is the worst as I feel like I’ll never be able to find anyone like her in my life. Feeling down for a long time now. I’m already 36, feels like all the doors have closed for me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are hurt and upset, and rightfully so. You thought she liked you but turns out, she is with someone else. It's a good enough ground to be upset. But I want you to understand one thing- you thought; she never gave you verbal confirmation. You assumed it all. So to answer your first question- all of her interest in you might have been friendly. It is difficult for me to say it with confidence because I have not seen any of this while it happened; I am only hearing your version of it. But my guess is that she thought of you as a friend or maybe, for a while there, she might have had feelings for you, but then realized that she was committed and pulled herself back. Again, all of these are my assumptions. We do not know the truth. Only she does. The next time, whenever you think someone likes you, get verbal confirmation before you act on it.

I understand that whether she showed friendly interest and you mistook it for romantic interest or she actually showed romantic interest and ghosted you, your pain remains the same because everything was real and romantic from your end. I suggest that you focus on yourself. It's unfortunate that you have to see her every day, but so be it. Take it one day at a time. Stick with your friends in your office. Find some hobby that makes you happy and when you are ready to move on, be open to finding love. I understand that this experience was bad, but it won't be the same way every time.

Best wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |518 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 25, 2025
Relationship
Hi..., I feel in love with a muslim girl. I wasn't planned, it just happened I love her exactly the way she is, unconditionally, deeply, endlessly. For the last six years, Six years of loving her without expecting anything in return, without asking for anything but the chance to admire her from a distance. Every smile, every word, every little thing about her has been etched into my heart like poetry. I never saw her religion or background—only her beautiful soul. My love for her has always been pure, unconditional, and endless. It’s not about possessing her, it’s about cherishing her, even if it means keeping my feelings hidden all this time. But six years is a long time, and my heart is heavy with this love that I’ve kept inside. Should I finally tell her what I feel? Should I risk everything to let her know how much she means to me, even if it changes everything? Love knows no boundaries, no religion, no rules—it just is. But society doesn’t think the same way. What would you do if you were in my place? After six years of love, how do you decide what’s right for the person you love?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It does not matter what anyone else would do in your place or what society thinks. All that matters is what you think and want to do. If you have genuine feelings for her, what's stopping you from expressing them to her? If you don't tell her, how would you know if everything is going to change for the good or bad? Do as your heart wants. After all, you are not harming anyone.

Best wishes.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7742 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I am a 36 years old man, father of 2 (5y & 2y), Our income is 40Lacs pa post tax addition to that we have a rental income of 50K pm, our monthly expense is around 40K which is taken care by rents. Doing a SIP of 2.5 lac with total investment of 28L , have a RD of 25 L, ULIP -10L, Gold- 50L, I want to be financially independent in next 10 years. No loan , no credit cards., Has a medical policy of 25L. Emergency fund of 10L. Please advice how i can achieve financial independence in next 10 years.
Ans: 1. Understanding Your Financial Position
You are 36 years old with a goal of financial independence in 10 years.

Your annual post-tax income is Rs 40 lakh, with an additional rental income of Rs 50,000 per month.

Your monthly expenses are Rs 40,000, which are fully covered by rental income.

Your current investments include:

Rs 2.5 lakh SIP per month
Rs 28 lakh in mutual funds
Rs 25 lakh in RD
Rs 10 lakh in ULIP
Rs 50 lakh in gold
Rs 10 lakh emergency fund
You have no loans or credit cards, which is a strong financial position.

Your health insurance is Rs 25 lakh, which is good but may need a review later.

2. Defining Financial Independence
Financial independence means having passive income that covers all expenses.

You need enough wealth to generate returns that sustain your lifestyle.

Your target should be to build a portfolio that provides stable income after 10 years.

3. Optimising Your Current Investments
Mutual Funds – Increase Allocation
Your Rs 2.5 lakh SIP is excellent, but it needs active management.

Actively managed funds provide better returns than index funds.

Direct mutual funds lack professional management. Investing through an MFD with CFP credential helps maximise returns.

Maintain a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds for stability and growth.

Recurring Deposit (RD) – Shift to Growth Assets
Rs 25 lakh in RD earns lower returns compared to equity.

Consider shifting RD funds gradually into mutual funds for better compounding.

Keep only a portion in fixed-income instruments for stability.

ULIP – Consider Surrendering
ULIPs mix insurance with investment, which reduces returns.

Surrendering and reinvesting in mutual funds can improve returns significantly.

