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Married Man Facing Accusations of Infidelity: Seeking Advice

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |405 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am happily married man of age 51 years having daughter of 20 years .recently i got normal friendship with a female colleague we discuss usually our office, children and health .Recently she was under depression and i counseled her a lot and she got better. My wife got to know about this through my daughter who checked my phone , my wife got anxious thinking i am having affair with her ,as she being widow .My wife charcter assanated me when there is no such thing in between me and my colleague .i am depressed please advise

Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |405 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2023

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Relationship
I am a 53 year old man living alone away from family for 6 years. My wife has affair with her boyfriend and they are in physical relations also. Suddenly I got attracted to one female colleague. We became friendly. Suddenly that lady has stopped talking to me. Being a matured man I don't want anybody's life to be spoiled but not able to cope up with her ignorance to me. Please suggest how to cope up with the situation.
Ans: Hello Ajay

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. It can be challenging to navigate through feelings of loneliness and betrayal, and it's natural to seek out companionship and connection.

It's important to remember that just because someone is friendly with you doesn't necessarily mean they're interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. It's possible that your colleague has simply realized that she doesn't feel the same way about you and is choosing to distance herself to avoid leading you on.

If you're struggling to cope with her sudden change in behavior, it may be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own feelings and motivations. Are you genuinely interested in this person as a friend, or were you hoping for something more? It's important to be honest with yourself and with others about your intentions.

If you do find that you have feelings for this person and are struggling to move on, it might be helpful to seek out support from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with guidance and strategies for coping with feelings of rejection and moving forward in a healthy way.

Finally, it's important to remember that everyone has their own journey and experiences, and it's not your responsibility to try to save someone from their own problems or make them happy. Focus on taking care of yourself and cultivating healthy relationships with those who reciprocate your feelings and respect your boundaries.

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 21, 2023

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Relationship
Hi Luv Guru, I am 45 yrs old and married. My wife is a lovey companion and we have good relationship with our usual fights and disagreement. We also enjoy each other during our physical relationship. My wife has a friend who unfortunately lost her husband a year ago. She is my wife's friend in her morning and evening walks, common kittys etc. She has hardly come to our house. I was not knowing his husband also never met even. But in a freak accident he lost his life. My wife being a emotional person was very upset and cried a lot. She often talks about her friend and her life that how she is doing and becoming normal. One night during our close moment, I told my wife that you care a lot for your friend, why donot you care for her physical needs also. She is young and may be in need of physical relationship with some one. Why do not you help her by introducing me to her? She asked how come this thing came to my mind? I told just casually, she told me that I am dreaming. After that we have not discussed on this subject. Our relationship is normal. Please guide me whether I suggested some thing wrong?
Ans: Are you nuts? Your wife empathises with her friend who’s just been widowed and you think that offering to have extramarital sex with her is not unusual? What are you, some car that she’s going to rent out to her BFF?! If that widow needs support, give it to her without trying to exploit her situation by trying to get into bed with her, that too after asking for your wife’s blessing! There are a million men out there and with God’s grace hopefully she’ll meet someone else, but you my friend, do not need to figure in that equation. You’re lucky your wife didn’t kick you out!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I am 41 year male married since last 15 years. I have a 8 year old daughter. My relationship with my wife isn't great as far as I am concerned. She was busy with her job and raising our daughter and while doing so could not focus much on our relationship. Our physical interaction almost stopped after our child birth and since last 5 years we never had intercourse. I engaged myself in casual relationship with few colleagues of mine and life was going on like that. But in 2021 , I engaged myself with another female colleague of mine and with her , I feel like what I have never ever felt with any other woman. I can't let her go. I long to meet her. I feel sad when she is away. And it's been 3 years. She loves me very much and I love her too. My wife got a wind of it and now she is trying hard to make up for the lost time and efforts. My wife loves me too. I don't want to separate from her because though she wasn't a great partner but she did manage our house and daughter diligently. Moreover, I don't want my daughter suffer too. She deserves both her parents. So, I discussed this with my wife and told her that , I believe we can't be a great couple but we can at least be good parents. Allow me to spend some time with my female colleague and let's continue as we have been doing since last decade. But she is not accepting this. And I can't let my colleague go. I do love her. She also loves me and is not inclined towards settling with me as she is married too and has 2 kids. Kindly suggest what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is some sort of trend of stepping out of marriage when physical needs are not met within the marriage. It's the easiest way out!
Why is it so hard to figure out what is happening when one of the partners in the marriage is not interested in intimacy?
Why doesn't the other partner try to understand, accept and work with the partner who is struggling through something?
And this goes for the husband and wife and partners within a relationship.

