Dear mam, I lost my husband 8 years ago and have 2 sons. It was an arranged marriage.
We had difference of opinion in almost all areas of life. He was loving and caring in a way that he will not give up on me with the outside world.
We lived and enjoyed our family although we had sex on only a handful of occasions after having children.
I realised that I've chosen a person who is not right for me as I am a systematic kind of person.
I was pampered a lot and my parents brought me up in a certain way. All my efforts to make him quit his habits went in vain. He was very adamant in sacrificing his vices (regular smoking and drinking on occasions).
Now I have the responsibility shared by my mother and brother in bringing up my sons.
I have a desire to get remarried but I don't want to end up with the wrong person. What criteria should I adhere to when selecting a partner?
Ans: Dear PV,
Right or wrong is simply a perception.
What you should be instead looking for is compatibility in terms of emotions, values and physical wants.
It’s a miracle to find a person who can match to every need of ours and even if we do, there is no guarantee that we will like them the same way for the rest of our lives.
Matrimony sites seem to have some reasonable success in this area, also you could join groups with common interests, and you might meet someone that you like.
Whatever path that you take, changing the other person may never be a good plan. But of course, this time, you can make it amply clear that ‘vices’ are off limits for you and DO NOT compromise on it.
Being assertive right at the start can filter out many and you may end up with someone that is ‘right’ for you.
My best wishes to you!
