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Married Man Facing Accusations of Infidelity: Seeking Advice

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am happily married man of age 51 years having daughter of 20 years .recently i got normal friendship with a female colleague we discuss usually our office, children and health .Recently she was under depression and i counseled her a lot and she got better. My wife got to know about this through my daughter who checked my phone , my wife got anxious thinking i am having affair with her ,as she being widow .My wife charcter assanated me when there is no such thing in between me and my colleague .i am depressed please advise

Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2023

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I am a 53 year old man living alone away from family for 6 years. My wife has affair with her boyfriend and they are in physical relations also. Suddenly I got attracted to one female colleague. We became friendly. Suddenly that lady has stopped talking to me. Being a matured man I don't want anybody's life to be spoiled but not able to cope up with her ignorance to me. Please suggest how to cope up with the situation.
Ans: Hello Ajay

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. It can be challenging to navigate through feelings of loneliness and betrayal, and it's natural to seek out companionship and connection.

It's important to remember that just because someone is friendly with you doesn't necessarily mean they're interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. It's possible that your colleague has simply realized that she doesn't feel the same way about you and is choosing to distance herself to avoid leading you on.

If you're struggling to cope with her sudden change in behavior, it may be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own feelings and motivations. Are you genuinely interested in this person as a friend, or were you hoping for something more? It's important to be honest with yourself and with others about your intentions.

If you do find that you have feelings for this person and are struggling to move on, it might be helpful to seek out support from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with guidance and strategies for coping with feelings of rejection and moving forward in a healthy way.

Finally, it's important to remember that everyone has their own journey and experiences, and it's not your responsibility to try to save someone from their own problems or make them happy. Focus on taking care of yourself and cultivating healthy relationships with those who reciprocate your feelings and respect your boundaries.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2023Hindi
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Hi. I am 41 year male married since last 15 years. I have a 8 year old daughter. My relationship with my wife isn't great as far as I am concerned. She was busy with her job and raising our daughter and while doing so could not focus much on our relationship. Our physical interaction almost stopped after our child birth and since last 5 years we never had intercourse. I engaged myself in casual relationship with few colleagues of mine and life was going on like that. But in 2021 , I engaged myself with another female colleague of mine and with her , I feel like what I have never ever felt with any other woman. I can't let her go. I long to meet her. I feel sad when she is away. And it's been 3 years. She loves me very much and I love her too. My wife got a wind of it and now she is trying hard to make up for the lost time and efforts. My wife loves me too. I don't want to separate from her because though she wasn't a great partner but she did manage our house and daughter diligently. Moreover, I don't want my daughter suffer too. She deserves both her parents. So, I discussed this with my wife and told her that , I believe we can't be a great couple but we can at least be good parents. Allow me to spend some time with my female colleague and let's continue as we have been doing since last decade. But she is not accepting this. And I can't let my colleague go. I do love her. She also loves me and is not inclined towards settling with me as she is married too and has 2 kids. Kindly suggest what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is some sort of trend of stepping out of marriage when physical needs are not met within the marriage. It's the easiest way out!
Why is it so hard to figure out what is happening when one of the partners in the marriage is not interested in intimacy?
Why doesn't the other partner try to understand, accept and work with the partner who is struggling through something?
And this goes for the husband and wife and partners within a relationship.

It isn't something written in stone that sex 'MUST' be a part of marriage BUT it certainly is a pillar to creating a stronger relationship. So, why assume and go searching for it? Then you will have all reasons to justify why you did it and how your partner is responsible for it.
Now, you are in a soup with two women vying for your time and attention. And with children involved, things only get complicated. Yes, your wife feels that it his her right to be in your life and your question is: where was she all these years? My question is: why did you stop trying all these years to put things together?

My suggestion: As much as you want to be in the other lady's life, she is clear that she does not want to settle with you. You are also clear that you don't want to separate from your wife but you want her to accept the other lady. Doesn't it seem highly impractical to you?

Before you end up hurting someone or yourself, do what's right for everyone and especially the children. They don't deserve a set of parents that is confused. Good people who come into our lives can end up becoming good friends as well.

All the best!