It isn't something written in stone that sex 'MUST' be a part of marriage BUT it certainly is a pillar to creating a stronger relationship. So, why assume and go searching for it? Then you will have all reasons to justify why you did it and how your partner is responsible for it.
Now, you are in a soup with two women vying for your time and attention. And with children involved, things only get complicated. Yes, your wife feels that it his her right to be in your life and your question is: where was she all these years? My question is: why did you stop trying all these years to put things together?

My suggestion: As much as you want to be in the other lady's life, she is clear that she does not want to settle with you. You are also clear that you don't want to separate from your wife but you want her to accept the other lady. Doesn't it seem highly impractical to you?

Before you end up hurting someone or yourself, do what's right for everyone and especially the children. They don't deserve a set of parents that is confused. Good people who come into our lives can end up becoming good friends as well.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am a 53 years male, widowed since last 3 years having grown up children pursuing higher studies, have been feeling very lonely since the demise of my wife and am unable to forget it, sometimes feel like having a female friend/ partner with whom i can share my thoughts, there is nobody to talk to since 3 years. My wife's sister who also got widowed since 4 years is also at the same stage i believe. Many a times I think of having her as my partner, though we both have never talked about it and we are mostly not in touch. Is this thinking of mine correct or is there something wrong with me. If it is ok then how to move ahead as she is a very conservative lady with 2 grown up children who have started their jobs recently. Please advise
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry for your loss...
There can be a huge void and there will surely be thoughts on in what way you can fill that void. There is nothing wrong in wanting to have a life partner at this stage and having grown up children, there is a necessity to run it by them...
Initially, they may feel that you are trying to replace their mother and in this case, you need to provide them that reassurance to them that you are always going to keep their mother's memories alive. You maybe surprised that they may also willing be on your side...talk to them...
Now, in the context of your wife's sister...this becomes family and there are complications that may arise out of it as we are conditioned to only accept and live relationships that society has defined for us. But having said that, you and your wife's sister are adults...
Also, you have no clue on how she perceives all of this...so, before placing too much of hopes on this, do try and figure out where her mind is...if you even get a slight feel that she might be offended, DO NOT broach the topic at all...Within the family, these kind of talks can ruin relationships...so be very careful...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello, I am 3 yr neet dropper.in 2025 it will be my third attempt... I'm trying my best to crack neet ...i don't know what will happen will i score good marks or not ... please help me in suggesting good career options if not crack neet .....there are many options through neet marks also like bhms , veterinary...etc. i will also give entrance exam also like cuet ,gbpuat ,....but i want that what to choose which course will be best for me ...i want to make my life good and happy... having a good degree, good job ,...
Ans: Hello.
Have you analyzed your failure in 2 successive attempts in the NEET examination? If yes, then the question is what you have done for improvement and not then again the question arises why not? Here, I would like to suggest you focus now only on the NEET examination which is your 3rd attempt. Don't think about any other options right now till May 2025. After the NEET exam is over, you have ample time to explore the options available. Depending on your score in NEET 2025, we will guide you at that time. But yet, if you are confused, then looking towards your question and anxiety, you need personal counseling where you can express yourself face-to-face. Only after the NEET exam is over, you contact a counsellor for one-to-one counseling. Till then, keep mum and focus only on NEET. Take this exam as your mission and project. Work on this project, apply forces from all sides, success is there which is waiting for you eagerly.
Best of luck for your bright future.

Some tips: (1) Analyse separately Phy, Che, Bio (2) Prepare a list of hard topics (3) First focus more on the topics which are easy for you and then try to excel in hard topics (4) Appear more and more online/offline examinations (4) Prepare your short-cut file for all subjects (5) Prepare a file for each subject having only synopsis of all chapters (6) Try to solve the problems at the lightening speed and observe the period on regular basis (7) Create your time table to revise the topics on regular basis (8) Do not hesitate to ask your difficulties to your teachers, if you have joined to offline classes (9) Keep the habit of marking the answers which you know 100%. Don't guess the answers and mark them, as there is -ve marking scheme. (10) Be calm, quite, and smiling all the time to release the tension and always have a healthy chat with your friends.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

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Pradeep

Pradeep Pramanik  |186 Answers  |Ask -

Career And Placement Consultant - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