Keep insurance separate from investments for better wealth creation.

Gold – Maintain a Balanced Allocation
Rs 50 lakh in gold is a significant portion of your portfolio.

Gold is good for diversification but does not generate passive income.

Consider reducing gold exposure and reallocating to growth-oriented assets.

4. Asset Allocation for Financial Independence
A well-diversified portfolio ensures long-term stability and wealth growth.

Your asset allocation can be:

60% in equity mutual funds
20% in debt funds and bonds
10% in gold and other assets
10% in liquid funds for short-term needs
Adjust allocation every year based on market performance.

5. Passive Income Strategy
Your goal is to generate passive income through investments.

SIPs will build a strong equity base over the next 10 years.

A mix of mutual funds and debt instruments will provide steady cash flow.

Rental income already covers monthly expenses, which is an advantage.

After 10 years, your investments should generate returns covering all financial needs.

6. Emergency Fund and Insurance Review
Emergency Fund
Your Rs 10 lakh emergency fund is good.

Keep this amount in liquid funds or fixed deposits for easy access.

Maintain at least six months of expenses as a backup.

Health Insurance
Your Rs 25 lakh health cover is decent, but medical costs rise over time.

Consider increasing coverage to Rs 50 lakh if affordable.

Ensure it covers critical illness and long-term care needs.

7. Retirement and Children’s Education Planning
Retirement Planning
Financial independence should include a secure retirement plan.

Your investments will continue growing even after achieving independence.

Keep investing to ensure financial security beyond the next 10 years.

Children’s Education
Education costs will rise significantly over time.

Start a dedicated investment plan for your children’s higher education.

Equity mutual funds with a long-term horizon will help meet this goal.

8. Tax Efficiency and Wealth Preservation
Efficient tax planning ensures you maximise post-tax returns.

Long-term capital gains tax is lower on equity investments.


Regularly review your tax liability to optimise investment returns.

9. Monitoring and Adjusting the Plan
Review your portfolio every six months.

Rebalance investments if market conditions change.

Keep track of financial independence progress based on wealth accumulation.

10. Final Insights
Your financial position is strong, and your goal is achievable.

Shifting from low-return assets to equity will help in long-term wealth creation.

Active management of investments will ensure better returns and financial security.

Keep insurance separate from investments to avoid lower returns.

A disciplined approach to investing and spending will lead to financial independence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Harsh

Harsh Bharwani  |73 Answers  |Ask -

Entrepreneurship Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

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Career
Hi what business can I start with 20000rs?
Ans: Hello Mr. Anuj,
Starting a business in India with a budget of ?20,000 is entirely possible with strategic planning, local market research, and minimal infrastructure. Whether you prefer a home-based model, freelancing, or product-based business, several viable options can generate steady income. Here’s a detailed guide to ten promising business ideas tailored for the Indian market.

Online Reselling via Dropshipping
Dropshipping allows you to sell products without holding inventory. Popular categories include eco-friendly products, ethnic jewellery, and mobile accessories. Profit margins range from 30–50%, but success depends on social media marketing and supplier reliability.

Freelancing Services
If you have skills in content writing, graphic design, or video editing, freelancing can be a lucrative option. A laptop and internet connection are the only real requirements. Building a strong online presence on LinkedIn or Fiverr can help secure consistent clients.

Home Tutoring/Coaching
With increasing competition in academics, home tutoring is a stable business. Charging ?1,000–2,000 per student per month ensures recurring income. The demand peaks during exam seasons, making it a great long-term option.

Event Decoration
Event decoration, especially in Tier-2 and Tier-3 cities, is a creative and profitable business. Specializing in birthday parties, anniversaries, and wedding decor can help build a niche. However, the business is seasonal.

Customized Printing
Selling custom-printed T-shirts, mugs, and gifts online is a trendy business. With social media marketing, you can attract college students and young professionals who love personalized products. However, printer maintenance costs should be considered.

Key Tips for Success
Legal Compliance: Register as a sole proprietorship for hassle-free operations.
Smart Marketing: Use WhatsApp Business, Instagram Reels, and Google My Business for cost-effective promotions.
Cost Control: Rent equipment (e.g., cloud kitchens) instead of buying to minimize overheads.
Customer Feedback: Focus on refining offerings based on customer preferences.
Start Small, Scale Later: Test your business model before making large investments.
With careful planning, minimal investment, and the right strategy, starting a business with ?20,000 in India is not only possible but also profitable. Choose a business aligned with your skills and local market demand, and take the first step toward entrepreneurship today!

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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