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |49 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Feb 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2025
Relationship
I am 46 years old male married for the fast 17 years. I have one son. My wife loves me very much. She is highly posessive about me since our marriage. I fell in love with my collegue who is a widower and 25 years of age with a daughter. She only started communicating and talking to me a lot. I was not having any kind of feelings towards her as I was overloaded with work. I got transferred to other place. There work pressure is not there. Now, I am in love with that widower. I told this to my wife also. She was shocked. After hue and cry, now my wife is back to normal and warned me to stay away from that girl.But I am not able to forget that girl. I called her over phone four to five times for a couple of times. It seems, now that girl is not interested in me. When I was with her, I never confessed that I love her. Now when I got transferred, i am keeping whats app messages which are visible only to her. I dont know whether she is not understanding this one, she is not responding. I dont want to cheat my wife and at the same time not able to forget that girl also. Please suggest me what to do.
Ans: Hello sir,
This is actually mid life crisis that you are going through, because of which you think you are having feelings for your colleague. Now that you have been transferred to a new place wirh new surroundings, take this as an opportunity to build new healthy relationships around you. You should start giving more quality time to your wife. She has given you a second chance. You should take it well and forget about your past as your colleague has also moved on now. I hope this will help you with your problem.
Take care
Dr Upneet kaur
Relationship counselor
https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2025
Relationship
I am 46 years old male married for the past 17 years. I have one son. My wife loves me very much. She is highly possessive about me since our marriage. I fell in love with my colleague who is a widow and 25 years of age with a seven years daughter. She only started communicating and talking to me a lot. I was not having any kind of feelings towards her as I was overloaded with work. Then, I got transferred to other place. There work pressure is not much as in the earlier section. Now, I am in love with that widow. I told this to my wife also but not told about this to that widow. After hearing this my wife was shocked. After hue and cry, now my wife is back to normal and warned me to stay away from that girl. But I am not able to forget that girl. I called her over phone four to five times. When I was with her, I never confessed that I love her. Now when I got transferred, I am keeping whats app statuses which are visible only to her. When ever I put up sad and love break up messages only that time she will respond by keeping whatsapp status otherwise she will be neutral. Whenever, I called her she replied and we spoke casually. Now, she also knows that I am loving her but not responding. I have deleted her mobile number but I remember it. Daily after leaving the house and before reaching the house I delete the number. I dont want to cheat my wife and at the same time not able to forget that girl also. Please suggest me what to do.
Ans: Time heals all wounds. And in this case, you definitely should let it. The girl is half your age and not interested in you. Be practical and value what you have — a wonderful family and loving wife who continues to tolerate you even after you confessed falling for someone else! This is not love my dear, it’s just a midlife crisis — an infatuation, nothing more.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7462 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 30, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 29, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir I have obc rank 1104 in jee advanced. Iam getting iit ropar cse In both round. I want iit indore mnc having closing rank 941 in round 2. I have more chance of getting Iit guwahati electronic and electrical engineering and iit Hyderabad electrical engineering having closing rank 976 and 996. Should I take risk for desired branch in round 6
Ans: With an OBC-NCL rank of 1104, IIT Ropar CSE is a confirmed seat (closing rank 1154) offering 87.95% average placement over three years, strong faculty engagement, modern labs, robust industry partnerships, NBA accreditation, and active research culture . IIT Indore Mathematics & Computing (closing rank 941) delivers 90% placement, interdisciplinary curriculum, advanced computational and mathematics labs, international collaborations, and UoE status, but your rank exceeds its cutoff, making admission unlikely . IIT Guwahati EEE (closing rank 2066) features 84% placement, specialized high-voltage and core electronics facilities, experienced faculty, NIRF-ranked labs, and strong PSU and tech recruiter ties . IIT Hyderabad EE (closing rank 1781) provides 75% placement, cutting-edge power electronics and IC design labs, multidisciplinary research, international MoUs, and NAAC A++ accreditation .

Recommendation: Do not risk IIT Indore M&C as your rank falls outside its cutoff; accept IIT Ropar CSE for guaranteed admission and high placement, or upgrade to IIT Guwahati EEE or IIT Hyderabad EE in Round 6 if branch preference for core electronics outweighs the certainty of the Ropar CSE seat. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7462 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 30, 2025

Career
My daughter has got CSE core in VIT-Bhopal in 2nd catagory also CSE with Bigdata analyst in SRM-KTR. Kindly suggest where to join
Ans: Sailendra Sir, VIT-Bhopal offers a UGC-recognized, NAAC A++, ABET-accredited CSE Core program with centralized placements across four campuses achieving 90% job offers in 2024, an average package of ?8–11 LPA, and top recruiters like Microsoft and Amazon. Its School of Computing Science & Engineering features two 75-machine coding labs, modern AI/Cloud/IoT research facilities, and MoUs with Dell, Wipro, Bosch, and Volvo Group for internships and training. The curriculum, developed with industry and international university input, emphasizes software fundamentals, data structures, cybersecurity, and elective specialization.

SRM-KTR’s NAAC A++ (3.58/4.0), UGC Category I, IET and ABET-accredited Big Data Analytics program reports 83–95% CSE placement rates over the last three years, an average package of ?7.13 LPA, and highest offers up to ?52 LPA. The department maintains advanced computing and analytics labs, IBM/Nokia/Schneider Electric partnerships for live projects, and a curriculum covering ML, data mining, visualization, and research-driven learning. Strong placement coordination and active student-industry engagement underpin its career support.

Recommendation: Join VIT-Bhopal CSE Core for its higher placement consistency, global accreditation, extensive industry MoUs, and cutting-edge research labs; choose SRM-KTR CSE Big Data only if you prioritize specialized analytics curriculum and strong domain labs despite slightly lower placement rates. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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