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Career
I am looking for a job, I had uploaded my resume in job site. A consultant called me & introduced himself telling he know some of the openings. He had a detailed discussion about my job & my skills. He told need to register to his consultancy for scheduling interview. I registered with him & he got me a interview. Interview was done by the company through skype. I could not see the company persons. They told only they can see me. Interview went on well & regarding salary I told my expectation but they told it is not possible & they told their proposal. Finally I agreed to them. They gave me code & told to visit the company for next round. Consultant called me after first round & told recruiter is very happy with the interview. Regarding salary he told why I agreed for the proposal,he will discuss again & asked to pay charges for some of his services which he will refund the day I visit to the company & take the orders. I paid him. He told there is a increase in salary he has discussed with recruiter & again asked for the money I did only partial payment & further will not pay anything. Second round also happened through skype instead of in person. Interview went on well & salary offered was good comparing to before & there was a big jump. Recruiter told they have planned to give additional responsibilities so they have increased. Finally they gave me a date to visit company. I asked when will I get the order, he replied he will send to consultant as I was taken by them. Till now i did not get the orders, consultant is keep on postponing. Now he told visit to company date is also postponed, he will update in next week & not to worry as job is confirmed. Now not understanding what to do, am I been cheated or wait.
Ans: Dear Mr. Keshava ,

There are many unscruplous job agents who are fake and claim themselves to be a Placement consultant. In short You have been cheated . Before paying any fee for registration , you must ensure that the agency is genuine . If not don't even upload your resume . You may write to company , lodge a complaint against the agency. If the amount is very high , pl. take the help of police . .

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7097 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

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Money
I hv started sip in 2008 and still continued , now the monthly sip is 55k and total value is 1.85cr. Need to accumulate 7cr with in next 4 yrs pls guide how can i achieve. - Deepak J. Hajari
Ans: Deepak, your long-term SIP discipline is impressive. Accumulating Rs. 7 crore in 4 years is ambitious. Achieving this goal requires a strategic approach, as time is limited. Let's create an actionable plan for your success.

Current Financial Snapshot
Ongoing SIPs: Rs. 55,000 monthly.
Current Portfolio Value: Rs. 1.85 crore.
Target Corpus: Rs. 7 crore within 4 years.
Your consistent investing habits have built a solid foundation. However, to achieve your target, adjustments are needed.

Key Challenges
Short Time Frame: Four years is a limited period for aggressive wealth accumulation.
Significant Gap: A gap of Rs. 5.15 crore remains to meet the Rs. 7 crore goal.
Market Volatility: Equity investments might face short-term volatility.
Recommendations to Bridge the Gap
1. Increase Your SIP Contributions
Raise your SIP amount to Rs. 1.25 lakh per month.
This increase ensures faster wealth creation through compounding.
Prioritise high-growth funds in equity-oriented categories.
2. Invest Lump Sum Amounts
Consider deploying a lump sum if you have idle savings or low-yield investments.
Invest in aggressive equity mutual funds for higher potential returns.
Break down the lump sum into tranches for better market timing.
3. Diversify into High-Growth Mutual Funds
Focus on small-cap and mid-cap mutual funds for higher growth potential.
Maintain a balance with some large-cap exposure for stability.
Ensure the portfolio aligns with your high-return requirements.
4. Avoid Overexposure to Debt or Low-Yield Instruments
Limit debt investments during this aggressive growth phase.
Avoid instruments like FDs or debt mutual funds with lower returns.
Rely on equity for the next four years to maximise growth.
5. Rebalance Your Portfolio Regularly
Conduct a portfolio review every 6 months.
Reallocate funds based on underperforming or outperforming sectors.
Keep your portfolio aligned with market trends and your goals.
6. Capitalize on Bonus or Windfall Gains
Direct any bonuses, salary hikes, or windfall gains towards your target.
Avoid unnecessary expenses during this focused phase.
Tax Efficiency Matters
Equity Mutual Funds Taxation: Gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
Debt Mutual Funds Taxation: Taxed as per your income slab.
Plan redemptions strategically to minimise tax liabilities.
Leverage Market Opportunities
Benefit from Market Corrections: Use corrections as opportunities to invest lump sums.
Stay Invested for Compounding: Avoid early redemptions to let compounding work fully.
Role of Regular Monitoring
Track Performance: Ensure funds are performing as per expectations.
Switch Funds if Needed: Shift from underperforming funds to high-growth options.
Final Insights
Deepak, achieving Rs. 7 crore in 4 years requires aggressive yet calculated strategies. Increase your SIPs, deploy lump sums, and focus on high-growth funds. Regular monitoring and disciplined investing are key to your success. Stay patient and consistent.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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