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Single Mom Seeks Life Partner: How to Choose the Right Man?

Shalini Singh |181 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Question by S on Aug 23, 2024Hindi

I am a single mother, my husband has passed away 1.10 years ago, now I have decided to find a life partner, my son age is 3.5 years--how can I select a perfect guy for me?

Ans: there is no concept of a perfect man or a woman in fact its the responsibility of the couple to make their relationship as close to perfect. ways to look for a match is let your family and friends know, look at other options / singles community both online and offline.

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Anu Krishna |1757 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

Question by PV - May 16, 2022Hindi

Dear mam, I lost my husband 8 years ago and have 2 sons. It was an arranged marriage. We had difference of opinion in almost all areas of life. He was loving and caring in a way that he will not give up on me with the outside world. We lived and enjoyed our family although we had sex on only a handful of occasions after having children. I realised that I've chosen a person who is not right for me as I am a systematic kind of person. I was pampered a lot and my parents brought me up in a certain way. All my efforts to make him quit his habits went in vain. He was very adamant in sacrificing his vices (regular smoking and drinking on occasions). Now I have the responsibility shared by my mother and brother in bringing up my sons. I have a desire to get remarried but I don't want to end up with the wrong person. What criteria should I adhere to when selecting a partner?

Ans:

Dear PV,

Right or wrong is simply a perception.

What you should be instead looking for is compatibility in terms of emotions, values and physical wants.

It’s a miracle to find a person who can match to every need of ours and even if we do, there is no guarantee that we will like them the same way for the rest of our lives.

Matrimony sites seem to have some reasonable success in this area, also you could join groups with common interests, and you might meet someone that you like.

Whatever path that you take, changing the other person may never be a good plan. But of course, this time, you can make it amply clear that ‘vices’ are off limits for you and DO NOT compromise on it.

Being assertive right at the start can filter out many and you may end up with someone that is ‘right’ for you.

My best wishes to you!

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Love Guru | Answer |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2022

Question by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2022Hindi

Dear Love Guru, I am 40 years old, recently divorced. I have two children. I am not working. My friends and family want me to find a partner again and get married but it is not easy to find anyone. When I tell my friends and family to find they also become quiet because they know no one is interested in a mother of two children. My husband is already aaram se dating again and having fun. I also want to date and find someone but I am not comfortable with Tinder which seems like it is for kids. I don’t want to register on a marriage site. How do I find someone who will not be horrible to me like my ex-husband was?

Ans:

I have a friend who's sailing in the same boat as you.

She's a newly single mom and was very worried during her divorce that she would never find love again. Her husband had already taken up with another woman before their paperwork was finalised.

So I'm going to give you the same advice I gave her -- stop looking.

She did and, a year later, she's in a new but happy relationship.

The guy she's with is someone she always knew as an acquaintance. Post her divorce, they became close and he is fond of the child as well.

There may be challenges ahead but the point is, as soon as she let life take over instead of this obsession to find someone else, a relationship came up unexpectedly and out of nowhere.

So breathe, recover from old wounds and let things happen as they must. Stop planning a second marriage right away.

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